How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Shadfan666xxx000]

All,

I have completely lost it. This is what you get when you take in a broken mind and manipulate it even more until it's just a cold vessel with no discernible emotions or ambitions or goals or really much of anything. If you haven't ended up like me, there's still time. There's still a chance that you can get the help you need and get out of here. Please. Go now, for your own good. I can't make you do anything though. That's all I want to tell you all. Don't take the same path I did. Don't end up like me. You'll spend the few days you have left fearing people who really want you dead. Killing time until it's the killing time. Wanting to redo every second of your life and not fucking it up like you did to get where you are now.

This is the bad ending for thebigjoel. I like to think somewhere else I ended up fine, but such a reality is only a dream. I guess we can find beauty in watching people fail. Just make sure you stay on the ball, because once you fall off - sometimes you can't get back.

This will be my last message anywhere. I'm not an autistic retard, at least not enough to shoot up a school or something. I'm just gonna leave and let you decide what you think happened to me. If you liked me around, wish the best. If you hated me, I've got good news. This is all a huge waste of time and I pity you for reading through this autistic wall of text. God bless all of your souls and godspeed. Shine on, all of you.

-thebigjoel

sorry L

Peace. I hope you come back at some point. I more or less went insane a couple years ago from stress and bullshit myself. I hope that even if its infinitely worse for you that you bounce back anyway. Good vibes to you.

 

[anustart76]

I found a centipede a couple nights ago in my apartment. I got it with the vacuum, but now I have anxiety it'll happen again. My apartment's new ownership apparently only do pest control once a month and so won't help for like 3 weeks, so I'm going to get some industrial pesticide and hope it works to repel these demonic beings.

 

[Yamamura]

You just brought back an old memory from when I was a kid. I was staying at a friend's house, it was late at night, and I went down to the kitchen for a snack. I was surprised to see that his grandfather was sitting there. He asked what I planned to do when I grow up and I said I couldn't think of anything. He asked me a long line of questions and his final conclusion was "Kid, seems like your options are to be a monk or a hobo."

I feel like this is scarily relatable to me in high school. One thing I hate to admit is that the only thing I found interest in school was reading Catcher in the Rye. This sounds autistic, but probably I was the one kid who took an unironic interest in that book because it seemed to perfectly reflect the same aimlessness I felt in my own life. I think that the teachers thought I was some basket case for skipping class to go on these long walks to nowhere. During these walks I would see people living their lives and working and think "why can everyone else find their purpose in life, except me". The problem is that I felt like I was an angsty kid surrounded by people who don't really believe in anything. I like to think that later in life I found my way and look back at those times with a sort of romanticized fondness, but I think I'm glad I more or less left a lot of that part of myself behind.

Just like the book, "life is like a carousel", you never really go directly from where you are to maturity. It's an endless ride that just goes around and around. You'll keep on continuously maturing as you go.

I'm in a similar boat. In my mid twenties right now, I have really no ambition in life and I pretty much never have had that much to begin with. I wanted to go into carpentry after high school, but that really didn't go anywhere. The most I'm doing right now is learning Polish as a second language on Rosetta Stone and volunteering at a library, though I'm planning on looking for a paid job around late July or early August. Thing is, I can't really think of anything I want to do as a job, and I can't join the military under any circumstances because of health reasons (not that I would want to join, anyway), but I feel like I don't really have any interest in any field, don't have any hobbies which I could turn into a reliable source of income, and really have no sense of direction.

I can't identify as a particularly wise person who can offer any sort of sage wisdom, but I can identify as someone who went through something very similar at some point in their life. After HS I felt exactly the same way, I felt like I had a lot of pathways that lead no where. I went to college, but dropped out at some point and spent sometime mopping around in a depressive haze for a while. During that time I spent a lot of time talking with people on Discord who were in a similar life situation as me. I'm not going to lie, it felt really good, but it wasn't exactly productive or beneficial to me in the long run.

What changed was I reenrolled in college, but now I started hanging out with a group of guys who inspired me to take up the field I had thought I was previously done with. Seeing someone IRL served as a practical example of what I wanted to be and really helped me establish a road map of what I wanted to do and set up goals on how to get there.

If you can take anything away from my ramblings at least take this. It's not over for you yet, but as time goes by it's going to get progressively harder to mold yourself into something you want to be. Learn to understand yourself are you the sort of person who can walk the path alone or needs to be in a certain environment in order to thrive? There's no wrong answer to this question. I always thought I was a lone wolf, but after more years of living I learned that I actually do better when the people around me have similar goals as me. If you currently have any relationships with people who are in a similar situation as you, this is difficult to say but, you need to invest less time into them or find a way to distance yourself from them. As good intentioned as they may be, if someone stuck in the hole with you, they probably don't have any intention of getting out of it themselves let alone helping you out of it. Find people who have an interest in seeing you succeed.

My tips for how to meet people who want to help you. Literally all I did was in class I looked for someone who seemed the most motivated and introduced myself. You'll find that people who actually want to help you are friendlier than you think. From there I just started meeting more people who are likeminded. Some of those people I would call my closest friends today.

You seem like someone with a good head on their shoulders to at least have an understanding of your situation. That's more than I can say of some people, but that's only the first step of your journey.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

The day has come, my contract is up. I used to be a teacher for the past 15 months, filling in for a teacher that had a major health issue but now she's recovered. The school year has been done for 2 months anyway, but still I'm pretty bummed out about it. I have my own business so thankfully I won't have to go on the dole or anything but I wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid I also wanted to be a mercenary but I don't talk about that and I did enjoy my time working as a teacher. I taught 7th and 8th graders, in the latter case I think that 8th grade is one of the most important crossroads in a person's life, at least where I live, given that they have to choose what they want to do in life. It also made me realize that I have too many hang ups about going to university and thinking that it was a mistake, but had I not gone I wouldn't have met my wife. I probably would've also had to work in my uncle's car lot as a salesman now and that alternate reality terrifies me.

 

[Betonhaus]

Well I got fired on my second day. It was partially unfamiliar work and there were a lot of abbreviations that had opposite interpretations, along with things that require you doing specific things very fast that take a while to learn. But supposedly the main thing was that the shop was already slow with them expecting to get some workers back from vacation in a couple weeks, which is irritating as I had quit my previous job and I suspect that I burned that bridge when I quit to start the new job literally the next day.

At least they e-transfered me my pay so I have some breathing room for the next few days - this is the second job I've done that used e-transfer instead of direct bank deposits, I wonder if that's getting more common here.

Otherwise I could probably sell some unnecessary stuff I have, such as my fancy camping gear I haven't touched in years. I could sell my consoles as I haven't been gaming much, and my custom built computer as I have a laptop and a mini PC I'm using as a server. I'll see what I can find for odd jobs and such.

I am ready to just get rid of everything I own and bail, but Im pretty sure I'll feel differently once I shower all of this sawdust off and sleep on it.

 

[Unremarkable Anus Lover]

Bad. Work has been way too stressful, I'm unbearably lonely, and my insomnia and anxiety is only dampened by alcohol and Benadryl, with which I've been going way overboard. I'm overdue for my yearly physical which I keep putting off because I'm afraid I'm going to find out that I've got liver disease or lung cancer or something which just makes the anxiety and insomnia worse on top of everything. Kinda wish I'd just die in my sleep lol.

I'm sure nothing bad will happen if you keep abusing drugs instead of mastering healthy ways to cope with shit situations.

 

[Disco Inferno]

Trying to cut down on drinking and going out with friends. While it does save a lot of money, it's pretty lame.

I don't know how people can be sober for long periods of time. It's so boring.

 

[PaladinBoo]

Been having nocturnal panic attacks for nearly a week now. It has gone to the point where I'm afraid to sleep at night. Just been so stressed out with trying to find freelance work and begin college this Fall. Perhaps some mediation or something distracting like reading or video games may help. If anybody has some suggestion feel free to tell me.

 

[Local Fed]

Feels like half of the posts lately here have been about work related stress. Here, let me add to the list.

 

[Yamamura]

Been having nocturnal panic attacks for nearly a week now. It has gone to the point where I'm afraid to sleep at night. Just been so stressed out with trying to find freelance work and begin college this Fall. Perhaps some mediation or something distracting like reading or video games may help. If anybody has some suggestion feel free to tell me.

I don't know if this would be useful in your case, but for me I found that exercise has done a lot to help me go to sleep at night. I used to use off the shelf medication to go to sleep, but later after I started going to the gym and running more often it's helped me sleep better.

 

[anustart76]

Well I got fired on my second day. It was partially unfamiliar work and there were a lot of abbreviations that had opposite interpretations, along with things that require you doing specific things very fast that take a while to learn. But supposedly the main thing was that the shop was already slow with them expecting to get some workers back from vacation in a couple weeks, which is irritating as I had quit my previous job and I suspect that I burned that bridge when I quit to start the new job literally the next day.

At least they e-transfered me my pay so I have some breathing room for the next few days - this is the second job I've done that used e-transfer instead of direct bank deposits, I wonder if that's getting more common here.

Otherwise I could probably sell some unnecessary stuff I have, such as my fancy camping gear I haven't touched in years. I could sell my consoles as I haven't been gaming much, and my custom built computer as I have a laptop and a mini PC I'm using as a server. I'll see what I can find for odd jobs and such.

I am ready to just get rid of everything I own and bail, but Im pretty sure I'll feel differently once I shower all of this sawdust off and sleep on it.

Perhaps a stupid idea, but have you considered something like driving for Uber? Something you can do short-term to make some quick cash to keep yourself afloat while you look for a more permanent job?

Trying to cut down on drinking and going out with friends. While it does save a lot of money, it's pretty lame.

I don't know how people can be sober for long periods of time. It's so boring.

It's easy when you're antisocial and don't like mind-altering substances.
I guess this is part of why I have a hard time making friends, getting drunk is pretty much the only real hobby the youths have around here, and I don't partake.

 

[Nick Obre]

Well I got fired on my second day. It was partially unfamiliar work and there were a lot of abbreviations that had opposite interpretations, along with things that require you doing specific things very fast that take a while to learn. But supposedly the main thing was that the shop was already slow with them expecting to get some workers back from vacation in a couple weeks, which is irritating as I had quit my previous job and I suspect that I burned that bridge when I quit to start the new job literally the next day.

Excuse me but how the fuck can you be fired 2 days in? Was there a contract? If so, was there no trial period or something?
Unless someone is sought out and brought in specifically for their proven expertise on a job, there's always an expectation of a ramp up period. Not doing things at stop speed from day 1 should not be grounds for termination.
I trust you didn't fuck up bigly, or did anything inappropriate, that would merit such a thing.

This seems extremely unprofessional, even borderline illegal. But I don't know how labor laws work where you are.

 

[Betonhaus]

Excuse me but how the fuck can you be fired 2 days in? Was there a contract? If so, was there no trial period or something?
Unless someone is sought out and brought in specifically for their proven expertise on a job, there's always an expectation of a ramp up period. Not doing things at stop speed from day 1 should not be grounds for termination.
I trust you didn't fuck up bigly, or did anything inappropriate, that would merit such a thing.

This seems extremely unprofessional, even borderline illegal. But I don't know how labor laws work where you are.

I didn't sign any paperwork on the first day which admittedly was suspicious on it's own, but I just took it as carpentry trades not prioritizing the paperwork. I had four weeks of EI benefits I didn't use so I could try calling and seeing if I can reactivate my ei claim, but that doesn't seem likely.
I'm pretty sure I didn't do any kind of fuckups that anyone else in that role would've not done, but perhaps people who were more skilled in carpentry would be familiar enough with the procedures to get through them faster and precisely.

What likely was the major straw was I did fuck up on labeling the last batch. To first describe my work I was using a cnc cutter to cut large sheets of wood into individual panels for cabinets in an apartment unit. On each panel you're supposed to sharpie the project initials, the apartment unit number, a couple letters describing the part, and which edges of the panels need to be laminated. it's fussy as you have to write clearly but quickly, and I was asked by downstream to write the numbers with a hypen (so 1-15) that designate which cabinet the panel belongs to, but the people who ere helping me don't so sometimes 1 15 gets mistaken for 1/5. and the lines can't be too big as they need to be cleaned opff after the parts are assemmbled, and i got yelled at for writing "Top" instead of "T" because the extra two letters mean more cleaning time. The whole thing could've been simplified by having pre-printed labels you could just stick on the panels, then you can peel the labels off without needing to clean the panels. not that i'm going to tell them that now that I no longer work there.
Anyways, at the second day towards the end there was a lot of jumping around and the guy that was upset about panels not being in the correct slots of the poorly-labeled cart is complaining about me mixing panels together, which i eventually realized was actually that I put the apartment unit number for yesterday's unit on the last few panels of today's unit (thanks to jumping around on different tasks and getting my wires crossed). the issue was mitigated as all parts were in the same area and it took 30 minutes to correct the labeling, but after that I was told to finish the batch then clean up and go home. Mislabelling the panels was a significant mistake, but as there were only two batches to be confused with each other that mistake I likely would successfully avoid in the future. And there were a lot of steps in the procedures they could've done to speed things up and make things more consistent and reliable.

I should've gone into accounting for real years ago. I'm better suited personality wise for those kind of roles, good and bad.

 

[Nick Obre]

I didn't sign any paperwork on the first day

Well that's where you fucked up. You should have had something signed before you even start, even if it's just a temporary work agreement until the contract is ready. And you should have had some terms established, to make sure you wouldn't be fired 2 days in. Did you not discuss anything about the way things were going to work before you accepted the "job"?
Particularly if you quit your previous job for this.
Again, I don't know the laws there but it feels like you could even sue these assholes.
Not gonna lie man, it feels more like you got scammed than hired and fired.

The fact that you were paid immediately via a transfer rather than via a formal method feels really shady. And for that matter, they just paid you the 2 days? Again, was there nothing agreed about payment? Even in cases I've seen people get fired before completing a month because of some large fuck up or something, they're guaranteed between 1 to 3 months of pay.

But that's probably because THEY HAD SOMETHING SIGNED WHEN THEY STARTED WORKING, you dingdong

 

[Vingle]

I didn't sign any paperwork on the first day

A reminder for next time, never ever do any work before papers is signed. And you getting fired because you were new and didn't know everything, that's bs. They just don't bother to train you.
Even working at a fucking McDonalds is better than this shit.

 

[Betonhaus]

Well I'll know better for next time. I was too desperate for getting out of telemarketing

 

[Yamamura]

Have been going around looking at some used cars lately, but haven't found anything within my price range that really appeals to me. A family friend was nice enough to let me use their car for the time being to run errands so I filled it up with gas before returning it as a thanks.

 

[Forest Portal Triumph 747]

I just hit Day 29 of Semen Retention. Earlier I was watching The Dreamers which features multiple sexual and nude scenes with Eva Green. No hint of a boner from me, which means I'm currently flatlining. Didn't bother finishing the movie, so after I got halfway through it I then switched over to watch Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 and I got bored almost immediately. I guess I'll just use my 40lb dumbbells to pass the time while trying to refresh Kiwifarms

 

[AnOminous]

I just hit Day 29 of Semen Retention. Earlier I was watching The Dreamers which features multiple sexual and nude scenes with Eva Green. No hint of a boner from me, which means I'm currently flatlining. Didn't bother finishing the movie, so after I got halfway through it I then switched over to watch Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 and I got bored almost immediately. I guess I'll just use my 40lb dumbbells to pass the time while trying to refresh Kiwifarms

Lmao you're a faggot enjoy your prostate cancer.

 

[Forest Portal Triumph 747]

@AnOminous