How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I have also experienced the part where you have a little flashback memory montage from hell as they go "you just know nothing about xyz!" And you just have to hit them with one of these looks because it's not like they're actually open for you to share anything with.
Some of my family members seem to get a weird sadistic pleasure bringing up the things they know will upset me. I guess to make me fuck off from their sight back to the comfort of isolation.
Hell, even my young niece has figured it out. When she wants to mess with her boring old uncle, she sneaks up behind me and claps her hands right next to my ear. Is it a learned behavior?
 
its been a long week. trying to get medical care sorted for myself has been really exhausting. work has been nothing but lovely about it - but i just feel so listless. i want to have the energy to start going back to classes, as i've missed the past 2 weeks - but it feels like such a mountain; getting up, doing things, catching up. but i'm determined; i want a better life for my family, and getting a worthwhile education is the first place to start, even if i am a depressed loser. i'm having a bit of a religious crisis in figuring out what i want out of religion; and if i even want to follow it - my life feels purposeless without a god, but i don't know who god *is* to begin with, or where to start with finding that out.

i had a haircut recently that cheered me up after my breakup. since the breakup, the friend group i was in has essentially fractured, and i don't feel i have anywhere i belong anymore. hardly any of them have bothered to reach out - and it was a mutual, amicable breakup. i'm trying to just take things day by day, but its tough. the change in the months is not helping my wellbeing. i've been managing to work out, which has been great and has helped a bit; but i feel like i need to do more with myself and my life. i guess frustrated at myself would be an apt descriptor.
 
This has been a weird week, from my performance review, followed by meeting an old friend who may potentially have a job for me sometime soon, to finally building my AI server, and then suddenly needing emergency surgery today.

I really want to take a week off, but I've taken a lot of time off the last few months already.
 
Drinking a lot before bed. Eyes are swollen and puffy and nose is red from it, but I've been getting great sleep. I have to stop, I look like a ghoul, but the nights are so boring otherwise
 
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Could be doing a hell of a lot better.
Think I've completely lost my mom to the doomporn propaganda machine. At this point I give it a 75/25 she'll do some fucking dumb shit if the election doesn't go her way. I'd put it as a 10/90 when I woke up earlier today.
 
I have "survived" Hurricane Milton, but multiple circumstances have collided at the same time as the storm to leave me in a soon-to-be-homeless situation AGAIN. It's being made even more fun by the fact that I will likely not be able to get any assistance from FEMA due to my circumstances, so I'll be living in my car in a couple of weeks because my Social Security Disability income is not enough to afford a rental, my credit is not good enough to get even a small mortgage, and I'm not a member of a disadvantaged-enough demographic (like a drug addict or a black person or an illegal) to qualify for a free apartment somewhere. The "shelters" don't even have beds/cots/mattresses for people to sleep on, you're expected to bring your own and be grateful.
 
I have a job, a stable income, a roof and room to sleep in, I should have the means to feel good with myself, however that feeling of emptiness and dread remains.
Could be an issue with isolation, it's hard to only talk to online friends, especially when they're very closed-off.

On the bright side, had an opportunity to go out more often on Fridays, so I'll try to make the most out of it.
 
I’ve been there and you have my deepest sympathies
Did that once myself. I wasn't really thinking beyond "fuck all my noodles are going down the drain" so I grabbed at them with my hands and ended up getting some minor burns.
 
I have a routine that I'm sticking to. I feel motivated and unafraid of the world. It's shit or get off the pot and I am proud to say I am shitting. My expenses are tracked. My home is clean. My tasks are done a week in advance. I have time to focus on life. Everything is gonna be alright. I'm in a transient period between two phases of my life and I feel prepared to face the next one.
 
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