How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
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I don't know if it's AD/HD CPTSD or whatever new term but I just can't let the past go. Rejection, cruelty, letting people treat me a certain way. It just hits so hard usually at my job or late at night and I might as well not even be here. It makes me have this agitation or coldness that people can see, which makes me hate myself more because I don't want to be a dick.
I just have found myself in environments (mostly work or living) where I've essentially just been harassed by people and haven't been able to properly defend myself out of fear of losing whatever loose footing I already had. It just compounds over time until it eats at me even when I should be having a good time. I wish I could have those 90s' film moments where I tell someone off but it rarely happens. It's gotten better over the last year but still enough damage has been done that I can't not go back to any random memory I've had and just want to die for the rest of the day.
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I am not an expert, but if during the day something goes sideways, you get mad or sad and then get bombarded with memories that make you fell that way, it sounds more like PTSD/CPTSD.
 
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56 others said:
I made a mistake 1.5 years ago buying a car, and I am going to replace that mistake by leasing a truck. I'm fully retarded, and I will be leaning into that.
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It's a wonder to me cars even hold it together for more than 5 years. Formula 1 is a great example: The cars last less then a race on average. Always falling apart, good salesmen can sell shit cars and vice versa. Most of my nightmares revolve around my car being destroyed cause I spent so long looking for the right one that I now fear more having to buy a new one than the money I'd get back from insurance etc.

Watched this earlier, quite liked it. Nothing groundbreaking, nu-psychology targeted at self-diagnosed fat teenage women, but nonetheless the whole notion of "not waiting til you hit an arbitrary goal to feel happy" hits pretty close. I cut out bad habits but don't replace them, then tell myself I'll magically get into random things when I get a new job. I went to a game store in another city and they had all manner of events on top of being a shop. Made me realize being near (any) third places would probably at least help me there. No "I could try out tennis and hope it sticks" but "I know I like this and will travel to exercise this thing".

I used to do Steam translation. It was small simple extra tasks that I enjoyed, knowing they made a difference. They shut down the platform and moved it to crowdin, yet still invite-only and exclusive. You could earn an hourly wage but I didn't even consider that. It was just fun.
Neighborhood Curmudgeon said:
Many of my coworkers insist on being friends and not just coworkers. That's fine. They can do what they want. But of course it's also entertaining to watch them have falling outs which makes work tense and uncomfortable for them. It makes me glad I'm an autist that keeps to myself and focuses on my job.
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Really. My job is dead simple so we only got the smalltalk and I've managed to just shrug it all off. Stop visiting the facebook group, stop caring who meets for work and who is sick for the 20th time. I'm here, I'm on good terms with people through my extra effort, I go home. I pette de kitty.
 
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I'm unloved, I'm a 9-5 wagie, I'm struggling to make both ends meet, I'm being up-and-comer for a very long time but there are no fruits of my talents or competences, I feel no perspectives neither do I have any plans for the future be it a distant or a near one. And I don't feel bad about it thanks to zoloft.
 
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BABANGUIDE64 said:
I'm unloved, I'm a 9-5 wagie, I'm struggling to make both ends meet, I'm being up-and-comer for a very long time but there are no fruits of my talents or competences, I feel no perspectives neither do I have any plans for the future be it a distant or a near one. And I don't feel bad about it thanks to zoloft.
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Look into a job change and possibly find a club or activity to join for the weekend. The less time you spend at home to wallow the better, I know this from experience.
 
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One of my kids scored near-perfect and the highest in the class on a mid-term for an upper-level course (and yes, ffs, it's STEM) and was congratulated by the professor and invited to join a graduate-level course next term. I'm immensely proud, and very happy that they are seeing (unsought and unexpected) recognition for excellence*.

*and secretly hoping it spurs said kid to get comfortable with ambition and to embrace seeking opportunities, but my mouth is firmly shut on that, bc my kids' lives and futures are their own, and I've been told very clearly that my enthusiasm can be overwhelming. 🤐 But still 💃.
 
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Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
One of my kids scored near-perfect and the highest in the class on a mid-term for an upper-level course (and yes, ffs, it's STEM) and was congratulated by the professor and invited to join a graduate-level course next term. I'm immensely proud, and very happy that they are seeing (unsought and unexpected) recognition for excellence*.

*and secretly hoping it spurs said kid to get comfortable with ambition and to embrace seeking opportunities, but my mouth is firmly shut on that, bc my kids' lives and futures are their own, and I've been told very clearly that my enthusiasm can be overwhelming. 🤐 But still 💃.
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Whatever your kids decide to do, especially at that age you should tell them how proud you are, they’ll get embarrassed but will appreciate it nonetheless. It’s not high school, there is a lot less teenage defiance and they’ll treasure a simple kind word, especially one that feels earned, a lot. Even if your kid wants to go a different direction in life, knowing he or she did well in anything is a huge boost for college-age kids trying to figure things out.

On a somewhat related note, looks like another kid in the Pyrrhic family. Going to be the biggest adjustment since the first but I know we can figure it out.
 
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Just a random word of advice for all the people on here feeling lonely and feeling like they'll never belong.

That feeling might never completely go away, but letting it be the main thing that guides you in life will irrevocably screw you in ways you never thought possible over time. It's natural to want community, and a nice face to return home to every day. No one should be shamed for not having that.
But looking back, I came from a background where I desperately held onto any bit of charity or attention I could as a way to escape the pain. I wanted others' approval too much and accepted things I shouldn't have because I had no basis for what proper relationships were like. I always KNEW it was wrong, but I took what I could get out of their desperation and loneliness instead of building up any personal fulfillment.
Don't be me.

I'm not saying you're ever going to be "normal" (you're here afterall) or have the same life as some people. But you have to have yourself. I know it sounds like massive boomer-tier cope whenever people say "You've gotta be your own best friend" or "You have to be okay with your own company" but there's an honesty there that you can't see unless you thoroughly are there for a while.
It still hits hard somedays but the more I'm on my own the more clarity I have. Life isn't always great but my baseline for understanding it and navigating it gets better the more days I can just know my limits and use my time wiser, even if that means that time isn't being used for much at all.
It's a long process and it's not fair depending on the cards you were handed but you've got this.

Be kind to yourself. Sleep well. Eat well. Get yourself some stabile footing. Forgive yourself when you're not at 100%. Find something you're good at that you like doing and can possible make some money at after a while. Spend a little less time online. Get in shape not because you'll get girls but because you will feel better after a decent workout and it will change the way you interact with the world.
And remember, even when you've got nothing you've got you.
 
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I've been coming to terms with a lot of things lately. I desperately wanted to meet new people, but in doing so I created a personality that really made me unhappy. Playing dumb is like a super power of mine and calling out other people's bullshit doesn't win you much approval when you aren't discriminatory towards friend or foe. Unfortunately, it's who I am.

The majority of people I've met are relatively content living the lives they do, whether willing to admit it or not. I may not be a well educated person, but at the same time I notice a lot of things, and say what I know even less. When I spend time with other people, I find most of them quite boring and only a handful of people who have been an exception. Doing what you're familiar with is the easy thing do. Throwing yourself head first into the deep end is difficult. There hasn't been once in my life that I haven't come out feeling like a better person doing the latter. Also, if you're considering starting a family, finding a boyfriend/ girlfriend is the easy part. Everyday after that is a new and daunting trial that you should be excited for, but mostly dreading.

I'll probably never find a place I feel like I belong, but if that what it takes to feel happy and myself, the more I feel like that's well and worth the isolation and lack of community. I also lie on the internet an incredible amount. I find it amusing and use it for inspiration on my creative projects.
 
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PonderosaPete said:
I've been coming to terms with a lot of things lately. I desperately wanted to meet new people, but in doing so I created a personality that really made me unhappy. Playing dumb is like a super power of mine and calling out other people's bullshit doesn't win you much approval when you aren't discriminatory towards friend or foe. Unfortunately, it's who I am.

The majority of people I've met are relatively content living the lives they do, whether willing to admit it or not.
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Unfortunately if you want to do this you have to be funny and you have to be able to take it when you dish it out.
Remember doesn't matter if you are right what it matters how you make people feel .

Second : most people are aware of their failings and their bs they don't want to reminded of or rubbed salt into their wounds
 
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