How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I went into the record store day I usually go to today. A couple days ago I told the guy who runs it if they still had a particular record by Friday I'd buy it off of them.
I go in and I'm hoping it's still there.
"Hey, you come in for the Harrison LP?"
"Yeah man."
"I held it for you. Here you go man. If you ever need any other records held, just let me know."
That just felt really nice.

A week ago my coworker/gym bro finally got a car and basically convinced me to let him give me a ride home. I didn't want to seem like a bum and it's not a super far walk but the fact he just offered it the first day he could...
Again, that felt really nice.

And I was going to get a rental car to start moving some stuff today into storage because I told him I might not be around much longer. Instead, he just offered his car and we got that taken care of. We both talked about the past and missing how the world used to function and how hard it is to meet similar people now.
He just said "But it was nice to just meet someone to go ham and be friends with if only for a brief period of time."

Bruh...
God man, the random kindness people can give me is sometimes overwhelming.
The scary thing is wondering if there's anything better out there. I generally don't like this world that much anymore. I try hard to fight the despair but yeah despite some decent macro changes lately I feel the majority of the world is overwhelmingly doing it's best to keep us going into some Brave New World and I don't know how it can be stopped. But it really has been nice to have a friend that made me feel less crazy and that I could chill with.

 

[NoBueno]

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I should probably state, what I am going through right now is opiate withdrawals. If I'm super fucking moody and wild and suiposting... that is why.

I need to fucking have some beer and try to relax, I'm fucking wound up bad.

 

[Incitatus]

I'm honestly very burnt out right now but in about 5 weeks my schedule should lighten up a lot, I just have to keep trucking along until then.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I'm working a side job that pays well but it's basically torture. Most people do 4hr shifts but I do 8 because I'm experienced and I want a fat cheque. Anyway, after work I got a big bowl of French onion soup and sat at my desk and just started laughing like a maniac because I found it really funny for no reason. I'll get over it before the gig ends but every year I feel a little traumatized by the work, like it's inducing something in me. I think it's good though- I always recover so I figure I get stronger and innoculated from actually going crazy. I feel good when the money comes at least.

You know it's a great job when you lay in bed at night and have flashbacks like the "Last time on Dragon Ball" scenes.

 

[mag_fag]

No idea how but I must've hurt my knee real bad this week. When I try sleeping, that knee starts stinging. Probably a natural part of aging but still, gay.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

If I had any lingering guilt about cutting out my Lolcow friend, he's calling himself genderfluid and his last three posts on Instagram are him in a corset and miniskirt. Goddamn, I really was the glue holding this mofo together.

Current worry is that he'll randomly show up at my workplace like he has in the past, and holy shit I do not want to have to bring the hammer down on him in person and at work of all places.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I know this was a long rant, but I wanted to get this off my chest. I have been really depressed about my life situation and want something to change.

If your home is as you describe, you need to leave. Maybe not today, but you can start making a plan. You need to get out from under and go push and test yourself.

You're over 18 and nearly 21. How is your mother preventing you from getting a PT job? (Not saying I doubt; I'm just inviting you to think through your assumptions.). What would she do to prevent you? How far are you from a place you could work? Could you walk?

Are your siblings also stuck at home? Do you know anyone else?

I would encourage you to try to set aside the past in your mind for now - you can deal with that later. There is zero to be gained from wishing that X had been different. Tough, but true. Now is what you need to focus on, and doing things now to open up some opportunities for your future.

Bruh...
God man, the random kindness people can give me is sometimes overwhelming.
The scary thing is wondering if there's anything better out there. I generally don't like this world that much anymore. I try hard to fight the despair but yeah despite some decent macro changes lately I feel the majority of the world is overwhelmingly doing it's best to keep us going into some Brave New World and I don't know how it can be stopped. But it really has been nice to have a friend that made me feel less crazy and that I could chill with.

The biggest dumbest bullshit is getting hitched up on things like "this world" or "the world is ....[doing something to] us.".

Just fucking drop that.

No, that doesn't solve everything. Just like a nice interaction doesn't relieve all the trouble. But I swear to God - and you know I care and say this with love - y'all need to get your heads out of your asses a little bit. By which I mean: when and if you find some genuinely good things (not manipulative exploitation or numbing or solace in fellows who just want company in misery or bad choices), you truly need to stop glossing over those good things and to start giving those things more weight than you do, and to choose to give them more weight than the struggles and setbacks and despair and uncertainty.

Yes, I'm saying build a construct in your mind; decide to reallocate worth/ weight to things and repeat that (re)assigned value until you believe it. And the reason that's not fake is that (beyond some real historical experiences or objectively bad situations, which do weigh heavily, understood) you're likely already living in a construct. Whether intentional, or accidental, put upon you by others, or a combination, if you are in a place where you unironically think the state of the world is hopeless OR those contemplations direct or overly influence the state of your own well-being, then you have your hierarchy kind of inverted. And that is not so much a personal criticism as it is an exhortation! And know that if you persevere in deliberately recalibrating, you will inch-by-inch change your experience with the world. Not overnight, and not even a dramatic flip, necessarily - and I'm not saying to deny your feelings, either - but you can think and act your way to greater grit and less feeling like someone who is at the mercy of the world, both large and small.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Whether intentional, or accidental, put upon you by others, or a combination, if you are in a place where you unironically think the state of the world is hopeless OR those contemplations direct or overly influence the state of your own well-being, then you have your hierarchy kind of inverted. And that is not so much a personal criticism as it is an exhortation! And know that if you persevere in deliberately recalibrating, you will inch-by-inch change your experience with the world.

First off, I get where you're coming from and try to live that in my life. Personally, I think a lot of the things that society has structured it's value around for the last 80ish years are somewhat shallow.
But I will say I take issue with some of that idea. Because I've seen that mentality kind of fuck over multiple generations of people.
Boomers: "Oh, there's issues going on in the world. But I got mine!"
Gen-X: "Oh, there's issues... but I just don't want to care about them."
I'm not saying we all need to become some danger-haired dyke with a cross to burn and we don't need to talk about how "the white race is over bros!" every waking minute of our life. Life doesn't always need to be political.
But also, while a lot of people are "living their best life", a lot fall through the cracks. I've been there and I've seen a lot of people there.
It's nice to get that raise, ubermensch yourself and all that fun shit. But that just ends up making you a success story. That makes everyone's failing a "them" problem and nothing that polite society has to take care of.
And nothing changes when people become too complacent. That's not how things get done historically.

Look, I get it. "We're all gonna make it." And we probably are. But some things you can't help noticing.
I know someone in Germany and I kind of worry for them a lot. A lot of the things I enjoyed when I was younger (everything from hobby stores to old internet videos) seem to be steadily erased more and more. I hear stories everyday of random innocent people killed over fucking nothing. It's borderline impossible for someone in my class bracket to find a decent apartment anymore. A lot of the things that brought me happiness before are mostly gone.
Sure you can go for walks. Enjoy the things you have. Be grateful for that. But also, some of those things that affect the "macro" world will eventually affect people you care about if you just let it all breeze by.
And let's just say everything is great for me. Okay? Does that mean you can't notice it kind of sucking for a large amount of people?
I don't know what the balance is between people fighting the system violently, being a doomer or having blinders on and trying to be apart of the world while ignoring the consequences.
I do enjoy the things in life I have but I can't not ignore some of the things that are increasingly harder now because of forces outside of my control that weren't years ago. And I don't think it's fair to say that's all a personal issue.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I just do not enjoy my time on this planet.

It sucks being forced to observe, never partake. The more I "go outside and do things" like I am told, the more I just hate being alive.

I genuinely missed tons of social-developmental milestones and I will never be able to make up for it.

I started doing food delivery again, and honestly I feel 10x worse. I'm older than most of my customers and I'm poor as fucking shit. I genuinely just keep thinking about driving the fucking car off a freeway on ramp.

Funny how everything I'm told to do, makes me feel 100x worse. Funny how that works eh?

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

If I had any lingering guilt about cutting out my Lolcow friend, he's calling himself genderfluid and his last three posts on Instagram are him in a corset and miniskirt. Goddamn, I really was the glue holding this mofo together.
View attachment 7178399
Current worry is that he'll randomly show up at my workplace like he has in the past, and holy shit I do not want to have to bring the hammer down on him in person and at work of all places.

Would it be against the law to shoot HeHim, if he shows up to start some shit?

Whenever I feel like writing a massive vent post, FreeRoss shows up and dissuades me from doing so realizing how fucking pathetic it is.

Meanwhile I managed to get an internship at a local hardware store. Obviously the pay is trash since it's an internship, but the job itself is alright and I have a reason to leave the house and meet people at least. I doubt I'll be able to do all sorts of things I should've done years ago, like getting into relationships, making social contacts or moving up in the world and not wasting my time in front of a computer, I pissed away my time window on that, maybe it wasn't meant to be. But at least something is happening, so there's that.

Oh yeah and I got a bit of a sickness but it's fairly weak so I should be back in order by the end of the week. After that I'll have to kick myself in the ass and figure out how to spend my free time outside the house. Maybe sign up for a gym membership, maybe start hiking, idk, but I really need to find something motivating to do outside.

Congratulations! Working at a store is fun, just relax.

 

[babadook]

The one I ran over is now staring outside my window.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Still mourning, and also trying (and failing) to find a lawyer.

I just do not enjoy my time on this planet.

It sucks being forced to observe, never partake. The more I "go outside and do things" like I am told, the more I just hate being alive.

I genuinely missed tons of social-developmental milestones and I will never be able to make up for it.

I started doing food delivery again, and honestly I feel 10x worse. I'm older than most of my customers and I'm poor as fucking shit. I genuinely just keep thinking about driving the fucking car off a freeway on ramp.

Funny how everything I'm told to do, makes me feel 100x worse. Funny how that works eh?

Just save up your money and get a 4/10 girlfriend who's a decent person, you'll feel okay. Not good, certainly not great, but alright.

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

Due to a series of events and circumstances beyond my full comprehension, I'm currently stuck in a room with a man who has been tuning a concert piano for the last 90 minutes, and there's no end in sight.

I envy the deaf... and the dead.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

I genuinely missed tons of social-developmental milestones and I will never be able to make up for it.

You can manufacture your own identity and nobody will be the wiser, pick a stereotype and become it and people will just roll with it.

 

[Lovely Kin]

If I had any lingering guilt about cutting out my Lolcow friend, he's calling himself genderfluid and his last three posts on Instagram are him in a corset and miniskirt. Goddamn, I really was the glue holding this mofo together.
View attachment 7178399
Current worry is that he'll randomly show up at my workplace like he has in the past, and holy shit I do not want to have to bring the hammer down on him in person and at work of all places.

Had an ex-friend who turned out like this, but became a transbian and he was the one who cut me off. It's always hard to see them devolve even when you or they cut them off.

 

[Overly Serious]

@Friend of Dorothy Parker I just wanted to say that even though your post wasn't directed at me I found it helpful and thank you for writing it. I've faced the odd disappointment recently and am trying to keep perspective. Comments like that help a little.

 

[obsdj]

I have a possible opportunity to acquire a stable living situation for myself. It'll be a little pricey, but sweet merciful fuck do I need stability in my life especially after the past few years of chaos, stress, health problems, car problems, and homelessness. I'm planning to go look at the place this weekend and am currently frantically crunching my numbers to see if I can realistically make it work. Wish me luck, prayers appreciated if you're the praying type.

Went to see the place this morning. Came to a verbal agreement with the owners, tentatively planning to sign a lease next week. I can't really afford it but maybe if I starve myself, don't drive anywhere ever, and sell feet pictures on OnlyFans or some shit, I can squeak by. At this point, I will do depraved shit in order to keep a roof over my head that I don't have to share with any other insane fucking people.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

And I don't think it's fair to say that's all a personal issue.

Let me put my last comments in context: I was reacting to a thing you said, which is something I see/ hear SO much from people on this site, and that also contributes to, in some cases, to - for some - very dark and depressive feelings or beliefs. I hate to see that, I really do. So though I didn't make it clear, I wasn't making my comments a whole philosophy, just a reaction to getting too - and by "too" I mean harmful to a person's personal well-being - caught up in or mis- or over- focus on perceptions of macro issues.

To be more complete or at least clarify my perspective on a few things from this comment I'm now replying to: I think

• Political awareness is good.
• Interest in the larger world is critical.
• Being ignorant or deliberately obtuse is bad.
• Critical thinking =/= being reactionary.
• Living in a bubble of I got mine/ I don't care is bad.
• It is possible and imo important to be aware of and to root for and help people who are struggling, whether financially, mentally, emotionally, circumstantially, or pick anything.
• We have an obligation to ourselves to keep trying, and to try to bring in more things that give us hope and energy, at least to counter all the things we ingest (in any sense of the word) that do the opposite. Whether we feel like it or not. And no one is bad for losing their way; I just (personally) want them to at least stay open to the possibility of finding it.
• Anyone can stumble, fall, and fail. Some people have a bigger net (whether financially/ marketable skills, or a decent upbringing, or loving people around them now, or general health, or living in an area that provides opportunity AND support, or any number of things that can slow or pad a fall), but just about everyone could find themselves in a very desperate place; (just about) no one is truly immune.
• And even if someone will never know that situation, maybe especially if they won’t, they (morally, imo, but that’s just, like, my opinion, man) are wrong to look down their noses at people who either started or arrived at a difficult place just because they got there.
• It is not "wrong" of someone to lose heart, though I hope with all of mine that those who have or do (lose heart) keep a little light (hope, energy, even if in hibernation or during immense confusion) on and decide to believe in it even when they don't.

Tl; dr: I’m not saying “it’s just a you problem,” nor saying that the world doesn’t matter. But I do think that allowing doom perceptions of the world at large and “the state of society” to negatively impact one’s life is a bad choice, and one that can be mitigated to some degree. There are more options than dooming vs blinders.

About choice: no, you can’t exactly think your way out of complex medical/ emotional situations, but you can try to breadcrumb and prime yourself a bit by assessing what is a comfort object vs what is truly good.

What you take in about topics that cause you to feel bad or unmotivated or hopeless, and how much weight you give them, is a choice. Just as what you eat/drink impacts what you become physically, what you immerse yourself in or allocate x time to impacts what you become dispositionally. And eating chips and candy all day makes some people maybe just a bit overweight, or just less optimized, nbd…but for some people with the genes for it, or bc they don’t exercise or don’t have a good sense of scale, it can get out of hand and they wind up severely overweight and rack up more and more health problems over time. So a good “is this a good amount of ingestion/worrying about X really good for me?” pause and management is important, for everyone but especially those somewhat prone to a higher negative impact from it than others.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

I finally found an apartment worth a damn after 2 months of trial and error. It’s a bit further from my work than I’d like but it’s also close to shopping. I sniped it before they even listed it for rent too so theres literally no competition for it.

Always email leasing companies and ask if they have vacancies.