So I'm a couple days late due to holiday stuff, but I genuinely want to thank you for the response and the posts. I can actually begin looking into the Christian places to volunteer at if nothing else.
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I'm job hunting as a technician - not far off from the engineering stuff you speak of - and I do realize part of my issue is hunting for jobs I get nominal left-alone work with, but that and my latest job's commute killed off a lot of even potential for socializing alongside what I spoke of for the region in general feeling lifeless - I essentially get myself to where my life IS work, if only to keep busy, but it doesn't solve my base problems for people. It doesn't help too I'm so obsessed with finding a stable job and increasing my skills to where I feel I won't be cut off in some form that it really takes over my life in bad ways.
I know a lot of my issue is a mental shackles thing as much as anything. I don't want to really cut loose from family for good or go far off
just in time for my mother to conveniently die and she's gone forever, or to get away from the actually good deal my maternal aunt/uncle are offering me home-wise for sake of a better region
for myself but fall flat on my face in all other aspects. In a lot of ways that almost feels like my issue. I've got too much... I don't know. Empathy may or may not be the right word. Maybe familial duty, even if my immediate family sure as hell don't deserve it, but then I also have to be forthright even if they did a terrible job of raising me for the real world - and if I can't say it out loud, the fuck's the point - they loved me and would've let me be happily at home to their end of days and keep me secure like no one else ever would. But I've had something resembling that so long it did screw up a lot of life functioning for me and I am drastically trying to build myself up in that regard.
This post sounds
very disjointed. I AM aware, and in many ways, I suppose that perfectly encapsulates the point I'm making. I'm dealing with the unfortunate side effects of realizing I've got some shoddy family and actions in my life from them but remembering they're only human and loved me, even if they hate each other. Or maybe not with how my mom and dad clung all this time in spite of everything, which in turn strengthens the "shoddy" bit. And so forth they still tried to provide, and so forth in reverse, and so forth.
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Again, let me begin looking into food banks and the like. I think you are right on that for the simple reason I need to find stuff that forces me out with people, to broaden my network enough to where I'm getting one again like my solo couple years with my cat. I was comfortable back then as long as bills were paid - that and finding some good people and someone special are all I ask from life at this rate. I need to remind myself it is entirely possible and enough people like me have managed to achieve all that and more.
