(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Me every fucking day.
Well I'm not dead.
I celebrated my friends' birthday the other day. I went ham and got him a good amount of things he'd like and it was really nice to see him happy. We had a good couple of days chilling, watching movies. He's the one real constant positive in my life. Watched Clerks II, which actually kind of summed up how we've felt in life. We're both dudes who just kind of want the simple life but also feel like the world left us behind.
Job is numbing. Enough of the old staff are cool but yeah some of the newer, younger hires are kind of cunts. You can tell everyone is barely functioning now. It's really amazing to see a job go from a pretty decent, easy atmosphere to crumbling and falling apart in real time within half a year. New manager is a addict and a mess, most the staff just doesn't give a shit and it feels like it's literally just me and a dude I brought up in a previous post just trying to hold the whole thing up. We're both tired and reaching the fuck it stage. He's well liked at the job but they're working him like a slave(he's the only person who's hours haven't been cut, but he's picking up the slack for the manager), and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted from the social isolation and seeing the workforce fall apart. Never, I repeat never let your job get taken over by women. Slight apologies to the 2.5 women in this thread who are chill but iykyk.
Just kind of dejected by everything. I should've left sooner. I should've done everything sooner. Scratch that: I should've done ANYTHING sooner. It's embarrassing to say the least to look at a post from a year ago about progress I was ready to make and then seeing the utter fucking nothing that has filled in those promises and goals since then. Some things have been outside my control, a lot were though. I kind of get why I made my decisions (or lack thereof).
I was making money for the first time in my life at a mostly easy job and had a friend to chill with and watch old horror films and just vibe with. To some people that might not seem like a lot but honestly, I'd never really had that before somewhat recently so I stayed still. That and recovering from the past... you don't realize sometimes how fucked up some shit was, even if it was for a relatively brief period of your life. You understand it's in the past but you just have to sometimes do a double-take and process "Wait, that happened to me?"(....) "I LET THAT happen to me?" It's fucking frightening and you just freeze up... for years sometimes.
That and if I'm being honest, there's nothing in the modern world I really want to be apart of. Sure, this ain't exactly the best site to log into when you're having an existential crisis but I can appreciate at least some of the brutal honesty here compared to the dayglo glitter false positivity I see shoved everywhere else. It's a unique relationship to have with a site. It's like having a toxic friend who's just a little too defeatist and pessimistic and somewhat verbally abusive, but you love how honest they are sometimes.
Point being... I see all these stories of people who worked hard for their positions being replaced with DEI or office politics or whatever other reason and the modern way people conduct themselves and the dating game, the job market and most films/music/books sucking and it's all so... overwhelming. I wonder if there's actually any place in the world that's free of all this cynicism and coldness? Is it like this everywhere? It can't all be this fucked because dear lord... what's the point in being part of that?
It's gotta be somewhere, right?
I really don't know what to do. And I know the answers sure as fuck aren't on here, if there are any. But it's at least nice when I see something on here from someone else that's been on my mind but I couldn't quite articulate. Most days I barely make it through. I can tell I've been in a depressive spiral because the individual days have been pretty great lately but the comedown has been worse. I hate how much time I wasted. I hate being rudderless. I know "the best time to plant a seed" and all that but let's be honest. Feeling like a loser in your teens is normal but being that guy almost a decade later hits really differently. Just feel like I'm making up for lost time at this point.
Things aren't all bad. There's nice beautiful days where the wind is blowing in my face and I'm just kind of happy. But overall, yeah the main vibe is particularly bleak and isolating as hell.
I really just miss the simple things. How easy it was to meet people. Being excited for something new every week. The idea things would just work out. The knowledge that while my personal life wasn't great, the world itself kind of was. The first time falling in love. Family barbeques. Having a car to drive around town at night. The feeling of leaving my town for the first time and feeling triumphant before things came crashing down. Feeling like I was going places.
I know, I know "It's not too late"
But...
Well maybe...
I really miss it.
It started with a seemingly harmless older guy at work who latched onto her like a barnacle. Either autistic or significantly delayed. Hoping to shake him, she mentioned she was heading to the gym, thinking this would be an off-ramp. Instead, he lit up. "I’ll come too!"
