How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Spoiler: Tldr my friend is a lolcow

I've finally come to the realization that one of my closest friends is in fact, a gigantic goddamn lolcow despite anything that I could ever do to set him straight. I am a bleeding heart and I love to help people, make treats for my friends, clean your house for you because I'm a weirdo who thinks that's fun, etc. but that also has made me a target for really shitty people in the past. Right now it's turned me into an unpaid social worker for a manchild who actively refuses to grow up. He's thrown fits because his mom asked him to pause his Mario game and take out the trash. I had to explain to him over the phone how to microwave a potato. I helped him clean his room and it took 6 hours to clear the FLOOR. I suspect that his mom once tried to bring down the hammer about being a slob and that's why he flipped out once about being in an "unsafe home environment" and ran away (he was in his 20's at the time) to a homeless shelter overnight.

This now-30 year old man will whine for hours that his friends won't make time for him, despite us all working multiple jobs and juggling adult responsibilities. When I do make time for him I end up having to hear him whine about girls and talk about Pokemon for several hours. Last January he sent me a good 10 paragraphs of text messages whining and begging to hang out, meanwhile I was struggling to keep up with my job, gig work, and a brutal flu all at once.
He left me alone for maybe one week before the begging began again, and I was barely back on my feet and working through being sick. Now I'm slammed with work and he sends me a damn book worth of messages about all his girl problems again.

Every time someone hits him with a truth bomb he doubles down on his "fuck the haters, I'm gonna do what I want" thing and ends up acting even brattier than before. He didn't used to be this bad, it's like he actively goes against all good advice given to him and becomes a worse person for it.
People smarter than I am have all cut ties because he's mentally draining to be around and actually embarrasing to be seen with.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

People smarter than I am have all cut ties because he's mentally draining to be around and actually embarrasing to be seen with.

I encourage you to discover and invoke boundaries. That’s not mean to do, and it doesn’t mean being stone cold or never helping someone out. But if someone is draining you of energy, you’ve got to make some executive calls for yourself.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I encourage you to discover and invoke boundaries. That’s not mean to do, and it doesn’t mean being stone cold or never helping someone out. But if someone is draining you of energy, you’ve got to make some executive calls for yourself.

I definitely agree, I'm bad at setting boundaries in general and need to be cuntier to people in a lot of respects, lol. Right now at the very least I need to break it to him that I can't have him over at my place, my family doesn't like how loud and messy he is. Last time he begged to come over he asked if he could crossdress and wash his hair in my sink and I was just kind of speechless.

Also, his behavior towards women is getting more and more concerning- he's so desperate for a single crumb of pussy that he's throwing himself at the trashiest Cluster B pothead chicks. He's gone on a lot of incel-esque rants about girls being mean to him and how all his other female friends cut him off. I'm the last of his female friends and I'm thinking that I've been oblivious to a lot of flashing neon signs for a while.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I definitely agree, I'm bad at setting boundaries in general and need to be cuntier

It’s not cunty to decide what you will or won’t have in your life, to protect yourself & your peace, and to say no to weird leeches who take advantage if they can get a toe in.

I’m telling you: I have a very positive set of expectations about people and human nature, but some people are just vampires.

to people in a lot of respects, lol. Right now at the very least I need to break it to him that I can't have him over at my place, my family doesn't like how loud and messy he is.

You do not have to give a reason or cite other people’s objections or concerns (I understand if that is easier, but you don’t have to).

Last time he begged to come over he asked if he could crossdress and wash his hair in my sink and I was just kind of speechless.

Tf.

Also, his behavior towards women is getting more and more concerning- he's so desperate for a single crumb of pussy that he's throwing himself at the trashiest Cluster B pothead chicks.

Ugh. Know less about this person. Those are his choices and mistakes to make. Dis-involve yourself in his life and worrying about his outcome. You are not a bad person for cutting ties with a spiraling, awful person, especially one who uses you.

He's gone on a lot of incel-esque rants about girls being mean to him and how all his other female friends cut him off.

Does he rant about women to you (I’m assuming you are a woman)?

Delete, delete, delete. You don’t need to subject yourself to that. He’s rude and thoughtless and hates or at least lacks respect for people like you (women) at this point. Let him tell his mirror.

I'm the last of his female friends and I'm thinking that I've been oblivious to a lot of flashing neon signs for a while.

Don’t kick yourself, but do follow your better instincts now - and dtmf.

 

[WASR96]

Finally sent home from first round of chemo. It was nice to sleep in my own bed without having to wake up at 3am to take vitals. I was feeling really good in the hospital but I guess that was just part of whatever medical cocktail I had to take beforehand because I've been extremely fatigued and spent just doing the smallest things since getting home. I hate sitting around. Work wants me to go completely hands off until I'm better, meanwhile I just desperately want something to do. My mind wants to go work on the yard or go to the range and my body currently wants to slump over and do fuck all for 48 hours. I'm going to have to figure out something to keep myself occupied before I drive myself crazy.

 

[obsdj]

Fuuuuuck, I can’t sleep again.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

6 hours to clear the FLOOR

Oh God, please, don't tell me it was Xenathran with his cum carpet...

 

[SCRAM]

Partner told me they wanted a break after I was being inconsiderate, which is my fault. "Break" means breakup, at least every single time someone has asked for one I've found myself single very quickly after. Maybe I'm making a huge mistake this time, maybe not.

I thanked them for everything and removed them from my communications mostly because they asked me to stay away, and I don't want to slip up and I can't watch the person I love fall in love with someone else from afar again, just can't do it. I love this person, they have been the kindest person I've met in... Probably forever. I'm heartbroken about it.

I've been waiting for surgery for months can't work right now and I've been a burden on those around me, and I'm feeling so goddamn down about it all.

I'm finally getting compensated and surgery is close ahead, so it's really a shame things are ending now, I was looking forward to moving on to the next steps of our life together, but if they're happier this way, that's all I can hope for.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

Flu has gotten better but I've been sleeping absolutely horribly thanks to it and neighbour so I feel generally unwell overall.

Fuck it, taking the entire week off.

 

[IKOL]

Consider to take the rope. No not to hang myself, get the fuck out with these ideas, I'm not in army anymore. So whe~ ah right, so the rope. It's metaphorical rope. rope that would bind, not strangle.
I've developed a solid, like chinese swiss clocks copy, plan. Okay I don't have job, I'll be filed for unemployment this week and start receiving at least SOMETHING on monthly basis from our "greatest govermehnt in duh world!" starting the middle of April, but I won't take this forever, no. I just need to deal with loans and this would help, in half.
The other half of the deal is I would start streaming. Like I was mentioned, but it was difficult to come to conclusion where and under what alias to stream. I mean, I wont mind spoiling my actual alias and myself to people there, at one point, on the other hand I have plenty of individuals in my naughty list that would, upon hearing that I going for walk in broad daylight so to say, without back thought try to go and stir the shit because they can't let go the fact I'm not a mindless imbecile and their perception of me is (mostly) wrong. They convince themselves in shit they can't prove, it's on them, not me. Because I remember how things were for actual and many things were left untold either way by me or my perpetrators and that one person that lied to me and as a result betrayed my trust then and tried their best to drow me in slander. This wont work anymore. Nope.

Point is that I have long have accepted that I do act the same on both my main and kiwi names, but when it'll come to doing something I want to do online to get both recognition and some coin for my life needs - these faggots will show up on instant.
There will be war. But Ikolthur Benoit is ready. I think...

Anyways my prep work is still in probress, I don't have to make shit fancy but I do want to have at least some comfort for other people' eyes, you know? Just plain screencap won't cut it lads.

Oh and, regarding irl... I wanted to do something with my body shape and weight for a long while but all the exhaustion from work and family affairs were not agreed on this. Now I have time and less of a need to care for what I've been through past few years. I was better shaped after I've come from army and in what shape I am now is depressing, should've done something about it way earlier and honest to god, I tried some. But again, work, family, work, exhaustion, unwillingness to do anythnig... you know.

I've set my plan to start from today. and so it will. I shall NOT fail me again.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

New therapist, family is out of town for a couple days. Maybe I can have a bit of a fucking break without having everyone breathing down my damned neck.

I'm going to be trying out ACT and some other shit I cannot remember the name of for the traumatic bullshit I've lived through. The woman seems quite nice and in a way I did want a woman therapist. I've genuinely never had a good woman in my life that is there to actually HELP and not harm. Legitimately, every fucking female in my family is a complete BPDemon or an unironic schizophrenic. I don't think all women are bad ofc, but being raised around absolutely fucking nightmares has definitely skewed my opinion on them and I really do not want to be like that.

I've been binging Louis Rossmann's advice videos and honestly a lot of the shit he's talked about hits extremely close to home. Him mentioning how absolutely fucking nuts his mother was... I genuinely started laughing in a fucked up way because I know goddamned exactly what it's like to have a mother that just fucking resents you.

I need to fucking taper off the Vicodin, but I genuinely believe it's what actually lets me numb the fuck out and get some peace in my hellscape of a brain.

If I'm feeling ATM, I guess it's loneliness. I just wish I had people I could be around that don't want to fucking use me and that would actually be good for my life. I want to feel love, acceptance, all these feelings I've never felt in my life.

I don't think I'm that fucked up of a person to not be able to have friends. I know I have my fucking bullshit problems but I genuinely do want to just be there for people and make life a little less shitty for others.

I just want a hug. I guess that's what I want. I'm tired of observing, I want to participate in life. I don't want to ramble, I just want to talk to people, maybe learn some shit, maybe teach stuff. I just want to exist.

 

[Yours Truly 2095]

Finally sent home from first round of chemo. It was nice to sleep in my own bed without having to wake up at 3am to take vitals. I was feeling really good in the hospital but I guess that was just part of whatever medical cocktail I had to take beforehand because I've been extremely fatigued and spent just doing the smallest things since getting home. I hate sitting around. Work wants me to go completely hands off until I'm better, meanwhile I just desperately want something to do. My mind wants to go work on the yard or go to the range and my body currently wants to slump over and do fuck all for 48 hours. I'm going to have to figure out something to keep myself occupied before I drive myself crazy.

Hang in there, man. The wake ups suck. One of my core memories is being woken up, then asked if I wanted something to eat, and I said frosted flakes and she brought me normal ass corn flakes. The disappointment is eternal. It's funny the things the mind vividly remembers and all the rest it boxes up and forgets on purpose. You're gonna look back and remember the stupidest shit lol

 

[fist_of_khonshu]

I'm doing a lot better than I was before. I'm a bit stressed because im struggling to save money, but doing my best to stay in my budget. Finding second jobs are hard, school is stressful, but I'm trying to stay positive and not let it affect me or the work that I do already.
I've been working on trying to find a local tutor to teach me Polish again, since I've recently filed for dual citizenship through my grandfather and plan on going to see family I havent met. I'm thinking of leaving after school and running away to Poland to start new and fresh. Maybe i'll even spread my grandpa's ashes back in his hometown. It's tempting to run away and just leave the past and everything behind.

 

[White Trash Motorsport]

Finally sent home from first round of chemo. It was nice to sleep in my own bed without having to wake up at 3am to take vitals. I was feeling really good in the hospital but I guess that was just part of whatever medical cocktail I had to take beforehand because I've been extremely fatigued and spent just doing the smallest things since getting home. I hate sitting around. Work wants me to go completely hands off until I'm better, meanwhile I just desperately want something to do. My mind wants to go work on the yard or go to the range and my body currently wants to slump over and do fuck all for 48 hours. I'm going to have to figure out something to keep myself occupied before I drive myself crazy.

I’ve been through chemo myself so I know how you feel. I started making model animals out of felt, fully jointed and everything, just to have something to do with my hands and keep me distracted. Don’t think that you need to do the everyday things, just take it easy and remember that it will come to an end, you’ve just got to let it play out.
I’m five years in remission now, I hope it all goes just as well for you.

Edit: stupid typo

 

[Lovely Kin]

I bitched about her recently and how she grinded my gears, but blocking her felt so good. Some of my extended family who believe she's always a victim are mad at me, but I can't bring myself to care. I'm a forgiving person, but there's some things like a broken antique and lying about how it was broken that I cannot forgive. First it was "It fell off the counter and shocked us!" then "My son wanted to hold it but dropped it", until finally someone else tells me, he threw it against the wall and shattered it. I already knew something was up because I hid that antique where he couldn't have reached it. Found out she gave it to him despite knowing damn well he's destructive under the excuse "I thought it was a toy" when it was obviously a music box.

I paid so much for it and then I become the villain because I told her she needed to pay for it and I'm not "understanding of her son's needs". Completely fucking shattered too. I'm still heartbroken about it. But yeah, somehow "I'm not understanding"

 

[Lambda Corps]

I'm really enjoying getting back into my hobbies. Especially 3D modeling.

It's been refreshing to have positive encouragement as I reconnect with my creative side. I'm also grateful that I never got caught up in online art communities. It’s been so much more fulfilling to focus on my own work and stay inspired without the distractions of toxic dynamics and petty cliques of retards who never make anything interesting or original.

 

[Core Theorist]

I'm really enjoying getting back into my hobbies. Especially 3D modeling.

It's been refreshing to have positive encouragement as I reconnect with my creative side. I'm also grateful that I never got caught up in online art communities. It’s been so much more fulfilling to focus on my own work and stay inspired without the distractions of toxic dynamics and petty cliques of retards who never make anything interesting or original.

I noticed things like this too. I'm doing a hobbyist project and it's bizarrely common how there's so many people so worried about letting you know that they know how to do things that you don't, but are never actually interested in teaching you how to do those things. Have you ever noticed this?

 

[Ethereal Eye]

I'm doing okay. I'm on the cusp of graduating from an apprenticeship and being free from this bullshit finally. For what its worth, I've been pretty damn disappointed considering I've had to be stuck at the same place for my entire apprenticeship since the system sways in the company's favor and allowing an apprentice to get a multitude of experience in various different places is apparently a no-no. Couple that with all of the boomers and men in their 40s who are too afraid to teach the younger and upcoming guys any skills due to being jobscared. I'm just ready to move on at this point.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

I noticed things like this too. I'm doing a hobbyist project and it's bizarrely common how there's so many people so worried about letting you know that they know how to do things that you don't, but are never actually interested in teaching you how to do those things. Have you ever noticed this?

I think that's general anxiety with/or a competitive lean. With the former it could be they aren't confident in giving advice or only just barely understand it themselves thus don't feel qualified, with the latter most people see their peers as obstacles or confrontations and don't see the sense in empowering them.

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]