How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I'm scared and I can't explain why. It's like panic that just won't go away
I'm not really anxious, just severely depressed. Feeling lost and aimless sucks anyways.
I have a comfy bed, a summer job and feel somewhat safe (though I absolutely despise the summer and am turning my room into a freezer), but other than that I just feel terrified even when I have no reason to be
 
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Grausamkeit said:
I'm scared and I can't explain why. It's like panic that just won't go away.
I'll ask my doctor if I have TRD but for now living just kinda sucks.
I have a comfy bed, a summer job and feel somewhat safe (though I absolutely despise the summer and am turning my room into a freezer), but other than that I just feel terrified for no real reason
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Did you have any experiences that could lead to this? Is it a "Panic Syndrome", or whatever it is called, I wonder? Very strange. Either way, hang in there.
 
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Outer Space Traveller said:
Did you have any experiences that could lead to this? Is it a "Panic Syndrome", or whatever it is called, I wonder? Very strange. Either way, hang in there.
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Around Jan my doc said I had severe anxiety bordering on psychosis, but since starting SSRIs it's kind of been exchanged for clinical depression instead (I'm not as nervous but feel a lot worse than before). Regardless this year has been rough so far and I guess I just feel scared that it won't let up
 
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Grausamkeit said:
Around Jan my doc said I had severe anxiety bordering on psychosis, but since starting SSRIs it's kind of been exchanged for clinical depression instead (I'm not as nervous but feel a lot worse than before). Regardless this year has been rough so far and I guess I just feel scared that it won't let up
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I see, well. I guess only the doctor can truly help you. Either way, my advice before remains - hang in there.
 
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The other day, my brother and I hit softballs together. Just like baseball when we were kids. We were smiling the whole time.
WelperHelper99 said:
I have a cold. My eyes and throat hurt. Chicken soup and eye drops are helping. Probably gonna see a doctor tomorrow. I haven't had a cold like this in ages man.
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eatler said:
is it cold or allergies?
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Or Corona-chan? Summer colds are a bitch.
 
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I keep procrastinating my paper but it's not so bad, I'm extraordinarily productive when I need to be, I've got an outline, my sources, my data, my research design, just need to write and think. And with AI I can get most of the grunt work of literature review and stats stuff done on it. My research design is coherent I think and my data is lined up to be harvested. I'll have about 40 hours before deadline to put together my research into a 20-25 page format. I'm seeing my weird protege/mistress tomorrow morning. I'd much rather be working with her on her book. She's a narcissist, but gorgeous. I could also be working on my books. But instead, I have to write a dull as dishwater paper about the latest phase in an 80 year civil war I don't care about.
 
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Got home from my trip late last night, I was so tired after barely getting any sleep (my sleep thorough this trip has been just short 3 hour chunks for various reasons) that I just sleep for most of today. This trip has by far been my strangest. We went to two diffrent towns both trapped in different eras of Americana one was a 70s tourist town and there wasnt much note worthy to mention aside from almost having to commit TND on an entire hotel for almost stealing my clothes.
I made the mistake of leaving some of my coats and hats behind at a hotel and didn't notice I did untill I went to the next one. this was only a 3 hour time span so first my group tried calling them. the first lady basically gave us a nice fuck off and proceded to screen our calls with a robot voice saying "no ones at the phone right now call later" we attempted this 11 times just to piss her off. I then called a couple hours later to a nigger who was so zonked out he basically said "no managers call in the morning at 7 oclock". by this point I'm so pissed I sent an email to corporate telling them what happened. They didn't respond right away because it was after hours. I force myself to wake up at 7 with another bullshit "no managers call back later". I did have a stroke of luck and the email and they said they would talk to the staff about this. Sure enough I get to the end of my trip and head back to the hotel to grab my things. it took a decent amount of time but I got my things back but to the detest of the sheeboons who were running the counter. they made sure to drag it out and as passively aggressively as possible. TND was avoided... for now.

The second area was a weird and interesting one. It had the bones of 30s americana with the slow takeover of "progress" looming over the horizon. To best describe it, it had that dirty dancing vibe to it. locals were apparently also were pissed because the place we were staying at took up a beach that the townies liked to visit we didn't know this booking that hotel, specifically the teens. It was their little drag racing spot so I got to watch these kids race their souped up jalopies, screech their tires and blast loud nigger music until the cops came, it was cool too because one of the kids got caught and attempted to make a run for it. can't tell you how it actually ended unfortunately but I got a late check out at 1:00 pm because of the commotion. The rest of my trip was a "you had to be there" kind of trips because of the weird vibe of this town. It was fun to witness but I imagine like most things cool lost to time it will also be churned into corporate gobbledy gook and loose everything that I found interesting.

Two personal lessons I learned on this trip was:
1. I learned people still used feathered pillows the hard way. I was being murdered by my allergies everyday until I found this answer.
2. I got to ride one of those nightmare tall 16 foot metal slides from the 70s. They are a dying breed so I had to ignore my fear of heights and ride the thing. Don't wear jeans when going down, it just bunches up.
 
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Not. Good. At. All.

I know why, and this isn't some "pity me'' bullshit. I just need to write it somewhere. I'll be okay later. Tomorrow, the next day, weeks, months, or years from now. But I'll keep fighting for me, because if I don't who is going to fight for the people I love if I'm gone? Stay strong. For me, or for you, or for your family, or cat, dog lizard, ect. You're worth being alive. Every sad moment is just a moment of reflection at a later time to look back and go "oh yeah, I was sad for some gay ass reason, glad I'm not anymore and I'm glad I learned something from that and persevered."

I got this, and you got this.
 
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I finally accepted that I need a break, talked to my boss, and requested some days off of work. It's not exactly a vacation or anything, but I'm going to only be working half-weeks for a while. It actually ended up being a good thing because I had accumulated two months time off, and if I had waited much longer I would start losing ETO. Going to use this time to study for the LSAT.

Don't work for two years straight without a break, kids.
 
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eatler said:
is it cold or allergies?
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Meat Target said:
Or Corona-chan? Summer colds are a bitch
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I have no clue. Honestly can't remember when I had something quite like this where my eyes feel like they've been staring at the sun but I can see just fine, while at the same time it feels like i drank gasoline. I'm not coughing though, so it's not spreading around which is good. I got a appointment scheduled for today, so hopefully I get over it soon.
 
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Betonhaus said:
My infected ear keeps making loud popping noises which I assume is the cysts bursting.

Partner has it worse, he had sleep apnea and heartburn and COVID and so all night he was waking up choking. Trying to see what I can find to help but I'm still pretty sleepy myself.
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Lay on your side and pour hydrogen peroxide in your ear. When the bubbling stops tilt your head and drain what's left. I used to get them all the time and it helped while taking Strattera as a kid.
 
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