How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I'm old, my shits all fucked up and I'm talking like a fag.

In all seriousness idk, age is getting to me and I'm only in my late 20s.

I guess it's the feeling of being passed by people and being stuck at the starting line.

I'm trying to come to terms with myself and it's very dark and fucked up. I'm kinda realizing my limits and thinking to myself I'm just some sort of savant or some shit. Absolutely fucking useless as a human being but great for inspecting machines, hardware, etc. If only I could get paid for it.

Unfortunately that requires people """skills""" (read: abilities, not skills) and that fucking filters my ass from 90℅ of the working world. It's not even anxiety of other people, it's more of a fear of myself fucking up constantly and acting the wrong way or phrasing shit in some way that pisses off the "Normie's". I'm aware I post edgy shit here where I'm about half serious but I don't say fucking shit IRL, I don't even have the opportunity to lol.

I just wish someone could go "hey autistic nigga, here's a job, here's this fucking list of shit you need to do, here's all the tools/software/whatever the fuck and we'll leave you alone and let you get to it!"

I guess idfk what I'm doing with myself, I feel fuckin clueless and directionless as all hell. Maybe this is just the "adult world" as I've heard it described, funny how I'm only now feeling it at this age lmao

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

I'm kinda worried my co-worker is gonna jump out of his chair and possibly suffer a heart attack next time the phone rings as he's currently in REM sleep at his desk, snoring and all.

:edit:
I can confirm that, contrary to popular belief, white men can indeed jump.

 

[BABANGUIDE64]

Wasted half of the groceries I bought today for nothing and it hit what left of my money badly
Being Eastern Europoorian sucks. Especially it sucks when things change drastically everywhere on the globe and you've got used to expect the worst
I knew life would be hard. But I didn't know that it would also be lame and gay

 

[Uncle_Teds_Cabin25]

A Facebook friend died last night.

I'd "known" her for a long time. We'd met on a pet loss chat room, both grieving for our losses.
I became a moderator, and we became friends on Facebook.
She was Canadian, and loved Trump!
My head is ringing, I'm really shocked by this.
She was a good person.
Frens, life is very short.

 

[Uncle_Teds_Cabin25]

Cut things off with the woman I was dating heavily for a bit over a month.

How fucked is the world that an otherwise normal looking & acting, girl next door type, is so fucking radicalized that she looked me in the eye & said with chest and conviction that some hypothetical non-jew bum in our country with a third cousin living in Israel deserves to get shot?
All for the sake of sand niggers who'd cut her head clean off after gangraping her.

Genuinely freaked me out pretty badly. I don't even give a fuck about the sandbox wars. Just that someone otherwise so normal could be so radicalized. It's something.
It's one thing to read that shit online posted by anonymous retards. But to witness it in person? Fuck.

This is why I don't care that much about looks anymore. How someone thinks and acts is far more important.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

Came across an old friend's video in the wild and he still listens the music I showed him we used to do the pre-chorus of Everything She Wants by Wham! together. Lots of good memories.

 

[ReasonablyRetarded]

This is why I don't care that much about looks anymore. How someone thinks and acts is far more important.

Oh same here, to be quite frank as long as the person doesn't look like Ricky Berwick/an overly microwaved piece of plastic or is a hamplanet, I don't give too much of a shit.
But even then, this woman had actual substance, depth of character, which is shockingly rare. Which just makes the entire situation all the more odd & off-putting.

 

[Your-Fairy-Wish-Prince]

Goodbye my little one, if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever

 

[WASR96]

Grandpa passed away one week ago today. He went to sleep on the couch watching an old western and never woke up. I know it's a good thing to just go painlessly in the night, I'm just still struggling since he's lived close by my entire life. He must have voiced my frustrations to the Big Man for me though. Had one of the other docs on my care team take over. He said my Oncologist is an idiot for his previous care plan. He said the bone marrow degrading chemo won't be happening, traveling to Houston or Indiana isn't necessary and he can remove the masts in a 6 hour surgery, and if it comes back negative for cancer like my markers did, he'll place me in surveillance. Thanks for looking out for me, Gramps.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Bad. But I've been making a lot of progress on a specific thing, cleaning and organizing my apartment.

I have always struggled with being messy. My mother was the same way. I don't remember being raised poorly with regards to being allowed to be messy, but that's like my natural state I devolve to. At times I've been much better, but over several years of rarely having guests (one friend of mine that barely tolerated it) and off-and-on battling severe emotional problems I allowed the place to become a Hell.

And then at some point I grasped, through the language of my spiritual awakening of a year ago, why it is a sin to live in such a way. For someone else a different language may be more understandable, like duty to a conscientious purpose, or discipline, but I came to understand it in terms of order. If you see self-organization as the work of God and manmade order as its imitation, then there's no way you can justify living in a disorderly environment. For the first time I really grasped, in a meaningful way, that an orderly dwelling has an intrinsic value and that is something that motivates me far, far more than instrumental purposes.

What I did to get started on it was actually kind of surrender in a way. Junk goes in a box. I went out and bought moving boxes for the purpose of having something to chuck EVERYTHING in. If it's on the floor, it goes in the box. In this manner you sort through, get things out of the way regardless of if you have a permanent place for them, because if you try to inventory and organize all of it at once the environment is too chaotic to even come to grips with. Real cleaning was another. Brushes. Sponges. Soap. Redecorating. I'd have a bad habit of packing away knicknacks when I needed and then going months, even years before getting them back out.

What I've been doing more recently is one of the next big stages (in the end, I hope this concludes with an inventory) is tossing old stuff. If you don't know what an object is and haven't known in years, it doesn't matter what it is. I've thrown out a lot of junk I held onto like a hoarder. I've also made strides in organizing my "toys," of which I had many. For example, I kayak and I swim. I made a point to pre-pack these bags with everything I need for each respective task. The idea is, if I'm diligent about swapping out things like towels, I don't have to look at the bag, sort around, before I go, I just grab the kayak bag because I can depend on myself to maintain it, and that in turn should mean that I do these things more often. I have a nice trunk that is now being more efficiently used to store as much of my musical instruments/equipment as will fit in it. I have a new chest (plastic) I bought for storing cat litter and food bags together and keeping it in a place that makes sense.

The place finally feels right. I lived with disorder easily, but I don't think anyone is actually improved by having it. Your environment effects the way you feel, like being dehumanized by living in one of those shitty Soviet concrete blocks, and this place sowed chaos. It takes a minimum amount of work just to keep everything from decaying. I feel a real regret about how I lived for five years and probably, although I was blind to it, for four years before that.

I know it's a good thing to just go painlessly in the night, I'm just still struggling since he's lived close by my entire life.

It's okay to feel grief for yourself and not just him. You know what I mean? That there's nothing wrong in being sad even when it is their time and easy.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

frying bacon shirtless

kek, at least now i know i am not alone. Burned myself so often cooking shirtless, i will never learn.

Tax: I am waiting for some motherfucker to cancel on a dinner double date right now, he was suppossed to call an hour ago and i can already hear his excuses when i am going to call him in a bit. Even bought my girlfriend a new dress for this occassion, should've known after all these years that this motherfucker will flake on me again. Ate 1.100kcal yesterday and am hangry as hell, i was looking forward to pigging out today.

 

[Captain Syrup]

But even then, this woman had actual substance

I wasn’t gonna say anything because I didn’t want to summon the spirit of PragerU, but the idea that radical politics is some weird aberration is naive. The Daily Wire guys are bleeding viewers and Fuentes is ascendant not because he's smart, but because everyone has already been radicalized. The “classical liberal” "Can’t we all just get along?" types are political RadioShack. Dead.

 

[Half Unipolar]

Been pretty tired recently. I finally got my laptop fixed! So if I do post more, it wouldn't be as disorganized as before. Other than that, I've been only focusing on my projects and I really need to finish those. I'm still interested in talking about lolcows, though I'm only interested in one and I'm not sure if I'm motivated enough to about that right now. Just stressed out in general honestly

 

[obsdj]

A second benadryl has hit the obsdj towers, less than two hours apart. DFGTYHPFDGSFGDFSGGRA

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

My lawn guy is a nigger.

 

[SirCliveSinclairdabbing]

It’s Friday. I’ve dealt with a lot of ineptitude in various locations but it’s Friday.
My weekend is helping setup something for someone being altruistic and that will balance me back out again but for now I’m just disappointed in office workers in general.

 

[BABANGUIDE64]

Rest in Peace, cat. She had cancer on a final stage and my folks had her euthanized. At least, despite wasting a lot of money for nothing and getting debts, there is a certainty.
And yeah, burying your dead pet is prohibited by law in my country, therefore her carcas was cremated and they couldn't even get the ashes. Fuck this country and fuck any nigger who supports the status-quo, whether rhetorically or institutionally.
Sometimes there is a need to thank God, that you weren't beaten or hurt, just pissed on, and losing your relative would be even worse and even more bitter than losing your pet.

Spoiler: The babushka Cat herself

 

[Catman from cat town]

I’m feeling miserable and stressed out. Besides something that I don’t want to share right now, I just happened to learned my cat has Early Kidney disease but I’m hopeful it can be delayed with diet changes since it was caught early. However, I’m still sad because I have to prepare for the inevitable and it’s made dealing with the other thing worse.

I was told I shouldn’t be crying because my cat is old. I’m not listening the person who said that to me because my cat has been there for me when I’ve had my lowest moments and the other person has put me down too many times to count.

I’m telling myself it’s going to be okay. I’ve been through hard times and crazy times and I’m still here.

 

[Neighborhood Curmudgeon]

Finally! I finally get enough downtime to post here again! Been busy and overwhelmed, but now I finally get to relax.

Among other things, I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed. However, because mine were all erupted and not impacted it was treated like a normal tooth extraction. I don't even feel any soreness or pain.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

Spoiler: Mom.

My mom died this morning and her body has been transported to the funeral home.

My dad and brother expected her to go two days before today with how bad the seizures got. They got me on facetime to talk to her, I don't know if she really was cognizant or not but I got to tell her everything I felt and loved her. But then learned she still made it through the night and got to driving eight hours to home to see her in person, and got to tell her everything again. That I could take care of myself and look out for the pets and everything would be okay for me and and I loved her face-to-face. Everyone's genuinely convinced she held out for me to be there before she passed away.

She was the best mother anyone could have ever asked for.

I really miss her.