How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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My brother's mad at me for not eating today but idc. I've read too many fat ppl hate threads on KF today, I'm not eating for at least 3 days.
 
Getmeout said:
My brother's mad at me for not eating today but idc. I've read too many fat ppl hate threads on KF today, I'm not eating for at least 3 days.
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Listen. I will be a bit blunt but I mean well. You are noticeably mentally ill and come off as autistic. You seem young, too. This is just my opinion as a fellow mentally ill retard so take it or leave it but I've had the thought for a while now that you are too impressionable to be on this website. You read posts from other users on this site (who are also mentally ill and autistic, mind you) calling black people niggers and fat people cows, and reinforce your own self-loathing. Seems like sometimes it's intentional on your part, like a weird form of digital self harm. You've got to take your meds, find good people to associate with, eat food if only to stop burdening your family, and stop making yourself miserable on purpose.
 
stick said:
Listen. I will be a bit blunt but I mean well. You are noticeably mentally ill and come off as autistic. You seem young, too. This is just my opinion as a fellow mentally ill retard so take it or leave it but I've had the thought for a while now that you are too impressionable to be on this website. You read posts from other users on this site (who are also mentally ill and autistic, mind you) calling black people niggers and fat people cows, and reinforce your own self-loathing. Seems like sometimes it's intentional on your part, like a weird form of digital self harm. You've got to take your meds, find good people to associate with, eat food if only to stop burdening your family, and stop making yourself miserable on purpose.
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Hm. You make a fair point, on all of that I mean. Don't worry about being blunt, I'm not offended. Ur right, and I will take what u said into account!
 
Don't take your meds. It's what The Man wants you to do. I don't take my meds. And I'm not allowed to talk about differently-sized people on this site because Null is in my walls and doesn't want me to speak
 
Getmeout said:
I got my meds, I haven't taken them yet but I've realized why I've been so scared to. I feel like I'm funnier when off meds. When I'm miserable, people enjoy complaining to me, cause I will complain back. People find my delusions and psychosis funny, I'm also more overly affectionate off meds and people appreciate that, I'm overly affectionate cause I'm scared they'll leave me if I'm not.
When I'm on meds I'm just happy, and more focused on fixing my life than making misery comfortable. I'm not interested in being angry all day, in rambling about stuff that I know isn't true anymore, and I just want to love my friends and the whole world a normal amount. I become happy and happy is boring. I dunno, it's a real dilemma. I'm just gonna force myself to take them but I may keep thinking about this for a while, am I just more likeable miserable?
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Judging by your posting here, there's no way you are more likeable miserable. All the self-loathing comes off as pitiable and perhaps annoying, not likeable at all.
>People find my delusions and psychosis funny
:stress:
That's an insane thing to say. Surrounding yourself with people laughing at your misery is a terrible idea.

PetiteFeet said:
My nearing 10 year old PC feels like it's nearing its final days. I am not ready, not economically or parts-wise, for a new PC. Nor do I want Win 11.
I am shit with technology, and have only gotten shitter with age.
I just wanna play my old-ass video games.
Fuck.
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Can always ask around The Windows OS thread if you need help: https://kiwifarms.st/threads/the-windows-os-thread.65307/
If you really hate windows 11 (rightfully so), can look into getting a Windows 10 LTSC version. There's a lot of good info here to read up on: https://massgrave.dev/windows_ltsc_links
Could also consider switching to Linux, although that might be more annoying and scary if you're bad with tech.
 
Getmeout said:
My brother's mad at me for not eating today but idc. I've read too many fat ppl hate threads on KF today, I'm not eating for at least 3 days.
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Don't do that you'll try to "eat less" then you'll possibly end up binging after you break down. Done that myself in the past it was only self-destructive. Be sensible about how you eat and be aware KF is always hyperbolic.
 
Man am I looking forward to my old job. I never spoke about it to anyone online cause I had no reason to, while I do nothing but vent about my current one. I simply left my phone in my locker and solely benefited from it. We'd go half shifts just wondering what the name of that one actor was instead of googling it.

The talk with my dad wasn't exactly revelationary, but it did underline how I should've been aiming for a healthy, happy worklife rather than making enough that I wouldn't have my parents worrying once they kick it. Then again, why would a higher pay guarantee that anyway? My biggest worry now is finding a new job, and if that falls through.. I can't come back to this job a 3rd time, so I really need to plan it out well when I do move on in the future. As for now, I'll just work and regain some of my self. Maybe even quit the drinking and sinning.
PetiteFeet said:
Just cut your Internet or general electrical device time (phone, pc, tablet etc) down by 30 minuttes or something one week, gradually lowering the time you allow yourself online.
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Watched some bri'ish chick do that. She aimed for 30 mins a day but within 2 she basically went full zero. And she was studying as well which was impressive.
Getmeout said:
My brother's mad at me for not eating today but idc. I've read too many fat ppl hate threads on KF today, I'm not eating for at least 3 days.
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My pity-fasting got a lot healthier once I started thinking not of the kcal I skipped out on, but the hours of active fasting and bodily self-consumption. You sound like another sad tumblr chick, so chances are you'll still snack on something to disrupt said fast.
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
My pity-fasting got a lot healthier once I started thinking not of the kcal I skipped out on, but the hours of active fasting and bodily self-consumption. You sound like another sad tumblr chick, so chances are you'll still snack on something to disrupt said fast.
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We'll see :cunningpepe:
long waters said:
Judging by your posting here, there's no way you are more likeable miserable. All the self-loathing comes off as pitiable and perhaps annoying, not likeable at all.
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Perhaps I surround myself with pitiable and annoying people, and that's why they perceive me as better when I'm pitiable and annoying too.
AnOminous said:
Don't hate yourself: there are plenty of other people who can do that for you.
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Unironically good advice. Enough people already hate you, why add to that pile.
 
I'm going to normalize making lists at 3AM so that I can sleep and stop worrying about that one specific thing.

Also: YOU THERE, fuck you to the anus of the moon.
Xoxo
-Me
 
Mind games
dolores-oriordan-the-cranberries.gif
 
I think I have an anger problem. It's my default response and emotion.

This is the second time I've flown off the handle at a complete stranger to avoid looking weak and then beat myself up feeling ashamed for doing something I know was wrong, even if it was a mistake, and then angry again for the incoming consequences. I apologized to the person I wronged then kicked my own tire rim smashing it like a demented ape.

I think I should go back to smoking weed. When I moved here I was stoned all the time, just sheer force of habit. I'd been blazing it nonstop for fifteen years and quit cold turkey a few years ago. I know it's bad for you and going to dispensaries feels like checking in to a prison. But I don't feel any more focused, just aware.
 
With everything that's been going on my life lately, and my mental health going to absolute shit in the process, I'm just sitting here, pondering why I should even carry on. With anything. My marriage, my job, even life itself.

I'm so sick of it. White lies, broken promises. Just the feeling of everything being so completely and utterly meaningless. I can't stop feeling like I'm a burden to everyone around me, no matter how much I try.

Every time I think it's getting better, there's another thing slamming me right into the face.

I feel like not feeling at all would be better than this. The constant anxiety, the constant feeling of dread, the constant knowing it'll get worse as soon as I'm getting a breather.

Man, I don't know.
I've reached peak pathetic by shouting this into the aether, but I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
My vacation is going terribly, unfortunately. I was invited on this trip, and obviously I am grateful and was planning on being helpful of course but I wasn't anticipating to be... working this much. I am trying to be patient because this person went through something difficult and unexpected right before the trip, but even at the best of times they are disorganized and scattered so shame on me partially for thinking this would be any different. But like... nothing was planned in advance, something I hadn't been aware of. And I'm typically fine with spontaneity, but they were the one reassuring me that they were familiar with the area and that we'd have a great time and we'd see this and that and do x y and z so I kind of assumed we'd have a teeny tiny bit of structure to it all.

I am doing most of the work in regards to actually booking any events, planning any routes or activities, driving/navigating, even getting us out the door because they dawdle and take an hour to do something that should take 20 minutes tops, reassuring any anxiety regarding any plans that I am finalizing for us on top of hearing the same stories over and over about how and why their life sucks and how it makes them want to commit suicide. They are quite depressive but, again, had been the one saying how good this trip would be for them and how happy and excited they were so again I made an incorrect assumption that the typical doomerisms wouldn't be present on a fucking vacation.

I am mentally, emotionally, and physically drained and god forbid I get a little impatient when I'm doing my best to make it a good trip for the person who invited me in the first place. I'm going to make something up and do my own shit today, man. I've heard before that traveling with someone can be difficult and can test the relationship, but I am actually a very easy person to get along with. I travel with different friends all the time, for extended stays. I have never had this shitty of a time so I think it may be a compatibility issue with this person in particular. I feel dumb and resentful for accepting the offer and essentially wasting this time off work but, oh well. Maybe when I get home I'll rest up and calm down but as of this moment I am genuinely reconsidering the friendship as a whole. Bummer
 
Nitro! said:
I think I have an anger problem. It's my default response and emotion.

This is the second time I've flown off the handle at a complete stranger to avoid looking weak and then beat myself up feeling ashamed for doing something I know was wrong, even if it was a mistake, and then angry again for the incoming consequences. I apologized to the person I wronged then kicked my own tire rim smashing it like a demented ape.

I think I should go back to smoking weed. When I moved here I was stoned all the time, just sheer force of habit. I'd been blazing it nonstop for fifteen years and quit cold turkey a few years ago. I know it's bad for you and going to dispensaries feels like checking in to a prison. But I don't feel any more focused, just aware.
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What sets you off?
Is it losing control, or being confronted, or feeling like you’ve done wrong? If it’s not a PL. can you describe the two situations?
FWIW, being able to apologise afterwards is a massive start. If you can pin point exactly what sets you off then you can work on it.
For example if it’s looking weak, WHY is that an issue? Can you think of why that’s so very bad for you?
@soft breathing that sounds unpleasant and familiar. This thread is that void, only it reflects a bit of sympathy back. What’s hitting you and why aren’t you getting support at home?
 
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