How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Over the years I've been dabbling on and off in drawing and I'm trying to get into digital art.
I still have to get used to the different feeling off sketching with a pencil on paper and I'm a huge amateur but I want to finally commit to this and git gud at drawing.
 
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Went to cardiologist Wednesday. Was concerned about having a certain heart condition. Get tired quicker these days, need more recovery time. Doctor said I didn't have it, but scheduled me for some tests next month. Lifted the spirits some. Am in the periodic cycle of doctor visits. Got visits on the 27th, then 1 and 2 November, with a couple more plus an eye exam to be scheduled. Still doing the walking, just not as much. Things aren't always easy, but many, many people have it much worse than I do. When I remember that, everything snaps back into perspective.
 
I got made redundant from a job I worked at for a decade because a new bigwig came along and replaced us with contractors and my manager was able to keep his job by helping them get rid of my department. He said he would give me a reference for my next job at least and he did but this current job I fucking loath. It's been half a year and it's been constant stress, missed breaks, leaving late, and the people I work with are queer cunts that have not once had a conversation with me other than saying jobs aren't being done fast enough (while they read Twitter).

I'm getting to the point of frustration where I'm just going to walk out the door and never come back. The problem though is that I won't be able to get a reference from them, and I won't be able to get one from my previous job, and if you quit a job then you can't get government support for so many months, so I could end up being completely buggered and unable to get another job before I run out of money.

Ah well fuck it, if everything goes wrong I might just have to become a crazed bum and pretend I am a big shot music producer on Tiktok while begging wheelchairs for money.
 
Bad things I saw this week:
-a college kid in full jester costume skipping down the sidewalk.
-a decapitated squirrel head at the park. (???)
-old lady in a wheelchair scooter going down a highway.

Good things I saw this week:
-like 10-20 puppies
-a baby say it’s first word (puppy)
-trees changing to beautiful fall colors.

So I’m feeling pretty mixed.
 
I'm pretty pissed off right now, a bit upset, a bit sad, and a bit annoyed.

what I'm not gunna do is; drink alcohol, smoke weed, or jack off.

Cus it will be the start of a chain reaction that will lead to very bad things and possibly spiral my life straight down the shitter.

What i am gunna do is give all my stress up to God, and with a relaxed mind making sensible decisions, i know everything is gunna work out fine.

also, im going for a relaxing walk, count my blessings, think positively, and then have a sleep.
Good night Kiwifarms!
 
This feels like im powerleveling, but it's a mental health thread so i guess it's fine.

I've been very depressed recently and i'm having a hard time adjusting to college. I'm having to do everything on my own and i am behind on all of my classes and i don't know what to do.

I can't think clearly, i can't write, and every day there are more and more things that i am behind on. And when i am trying to sit down and be productive i get a wave of anxiety, or i feel tired, or something. There's always something that happens and i can't get anything done

Right now it's 10:23 pm on a saturday and this would be time to relax but i'm so stressed because i didn't get a lot of work done. 2 hours is more than i usually do but it is still not a lot. And there are more deadlines that keep passing every day and i'm afraid of the future and i don't want to fail out of college but that fear is one of the things that keeps me from getting my work done
 
Recently, I was watching a documentary about Father Lazarus. His story and life inspire me so much. Sometimes, I wish I could be a monk. I can't, but I always long for it. I would unironically love to spend my days studying, chanting, praying, and living a simple life. I get why most people think it's stupid or weird. I know it's not a normal way of life. However, it's a lifestyle I wish I could have. I could attempt to do a shoddy imitation with my ordinary life, but it really wouldn't be the same.
 
I'm getting rid of my storage unit in a month on top of my required paperwork so i'm going to be pretty busy for a while
 
ibis paint x recently added an animation feature which automatically updated the app and has in turn caused it to crash every time I try to open it. all of my drawings from my last year of high school are now gone and I have no way of getting them back :///
same to me, it crashes a lot. my older version of ibis rarely crash.
 
I got a call from a family member. They live in a different city and want to move out of the country soon and they have two houses in tow to take care of. In response, i asked if they might hand me one. Depending on how things go here at home ill either have a rental property or a new home and a place to stow my brother. Im looking forward to maybe starting a real estate fiefdom like my mom in the first case or even just a vacation home. Either way, i like my prospects now.
 
I'm feeling pretty great all things considered. I've got most of my issues down pact (mainly addictions of varying sorts), and I only have to work on a couple of more vices before I can begin to try and achieve sainthood. I would say the only thing I'm displeased about is the inability to share and express the feeling of accomplishment that's ringing in my chest, but I guess that's what the farms are for, huh?
I’ve realized recently that one of the absolutely best things to attain in life is to be free from vices /addictions. It’s also one of those goals that’s not quite as contingent on factors outside your control.
 
I’ve realized recently that one of the absolutely best things to attain in life is to be free from vices /addictions. It’s also one of those goals that’s not quite as contingent on factors outside your control.
I wholly agree with this. I think one of the biggest ideas that guided me to this point is that you have to control what you can and have to let go when you can't. You have to try and reduce entropy where you can as much as possible if you are to achieve any sort of permanent happiness. That's all from me. Stay Holy!!!✞
 
Turns out it was worth the wait, received an offer today that exceeds expectations and I'll be starting the new job at the end of this month.
Company claims they had legitimate reasons for the delay, but at the end of the day I don't care. More money, better benefits, better schedule and less commute time makes this a no-brainer.
Thanks for the support friends.
 
I have to Marie Kondo the FUCK out of this place in preparation for emptying out our storage unit. Today i got the closets (including the linen and cleaning supplies closets) cleaned and organized - pulling out a bunch of shit that can be gotten rid of. I'm going to try to do a bit more each day. I have to grab a shelving unit and a bunch of Besta wall shelves from the garage to get some more storage space for all the random crap - the more knickknacks we can get on the walls or in shelves the less junk we have to cram into storage bins in our limited storage room space.
 
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