How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I caught a mouse a few days ago in a mouse trap, but it only caught his arm. I released him from the trap, and put him into a bucket I had around. (It's not a standard wire trap, but a more sensitive plastic one that usually catches 95% of mice). He doesn't appear to be too injured either. Anyway I'm staring at this live mouse in a bucket, and I don't have the heart to do away with him. It's also ball-freezing cold out currently, and my normal routine for "lucky" mice is to do a little drive and let survivors go be someone else's problem. I check the forecast, and look for when it's going to warm up a bit, but that's not going to be for a few days. What to do?

I brought him some paper towels, a vitamin bottle cap as a water dish, a piece of a walnut for a snack, and put cracked wood lid on the bucket and go to sleep for the night. The next day I see that he has eaten his little walnut snack, and the water dish appears to be missing water, and it's not from spillage. The next day I feed him a small apple slice, which he eats a bit of, and another piece of walnut, which is gone the following morning. I looked in on the bucket today, and he has started to make a little nest out of the paper towel. I decide I'd throw in some more tissues, as they are a little softer than paper towel, because maybe that would be nicer to make a nest with. I come back later bringing his walnut piece for his last dinner, as I plan to release him into the lesser cold the next day, he's just sitting there in the refashioned mouse nest looking up at me (probably in fear, lets be honest). I slowly reach in with my hand, toss the walnut into his mouse nest and he just starts chomping away. I have to admit, my heart melted a little bit, that cute, tiny bastard in his cozy mouse nest eating a nut.

Now I'm thinking to myself "You know it's far to cold out right now, why don't I just go to the pet store and buy some wood shavings, and some balanced mouse diet (yea), and I could put him into an old aquarium I have lying around, and release him when spring hits?" I don't know Kiwis I'm kind of torn, I didn't expect to grow attached to this little mouse in my bucket so fast. What do I do? Does he become a roommate for a couple more months? Or do I release him now?
 
I was scrolling twitter earlier and I saw a nude mod of injustice 2. You might say "nice" or "stop being gross" but this is special because it was Omni-Man. I'm not gay and he wouldn't be my type if I was gay, so seeing it was shocking. But now that the feeling has properly sunk in, I find myself laughing with pride for I've seen a superheros dick. This was never meant to happen but now I want to wear a t-shirt announcing it.
"I
Saw
Omni-Mans
Dick"
I feel oddly proud.
 
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Down bad but getting by. Meh. Life goes on. I just wish I didn't feel like a zombie all of the time. I want to get some life back in me. The healthy thing to do would maybe be to call a friend and see if we can link up soon. I always have to remind myself that human connection almost always helps my mental state a lot.
 
I was scrolling twitter earlier and I saw a nude mod of injustice 2. You might say "nice" or "stop being gross" but this is special because it was Omni-Man. I'm not gay and he wouldn't be my type if I was gay, so seeing it was shocking. But now that the feeling has properly sunk in, I find myself laughing with pride for I've seen a superheros dick. This was never meant to happen but now I want to wear a t-shirt announcing it.
"I
Saw
Omni-Mans
Dick"
I feel oddly proud.
Omni Man would flaunt that shit. He cares not for the earthly conventions of pathetic weak humans.
 
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I think the thing I've learned is that we live in an age where people are always trying to do mantras and copes to make people think there's some great lesson to be learned or some beauty to life at all times.
And that's fucking wrong.
Sometimes life is just brutal and uncompromising and there isn't any reason for it. Sometimes you are just dealt the roughest cards.

While I agree that life is sometimes a brutal and uncompromising cunt of an experience, I don't necessarily agree about your point on mantras and copes. There are certainly times and situations where we can see that life is a beautiful thing, regardless of how good or how bad, and our emotional/intellectual maturity is partly determined on how we can find that beauty. It may be the most euphoric feeling or the most painful feeling, but it is a unique beauty in life for sentient beings such as ourselves. I certainly don't think everything is roses and butterflies, but I do think with time we can look back on our most painful and trying times with a more discerning eye.

13 years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, I experienced the loss of two of the most important people in my life at the time. My aunt died unexpectedly from a heart attack brought on by an accidental prescription overdose and my grandmother died just under a year later from breast cancer. They were, without a doubt, the most important women in my life and continue to be along with my mother and wife. It took many years of therapy and inner dialogue for me to cope. I turned to alcohol and drugs for a long time to fill that gaping void. I quit drinking in 2021 at the insistence of my family and it wasn't until the last 8 or 9 months that I've started looking back at that entire timeframe. It was the most terrible experience I've had in life. At least when my grandfather died 3 years ago, I had time to properly "prepare" for the moment (at least as far as being "prepared" goes; it's no secret that it doesn't matter how ready you think you are). I didn't even realize how much I had actually forgotten about those two years. Sure, I had some devastating losses, but that was also when I was a carefree teenager with some of the best friends ever sharing experiences I wouldn't trade for the world. So now I look back at that time, the good and bad, and realize how beautiful it really was. Did it hurt? Yes. If I had the chance to go back and change things, would I take it? No, because then I wouldn't have grown into the man I am now. It isn't so much about what cards you are dealt or what game you are forced to play, but rather how you use those cards and how you play that game.
 
I talk in a haze, walk in a maze. Since my Lolita ran away, I have spent the last two months of my life breathing off copium. The first month, it consumed my mind, until a tearful discussion with Lolita gave me answers and closure. I still don’t even know what those answers were, because she allowed me to talk and ask questions after leaving, and was quite patient with me too.

My mind works in… an interesting way. See, I can’t let go of something unless I think it over from every angle and perspective and give myself sufficient emotional closure. But there was something missing, despite me having the answers. I spent a good month absolutely miserable, replaying everything and considering things from every point of view possible at every waking moment. I’m not sure what changed. Maybe I realized that me and Lolita weren’t really compatible. I don’t know. Ever since then, I’ve still missed my Lolita dearly, but I’m not as hurt over it.

The constant barrage of flashbacks to those three wonderful months, wondering if I had accidentally pushed boundaries too much or too hard, missing small moments of being with her, the futile thought of “what if things were different” (they still would have ended), how Lolita feels about me now, the occasional wishing, hoping, and sometimes even praying she’ll come back eventually, debating if I even want her to, if I was in love with and by extension missing the idea of being WITH Lolita which blew my affection out of proportion (I actually did really love her, though. I wonder if maybe I was obsessed in the end in a desperate attempt to cling to what we once had when she became quiet and withdrawn), and the like still occupies my mind a good deal, but it has diminished in the last month, it seems. Or maybe I’m just not as emotional over it anymore, I don’t know.

It was only nearly 4 months long, but it was the happiest and best nearly 4 months of my life. Surely that must count for something?
 
I've always felt like there was something wrong with me because I don't find most women attractive nowadays but 10 years ago, I couldn't help but find them all attractive. I think I just have standards now and realize most women in my area present themselves in such a way that makes them seem boring to me and realistically that kills all interest I have for them, because we fundamentally are incompatible.


I don't want to be single anymore (because it's been about 15 years since I've been in a relationship with a woman and that was in 8th grade) but I'm at a point in my life where I have too many responsibilities and aspirations that I want to achieve to get caught up in a romance I know will fail just for a crumb of pussy. I'm not risk averse when it comes to women, but I consider what the prize is at the end of the day and most women just annoy me more than they actually interest me.


Otherwise I'm fine. Got to see the Gurren Lagann movie thing with friends. It was very fun. I liked it. I plan on seeing part 2 tomorrow with them again, if they are available. If not, I'll see what I can do because I have an extra ticket I need to use.
 
I've always felt like there was something wrong with me because I don't find most women attractive nowadays but 10 years ago, I couldn't help but find them all attractive. I think I just have standards now and realize most women in my area present themselves in such a way that makes them seem boring to me and realistically that kills all interest I have for them, because we fundamentally are incompatible.


I don't want to be single anymore (because it's been about 15 years since I've been in a relationship with a woman and that was in 8th grade) but I'm at a point in my life where I have too many responsibilities and aspirations that I want to achieve to get caught up in a romance I know will fail just for a crumb of pussy. I'm not risk averse when it comes to women, but I consider what the prize is at the end of the day and most women just annoy me more than they actually interest me.


Otherwise I'm fine. Got to see the Gurren Lagann movie thing with friends. It was very fun. I liked it. I plan on seeing part 2 tomorrow with them again, if they are available. If not, I'll see what I can do because I have an extra ticket I need to use.
Current makeup and fashion trends are fucking terrible
 
Well in good news, I talked to some people today and things might go well. I talked to my old manager (who is now a very high level version on our team of what I am) and he agreed that my boss was being unrealistic, and it seems like he has my back, which I appreciate. I talked to a woman who does a more high-level job that I work with to see if I'd like to do what she does, she was very nice and it sounds like it would be a good move for me. And then I talked to my manager who seemed happy when I told her I wanted to do that job, probably just happy she can get rid of me, but hey I'll take it.
That's fantastic - like literally could not be better. Nice job reaching out for a gut-check with the old manager and connecting with that woman in the other role, then getting right to the point with your manager on it. So does that mean you will be changing roles/is something available to you now?

I am 34 and I have been working full time for 13 years straight and the working class life style has never fit well with me despite a lot of trying and perseverance. I am really worn out at this point and I can't imagine doing another year of work, fuck I can't even fathom doing another 40. The 5 day work week is such a glacially slow slog to get through to the weekends.
Is there any type of occupation that sounds appealing to you? 34 is not too late to pivot or change direction entirely. I might suggest that focusing on discerning what you care about and what a better life might look like, more than on macro events or predictions - both because you can only influence one of those and bc if you're preoccupied with what you can't change, then you're wasting potential opportunities and time with the things you might. And it always feels better to be working toward something than it does just waiting for the world to run you over. Hard to get energy when you're feeling put-upon and powerless.

Or, in your current work - Are there specific things about your work that are dissatisfying? Is it the type of things you do, the lack of connection to the purpose (if there is one), lack of opportunities, the pay, the people, the organization? Can you change any of those things?

Do you have other stimulating things to do or places to go outside of work?
 
Current makeup and fashion trends are fucking terrible
That's true, but it goes even deeper than that. On some level, women just don't have unique talents, interests and ambitions like they used to. Not all women are like this but the majority are. I'll be honest and say a lot of men are like this as well, but I'm straight, so I notice it more frequently with them. It's kinda gay tbqh. I thought tomboys or at the very least interesting chicks would not become near moribund or generally rare compared to the past 20-30 years.
 
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4000 online, bros. We're so fucking back.
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I talk in a haze, walk in a maze. Since my Lolita ran away, I have spent the last two months of my life breathing off copium. The first month, it consumed my mind, until a tearful discussion with Lolita gave me answers and closure. I still don’t even know what those answers were, because she allowed me to talk and ask questions after leaving, and was quite patient with me too.

My mind works in… an interesting way. See, I can’t let go of something unless I think it over from every angle and perspective and give myself sufficient emotional closure. But there was something missing, despite me having the answers. I spent a good month absolutely miserable, replaying everything and considering things from every point of view possible at every waking moment. I’m not sure what changed. Maybe I realized that me and Lolita weren’t really compatible. I don’t know. Ever since then, I’ve still missed my Lolita dearly, but I’m not as hurt over it.

The constant barrage of flashbacks to those three wonderful months, wondering if I had accidentally pushed boundaries too much or too hard, missing small moments of being with her, the futile thought of “what if things were different” (they still would have ended), how Lolita feels about me now, the occasional wishing, hoping, and sometimes even praying she’ll come back eventually, debating if I even want her to, if I was in love with and by extension missing the idea of being WITH Lolita which blew my affection out of proportion (I actually did really love her, though. I wonder if maybe I was obsessed in the end in a desperate attempt to cling to what we once had when she became quiet and withdrawn), and the like still occupies my mind a good deal, but it has diminished in the last month, it seems. Or maybe I’m just not as emotional over it anymore, I don’t know.

It was only nearly 4 months long, but it was the happiest and best nearly 4 months of my life. Surely that must count for something?
I’d like to add that last Thursday, I begged all of my friends to go to Coachella with me. COACHELLA. It’s expensive, I’d spend at least a couple thousand. I don’t even know 90% of the lineup, I don’t like music festivals, I don’t like camping, and I don’t even do drugs!!! I’m in my early 20s and I’m fairly confident I’m having a midlife crisis.
 
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