How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Feel down today, I need to find a job. It's discouraging going on Indeed to look for jobs, and there's nothing there. To add insult to injury, when you do find something, you have to deal with bots and questionnaires on company websites only to never hear back from these companies. I've been in an on-and-off melancholic rut since winter, and nothing seems to be getting better in this regard. Incidentally, I bought a Bluetooth stereo at Ollie's recently, and I've been using it throughout the day. Also bought a webcam and earbuds from there, though I haven't used them yet.
 
Holy shit, that's great. I'd go there if ever visited SPB. Lucky you!
It's in Moscow, actually. If you like XIX-XX centuries Russia's pictorial art or icon-painting you might want to visit it.
It didn't echoe in my soul and I have no idea what might amuse me.
I can't stand the modern art because I believe it is an art for artists, which is degenerate and incestual.
But I also don't like classical art despite it having been made with much higher artistry, talent and effort than the latter.
 
It's in Moscow, actually. If you like XIX-XX centuries Russia's pictorial art or icon-painting you might want to visit it.
It didn't echoe in my soul and I have no idea what might amuse me.
I can't stand the modern art because I believe it is an art for artists, which is degenerate and incestual.
But I also don't like classical art despite it having been made with much higher artistry, talent and effort than the latter.
Oh, my bad. Dude, don't be so hopeless. I see you are depressed at the moment, so obviously things are less than exciting. Doesn't mean that you're not going to feel better and then recall that visit with a smile.

Check this video.
 
That's odd. I think a cat hacked my Kiwi Farms account yesterday.
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New job starts tomorrow; it'll be a day shift, before putting me on consistent night shifts from there on out, so... wish me luck?

On a much more sour note, my lack of progress in my writing is... pissing me off, frankly. It's dumb, but I really haven't been able to make... well, not "zero" progress on my writing ideas, but a LOT less than I'd like. I've been off work for three months, spent most of that time trying to get my writing stuff figured out, and it's been a mixed bag. Genre, plot ideas, and locations have all had a lot of progress since I've started; I've basically gotten most of them all figured out in various ways, it's just been a few recurring issues that've given me pause.

The biggest one was character design; not that I didn't exactly have ideas on what I want to use for the story, it was more of a matter of which one to use for the plot. I'm someone who likes to put a lot of (most likely unnecessary) detail and thought into my characters - you'd be surprised on what ends up being plot-relevant - which makes getting things done just a bit slow at points. I'm fairly certain I've gotten the character design for this plot down now, but... I'm still tossing up between it or another one.

The other issue was actually starting the plot; again, as mentioned previously, I've had some great videos pointed out to me for writing beginnings, and they've been rather useful. The current issues for it are, firstly, finding a location for the plot to kick off; there's 2 different locations I could kick the plot off, and while they both lead to the same overall outcome, they do change the pacing of the plot depending on which one's first. The other issue is making the introduction not too "over the top"; despite the more fantastical elements that I'll be shoving into the story and the antagonists being bug-fuck mental, I still want/need things to be fairly grounded and realistic, something that the Average Joe protagonist could realistically find himself in and survive, at least initially.
 
i had a migraine that could've led to a seizure or a stroke but i fucking lived bitch. i couldn't see my own thumbs, the right side of my face and right arm are numb, and i expelled every last fluid within my digestive system but i fucking lived.

always wear sunglasses, guys. (yes i will be seeing a doctor asap)
 
So, first day of work is done; it was more of an orientation day frankly, learning the ropes of the job and getting things sorted. A lot of what I had to deal with was covered in previous jobs, but it was nice getting a refresher; some of the stuff I legit forgot about, so it wasn't unwarrented.

I will say, the "Active Shooter" videos they've been using have been getting increasingly crap in overall quality, apparently because they might "offend" or "disturb" some people. Seriously, the first one I watched a few years ago was pretty solid and did an excellent job with both visuals and explaining the threat. Second was did a good job on explanation, but the actors they used for it were... less than convincing. As for the third one, the one I watched today... the entire choreography was just plain bad, and I'm fairly certain the actors were all lumberjacks or sawyers; it's the only logical explanation for how wooden the acting was. No joke, the gunman was stumbling around in shorts and flip-flops with a revolver; fucking MW23 had more realistic-looking gun usage! Seriously, if you want to really prep someone for an active shooter threat, then don't make the training video look like a drunken Hawiian tourist trying to cosplay The Big Lebowski...

Aside from that, not much was going on for the most part; going to have to go back tomorrow to get the last of my training done. I will say that I had some difficulties staying awake today; not that the training was boring, but because I had gotten maybe three hours of sleep last night and it was an early morning for the orientation. Pretty sure I got enough caffeine in my system for a mild heart attack...

Other than that, nothing else to report; writing's still fucked, backslid on the character design again, though that's no surprise given some of the issues that I've had. Plot itself is getting developed just fine, though, so I'm not completely trapped.
 
Got some payments from unemployment department. Not much but some bills are covered now, at least that is a relief.
Also have had some talks with one person offering a job at... Well would have thought of different thing but garden hose production. Damn. Been there yesterday and honestly doesn't seem to be hard that much, my only complain is the schedule but I'll get along. Provided I'll be able to have a few work days here and stay for further employment. If so - good, they offer good pay.

One more thing. I've done test recording through OBS and done some manipulations in DaVinci to speed things up. It works, which is surprising to me. No I can record my drawings and put the process on the display whenever I have interest or ability for it. Neat.

Expect me post art with drawing process videos some time soon. Gonna be fun.
 
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I have a possible opportunity to acquire a stable living situation for myself. It'll be a little pricey, but sweet merciful fuck do I need stability in my life especially after the past few years of chaos, stress, health problems, car problems, and homelessness. I'm planning to go look at the place this weekend and am currently frantically crunching my numbers to see if I can realistically make it work. Wish me luck, prayers appreciated if you're the praying type.
 
Whenever I feel like writing a massive vent post, FreeRoss shows up and dissuades me from doing so realizing how fucking pathetic it is.

Meanwhile I managed to get an internship at a local hardware store. Obviously the pay is trash since it's an internship, but the job itself is alright and I have a reason to leave the house and meet people at least. I doubt I'll be able to do all sorts of things I should've done years ago, like getting into relationships, making social contacts or moving up in the world and not wasting my time in front of a computer, I pissed away my time window on that, maybe it wasn't meant to be. But at least something is happening, so there's that.

Oh yeah and I got a bit of a sickness but it's fairly weak so I should be back in order by the end of the week. After that I'll have to kick myself in the ass and figure out how to spend my free time outside the house. Maybe sign up for a gym membership, maybe start hiking, idk, but I really need to find something motivating to do outside.
 
How can I overcome my unschooled upbringing, and why shouldn't I kill myself?

Work on getting an actual education, work on getting a job, even if you have to go into a shelter for a while if it’s that bad at home.

Maybe try to take on board the idea that the idealized portrayals of high school in media aren’t real and many kids resent having had to waste years of their life in government mandated babysitting prison. The grass isn’t always greener. Just get the fuck out of there if you’re suffering. You’re an adult, go live your life.

Edit: also, kys-ing is for fags
 
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