How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

OK on top of everything else, living in a laundry room while waiting for my new (hopefully permanent) apartment to be finished which is gonna take like a month. I lost my wallet today. I thought maybe I just left home with out this morning but when I got back from work I looked where I could and found nothing. I had to report several important cards missing and had to schedule appointments to get new ones. One I have to get Friday the other won't arrive for 4 to 6 bussiness days (and I gotta to my old address to get it out the mail) and the last one I couldn't schedule an appointment till the very end of the month!


Oh well I may not have hit rock bottom, but when things get this low the only way to go is onward and upward.... Right?
 
I've gotten super cereal about my fitness and am doing very well with it. I’ve been eating pretty clean but yesterday I made the mistake of getting buy one/ get one pizzas and I think I suddenly have a intolerance to gluten or bread, a month ago I ate a little thing of pretzels and all I did was burp up gross bread flavors, like I did yesterday. Most of the pizza is still in the fridge.
I’ve switched to those egg wrap things for my cheese burritos.
 
My family is being torn apart and I have no idea what to do. My sister and father are constantly fighting and demonizing each other, and I am afraid the damage will be irreparable. Dad is going blind and has too much of a ego to admit he's losing his ability to do shit, my sister has a massive ego and everything she does makes dad go insane.
I hate it so fucking much. I take care of my father due to his eyesight failing, so leaving isn't in the cards. I cannot just dump him in a home, and I really want the last few years of my dad's life (he is nearly 70) to be happy.
Massive power level I know, but this shit is making me so goddamn depressed. I just want my old family back. I just want everyone to be happy.
 
I am so incredibly lonely. This year has been hell after losing my best friend (a cat) last Christmas. He was my only tether to having a reason to get up in the morning.

I work a soul sucking job that makes me drown in the worst of people every day.

I live in a place that I hate, surrounded by memories of the worst days of my life. It suffocates me and makes me feel like I’ll never break free.

Sorry to be such a downer.

But hey the weather is lovely where I live for this time of year.

I could really use a hug.
 
Lots of little and big things made for a particularly awful week last week. Lack of availability made it so I had to work some shifts by myself, anger and anxiety issues constantly threatening to boil over, my dryer breaking down, my folks both got (and recovered from thankfully) from COVID and worst of all, a good friend who I used to work with died from brain cancer. I only found out a day before his funeral before I clocked into work and I attended it.

On the bright side, I was able to accomplish a workout challenge and got a t-shirt out of it. And I'm trying to get back into reading stuff that isn't just Bible related and decided to revisit the Silverwing trilogy, a series I loved back in middle school. They hold up very well and for books made with children in mind, I'm kinda impressed at how well-written and dark they are.
 
A mostly uneventful week. Worst thing that happened was that my time off request for Christmas week got rejected, but I'm gonna resubmit my it tomorrow so that I can get at least a day or two off. Half a week off is better than no week at all. Still sucks though cause I don't wanna have to drive through multiple states to see my family if it's just for a three-day weekend, and there's no guarantee that we'll be up to our eyeballs in work at the shop either.

I also sense that bad blood will develop between me and the HR lady.
 
I started therapy a while back to deal with constant anger and panic attacks. It hasn't helped much. I did start going to church again.

Therapy is nice to have someone extra to talk to, but it often just puts my obsessions at the front of my mind (on one day of the week when I would be in the best mood), and these dudes don't actually have advice, they just have you talk about things.
Different therapists have different orientations and approaches maybe theirs just isn't the fit you need.
 
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I've found myself completely devoid of energy and motivation for much of daily life save for a couple of rather repetitive activities at most. I'm physically zonked most of the time and have occasionally frozen up in half-asleep stupors during the middle of the day in spite of a regular, slightly excessive caffeine habit and consistent attempts at a gym regimen in previous times.

I worry enough for my own mental state and it's been almost consistently so for maybe over a year. The most I've received in terms of support to date is three different antidepressant medications over time and an utter piss-take of a psych evaluation in which I waited about six weeks after a single consultation with a nurse who couldn't be fucked to note down that many of the things and experiences that were worrying me, just for another doc to wrap it up and conclude nothing out of the ordinary based on said incomplete information.

The timing couldn't be any less fortunate given how poor my performance has gotten in university throughout said year. Something's up with me and for the life of me I just don't know what.
 
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I started therapy a while back to deal with constant anger and panic attacks. It hasn't helped much. I did start going to church again.

Therapy is nice to have someone extra to talk to, but it often just puts my obsessions at the front of my mind (on one day of the week when I would be in the best mood), and these dudes don't actually have advice, they just have you talk about things.
You need a new therapist. Their role isn't just to listen to you (anyone can do that), it's to teach you new coping skills.
 
Aside from some things working in my favor professionally, it's been a hard few months after some shit happened that landed me in the hospital. I don't really want to go into details, but insurance that's supposed to take care of everything not covered by medical isn't paying out until they get a PDF that was promised by another party months ago, and has yet to surface. This, of course, pisses off the hospital, who have repeatedly threatened to send me to collections if I don't pony up the cash NOW! NOW! NOW! All of this, despite the fact that I lawyered up after being discharged, and they have been stonewalled so hard. Thankfully, I have a support network that helps me with utilities and rent, but it's still hard to admit to them that I need help.
 
My very elderly mom was discharged from the hospital where she tested positive for covid but probably really only needed treatment for a UTI. Nevertheless she's on the mend.

Yesterday I picked up my new boy kitten (currently napping under the skirted vanity chair on the heated bathroom floor). He is so steeeenking cute and tiny although he is about 18 weeks. He's one talkative beasty for sure. All ears, legs and tail.
 
Doing well. My cherry mead is almost ready for Thanksgiving. Watermelon mead is gone by giving away and drinking personally. Made my pumpkin spice mead on Halloween like I wanted to and is bubbling nicely. Next batch is going to be an all American fruit mixture as a dry mead. Hopefully it will be ready by July 4th.
 
Only here in the circus universe could there be so many people who can technically see each other and interact, yet are still so isolated.

Doing well. My cherry mead is almost ready for Thanksgiving. Watermelon mead is gone by giving away and drinking personally. Made my pumpkin spice mead on Halloween like I wanted to and is bubbling nicely. Next batch is going to be an all American fruit mixture as a dry mead. Hopefully it will be ready by July 4th.
Your brewing is way classier than mine clearly. I don't make mead, I make "Idk, I just like threw a bunch of plums and nectarines into a two gallon container with yeast and sugar and this came out".
 
Your brewing is way classier than mine clearly. I don't make mead, I make "Idk, I just like threw a bunch of plums and nectarines into a two gallon container with yeast and sugar and this came out".
Nothing wrong with a down and dirty wine. It’s what I started out doing. I make a sellable quality mead because I like taste and challenge. Some guys fix cars or carve wood; I make booze.
 
ever since [whatever disease this is] first started flaring up, i have lost any reason to keep going. i can't hike, i can't lift, everything hurts so badly, and various tests and procedures have turned up nothing actionable. i'm so weak and in so much pain. all i can do nowadays is stare at screens and limp through my daily obligations. i feel guilty about my girlfriend; i'm a fraction of the boyfriend that i used to be because i'm a fraction of the person that i used to be.

glad the farms are back, though.
 
Only here in the circus universe could there be so many people who can technically see each other and interact, yet are still so isolated.


Your brewing is way classier than mine clearly. I don't make mead, I make "Idk, I just like threw a bunch of plums and nectarines into a two gallon container with yeast and sugar and this came out".
Technically can is the tough part, I could drive a couple hours to do something social but don't always want to. It's traffic and suburbia which makes life difficult to see people organically. Might've realized I liked a girl I see most days just in time for her schedule to seemingly change, and I realized how nice it was to not have to work to see someone I like.
 
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