How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Tabris999 said:
I literally do not understand how other people enjoy being alive. It's just time passing, clock ticking, awful groundhog day of emptiness even if you're a productive member of society. I take my fucking pills every day and it's still all gray and sad. Nothing has real meaning. Why are we even born? Nothing makes sense, nothing has purpose, and I hate it so fucking much. I want to kermit sewerslide.
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When death has stared you in the face up close and personal, you value life that much more. So far has happened twice to me.

Got news for everyone - things don't always make sense, things don't always have a purpose. Life doesn't adjust to us, we adjust to life.

Recently mentioned a girl who graduated one year ahead of me in high school, June 1971. In August 1971 she suffered a traumatic brain injury in an accident, lived, if you can call it that, over fifty more years until passing away last month. Sure did remind me of just how good I have it in life, even when I don't always think so.

"I wept because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet." Easy to complain about what one doesn't have in life, harder to feel grateful for what one does have in life. While there's life there's hope, there are opportunities. Life is what you make it. You are the captain of your ship. "If it is going to be, it's up to me."

Don't worry about why you are here. Don't worry about why others are here. Just make your life count. 👍 Have seen people refuse to make the effort to have a life when they had all the tools to do so. just too lazy, thought the world owed them a living. Have no sympathy for them whatsoever, and am sure when they meet their Maker, their Maker will have no sympathy for them.
 
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I think I need to go see my doctor and try a higher dosage of mad pills, because my depression is exceeding the limits of my medication. It feels like chronic fatigue of the soul. I have been trying to truck through this particular episode, but it's been going on eight months now. This is an episode; this is a relapse.

I just want to get better and stay well. I don't want this to keep happening. I do not want this to be my life.
 
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Fareal said:
I think I need to go see my doctor and try a higher dosage of mad pills, because my depression is exceeding the limits of my medication. It feels like chronic fatigue of the soul. I have been trying to truck through this particular episode, but it's been going on eight months now. This is an episode; this is a relapse.

I just want to get better and stay well. I don't want this to keep happening. I do not want this to be my life.
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I've been on anti-depressants and they changed nothing. It's not depression if things really are shit.

Be careful though. Going up or down in dose can knock you around severely.
 
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Been dealing with Condo Association stuff last month and a half, which is good and bad, as it's forcing me to get off my ass and seriously work towards getting closer to work, friends, and family, but there's just a ton of uncertainty and potential city fuckery that's been slowly driving me nuts. It's probably going to be a good change over all when all is said and done but I could use a couple good nights sleep.
 
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JosephStalin said:
I'm 66.

House is clean, laundry in dryer. Also set up new music system. Resting now, feeling close to maxed out back-wise for a but. Back is limiting factor on all physical activity.
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Please stay here. I want at least one person here who can call me youngster and shit.
 
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JustSomeDong said:
@JosephStalin kinda reminds me of my granddad. My granddad was fucking awesome.
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Just do the best I can here, and everywhere. 👍

My paternal grandfather was quite a man, himself. Came from Ukraine, fought as US Army infantryman in WWI, raised a family. Sure miss him, even 48 years after his passing.

Oh, had the MRI this morning. Looking forward to hearing the results. Discomfort/pain staying pretty low, only the occasional mild flareup.
 
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Second Sun said:
I've been on anti-depressants and they changed nothing. It's not depression if things really are shit.

Be careful though. Going up or down in dose can knock you around severely.
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I've been on this dose for.... over a decade now? I think things are more shit than they used to be, but things are not going to meaningfully improve any time soon and I need some more fuel in the tank than I currently have. Hoping a higher dose holds off a worsening relapse. Lately I feel not just the mood stuff, but the catatonic symptoms coming back. I can't seem to stay awake and my executive functioning.... isn't. I have a lot of shit to do in my life and I can't take a year off to stare empty-headed at the walls and sleep 22 hours a day.

I go up in dose next week, but I'm holding it back a week as I have to take the kids on holiday solo and I don't want to be dealing with a dose increase then in case it goes sideways and I'm really knocked around. I don't handle dose changes very well; the physical side effects are kind of gnarly for me. So I'll do the necessary the week after that. Fingers crossed this does the trick.
 
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Found a really, really shitty job that I had no choice but to take after having to quit my last one because of manager issues. It's brought up a lot of things from my past that have been really hard to deal with and my mental health issues have kicked into extreme overdrive. Daily life is a struggle but it's nothing I haven't been in/through before. I hope I can find a way past the worst of myself at least soon but my environment and job situation is not helping.

I started talking to someone and went on a date (?). We surprisingly really hit it off and we have a lot in common but their current situation isn't ideal (but to be fair, neither is mine). They also have a lot in common with people I've had really bad experiences with before. I am optimistic but extremely cautious. We are supposed to have another date this weekend but they also live over an hour away and they're kind of lame at texting and they don't seem to have a lot of time or desire to talk on the phone. It's not that they aren't making the effort, there's just not a lot to work with. I don't mind a long distance relationship but I hope the communication style changes soon.
 
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Not feeling great. Discovered that some people I considered friends only actually tolerated me because I’m married to Mr. Fraggle and they’re his friends, so I spent half of today miserable whilst also trying to look after a cranky, crying baby. It’s left me feeling pretty isolated and anxious, like I feel like aside from my husband, I don’t have anyone any more.
 
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