How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Foxymophandlemama]

It was my birthday yesterday. It was really good and I spent it with the people I love. Made me forget about my problems for a while.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Snippity snip.

Snip snap.

I kind of agree with both of you here. On one hand, I think paying attention to the news and doomscrolling hasn't really done me or a lot of others any good. On the other, this self-reflection and goosfrabah shit that everyone's buying into is equally as bad.
Here's the way I look at it, and I'm going to use the most autistic example I can.
I think one of the main reasons a fucking Godzilla movie is beating the shit out of everything else this year is because one of the main points, (that a character quite literally almost says directly into the camera at one point) is that those in power don't give a shit about us and aren't coming to help, so it's up to us to make things work for US. The fact that this movie is from a different country and is about a war 80 years ago goes to show that mindset is universal.
I don't want to start lookmaxxing, gaslighting myself with videos about how me and everyone like me are actually misogynistic school shooters to be that are just a couple of pounds and body language videos away from being regarded as a human being. I'm also not telling random people on Youtube comments sections "Look bro, all you need to get through this shitty world is know your friend God loves you and is always looking out. Put him above all else and things will be dank". I'm not going to spend all day watching life advice channels or always looking on the brighter side when things are objectively bad.
But I also know aside from fedposting or doing some real guerilla warfare, there isn't much I can do on a macro level. It does upset me when I look at the complete raping of society, but I also know that in my particular case (might not apply to most), it doesn't affect me much. I'm free to say or act however I want at work, my couple close friends I have I get to be as much of an edgy asshole as I want and we share pretty much the same values. Things are obviously difficult for so many people, but I know me getting upset about it to the point that I become hopeless and bitter doesn't help ME at all. I do agree though that I and a lot of others should internalize things a bit less.
It comes in ebbs and flows. I know that the people who are at bliss not realizing what's going on around them or at worse are benefitting from it are either selfish, retarded or sociopathic. But me just looking and saying "Everyone! It's bad. Don't you see it's bad! It's bad!" or caring about it all until I go to bed at 4am isn't doing me a lot of good.
I am trying to leave the country and travel within the next year or two, so that's my main plan for dealing with insanity that is western society. I'm aiming for Poland like you suggested and of course Japan (because of course I would).

I took Josh's advice from 2 years ago and started taking Vitamin D and unironically feel great, not that I was in a bad place or anything just general +++ to mood, would recommend.

DUDE YES. I've been gulping down D13 gummies (probably more than I should) every day and been taking some zinc and magnesium as well. It's not a complete change and I don't feel "happy" all the time but I'm finding myself catching when I'm leaning into unhealthy thoughts and not attaching my emotion to what I think nearly as much. I just started recently and do feel a general change, except in instances like last night. Maybe it's a placebo but I don't feel as tired and overall in not good, I feel "okay" half the time instead of constantly anxious like before.

 

[Betonhaus]

Job interview tomorrow, and one of the remote work jobs I applied to in the past wants me to do some online skills thing. Our internet has been acting up and we don't know why which might make that job tricky. They would issue me a Mac which i don't know how to feel about

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I am trying to leave the country and travel within the next year or two, so that's my main plan for dealing with insanity that is western society. I'm aiming for Poland like you suggested and of course Japan (because of course I would).

Fuck yeah man! Don't discount other countries too, though. You can live in tropical paradises like a king on a modest American wage... I just wouldn't trust South America because I don't trust any country there to even remain stable even if times are good now. Beaners also couldn't figure out economics after the conquistadors kindly liberated the area from the ruthless Aztecs socialism could sweep the nation at any time.

I deleted some whining, I just want to scream because I can't just know a single person that isn't a crackpot or doesn't turn into one. I've got the reverse Midas touch. I've seen an uncomfortable number of people go tranny, morph into mega commies, cults, etc., damn I'm worn down by the crazy cast of characters I come across.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

@Friend of Dorothy Parker you might become one of the top most experts of your field soon. You will be able to command top dollar and go where you want and people will seek you out, no more sending in CVs and answering multi choice "vax status" questions.

I don't understand the corporate world, cubicle jobs, or silicon valley but I do admire hard workers who go to work everyday without complaint and get callus hands hammering away at the jobs until what needs to be done is done, they are the people that get no thanks for keeping the behemoth running.

It's hard to explain why I loath the work day so much. Firstly I find doing anything out of my den anxiety inducing so I don't want to do anything by default. Further than that I hate that work has taken over my life and become the thing that defines me and controls me, and that I have no chance to do anything outside of the all encompassing hell that is the wage cage. I wish I was a simple farmer in some small shire and had a nice work life balance.

I simply hate every second I am at work. I am happier when I am not at work. So I instinctually don't want to be at work.

I've been sleeping poorly lately and waking up from nightmares when usually I never remember dreams. Other than seeing my cat and having a drink in the sun I find escapism from the internet my only option to stop the constant negative thoughts.

I don't have years to change my mindset sadly. I think I am essentially forced to do what I am doing. What else am I to do? If I stop working I lose my house and I'm back at square one, and my cat will be homeless as well. I'm expected to do this for decades more. Sure other jobs will be less horrid than the one I am currently in but I am barely struggling to pay the bills as it is, less pay will mean I'm sinking. Another job may be slightly less stressful but I'll still be miserable. I have no way out. I try to keep sane by watching lolcows and reading bullshit on the web but really it's all temporary and does nothing to help me.

I could potentially have just enough money for one year off work but then I'd have to be in a perfect state where the cost of living doesn't go up anymore and I make no more mistakes or I'll be absolutely fucked, it's a lot of extra weight on my shoulders. I might have to do it soon though. I don't want to shackle myself to anything but I'm wired in such a way that I find it hard to let people down and put myself in potential drama or stress. I took a day off today, and I might take tomorrow off (which would avoid an HR office afternoon out which would be a bonus) and I don't want to look at my phone incase people are pissed off at me.

I notice a pattern
i do
i sure do

I worked two days at the same place i'm at now in a lower role as a teenager in the 00s and I couldn't take a third day. Now I'm back there more than 15 years later. Nothing has changed in that time in my life, it's been one giant loop. I'm still without friends, still loveless, still miserable, still lost, still waiting for the day I die in my sleep, absolutely nothing has improved and I'm right back in the hell that I entered when I left school. It's like I've been manning that convenience store from Clerks for my entire life.

I just want to drive off into the sunset playing Stone Temple Pilots and never have to return to this job I'm in or to live another day like this, and to somehow start a new saga in my life as the credits roll. I don't got time to wait for tomorrow.

 

[Neighborhood Janny]

Job interview tomorrow, and one of the remote work jobs I applied to in the past wants me to do some online skills thing. Our internet has been acting up and we don't know why which might make that job tricky. They would issue me a Mac which i don't know how to feel about

Good luck, friend. I believe in you and think you'll do great. Macs aren't too hard to get around once you're used to it. It's always great to learn something new.

I've been ok recently. Not really happy, but definitely not down either. Just feel like I'm going through the motions of get up, take care of business, go to work, come home. I hate getting in a rut, but this doesn't feel like a rut. I think it's just the winter getting to me. Spring is around the corner and being able to get back out to camp and enjoy the fresh air will do me wonders. I've been planning my summer concerts as well, which isn't as much as in years past. I really miss going out on the road with my tour buddies and having reckless fun. But I'm a grown up now and I have responsibilities to maintain. At least I can still go out, enjoy myself, and meet up with those old friends. Some of them really haven't grown up past 21 and they make fun of me for acting like old man at 29. I don't party like I once did because it made me develop a drinking problem. I can't let myself get that way ever again, otherwise I'll lose more than I can ever gain back. But I'd be lying if the temptation isn't there tugging at my hand and telling me to jump. Over 900 days sober and I don't think I'll ever fully be "free" of that demon. Not sure how I'll ever accept it...or if I ever will. Thank God for my parents and wife, they've been my saving grace more than they know. I haven't hit a meeting in a hot minute, so maybe I'll do that sometime this week.

It's another week, my dudes. Let us resolve to make the most of it. When we get lemons, we squeeze every ounce we can for that lemonade. Have a good week everyone!

 

[Nick Obre]

It's kid week, wooooh!

Also, something I mentioned in the autistic purchases thread.
After the marriage breakup I've brought up here over the last couple of years, I'm completely checked out of the very idea of a love life. I don't want a new relationship, or even flings.

But the other day I went to this big flea market place we have in my city, it's this huge, multi-block area where people sell anything, from furniture to toys to consoles to clothes to antiques to artisanal stuff to etc (even, if you know where to look, illegal stuff, but that's not the point here). So I saw something on a store but the owner wasn't there, so the guy on the one in front called them. The owner arrived and it was a lady about my age. Asked about the product and we ended up chatting for about half an hour, even flirting back and fort a little bit. It was nice.

I'm not saying there's anything happening, for all I know that's just her personality, or she just treats customers like that. I'm not even going into the typical "having a crush on the local supermarket cashier" meme.
BUT what I'm saying is, in my doomed romantic's dramatic refusal of the potential of future romance, I did not expect to find myself flirting, and being flirted at, ever again. Even the "chatting for half an hour" part surprised me, I'm not naturally like that.

So I take it as a sign that maybe that side of me is healing? That I may be getting less willingly retarded? That I may one day be good with pursuing someone?

Anyway, stupidly I didn't get her name (so much for less retarded), but I did get her store's Instagram (which is just hers, a one-person entrepreneur business) and we parted with the promise that I'd come back for more of her products later.

---

I've also realized I must have lost some weight (despite not really exercising at all lately, and not eating particularly well) because I have a shirt that was too tight for me and had been condemned to be worn open over a t-shirt, but I can now put it on comfortably on its own.

Job interview tomorrow, and one of the remote work jobs I applied to in the past wants me to do some online skills thing. Our internet has been acting up and we don't know why which might make that job tricky. They would issue me a Mac which i don't know how to feel
about

I rated you Optimistic, not as a slight, but because I hope you do well and get it (if you want it and it's a good option for you)

 

[Benzo Samurai]

Fuck, I think my boss is getting upset at me again, I forget particularties about his life but it's his goddamn life not mine to remember. Not my fault he hast to have everything blacklisted because he is addicted to porn, he gets mad I can't remember he can't access the entire internet. Anyway, I haven't worked in awhile because shit has been slow, and his texts are curt. I am sure he has some problem with my atheism because he brought up god and the heavenly kingdom again, he sits at home watching super religious preachers all day and gets ideas in his head, I don't convert, and he doesn't seem me everyday so the human connection is lost. I need to find a new job anyway. Thinks I'm being irresponsible and arrogant for not giving myself to Christ. A character flaw because I just don't want to do what it takes to do the right thing. I'm sure he rakes my generally pristine behavior in his head for "signs" because I'm an atheist.

Does anyone have any guidance on remote work? Any resources that are out there? I will look for 'normal' jobs but I wonder if I can swing one that doesn't require unnecessary travel.

bro, that doesn't even sound like a job, more like a toxic friend or spouse. not picking on you when i say that btw, i've been in toxic situations as well.

most remote jobs usually require either experience in some field or education, wise bet is probably to apply for stuff reasonably close to what you are doing now (minus the crazy boss thing of course)

 

[Benzo Samurai]

Job interview tomorrow, and one of the remote work jobs I applied to in the past wants me to do some online skills thing. Our internet has been acting up and we don't know why which might make that job tricky. They would issue me a Mac which i don't know how to feel about

Macs are not bad computers unless you are:

• unusually autistic
• looking for a serious hacker computer
• poorfag or even just not richfag

The apple sillicon processors run fast, they dont make the computer warm, the OS is very bugfree and well-supported.
For any kind of work other than computer hardware dependant work, they are fine machines.

The issue with them is that

• you have less control of the hardware
• its not very compatible with older software
• more low level stuff is poorly documented
• its very expensive

If they want to give you a mac then, hell, they seem willing to invest in you, bro. Especially if they want to give you the thing and have you sit at home by yourself. Study hard for the online test and act your best.

 

[soft breathing]

Work has been insanely stressful lately.
My supervisor had a family emergency earlier last month, and I've been covering a lot of his shifts and shit because of that. He's showing me appreciation for everything I'm doing for him (honestly, the whole team does, which feels nice), but I still feel like I'm going to crack soon at this rate.

I genuinely just need one or two days off and some beer. I'm so fucking exhausted.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I've been getting more into earphones and audio stuff ever since I started looking at the audiophile thread. As it turns out, that very thread came at a time when I was about to look for new earphones which caused me to investigate new options. So far, I've barely even dipped my toes into it but switching from skullcandy and apple stuff that you find in stores to luxor of all things has given me new perspective.
Right now, I'm looking up the final brand. I'm thinking of getting some Final E500s for my next pair at some point since it seems to be a good stepping stone and all the top wired earphones cost 150 at least which is Christmas and birthday money. Otherwise, I'm fine.

 

[Betonhaus]

Macs are not bad computers unless you are:

• unusually autistic
• looking for a serious hacker computer
• poorfag or even just not richfag

The apple sillicon processors run fast, they dont make the computer warm, the OS is very bugfree and well-supported.
For any kind of work other than computer hardware dependant work, they are fine machines.

The issue with them is that

• you have less control of the hardware
• its not very compatible with older software
• more low level stuff is poorly documented
• its very expensive

If they want to give you a mac then, hell, they seem willing to invest in you, bro. Especially if they want to give you the thing and have you sit at home by yourself. Study hard for the online test and act your best.

as long as I have Edge, Outlook, and OneDrive i'll be fine with a Mac. I have other systems for gaming

 

[HOMO FOR LIFE RETURNS]

It was my birthday yesterday. It was really good and I spent it with the people I love. Made me forget about my problems for a while.

Good for you. Sounds like nice time

 

[DavidS877]

as long as I have Edge, Outlook, and OneDrive i'll be fine with a Mac. I have other systems for gaming

Yea, it's generally a bad idea to use a work system for anything personal. Depending on how much spyware is installed.

 

[Betonhaus]

Yea, it's generally a bad idea to use a work system for anything personal. Depending on how much spyware is installed.

Probably shouldn't let them learn that I browse kiwifarms.

 

[Brain Power]

I can't believe my uncle almost fell victim to a nigerian prince scam, how are you 50 and don't know of them?

 

[anustart76]

A lot of people complimented me on my work today. My bitch boss is probably still going to give me a hard time later this week though, I don't trust her.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

A lot of people complimented me on my work today. My bitch boss is probably still going to give me a hard time later this week though, I don't trust her.

Your work was pretty bitchin', bro.

Probably shouldn't let them learn that I browse kiwifarms.

Imagine then getting a promotion and learning then that your CEO was a secret Klansmen.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Fuck yeah man! Don't discount other countries too, though. You can live in tropical paradises like a king on a modest American wage... I just wouldn't trust South America because I don't trust any country there to even remain stable even if times are good now. Beaners also couldn't figure out economics after the conquistadors kindly liberated the area from the ruthless Aztecs socialism could sweep the nation at any time.

Thanks man! There's a bunch of places I want to see soon. I appreciate the Poland recommendation and also this

What's that dude got to hate himself about? He's more square and on the level than what this society rewards, he gets knocked down, he blames himself, but it's not his reason it's so hard or there's so many speedbumps to normalcy in America today.

Made me feel warm and fuzzy.
I'm to the point that I keep thinking I'll have to plan everything out and have it mapped. But I know things change and I put things off and I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what the rules for travel or passports might be in a couple of years. So I want to just have a chunk saved away and just go and see what happens from there. Worst case scenario, I only can stay 3 or so months in Japan, come back, save some money and head on out again as soon as I can.
Yeah, South America probably wouldn't great to live in but I really do want to spend some time in Columbia and Cape Town at some point.
I had this cool conversation with a temp at work today about just this. Everyone in America thinks every country is so dangerous and oppressive without realizing the irony due to the conditioning we've been induced to. We had a really cool conversation about our future travel goals and were pretty much on the same note about everything.
There's so many awesome places I'm aiming for: Thailand, Cape Town, Croatia, Madrid, New Zealand and others.

Of course I say this while also wanting to do fifty other things. My main thing is I want to at least try college. So fitting those two goals together probably seems a bit unconductive, but I'll figure things out as I go along. And best case scenario, I end up getting a degree and teaching english somewhere.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

A lot of people complimented me on my work today. My bitch boss is probably still going to give me a hard time later this week though, I don't trust her.

Give that bitch the pimp hand and tell her to make you a sandwich.