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Justice Tony said:
I feel like an idiot. I tried to order a burger at a kiosk and I thought by plain wrap they meant like a plain bun. Instead I made a fucking cheeseburger burrito. I’d send a picture but iirc iPhone photos have metadata or something and I don’t know how to strip that so yeah, not taking any chances.

Edit: It’s not terrible. 6/10. I still feel immense shame though.
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Could be worse, you could have ended up with a lettuce bun.
 
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Justice Tony said:
I feel like an idiot. I tried to order a burger at a kiosk and I thought by plain wrap they meant like a plain bun. Instead I made a fucking cheeseburger burrito. I’d send a picture but iirc iPhone photos have metadata or something and I don’t know how to strip that so yeah, not taking any chances.

Edit: It’s not terrible. 6/10. I still feel immense shame though.
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A quick and easy way to strip out location metadata is to take a screenshot of the picture you just took, and rename the file to something generic. I do this on android and windows all the time, not sure how easy it is on iOS.
 
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Or find a way to save it as png, this format doesn't contain doxxable metadata like jpg does (from the most applications, afaik)
 
February 14th. I'm getting dried up of obsession with a woman, who most certainly doesn't feel the same way to me. I'm sure it's obsession, not love, but I've never actually loved before.
It is a self-destructive and indignifying feeling, when you are made to love someone by some imperceptible omnipresent force of nature you have no control over.
 
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3X0D14 said:
I was socialized male
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Can you explain what this means to you?

BABANGUIDE64 said:
February 14th. I'm getting dried up of obsession with a woman, who most certainly doesn't feel the same way to me. I'm sure it's obsession, not love, but I've never actually loved before.
It is a self-destructive and indignifying feeling, when you are made to love someone by some imperceptible omnipresent force of nature you have no control over.
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I feel as though you could possibly reframe this more positively/ non-soul-crushingly.
 
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I think we both know this relationship is on its last legs. I mentioned to her how I fucked up by bottling up my feelings and she said there was a lot of stuff she ignored too. We'll talk about it this weekend. The fucking timing on this blows because of course it just HAS to be around Valentine's day.

God, I hope this can be a mutual clean break. I've been thinking more and more about how miserable I've been in this relationship and all the unnecessary stress it's added to my life. And how it recreated the toxic family dynamic I had growing up with my negligent, unpredictable parents. My emotional needs weren't met back then and they're not being met right now.

I still don't hate her. She's done nothing to truly deserve that. Is there some resentment? Absolutely, but in the end, she has unresolved trauma and glommed onto me before she was truly ready to date again. We're both at fault here and in the end, we were both bad for each other.
 
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having a weird existential crisis. I have finally been able to begin to process just.. years upon on years of dysfunction, anxiety and trauma (unfortunately). I’m so torn about it. I have a therapist but I only recently started seeing her. I talk to my roommates about stuff sometimes. I have so much weight and things to off load. I spent so much time silent. There’s so much I want to talk about and feel heard. I kept quiet for too long. When I would let things out it wasn’t enough and/or done in moment of just peak explosion. I have been through all kinds of weird shit. I have done weird shit. I have seen weird shit. I have dealt with shit I shouldn’t have. I have been very unkind to myself for no reason and don’t know how else to be towards myself. I was nice to people I should haven’t have been and mean to people I should have been nice to.
There’s some things that I have thought about that even connect to what lead me onto here. Me being chronically online (no better way to describe it) has had so many layers to it.

How do you begin to pick apart years of feelings? How do you let them out in a healthy way? How do you even begin to talk about it ya know? Will I ever figure it out after this all this time?
I hate this weight I have been carrying for so long. I just want to off load it.
 
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BABANGUIDE64 said:
February 14th. I'm getting dried up of obsession with a woman, who most certainly doesn't feel the same way to me. I'm sure it's obsession, not love, but I've never actually loved before.
It is a self-destructive and indignifying feeling, when you are made to love someone by some imperceptible omnipresent force of nature you have no control over.
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Agares said:
I think we both know this relationship is on its last legs. I mentioned to her how I fucked up by bottling up my feelings and she said there was a lot of stuff she ignored too. We'll talk about it this weekend. The fucking timing on this blows because of course it just HAS to be around Valentine's day.
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Right now I'm watching a coming of age series with a stunted loner aspie girl and a somewhat sociable chad who plows her. He's scared of acting like he knows her at school and when they finally graduate and move on, his friends go "bro we all know and nobody gives a shit" while having ruined her youth. All it took was one person to say something. I thought to myself "bro I'd just speak my mind" but I'm starting to doubt I would. It's as relationships and love in general are on this secondary track to everything else in life. Decades of social experience out the window. I genuinely think it's a skill to speak your mind; one you should practice as often as possible. The main guy in this show is written as shy and introspective, but when he finally opens his mouth, it's hard-hitting stuff. And it's realistically written as well, cause I do it myself too. Forego chances to be witty or snappy to instead say something worthwhile at the end, but sadly if I get too comfortable I start talking and stuttering and what not, for some reason. People who speak less, more slowly and clearer are such a force in conversation.

This sense of "what could've been" or "what if" is probably what controls my life for the most part. Every high school party was "what if this happened". My alcoholism stems from "drinking every friday night on skype with the boys IN CASE something happens". Now, I feel as if I'm missing out on this magical "what if" if I don't drink. As if I'm gonna wake up saturday morning with 3 new friends on steam as I used to and "something happened". I feel so close to cracking the code, to be comfortable knowing I don't need alcohol cause it has literally never done anything for me. Nothing "what if" ever happened from drinking. I never confessed or said hi to that one cool guy. Nothing. This too feels like a secondary set of tracks to everything else I do in life. Min-max my mental health, remove apps, stop doomscrolling, fast, eat better, read books. But oh no, alcohol? Back to age 16. And worst part is I can easily stop, but unless I got a certain mindset, I spend all friday every friday going "But maybe". Then I wake up 7am saturday on a day off and do productive shit and wonder what the fuck I even struggle with.

Man, I miss being emotionally affected by movies. That one summer I got into anime and watched all the best ones every night. I'm not depressed but fuck I miss being giddy, on the topic of being in love. I'm thankful THIS is on a secondary track, cause I feel fucking jaded and I need that hormonal and out-of-character urge to just need this other person's presence 24/7, which is also why I cut it off with this reasonable chick I matched with who was in all other ways 100% what I was looking for. I asked questions of genuine interest but nothing alluring came back.
 
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3X0D14 said:
Man I just got a reminder that I don't have the mental of the average female. I legitimately feel more like a male (no tranny) because I was socialized male and grew up online, specifically 4chan/-esque sites. I do have female friends, but it's nothing beyond surface-level stuff. I've tried, but I've just accepted at this point that I'll never be their first choice for a deep friendship. Don't call me a pickme, I'm being dead serious it's a mix of terminally online since 11 and autism. I'm not doing this for male attention I'm just stating the fact of my own issues. As a result its made me very blunt and stuff. I love the women I do have in my life.

I hate the fluff that is encoded in female conversations. Like some will complain about how blunt and firm women are seen as bitches, but then they actually talk to one and they get mad at her and call her mean. Like what do you want, retard? If you're wondering I got in trouble for saying I've seen a lot of women get fat after pregnancy and I don't wanna get fat lol. I don't know why no matter the political affiliation every woman turns into a fatty defender like no one wants to be fat. Even if it's "the patriarchy controlling us" you still wouldn't wanna be fat. If everyone had the choice to look good and be a 10/10 they would take that choice every time. I don't know why people like to lie to themselves. No one will hate on you more than a fat bitch.

I expect a degree of abuse from men and that's whatever. It's expected here and there, I don't really care. But women are so spiteful and bitter sometimes like damn it's not that serious, chill out. And they won't even have the balls to be straight up with their hatred, you have to play the social cues games. Just tell me you think I'm a retarded faggot instead of expecting me to know you hate me based off of the width of your eyes when you look at me or something extremely discrete. I went mildly off topic, but oh well
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I'm in a similar boat but as a dude. And have a hell of a time making friends with either gender.

On the plus side I had a follow-up on my eye surgery yesterday and it's all good.

On the downside the day before that I was at the dentist and the cute girl doing the work damaged my front tooth so I had to go back that afternoon and get that fixed.

Been a hell of a week. To the point I'm actually kinda looking forward to going back to work next week.
 
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Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Can you explain what this means to you?
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Yes.
No one in my family forced me into the traditional female socialization roles due to neglect and general apathy until I was about 16 so I was pretty set in my ways. I wasn't forced into being feminine, my mom never explained or pushed makeup onto me and encouraged me to dress like a boy or tomboyish. I still had long hair and some polly pocket, but mainly toys marketed towards boys. My sisters didn't play with me either or criticized my tastes. My brothers were the only ones who put effort, the sisters had their reasons though. I never grew up with anything being gendered, and was raised by my mom who was very self-reliant. So I grew up watching her do literally everything from cooking to maintenance. It was never phrased in a feminist way from her so I just thought it was normal. One of my brothers was also considered "girly" by other men's standards because he took personal hygiene very seriously and regularly cooked and cleaned. One of my sisters is bisexual and loved studs so I grew up around overtly masculine women too. I played with the neighborhood boys and before puberty changed the dynamics, my mom isolated me.
I was on male-dominated websites like 4chan since I was about 10 as well and that influenced a lot of my language used.
Most importantly I think it was mainly autism. I didn't really think about social expectations and when they were brought up, I didn't listen because they didn't make sense. I had the True Female Experience like sexual harassment from a young age, but I was also never given the "talk" or anything about stranger dangers either so I literally had no idea what grown men were saying to me or what they meant.
I tried socializing with autistic women due to this, but even then I felt very alienated a lot of times.
Have you ever read those quotes that are like "Girls are punished from early age for the same behavior that boys are allowed to indulge in well into adulthood"? It felt like that. A lot of boys growing up aren't forced to reflect on their body and expectations of them in the same severity as what typically happens to young girls, and I felt like that was me. I was allowed to continue to indulge and not question gender roles and expectations for longer than average.
Although I had a shit childhood I really appreciate the variety of characters I was exposed to so I cared less about gender roles. Although it does make for a very lonely socializing experience.
Mr.Bucket said:
I'm in a similar boat but as a dude. And have a hell of a time making friends with either gender.
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I'm sorry to hear that. I hear male friendships are difficult to maintain due to lack of emotional support, and women are probably suspicious of you which I also get. Those were tough lessons to learn. Congratulations on a successful eye surgery so far!
 
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Im stuck between a rock and a hard place I wanna go to art school but I need to make a actual presentable portfolio
 
Been feeling a bit crap; still dealing with stomach issues, but they are going away bit by bit, so that's something.

Wound up backsliding on my writing yet again, to some extent; got one character design idea fairly developed, but then I had another idea in my mind that I think I might enjoy more. Design one has a LOT of ideas for it and is much more "versatile", while the second one is more focused and grounded. I'll be doing some designing for both, get a feel for each; little hesitant on the second, I'll see how I'm feeling about it in a week or so.
 
I'll be honest that this is the first Valentine's Day where I don't really... feel much of anything. Not saying I don't notice the lack of company but yeah man... I'm actually pretty good right now. It's taken years but the last couple months I've felt more at peace with myself on average than before.
Gonna settle in with a pizza and marathon some movies. Some people might think that's a shitty way to spend a day like this but honestly what you gonna do?

I honestly anymore just wish I had more friends to watch crazy movies with but I have plans of changing that relatively soon. For right now though, I'm not gonna beat myself up (only off) for not having a girl at the moment.
For all the lonely hearts out there, I don't have any magical words to reassure you you'll find the one or any playbook on what gets you action but just telling you don't beat yourself up. It's really hard not to nowadays where having women and company is put on this pedestal and you're shamed if you don't fit the mold. But just being okay with it and accepting that you're you and sometimes you're not doing anything "wrong", you're just getting through the day, is important.
 
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(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I'll be honest that this is the first Valentine's Day where I don't really... feel much of anything. Not saying I don't notice the lack of company but yeah man... I'm actually pretty good right now. It's taken years but the last couple months I've felt more at peace with myself on average than before.
Gonna settle in with a pizza and marathon some movies. Some people might think that's a shitty way to spend a day like this but honestly what you gonna do?

I honestly anymore just wish I had more friends to watch crazy movies with but I have plans of changing that relatively soon. For right now though, I'm not gonna beat myself up (only off) for not having a girl at the moment.
For all the lonely hearts out there, I don't have any magical words to reassure you you'll find the one or any playbook on what gets you action but just telling you don't beat yourself up. It's really hard not to nowadays where having women and company is put on this pedestal and you're shamed if you don't fit the mold. But just being okay with it and accepting that you're you and sometimes you're not doing anything "wrong", you're just getting through the day, is important.
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The grass isn't always greener on the other side. At least you aren't in a horribly unsatisfying relationship with piss poor communication that you've been contemplating ending for an entire week.
 
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