Its been two years since my dad died and I’ve been pretty worthless this weekend. I’ve managed to isolate myself from the few friends and family I have. Even before he died there was this sense of loneliness that I just seemed to carry with me; I genuinely do not like talking to and have contempt for most people and I don’t really have the emotional energy or time to question where this lack of empathy comes from.
completely exhausted, but I think I'm feeling fulfilled. Gonna be lots of change in my life starting later this month and I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be for it. Very excited at this new chance to make some friends and get out of the house a bit more than my job allows atm and I hope it'll serve my future well. I just hope I'll be able to sleep well enough to be conscious for most of it haha.
Last month on a work trip I cracked what I thought was a tooth, but luckily was just a crown.
This month another crown came off entirely.
The cracked one can be re-done and that's next month.
The one that came off was a root canal and there wasn't enough left to do another crown. So I got the fun of a tooth extraction, now waiting for that to heal and then an implant, and then in 6-12 months from now another crown.
Luckily minimal pain, just having to avoid eating anywhere near the surgery.
I finished the car charger install in the garage last weekend so this weekend I'm wiring up a backup/guest outlet outside in case the charger explodes and I need to use a portable. Of course, since I can't do anything half ass I'm doing a ton of extra stuff for the outlet like a power meter.
And soon-ish, I need to work on the drywall I tried to pay someone to do and they didn't want the job. Fuckers.
I've known so many people who went into things like social work with the very best of intentions, and left a year or so later absolutely traumatized and hateful and basically on a mental level of TND.
I need some kind of emotional support. I have a bad temper, and I'm overly emotional. The lightest things trigger me; I need a diagnosis. Can any Kiwifarms armchair psychologists help me?
I need some kind of emotional support. I have a bad temper, and I'm overly emotional. The lightest things trigger me; I need a diagnosis. Can any Kiwifarms armchair psychologists help me?
I've known so many people who went into things like social work with the very best of intentions, and left a year or so later absolutely traumatized and hateful and basically on a mental level of TND.
It was the best decision of my life to mentally prepare myself for social work, not by "getting in touch with my caring side", but by binge-watching cop bodycam videos. The people who show up and think they're hot shit that can cure addicts with a friendly word, they go insane so fast. And the good ones also go a little crazy, it's normal as you get jaded. It's the people that seem to enjoy it more and more you should keep an eye on: the field also does draw psychopathic types who get their kicks from being around vulnerable populations.
I need some kind of emotional support. I have a bad temper, and I'm overly emotional. The lightest things trigger me; I need a diagnosis. Can any Kiwifarms armchair psychologists help me?
You are on your period. You must eat dark chocolate and listen to Leslie Gore, STAT. And you have AIDS. And autism.
Not enough sleep, not enough exercise, and poor diet are basically the largest contributors to mental fortitude issues. If you go on a two-hour walk you will get over yourself. I realized the truth of this when I was given uniform clothes to wear before walking 20 miles. I'm really picky about clothing. I find collars and cuffs really annoying. At the start of the march I was so pissed off and touchy. I was more upset about having to wear the new clothes than walking 20 miles. But by the end of it, I had this realization....... I completely stopped being bothered by the clothes. And it wasn't just the clothes. I realized the truth of how important exercise is for not feeling like hot garage constantly.
If sleeping doesn't seem to help, it's because you aren't active enough in the day to get tired. If you don't have enough energy in the day to do enough to get tired, you may be not eating right, or it may be a horrible cycle of not having enough energy to dig out of the hole you're in. And that's why God gave us caffiene and nicotine.
Armed with my obvious and total knowledge of everything in the entire world, go forth and prosper, Sonichu! Or whatever he says.
Fellow married guys, homeowners, I need some advice.
I used to be a big reader and writer, it's what I even did for a job at one point. Basically I was always around books, and read about 200 per year. That was how life was from 18 to 30 or so.
Know how many books I've read this year? 0. None whatsoever. I started one a few months back, I'm maybe 20 pages in. It lies on my bedside table gathering dust lol.
Thing is, I just can't seem to find the mental energy to read these days. If I'm not doing 'outdoor' stuff or in the gym, I'm working on my house or doing stuff with the wife. By the time I get in bed, I'm just so fucking beat up I can't imagine doing some reading.
I miss it so much, but it's definitely something you need to get into a routine for.
For arguments sake, I am excluding any 'reading' I do in Wikipedia or other websites, news article, etc. Just physical books is my reference.
Sometimes you just have to force yourself into a routine. You could wake up a little earlier and read a few pages before starting your day, or maybe in the weekends you could spend a few hours reading while your wife is next to you doing something she enjoys (this is what works best for us). You could also read something lighter, just to help you start again. Recently I read a Stephen King book of all things for the same purpose, it was easy to follow even when I was tired, so I told myself I had no excuse not to finish it (I wouldn't recommend any of his door stoppers though, you might end up dropping them half-way through out of sheer boredom).
That's partly why I'm looking forward to this job where I'm at a site for 3-5 weeks, as I am really stuck in a rut here and it's almost impossible to break out of it. A change in environment will help so much for that.
Im getting married in 3 weeks and with each passing day im getting more anxious since this is a big step to my life onwards.
Even worse considering I looked in my bank account..
Couldn't sleep a wink last night. Lotta finnicky lab work ahead of m today. I am going to he so tired tonight, looking forward to that deep bond tired sleep.
Last month on a work trip I cracked what I thought was a tooth, but luckily was just a crown.
This month another crown came off entirely.
The cracked one can be re-done and that's next month.
The one that came off was a root canal and there wasn't enough left to do another crown. So I got the fun of a tooth extraction, now waiting for that to heal and then an implant, and then in 6-12 months from now another crown.
Luckily minimal pain, just having to avoid eating anywhere near the surgery.
I got some dentist, crown-related fuckery coming up, too. Dentistry is such a fucking racket, filled with quacks. Have had two crowns done in a practice i haven't went to before, about 8-10 years ago, the first one was made so shoddily that it lead to me losing that tooth entirely after 3 years, it didn't close completely and bacteria was building up under it, my new and current dentist was outraged it was done this badly. Second one started to give me shit around two weeks ago, pain in a root-canal'd and crowned tooth shouldn't be a thing. Went to my doc, he X-ray'd it, same deal as with the other crown, i most likely won't lose this tooth but i need a new crown. It's ridiculous. I'm not too mad because i didn't pay for the crowns as i was unemployed (also can't see the missing tooth when i smile) at the time i got them but i looked at the paper work and each was 1.600€. If i had to pay for this shit out of my own pocket i would've gone back to the other practice and torched the place.
Every dentist's practice i went to before i found my current doctor felt like i am at a used-cars salesman's plot, Mr.[My name], you need this, it's absolutely neccessary and while we are it, you also need this, this and this done. Hell, even when getting simple stuff like a prophylactic tooth cleaning done niggers tried to upsell me on shit they hawked in their practice. The worst were the docs that tried to jew me over when i was unemployed, i know you know i don't need to pay for shit, why are you even trying it with me? This happened in more than one practice. Girlfriend is very sensible and wanted to get put under for wisdom tooth extraction, it's unconventional but it can be done, one place told her it's 500€ and another anaesthesist she had to actually call up herself, because fuck service i guess, told her it's 1000€. She called her insurance company, surprise, surprise, it is completely covered. Absolute jew business. Funnily enough, the only dentist that never tried to jew me is an actual Jew from Israel.
>be me
>do session on bike as part of post-operation recovery
>shower afterwards
>pick up new white box of deodorant off dressing table
>don't really look at it
>spray freshly shaven armpits
>pain
>remember do not use spray deodorant but a cream
>examine deodorant
>bottle of D&G L'Imperatrice
>armpits currently on fire
>smelling great though
Went to Detroit to start cleaning out the house. It's been about a week and a half since my dad died and I've been having trouble sleeping, specifically getting to sleep. Could hardly sleep there either. On the way back, I pulled over the car I used to live in and slept like a fucking baby.
I don't know if that's a testament to how fucked up my life is, or how fucked up I am because of it. That I feel safer and more comfortable being homeless.
I officially received word that I’m going to be receiving my career diploma in being an Electronics Technician in the mail this week. It’s only been a year, but I remain optimistic that hard work will finally pay off.
Went to Detroit to start cleaning out the house. It's been about a week and a half since my dad died and I've been having trouble sleeping, specifically getting to sleep. Could hardly sleep there either. On the way back, I pulled over the car I used to live in and slept like a fucking baby.
I don't know if that's a testament to how fucked up my life is, or how fucked up I am because of it. That I feel safer and more comfortable being homeless.
Fellow married guys, homeowners, I need some advice.
I used to be a big reader and writer, it's what I even did for a job at one point. Basically I was always around books, and read about 200 per year. That was how life was from 18 to 30 or so.
Know how many books I've read this year? 0. None whatsoever. I started one a few months back, I'm maybe 20 pages in. It lies on my bedside table gathering dust lol.
Thing is, I just can't seem to find the mental energy to read these days. If I'm not doing 'outdoor' stuff or in the gym, I'm working on my house or doing stuff with the wife. By the time I get in bed, I'm just so fucking beat up I can't imagine doing some reading.
I miss it so much, but it's definitely something you need to get into a routine for.
For arguments sake, I am excluding any 'reading' I do in Wikipedia or other websites, news article, etc. Just physical books is my reference.
I believe that a part of the solution or potential improvement to your situation lies in the last paragraph of your comment.
Being online is so easy and so constant it can almost feel "hard" to pick up another medium, especially when it means you won't be able to be online while you use it. ...whether there's conscious of awareness of that or not, I think it has some marginal, at minimum, influence.
But also in your case sounds like your priorities/necessities have shifted, and there's only so much time to go around. Your obligations to home and family supersede everything, but beyond that, it's your choice to prioritize. But also - it may be temporary and you'll figure out how to bring back what you love at some point. Or will determine that x matters more than y.
Another thought - if you were reading 200 books/year previously, then you were dedicating a significant amount of time to it. And if you're like me, reading for just 20 minutes doesn't seem satisfying enough - and for myself, I know that's largely a nonsensical perspective bc if you love it wouldn't you take what you can get? But at the same time, just reading a short period of time cuts me off just when I'm settled down into it. ...but I've tried to make peace with it. And my next book is a short one - the opposite of my preference, but I've fallen way off, too, and want my hobby/interest back, so I'm taking another tack.
Yes, I know what they are; they are largely gone in the private sector here, is my point. Retirement for most is strictly DIY. So you can consider having one a fortunate situation. If it is not a benefit that you value, then congratulations, you are now freer than ever to go a different direction.
One of my kids made a new friend this summer: a person from another (and third world) country. This person picked up and moved from there to the US (for the summer but may move permanently in the future). They worked a couple jobs, traveled freely, etc. I don't know the hoops that were required or whether there was family backing for it, but the point is - it's possible to just do it. Plenty of people also go to countries like Thailand or Cambodia to teach English - and they don't have to speak the language to do it.
...If fucking Ethan Ralph - who can't even hang on to a passport and is a convict - can figure out how to move to Mexico and establish residency, anyone (from most countries) can likely go a lot of places. You're coming from a first-world country and do not have dependents, so you have an advantage for mobility, and low-stakes risk, that many don't.
There are lots of expat sites and communities to learn about where, how, etc.
But generally, you search for jobs ahead of time or find one once you're there. You learn visa/travel requirements and any work restrictions, and do what you need to. You join the local ex-pat community once there and hear about how to do it, where is hiring, where to live, etc.
And if you don't like that place, there are 193 other countries to consider.
In the process of starting a new life I guess? Worked up the courage to end an abusive relationship a few months ago, have started courses to try and get my dream job, while working in a job that's finally less stressful and soul killing compared to my previous two. Trying to exercise more, taking walks, and eating less junk. Also working on my anxiety caused by said relationship by doing more stuff solo (shopping trips, cinema, eating lunch somewhere new).
And yet, I keep getting bouts of...not sure really. It's like intense loneliness and I feel in a very dark place all of a sudden. It doesn't really have a proper trigger either, I could be hanging out with friends, or eating something nice or watching a favourite movie then bam. Really messing me up, as I don't think I have anything worth being so down about compared to others, I'm lucky to have good family and a few close friends, so I don't know what to do.
Allow yourself to have those pangs or bouts of doubt or down. It might be a hangover from exiting a bad situation (there's a psychic toll to that, even if the outcome is good, which it was), and that's normal. Ride them out and keep doing what you're doing. And it also might be worth talking to someone about.
I had a panic/anxiety crisis a week or so ago, out of nowhere. Very unsettling (and inconvenient), and I'm finally going to connect with a therapist, which I probably should have done years ago.
But so I plowed through it, started getting referrals, reached out to various home contractors to finally start addressing my crumbling castle, which is a major source of anxiety that only grows as more things fall apart. But I got back on the horse and took action, so was feeling good-ish or at least capable by Friday.
Next day, my ex-husband - who 6 months ago threatened to quit paying his proportion of our kids' college expenses (which for valid and rational reasons was the lion's share though not all of it), and then backed off after one of the kids read him the riot act - came back around and told me that with 2 weeks before classes begin, it's my problem effective immediately. I've spent the morning on the phone with registrars and exploring options, talking with my kids, crunching numbers and trying to figure out how to add six figures of expenses to my next couple of years.
My home needs, which are dire and extensive, just got shoved aside. But if I don't handle them, I'm compromising the value of my most significant asset. And if I was racked with worry before about affording them, I'm now royally fucked. I just needed 18 months (at my pre-weekend situation) to be okay, but now my situation has massively changed. And whether it's depleting cash or taking out loans (it will be both, just for the school costs, nevermind the house costs).
My immediate reaction was emotional, but tbh, there's no time for emotion, and crumpling is not an option. I refuse. So I calmed tf down and have put on my business hat. And I force-silence thoughts that crop up around the ex's situation, which is categorically better than mine, bc being mad or scared or freaking out about it doesn't help me, and wallowing in that will mean ruin.
And I'm not, for once, going to let an unexpected reversal impede my continuing forward on my own stuff like setting up a therapist or otherwise shoring myself up. Reality bites, but whining about it or avoiding it is far worse. If I go down, at least it won't be at my own hand (this time).
