How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Zeb Macahan said:
I've started throwing away some useless and slightly embarassing stuff, but there's lots more to do. Things to sell, find my pets a new, good home. idk. It's hard to motivate yourself to do... anything, even eat. because everything just feels so useless. I take care of my pets and that's about it right now
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You’re not thinking straight. Not eating and sleeping properly will fuck you up really badly, really fucking fast. As long as you’re ill it’s obvious you want to escape your current situation by any means. There are still other ways out, please consider them as well.
 
Honestly, doing ok right now. Yeah, lack of GF kinda sucks but as soon as work ends I'm going to go out and get some pizza and then play some Dwarf Fortress at home. Not exactly a movie star life style. But it's certainly not bad either. Might also get some cheese sticks too.
 
Worried about the rest of my life.

I'm on course to just quietly rot in my apartment and cubicle.

I don’t feel capable of doing anything else.
 
I'm addicted to this site because I'm surrounded by people whose lives are better than me and seeing someone having it worse than me immediately brightens my day

As soon as I open my eyes and the doubts creep in, I log in and watch someone ruins his life in horrifying ways
 
I was so disassociated from my crappy life when off my meds. It was like being drowned in shit everyday but having gotten used to it, I was like "Ya I'm drowning in shit but oh well.". Idk which med exactly it is, I suspect the Prozac, but either way now it's making me go "Wow, drowning in shit is bad actually. This sucks." which makes me want to change stuff. I guess the only downside is idk if I have the means to change anything.
 
"Too weird to live,
Too rare to die."

Anywho, so I have a childhood friend and I see her dad often and he always tells me when she's in town and hopefully we'll meet up but it never happens.
When I was seventeen I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend and I told her about it but she ended treating me like damaged trash so I don't speak to her anymore.
I don't know what to do about her dad, he really means well and he wants us to connect again but I don't know how to repair this rift.
When I was invited to her wedding and was seated in the corner furthest away from the new couple table in the corner and in front of the door, it was the final nail in the coffin because he message couldn't be clearer.
We had grown up together but I was damaged.
 
Motherf*cker said:
"Too weird to live,
Too rare to die."

Anywho, so I have a childhood friend and I see her dad often and he always tells me when she's in town and hopefully we'll meet up but it never happens.
When I was seventeen I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend and I told her about it but she ended treating me like damaged trash so I don't speak to her anymore.
I don't know what to do about her dad, he really means well and he wants us to connect again but I don't know how to repair this rift.
When I was invited to her wedding and was seated in the corner furthest away from the new couple table in the corner and in front of the door, it was the final nail in the coffin because he message couldn't be clearer.
We had grown up together but I was damaged.
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Im sorry but she's not your friend. Friends don't treat friends this way. It's not your fault and her acting like that is mental on her part.

Don't let her words or how she treat you effect you. She should be ashamed of herself for acting like that
 
I've been so tired the last few days, I got into bed at 8 last night with a view to turning off the light at 9. There's a court case in the UK news at the moment, I read the reports at 8.45. Turned off the light at 9 and cried till midnight. I don't know how we are supposed to come to terms with the existence of absolute evil in the world, especially when it's inflicted on literally the most vulnerable. There can be no adequate punishment for the perpetrators in this life. But it's also hard to believe that a God who would punish them in the afterlife can exist, if he allowed this to happen in the first place. Why should he fucking bother sending them to hell, if he already stood by and watched them putting a baby through hell without stepping in? It's hard to find a reason to keep living when you get a glimpse of how hideous, meaningless and brutal life can be if you're just unlucky enough.
 
Cups2Cups said:
This is going to be vague-- Today I finally let go a piece of me that I held onto for over maybe 20-something years. It was something at the beginning of my adult life that helped me build a pillar that shaped me as person, and no matter how bad things got, I remembered what good I did thanks to this one thing and made the world a slightly better place. The world changed however and when I woke up from my corporate-like slumber a few years back I was not where I was supposed to be. I went back to the place I remembered as something that was good for me, only it had changed to cater to the next generation, and it rejected me, and it broke my pillar, and everything I understood about anything fell apart.

I tried to rebuild this pillar, but like the past it has turned to dust and there was no fixing it. Today I let it go. I now feel slightly better but inside I am now an empty person, and I do not know what I stand for anymore. Fear of the unknown grips me, but it was like that in the beginning when I first left home.

On slightly uplifting news I got a new job. I can't wait to start this next journey and see what the next couple of years will be like, new and exciting opportunities? We will see.
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I renounce what I previously sadposted about. Apparently people weren't serious and it was just another hazing session gone bad. Fuck all them involved. I GOT MY MOJO BACK! FUCK YOU!
 
Drama at work. Drama with friends. Drama with family. I'm tired, boss, to the point my therapist even suggested taking a break from work. I had been considering a medical leave. Was told to talk to my psychiatrist about it. I message my psychiatrist. Get some message back about how they don't actually recommend taking a prolonged medical leave (I did not say how long I wanted it to be, just asked what the process would look like) because the "studies" show it makes things worse. Did not share the studies. Just copy-pasted some blurb about how it can lead to isolation and a lack of routine, which can worsen symptoms. I understand that concern. But as of now my "routine" is wake up, go to work, go home, and sleep. I get nothing else done. My daily functioning is suffering, my work performance is suffering, I don't have the time or the energy to maintain relationships or my health. I maintain basic hygiene (shower, oral health) and the only "chore" I've managed to stay on top of is laundry purely because I don't want to go to work stinky. I am already isolated, I am already lacking a meaningful routine. It is made worse by shitty ass job, not better. I wanted to take a leave to get my shit in order so I don't rope, ffs.

Seriously considering just quitting and skipping town. Why the hell not, at this point?
 
Third vent in a day is crazy but I really wish I had a friend I could talk to all this stuff to. It feels sort of isolating, since the only friend I really have is a white liberal and a pro-black pride POC. So both of them would just tell me "Racism is bad, don't believe it", and maybe I wanna be told that, but it feels inauthentic to hear it from them since it's like. Ya, of course that's what they're gonna say. And it's so antithesis to what they believe that I feel like it'd scare them? And I don't wanna scare them. Fuck.
stick said:
Seriously considering just quitting and skipping town. Why the hell not, at this point?
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Now I'm not condoning skipping town and quitting... But that sounds like a great start to a coming of age RPG game. Life Is Strange type shit.
 
Getmeout said:
Third vent in a day is crazy but I really wish I had a friend I could talk to all this stuff to. It feels sort of isolating, since the only friend I really have is a white liberal and a pro-black pride POC. So both of them would just tell me "Racism is bad, don't believe it", and maybe I wanna be told that, but it feels inauthentic to hear it from them since it's like. Ya, of course that's what they're gonna say. And it's so antithesis to what they believe that I feel like it'd scare them? And I don't wanna scare them. Fuck.

Now I'm not condoning skipping town and quitting... But that sounds like a great start to a coming of age RPG game. Life Is Strange type shit.
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I’d be your friend. But I am a bad person for criticizing people and i deserved to be hanged.
 
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