How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[bile demon]

It's not really safe to fast longer than 24 hours.

It's completely safe to fast for several weeks for the average person.

 

[The Feline Solution]

That's the problem with this "radical acceptance" bullshit that has become so prevalent lately. It allows one asshole to fuck it up for everyone else. I don't see any point in group therapy that allows this.

I haven't been in group for at least a decade so it is not a modern woe of psychiatry but i still agree, group composition and getting it right is a real problem. One of the worst groups i've been in, inpatient clinic stay way back, had a mother who had just lost her toddler-aged child to an accident (i didn't ask what kind of accident but i overheard it was automotive) and who was basically catathonic and the group's attention whore, some middle-aged woman who was supposedly burned out on handling her kids and who did nothing but talk about said kids. Can't tell me that group did good for anyone involved, i whined to my station doc to get me out of there because it was hands down one of the most depressing settings i've ever been in. Give me AA boomers telling the same inane and unreflected stories over this shit any day.

 

[Dawdler]

I have saved up some money for Christmas and since I no longer want to travel due to my family member's poor health, I've made up my mind that I want to go to a dermotologist/medspa and get some of my childhood scars lazered or chem peeled off. I really didn't expect my friends to call this "a stupid idea", I think they just don't understand that it's a lot more legit than just getting a facial at the hair salon or whatever.

Your health and your looks are your own private thing, go for it.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

I haven't been in group for at least a decade so it is not a modern woe of psychiatry but i still agree, group composition and getting it right is a real problem. One of the worst groups i've been in, inpatient clinic stay way back, had a mother who had just lost her toddler-aged child to an accident (i didn't ask what kind of accident but i overheard it was automotive) and who was basically catathonic and the group's attention whore, some middle-aged woman who was supposedly burned out on handling her kids and who did nothing but talk about said kids. Can't tell me that group did good for anyone involved, i whined to my station doc to get me out of there because it was hands down one of the most depressing settings i've ever been in. Give me AA boomers telling the same inane and unreflected stories over this shit any day.

Ah yes, the eternal paradox of vastly polar opposite needs and problems and the delicate balance that's more fragile than a twitter user in Texas.

Something similar happened in my group. Incidents like that are part of the reason why I keep my fat mouth shut.
Basically;
Apple: I saw my rapist on facebook posting his wedding pictures and then I saw how he had everything good in life; Money, a house, a hot wife, kids. His wife knew what he did and she married him anyway. It triggered my depression. Life is unfair.

Orange: Maybe try to confront him and ask for an apology. If not, maybe forgive him because he has probably changed. So hate the person that he used to be and let go and forget the person he is.

Everyone else:
Me: Disassociation

 

[Not A Bunny]

I am so ready for Halloween. It's my favorite holiday and I'm jazzed that it's next week and that my town is doing their communal trick-or-treat Saturday so I get to go out and see all the kids in costumes. There will probably be a few hundred.

Sometimes it's the little stuff, ya know?

 

[The Feline Solution]

Orange: Maybe try to confront him and ask for an apology. If not, maybe forgive him because he has probably changed. So hate the person that he used to be and let go and forget the person he is.

I feel it hard, the kind of shit i heard where i asked myself sitting in group, biting my tongue instead of speaking out loud, "Why the fuck would you even suggest something like that, you utter fucking retard?!".
I associate with retards, i myself am the first to admit that i am kind of retarded but even i/we have more tact than saying stuff like that. I got stories for days from this kind of tactless shit it's unreal, for many people stuck in the mental healthcare system saying this stuff gets normalized i think. The oversharing was insane at times, too, one of the last times i was outpatient the normal-seeming girl i started with new in an existing group told me how her Hell's Angels ex-boyfriend beat the baby out of her belly right after we exchanged names and hellos, like what the fuck?!

 

[Nod Flenders]

Not too bad.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Had surprisingly chill day at my job yesterday. Probably chillest of them all when I've been working alone. Should I prepare for getting fired or for a zombie apocalypse? Otherwise things are fine, hope to fry some meat this weekend. Take care, people.

 

[Betonhaus]

It's completely safe to fast for several weeks for the average person.

the average american can go for months. One Australian dude fasted for a year

 

[DenseDeerFather]

Update on the group shit. Had a talk with my personal tp and I expressed everything (without slurs) including my doubts and crippling anxiety. I also mentioned my fear of getting cut without joking about eating a shotgun before age 30.

Now unfortunately but unsurprisingly I am still expected to attend the group but it's been noted that I don't feel all that comfortable although it was concluded to trigger some kind of anxiety attack.

Currently the system works based on teams and internal meetings discussing what to do with patients and how they progress. If they progress.

I am a bit worried they'll just kick me out because I got one of those "packages" they hand out to people with shit that can't be drugged away but I'm not vibing with the major part of said package.

So that's just another stupid thing to worry about. Public Healthcare is such a mess.

Anyway I look forward to the weekend for no particular reason other than a few days to relax and shut off my brain while basking in the autumn colors. I love autumn.

 

[isalaide]

I was doing okay, but I mostly spend my time here reading and posting in A&H and rarely venture into the lolcow forums. Except earlier I clicked on the Deviant Art community watch thread and now I'm wondering if humanity should be scrapped and started again.

The best evidence for a non-interventionist God is that he hasn't yet done exactly that.

 

[M3xus]

Wake up, go to work, go home, sleep.

It's not that bad. Got some home improvements done and I've taken time to actually indulge in my hobbies.

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

I can't stand this time of year, when the sun is low in the sky even at midday, the shadows are so long, and the daylight hours are rapidly getting shorter. It's annoying hearing people talking about how much they just love fall when it makes something in my neurochemistry scream "SLEEP, NAP, REST, DON'T MOVE, DON'T THINK, CONSERVE ENERGY" all day every day.

Maybe I inherited some grizzly bear DNA.

 

[Doggo]

Well, just over 1 month into my 3 month contract, I got let go because they couldn’t afford to keep me. At least I get a good reference and a qualification out of it, and they were severely underpaying me anyway. Now that I have a better idea of how much I’m worth, I can make sure that doesn’t happen again. I’m gonna try for a job somewhere in government. Government positions are more secure, generally.

I hope I can get another work from home gig, but I don’t live far from the city so that might not matter too much.

Still, wish me luck. I rather enjoyed working and contributing to society, and I hope I can do it again ASAP.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

People can't drive safely and it's making me want to give up, stay indoors 24/7 and live off my savings or just self-publish shitty books on Amazon. I get so anxious that I check my car for damage each time I park it because "What if I did bump that guy" lingers for so long.
At least with winter on the way less people are on the road after dark.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

jobhunting, hoping it all will work out
listening to new eagle eyed tiger album
feels like someone from the past wrote it
(Album is good tho)

time to shower and sleep
work work
(current workplace just feels like a ultra chore now)

 

[The Feline Solution]

Got invited to a new, 100% halal chicken place that opened not far from me, it got rave reviews and gets touted as the new KFC in my hood. Checked their online menu (can't post pics for doxxxxxxing reasons) and it all looks fucking delicious, can't wait for tonight. I realize this post makes me sound a lot fatter than i actually am.

 

[Slav Power]

I've mentioned before how it's not worth elaborating on why I felt like shit for the past few months. But I'm going to anyway, I'm sure some people will appreciate the schadenfreude they'll get from this.

Spoiler: Self-pity vent, not worth your time

I'm entering my mid 20's and I feel completely lost. After I finished high school and then subsequently dropped out of college I've been alone, I wasn't keeping contact with anyone from high school or college, and while everyone was moving forward in life I've been stuck for ~2 years now. Got one short work gig last year, that came and went in a month. Now I'm stuck doing an even worse gig until December, and after that I'll have to try and find anything that might show up in the area that is miserable as shit. All whilst fluctuating between various mental states, from calling myself a worthless waste of life and a disappointment filled with suicidal thoughts to short moments of clarity and motivation to change something about my life for the better, just to have it all crashing down once I can't find a single starting point to work on, and constantly thinking about multiple things at once that I've done wrong in my life, more often than not jumping to failures that I couldn't even begin to rectify or haven't really made yet, just pointlessly going around in circles with no guidance.

I'm not gonna exaggerate if I'm going to say I'm terminally online. I have nothing better to do in my spare time, and at this point I can't tell how much of what I believe about the world and myself is genuine, and how much of it is me getting poisoned by the online world's bitter and cynical twist on it. Whether or not me not accomplishing anything of worth by this age, be it in relationships, education or employment, is actually representative of me being a failure or if it's all yapping of other terminally online idiots that has no correlation in the real world, but because I read it I let it get under my skin and make my current mental state worse. Like being a kissless virgin and an asocial sperg, on some days I take it personally and tell myself I should remove myself from the gene pool like many online say you should, while on others I see that as the type of shit that I've got from the Internet that is a load of bull only meant to demoralize me, that I shouldn't give up and lay down. But it's easy to start believing the bullshit once you're depressed. Even without that, I am so fucked in the head at this point in time that when I see or hear other people being successful, people who have a stable job, family and all that, like my current co-workers, I feel hatred towards myself for not being able to achieve even a modicum of that. But that hatred never gets turned into action to improve myself, it's all self-destructive. I never externalize that hatred though, it just lingers within me as I shut in and get filled with that self-hatred, it's shit. I know that I shouldn't judge myself by comparing my life to lives of other people's, but fuck me if I also don't feel guilt when my older sister managed to accomplish way way more in her life than me. Makes me feel like I've disappointed my mother by not making something out of myself by this point, but even that doesn't give me the kick to do something to make her feel proud of me. Maybe my brain is just permanently broken or I need to suffer some greater mental anguish to turn those emotions into action. I don't know.

Trying to trace back to the root of my problems, me being alone and locking myself up in my room every day, entering the online world as it's the only one I have seems to be the main issue. The thing is, no matter how much I try to cut myself off from it, knowing full well it's detrimental to my mental health, be it by unplugging my computer or putting other obstacles in my way, I always end up coming back to it because I really don't have anything better to do, no better hobbies to spend my free time on. I'd either sleep the day off or just sit in my room wallowing in self-pity even further, or masturbating, both of which are just copes for the lack of anything else going on in my life I both hate. It's even worse when computers were the only thing that I was ever passionate about, the only thing that I'm skilled in, and the only thing that I'm knowledgeable about, while at the same time being the main source of my anguish, and in many ways a detriment to my social skills if that's all I can really talk about. I guess music is my second big hobby, but I listen to the type of music I'd have no one else to share it with really. And I don't have a privilege of living in a populous US city full of people my age that I could relate to, that I could just "touch grass and socialize" as I saw many people suggested to others here. I live in Poland, in one of the poorest, most desolate and most miserable parts of it as well, and all the people my age already move out to larger cities for a better future because they know it as well but have the will power to act on it. Meanwhile I'm stuck in a village that's demographically nothing but elderly people with half of the houses being abandoned, and I don't think any advice from Americans like that would be applicable. Now the next logical step would be getting out of this shithole. But then that's another myriad of problems I see. First I need money to get started, to rent a flat to stay in, and to find a job in the city to keep a steady income to rent that flat, but the thing is I can barely find a steady income right here, let alone try and jump into the deep water of living in a city and finding a job there. Because I'm a coward, I lack the courage to take a risk, to take matters into my own hands and to make something out of myself. I never had to do so and now I lack the ability to do so when this would be the only way to change my life for the better.

So it all winds back to the problem being with me. First and foremost, I need to figure out how to fix myself, which is something I don't have the slightest idea about how to fix. Then I have to figure out how to get enough income to save up in this area, to then figure out how to get started in a better place with more opportunities to socialize and move forward in life, and only then may I think about figuring out how to be in a relationship with a woman and finding a significant other, something I seem to worry about too much given the myriad of other problems that overshadow that pipe dream. And there's always that fear, that is most likely fueled by online doomposting with no relation to the real world, that by the point I'll manage to figure out my own shit I'll be well over 30 and that's just as good as being dead if I haven't done so much as had a single girlfriend by that point, or perhaps I'll find my happiness one day, even if I'm over 40. Or not, and I wasn't ever meant to be happy, I was always meant to feel like shit and I should indeed kill myself like my intrusive thoughts are telling me to. There's probably more I wanted to say, and what I said could've been articulated better, but my mind jumps to too many thoughts and topics all the time and I never write them down to compile them into something more coherent. This here is definitely way better than what I would otherwise write in a worse state of mind, but it definitely fluctuated back to it in some places.

I don't know. I lack any drive, hope, motivation or goal in life and I hate it. And I realize that by posting all of this, especially on this site, I'm doing myself even more of a disservice, but I wanted to dump out some of the shit I was thinking through somewhere, even if it's the one place you shouldn't post shit like that. Though feel free to laugh at me, or give me "words of encouragement", or give me an armchair psychologist opinion why I'm an irrecoverable failure. It's not like I have much of a reputation left on this site at this point, might as well embrace being the court jester.

If for some reason you've read through all of this mindless drivel and you're compelled to post some advice, or words of encouragement, I'm telling you right now, don't. Look at this thread, or various other advice threads. Look at all the people that were in the position I'm in. Look at how much they've adhered to it. Notice the pattern, save yourself the time and do something more worthwhile with your life, my pain is the most petty and self-inflicted out of the recent ones shared in this thread anyways. Makes me feel like an asshole posting this now that I think about it, people suffer from cancer, death in family, and here I am crying about how shitty my life is all because of myself.

There. I spilled my guts, I'm never gonna scrub this off the web, it's set in stone, and frankly, I really don't care. I've accumulated enough regrets, what's one more to add to the pile.

 

[weegrumpy]

I’m relatively happy just finished up for a week of annual leave, got a list of horror films to watch for the season, and snakos! Just a couple of errands to do then that’s that!

 

[The Feline Solution]

I didn't get to eat my chicken