How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Phalanges Mycologist]

I've had a really nice day today -

I'm back in my new place setting stuff up an my mum's staying with us (if you read my last updates you know why) it's not quire ready for habitation yet but getting closer by the day and I'm having to work an fit out my workshop at the same time but things are coming along nicely.

So anyway the Dogs and the Donkeys (an the cat's Fuller an mini) are having the time of there lives being babby'd by my mum and given treats left right an center to the point they don't want to hang around with me but about 11 all 4 of the Dogs ran to the gate an started grumbling nothing I did or my mum did could garner there attention so I go investigating and I find some people in my lower field picking stuff from the hedge.

I jump my gate to leave the dogs behind an walk into the field an when I'm close by I shout "Hey guys, what are you up to this is my gaff now just wana know whats going on" an a pair of Hippys man an a woman walk out and say "Oh Hi sorry didn't know this place got sold we're just foraging mate this OK?" I was honestly more than OK with this as I have lots of edibles that would go to waste but sat down an chatted with them.

Turns out Justin an Jessica grew up on a older hippy farm and are the only ones left and are a couple an have kids (this isn't a stereotypical hippy farm or culture they eat meat) but forrage some nicer stuff over my way like some mushrooms, certain wild flowers an Wild Garlic, So I invite them back to my place for some tea an to chat.

Turns out they have been foraging here for years like nearly 20 at this point and have done since we moved in an just missed each other, and my Dogs threat radar finally tripped - we sat down with my mum had tea an some bacon butty's and I've given them the right to do harvesting on my land and they are going to do the same fore there place (I am 20 acres they have near 100 including a pond) and we're just going to trade anything else and stop by when we can for a chat, the only stipulation I put on them is for shooting is they have to have insurance an hooked them up with the right level of it from BASSC.

Now I didn't know this but I have a place that spawns Murrel mushrooms I love the fucking things fried in a little butter an garlic with some whole grain toast - this is a kinda score mushroom they picked a good load of them just before we met an they happily gime half of them, and Justin is legitimatly trying to learn to be a Blade Smith on his own so I've said I'll help him out - honestly me the mrs my mum an the dogs an these guys have had a really nice afternoon an evening together an they have helped fill in some really puzzling bits of biology about my place like the spread of some tree's an stuff.

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

I'd been 'sick' for about a month - bad chest, waking up wheezing and coughing, feeling shitty in general. My chest 'hurt,' like my lungs and chest were inflamed. Thought I had COVID, that it had fucked up my lungs/heart, whatever.

Turns out my inhaled that I use daily was expired. So that even though the 'spray' was coming out, it was obviously ineffective due to the age. Opened the next 'emergency' box I have, and the symptoms - that were literally unrelenting for like a month - went away in like 20 minutes.

I feel like a massive spastic, but am also incredibly relieved. I was even considering at one point that I had myocarditis from the COVID vaccines or some shit. Crazy how your mind can run away with you like that.

 

[WASR96]

Had a pretty good laugh during our meeting at work today, and then became annoyed thinking about it later on throughout the day. Our hiring manager printed out a salty email he got from someone who never heard back from us about not getting brought on. He has no prior work experience with what we do, no certs beyond the absolute basics, but he assumed his degree would "cover" the required minimum of 8 years of experience in a related field. Guess he decided our hiring manager would be the perfect person to whine to about the standard reddit "I got a degree and I wasn't allowed to just walk right into a six figure position, our system is broken!" shit you usually see there. I assume he thinks he's above the entry level jobs since he's currently unemployed so it annoys me to know he'll try a few more places, give up, and be a welfare leech instead of putting in the effort to get to the places he wants to go.

 

[Internet Wizard]

I am genuinely at the brink. While things have been bad before, it's mostly resulted in me Lying Down and Rotting until I got bored.
Today, I almost forgot to eat. It felt like I had a thousand kgs on my chest and physically couldn't get up.

Spoiler: kinda heavy stuff

When I finally did get up, I walked to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. For probably the first time in my life I looked genuinely skeletal, or atleast beginning to. I was around 75 kgs back in December, but now I'm at 63. Before now I never had anything close to anorexia, and I only just realized how much I've been outright neglecting myself these last few weeks. I don't know if it even counts, since it isn't deliberate, but I'm still starving myself.
I'm terrified because I'm literally withering away, and I can't find the energy or reason to try and stop it. When they say depression makes basic tasks hard they aren't lying. I'm not even suicidal, but my passivity to worsening health (at first just mental, but now physical too) could be genuinely dangerous. Being physically incapable of leaving my room sometimes also makes these feelings worse. The solutions are so simple yet I see no reason to pursue them.

I'm sorry for venting about this, but this forum is the only form of social media I use not connected to my IRL self.

 

[Catman from cat town]

The family reunion. I had a lot of fun but everyone was kinda doing their own thing, I had options to do different things with different relatives and catch up. However, I feel like this might be the last time I see my grandma in person.

I ready kinda feel depressed my vacation is over honestly.

 

[Core Theorist]

I think I'm developing some kind of heart problem. It runs in the family, so that's wonderful. Can't wait until I can get to a doctor more regularly.

 

[isalaide]

I am genuinely at the brink. While things have been bad before, it's mostly resulted in me Lying Down and Rotting until I got bored.
Today, I almost forgot to eat. It felt like I had a thousand kgs on my chest and physically couldn't get up.

Spoiler: kinda heavy stuff

When I finally did get up, I walked to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. For probably the first time in my life I looked genuinely skeletal, or atleast beginning to. I was around 75 kgs back in December, but now I'm at 63. Before now I never had anything close to anorexia, and I only just realized how much I've been outright neglecting myself these last few weeks. I don't know if it even counts, since it isn't deliberate, but I'm still starving myself.
I'm terrified because I'm literally withering away, and I can't find the energy or reason to try and stop it. When they say depression makes basic tasks hard they aren't lying. I'm not even suicidal, but my passivity to worsening health (at first just mental, but now physical too) could be genuinely dangerous. Being physically incapable of leaving my room sometimes also makes these feelings worse. The solutions are so simple yet I see no reason to pursue them.

I'm sorry for venting about this, but this forum is the only form of social media I use not connected to my IRL self.

Can you access and afford those ready made high calorie drinks for the elderly? The kind for people who can't swallow? They come ready made up in cartons? We call them Complan here. You guys must have them, or something like.

If you can, could you get a wee stock and keep them in your room, so you just have to open and drink even if you don't feel you can eat? It sounds like you've lost an awful lot of weight.

 

[anustart76]

I got my new TV and the guys who delivered it and set everything up for me were really nice. They were also really impressed with my 3D-printed LED-backed decorations, which was pretty cool. Speaking of which, I also built a stand today for my 3D printer's filament spool holder and anchored it into the shelf it sits on because I'm afraid the standard holder is unstable. Drilled holes through the plastic stand and wooden shelf, then put some screws in. Feels good to work with my hands, I feel like I really accomplished something today.

 

[keke]

my dogs been slowing down. he’s 7. hard to see.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

I'm starting to see the girl I met weeks ago more often. We talked a little about how our life goes, told her about how I got a new job and everything, she even wanted to go to the place to see how it is, I didn't know what to tell her. Never talked to her about my ex, didn't feel it was necessary, I did tell her about how I'm moving from a broken relationship, but nothing more.

I went to her house to give her a visit, the family was there to my dismay. They were not rude to me, far from it, they are some of the nicest people I've met this year. But the family has many people living in the house, and you can imagine how it is to see a new face in it that come with a female member of the house, I felt uncomfortable being around people, and my paranoia grows being in a crowded place for so long, but they were nice to me, I even ate at their place and all of that. Felt like a nice and united family, they even told me to come and see them for more longer visits.

We are only friends for now, I doubt if we're going in a romance, but I'm starting to see her more and more and I'm starting to feel things that I didn't experienced for a long time. The feeling is there, but to be honest, I don't want to feel this way.

I still have heartaches for what happened to my ex and all, I don't want to rush things, she doesn't deserve that. But I'm feeling a personal connection with her that just grows stronger. I don't know what she thinks of me yet, probably I should talk about this with her at some point in the future but I can't risk myself on doing it. I don't want more disgraces in my life for now, the present is the only time I can think straight, I don't want more regrets.

I hate myself and being unable to make decisions like this.

 

[56 others]

It's days on the lake that really make me think, "Damn, it's a great day to be white."

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

I have no time. Time is a weird thing. An hour used to be a long time but now it's gone in a blink of an eye. Well, that is only true off shift, on shift the day couldn't be slower. So therefore I find I never get anything done because I never have time. I can only get the essential tasks like eating and washing the dishes done before it's late. I'm sort of trapped in a looping schedule that never presents me the time to find a way out or fix things. I hardly ever have the time to think (or the energy), in fact it being Sunday is really the only reason I have a chance to write down my thoughts for a moment.

If it wasn't for the fact that me and my house are getting older then I would start to think this really is some kind of purgatory. I can't imagine purgatory being much different anyway.

It's days on the lake that really make me think, "Damn, it's a great day to be white."

They say that the Anglo has this unique Faustian drive to explore and I think that is why we enjoy the country and nature seemingly more than any other race.

 

[Betonhaus]

I looked on facebook marketplace and turns out cpap machines are much, much cheaper there then paying $6,000 for a new one. I might save up the $200 for one then get the mask and such from aliexpress

 

[The Cunting Death]

Tired

 

[Mesh Gear Fox]

I looked on facebook marketplace and turns out cpap machines are much, much cheaper there then paying $6,000 for a new one. I might save up the $200 for one then get the mask and such from aliexpress

Doesn't the state insurance cover cpap machines? Here in the States, pretty much all the private and government run plans cover it because it's way better (and cheaper) to prevent rather than treat heart attacks, A fib, heart failure, etc.

 

[Hepativore]

I saw Inside Out 2, today, it was much better than expected, as the DEI stuff was kept to a minimum, (The commercials and previews of other movies, though...)

I heard rumors that Disney was considering making Riley "trans" years ago, so thankfully they did not, but if there ever is an Inside Out 3, I am afraid Disney might have her poon out.

 

[Betonhaus]

Doesn't the state insurance cover cpap machines? Here in the States, pretty much all the private and government run plans cover it because it's way better (and cheaper) to prevent rather than treat heart attacks, A fib, heart failure, etc.

my partner is going to check if his insurance will cover one, otherwise I'll just get the used one.

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

i hate spics

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I have no time. Time is a weird thing. An hour used to be a long time but now it's gone in a blink of an eye. Well, that is only true off shift, on shift the day couldn't be slower. So therefore I find I never get anything done because I never have time. I can only get the essential tasks like eating and washing the dishes done before it's late. I'm sort of trapped in a looping schedule that never presents me the time to find a way out or fix things. I hardly ever have the time to think (or the energy), in fact it being Sunday is really the only reason I have a chance to write down my thoughts for a moment.

A reading recommendation: How To Live On Twenty-Four Hours A Day. But outside of philosophy, I give my sympathies...

---

I'm having the worst week of my life, but I am totally numb. I even feel kinda happy, because the tension has been killing me and now I feel unstuck.


The Worst Week

Optional, but highly recommended music accompaiment:

Spoiler: Tldr; bbliblbl isn't in the will

I've been taking care of my relative at home, but I mean it was just horrible. He was trying to die at home but it was just horrible. He finally wanted to go to the hospital (after not being out of the house in weeks) and the second the ambulance left, and I was standing in the house by myself without the horrifying sounds of him dying and a giant sense of peace fell over me.

My leg is broken much worse than first thought and I likely need surgery, although it's not 100% certain yet.

This leg injury disqualifies me from going back to my old job. I have always had manual jobs and worked crazy hours, and now I'm not sure what to do because my health is likely to be not so good for at least the next year- but I need money.

No one else in my family has stepped up to take care of this guy (not my father) because they are all crazy wiggers. So I've been living in this house for years now, but unfortunately there are closer relatives than me. Point being, I recently learned about the will and I'm getting jackshit. My family had been lying to me that I was included to prevent me from speaking about it/trying to change it. I went AWOL from my family at 18 and so he had no way to contact me when the will was last updated and was assuming I did not want the house, obviously things have changed over the past decade and I've now spent years in the house with him. It's very nice of them to tell me this when he's now totally incapable of conversation.

I'm not going to have a place to live. I don't have a job because I quit to be home with him 24/7. And now my leg is broke, I can't go back to my old job, and I can't drive because I'm legally blind and the buses don't really run out here. I've been walking 4 miles either way to get to the bus, to take the bus an hour to the hospital for physical therapy, where they're telling me to stay off my feet. My own family is going to sell the house out from under me and burn the money on drugs and alcohol.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get any sort of job when I have basically 0 reliability between having no way to get to work, needing to help my relative in the hospital still, going to physical therapy 3x a week, and taking care of all the other shit in my life. I already got a caseworker with the dept of rehab services (get jobs for disabled adults) but honestly they've been pretty shit when I worked with them in the past, they just want to sign you up with a temp agency and wash their hands of you instead of finding a real job.

My saving grace is that I'm not a wigger and so I have a few tens of thousands saved up, however I know that money goes much faster than you might think, especially if I become homeless or need surgery. I spent the day sorting out all of my possessions that I want to go sell tomorrow because they'll mean nothing to me if I'm homeless anyways. I don't have a car obviously so if I'm doing THAT again I've got to pare down to a rucksack again in anticipation of being suddenly evicted. Worst part- My dying person has a special needs dog here. Rest of my family wants to put him down because he has accidents. If I don't figure this all out, someone is going to fucking kill my dog.

I feel comfortable sharing this much because I think rock bottoms are inherently kinda funny, and what I've written almost feels like a copypasta more than anything. You are full on welcome to laugh or whatever, and I'm an adult who is aware the internet is forever. I've also hidden like half of these details from my IRL friends and it eats me up inside. If it comes to it I'm sure I can crash with someone, but I'm going to try to not do that and I don't want them to be worrying about me.

 

[bile demon]

I'm terrified because I'm literally withering away, and I can't find the energy or reason to try and stop it.

Print this photo out and put it on your fridge for motivation: