How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Juan But Not Forgotten said:
Please, elaborate.
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There are a whole bunch of issues in my life which perhaps individually could be overcome but all together are insurmountable in my view. Without going into too much detail and powerlevelling, I'll try to explain.
1. I have no real friends. My 'closest' friend lives 300 miles away and yet not once in seven years has he bothered to make the trip to visit me. If I want to see him, I have to be the one to drive there.
2. I've never been in a relationship, and at this point I think it's unlikely to ever happen. A lot of people around my age are getting married and having children, while I've never had so much as a second date.
3. I'm burned out at my job, but there's little opportunity for other work where I live in a field I'm interested in. I would have to move, which isn't so much a problem, but-
4. There's not much opportunity for me to move. Rental prices are through the roof, and I don't have enough money to buy.
5. I've realised the goals I have are probably never going to be achieved.
For the past seven years I've been trying to change things but my life has remained stagnant. I'm just tired of pushing the boulder up the hill, only to watch it roll back down at the end of the day.
Clitonium said:
I don't know bud but before the end of all things happen at least sire an heir
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No chance of that happening, I'm afraid.
 
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Rome's rightful successor said:
Was in the hospital yesterday, as my sickness wasn't going away. Found out I had Laryngitis (can barely speak) and had Pneumonia in the Lungs. I'm on an anti-biotic, If the anti-biotic doesn't work then there is a small chance I could die. These past few days has been hell. Been coughing a lot, even when I'm trying to sleep. Can't enjoy most foods except for some soft fruits (Bananas, applesauce, smoothies), and it feels like there is an endless supply of mucus in my body. It may not been the worse I've ever been sick but it's been the most painful.
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Just an update, I'm feeling much better. Still have a cough (though not as bad) and a my voice is still recovering but today is much better than last week.
 
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Rome's rightful successor said:
Just an update, I'm feeling much better. Still have a cough (though not as bad) and a my voice is still recovering but today is much better than last week.
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Lung bullshit is the fucking worst, back in 2019 I had bronchitis for a solid couple months, fucking hooked on inhalers and feeling basically dead

Here I am still being a fucking idiot and smoking the occasional cigar LMFAO

Good to see you're recovering bud
 
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Booger1488 said:
There are a whole bunch of issues in my life which perhaps individually could be overcome but all together are insurmountable in my view. Without going into too much detail and powerlevelling, I'll try to explain.
1. I have no real friends. My 'closest' friend lives 300 miles away and yet not once in seven years has he bothered to make the trip to visit me. If I want to see him, I have to be the one to drive there.
2. I've never been in a relationship, and at this point I think it's unlikely to ever happen. A lot of people around my age are getting married and having children, while I've never had so much as a second date.
3. I'm burned out at my job, but there's little opportunity for other work where I live in a field I'm interested in. I would have to move, which isn't so much a problem, but-
4. There's not much opportunity for me to move. Rental prices are through the roof, and I don't have enough money to buy.
5. I've realised the goals I have are probably never going to be achieved.
For the past seven years I've been trying to change things but my life has remained stagnant. I'm just tired of pushing the boulder up the hill, only to watch it roll back down at the end of the day.

No chance of that happening, I'm afraid.
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you should buy a fast car or motorcycle. Maybe you'll find something you love, maybe you crash it into a tree.

Tax: Im glad my cat's $350 tummy ache is just that and not something even more expensive.
 
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Booger1488 said:
There are a whole bunch of issues in my life which perhaps individually could be overcome but all together are insurmountable in my view. Without going into too much detail and powerlevelling, I'll try to explain.
1. I have no real friends. My 'closest' friend lives 300 miles away and yet not once in seven years has he bothered to make the trip to visit me. If I want to see him, I have to be the one to drive there.
2. I've never been in a relationship, and at this point I think it's unlikely to ever happen. A lot of people around my age are getting married and having children, while I've never had so much as a second date.
3. I'm burned out at my job, but there's little opportunity for other work where I live in a field I'm interested in. I would have to move, which isn't so much a problem, but-
4. There's not much opportunity for me to move. Rental prices are through the roof, and I don't have enough money to buy.
5. I've realised the goals I have are probably never going to be achieved.
For the past seven years I've been trying to change things but my life has remained stagnant. I'm just tired of pushing the boulder up the hill, only to watch it roll back down at the end of the day.

No chance of that happening, I'm afraid.
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I am on the same page with you in the most of these. With an added bonus of that I had to leave everything behind. As much as I hated most of it, having nothing is worse.

All I can recommend is to try finding good in your current state. I for one ending my day with a prayer, but not something stupid like "oh Lord give me a million dollars and a busty goth girlfriend because I am a good boi", no, just for the most regular stuff possible. I slept well? Had a good breakfast? Job went without some major fuckery? That's worthy of a gratitude. And even though I considered this idea stupid at the time, now I see that I feel more positive and have less and less mental anguish. It is not gonna fix your life, but first you need to move your head into a better state of mind.
Take care and, please, don't give up.
 
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Booger1488 said:
There are a whole bunch of issues in my life which perhaps individually could be overcome but all together are insurmountable in my view. Without going into too much detail and powerlevelling, I'll try to explain.
1. I have no real friends. My 'closest' friend lives 300 miles away and yet not once in seven years has he bothered to make the trip to visit me. If I want to see him, I have to be the one to drive there.
2. I've never been in a relationship, and at this point I think it's unlikely to ever happen. A lot of people around my age are getting married and having children, while I've never had so much as a second date.
3. I'm burned out at my job, but there's little opportunity for other work where I live in a field I'm interested in. I would have to move, which isn't so much a problem, but-
4. There's not much opportunity for me to move. Rental prices are through the roof, and I don't have enough money to buy.
5. I've realised the goals I have are probably never going to be achieved.
For the past seven years I've been trying to change things but my life has remained stagnant. I'm just tired of pushing the boulder up the hill, only to watch it roll back down at the end of the day.

No chance of that happening, I'm afraid.
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I know things are obviously more complicated in reality, but what you've written screams "Apply to new jobs, immediately." A new job means new people and will shake up your life, even if I can't promise it'll be in a strictly upward direction.

For most adults -especially if you don't have kids and aren't a hookup/party/drug person- your job is your best shot at making new friends. "Get a hobby" is common advice, but I find basically everyone has a motivation to have a job for money, and basically no one has the motivation to join a frisbee golf club.

Could you even consider getting a second job, even if it's part time or doesn't pay well? It depends on your field obviously, but the winter is a great time for seasonal work. Meet new people if you want new leads in life.

I feel like every time I buy groceries it gets more expensive and the quality gets worse. I'm sure some of this is because we're going into winter, but... not all of it.
 
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Friday marked the 3rd week of consistent gym time :)

Found out my job is going to take everyone off of the 2nd and 3rd shift and just have a 6-6 schedule 7 days a week, for better or for worse. I don't know when it happens but hopefully later rather than sooner, I still have 5 certifications I wanna get done before July (and I test for one on the 18th) before I think about going to college. I'm not sure if I have the willpower to actually spend my off time studying, so I like working nights because nothing happens and I get to fuck around and study.

My schedule is 6-2 so I can get out early and fuck around during the daytime, so thats great
 
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for the first time in months, i'm feeling positive and optimistic about my future. i fdeel like i've finally begun to move past the end of the engagement, and those feelings are basically dead. i don't miss him. its so liberating. i finally manage to get all of my ex fiance's things out of my flat (about fucking time, the lazy bastard took literal months to pick them up); i have a good job, i have lovely friends, there's a cute guy i have a crush on possibly (?); i've been working out, and even though i've been on a little bit of a rollercoaster with my emotions and getting my mental health tard wrangled and stable in its cage, its great to feel as though i have control over my life, and that it matters.

its good to feel beautiful for once and to want to care about how i look and feel, and its even better to feel like i'm worthy of love and deserving of good things, which sounds like a very 'duh' thing, but its nice to want to have better standards for myself and knowing i am valued and cherished by the people in my life.

discovered church soul gospel music as well and even though i don't jive very much with christianity, it is now my pick me up and hype music. impossible to feel sad when you've got a choir blasting in your ears with power something about jesus whilst some guy on a church organ goes insane. its fantastic.
 
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sinus infection con crud, waiting for dad to come home with sudafed
 
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NotaJew circa 2012-2019: I hate everything about myself and it's my fault everything bad happens to me.:(
World: Nooooo NotAJew. You're cool. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)

NotaJew circa 2020-2024: You know, I think I'm not so bad. I just don't like having to deal with how people treat me.8)
World: NOOOOOOO Fuck you die. Nobody likes you and it's all your fault! :evil:

What's a man to do in a world like this?
 
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I think for the first time in my life I'm completely alone. I still have a friend but I find myself drifting from him because I think I would rather not be around anyone for respect for them and myself. I don't know if my mind is subconsciously numbing the pain so I don't register it or I've just almost accepted it.

Part of me knows that I did anything to myself, the people who hurt me would win. So I keep going on out of spite.

But if I'm being real... I just don't really see the beauty my life could be anymore. There's definitely moments of joy and humor but overall I get the sensation I died a long time ago. I could go anywhere or do whatever I like soon, but I honestly would just rather not be awake. Life just feels like this chore full of pointless toiling and minutiae, even at the best of times. It's not really depressing, it just feels like a slog.

It's getting harder to meet people.
And honestly the worst mistakes of my life were trying to avoid being alone. People can see the naivety and desperation on my face and act accordingly.
I think it's been solidified recently that I have whatever would be considered Asperger's now. Or I'm just a dude who likes to express himself freely, which the world sees as cringe now. Or I have a shitload of complex post traumatic stress. Or maybe it's all one big thing that compounds in on itself that people need a word for.
Just find all the new social rules kind of rigid and annoying. Pretty sure half the shit about gender dynamics or just interacting with society wasn't a thing ten years back.
No fucking wonder everyone's wound too tight now if we're imposing all this unnecessary stress on ourselves.

I could probably do a lot better socially if I tried to negate every part of myself. But I value who I am more than anything now. Even and especially the stuff people probably find undesirable. So I'm unwilling to change for others but also unable to accept the consequences of that. That's tough.

I think I'm going to try to be as quiet or reserved as possible for a while. Not because I really want to but because I become an easy target without trying to be.

I stood up for myself at work today for once. While it felt somewhat nice to finally say "No" it did make me realize how much of a punching bag I've been for years and how hard it would have to be to break that.

Ultimately, don't know where to go from here. It sucks being the kind of guy this forum was probably created for. It's hard walking anywhere with a bunch of people hanging out and wondering where I went wrong and thinking maybe my family was right about me. But I guess that's just what I'm going to have to do until I either can't or things become better. Maybe solitude is the only path I have.

Anyone who says that your inability to meet good people who like you for who you are because of some giant inherent character flaw or moral repugnancy really should just keep their mouths shut. You don't have to be jacking it to Elliot Rodger to have a hard time dating and you don't need to a charismatic honorable man of christ to be doing quite well. There really are terrible people who do just fine if not excel socially and there really are people who try to do everything right and still end up fruitless. A lot of people really don't understand how shallow and petty a lot of people can be.


I guess that's it for now.
 
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CYBER VERMIN!! said:
Hey, you should know that Sudafed literally doesn't work.
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There are two medicines called sudafed. Actually more than that. The one that you get in a box on the shelf is the dogshit one. It's sold purely because people will confuse it with the good shit. They sell lots of drugs as "Sudafed" purely because the word "sudafed" will make people think it's psuedoephedrine, which is the good shit. It's really scummy.



The good shit can be used to make drugs, so you have to get it from the pharmacist and show ID. But real legit sudafed, i.e. psuedoepherine, is pretty much the strongest stuff you can get OTC, and probably the strongest stimulant you can get OTC, imo. It will make your nose run like crazy, make you piss, make you unable to sleep, clear your lungs out, etc. It's actually a shitty diet/cutting pill- you want actual ephedrine for that- but that hasn't stopped people from exploding their hearts with this stuff by taking high doses for months on end because it kinda makes you feel wired.

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^^^This is dogshit. Sudafed PE and OM are both different medicines that are not what people usually think they are buying: psuedoepherine.

Below is the real stuff. You won't find it on the shelves, you have to ask for it at the counter. Note the active ingredient is actually psuedoephedrine, which is commonly called...... sudafed.

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Just remember: if you're not getting it from the pharmacist, it's not really sudafed. If it isn't "psuedo" it isn't sudafed. And hopefully within a few years, those garbage phenylephrine products will all be gone. Pure scummy money grab.

My cat is so strong, it's such a fight to cut his nails. People don't get it. I would have to really hurt him to "just hold him down." I can cut all my other cats and dogs nails that way, but not him. He bunny-kicks, he bites, he thrashes, he rolls like an aligator. I would end up breaking his limbs if I just muscled through it. He'll just bite his way through the damn towel. Instead, I have to do them one at a time by catching him while he's sleepy.
 
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yeah im finding this out the hard way :( fuck crackheads
 
My new job is more physically demanding than I thought. My body feels sore, but I feel more alive than I have in weeks. Also, I really like all of my new coworkers, they're a great bunch doing everything in their power to make me feel welcome & included.
 
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