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There is no escape. I am just getting fucking raped. There's no way out of it. I am so FUCKED. The IRS has fired itself up. This was my deepest fear. And now it's come to fruition. I am so absolutely defeated. FUCKED. I am FUCKED. The IRS is going to rape me in the ass so fucking hard.

It's so fucking bad. My lawyer has basically told me the only real way to cope is it's time to get on your hands and knees, lube up, and take it up the ass. She didn't say it in those words but it's obviously going to happen. I'm getting raped, and I can't escape it in any way. I'm just going to have to submit. I am so fucking FUCKED.

Or I could just off myself. But I'm not really in that mood. Yet.
You act like getting gaped by the IRS and offing yourself are the only two options when obviously there's the third option of just hiding out in Mexico or South America or something.
Yeah you'd have to live with Mexicans and South Americans but its probably a little bit better than being dead and depending on where you live you probably already do that.
Not saying you should, but just saying you could.
 
I am so fucked so fucking fucked. Gun to the head leveled of fucked. Letter from the IRS fucked. I am fucked and utterly fucking doomed. I am at begging for mercy levels of doomed. Or I should just kill myself.
Its gonna be okay nignog. You can take whatever rape comes your way, lubed or not, I believe in you and your anus

Idk how you store your guns but if your safe has a key, put it in a jar or glass of water and chuck it in the freezer. Or maybe just freeze your ammo. Find away to make using your firearm inconvenient is what I’m getting at. Just to keep you from acting on your impulses until your crisis is over.
 
I hope you get out of this in one piece.
I probably will but it will be a brutally beaten bloody and bruised one piece.

I have a slightly more sanguine and resigned attitude towards this than yesterday. I'm getting fucked but I'll live. I just have to take my beating like a man.
 
I would consider this good news. But I've essentially purged my friends list and only kept select people I know care about me and vice versa. I've kept around some pretty shitty individuals for the sake of "loyalty" and played therapist for far, far too long. I've had enough of it after I set a boundary and get push back saying that I'm being too much and that they can't be friends with me anymore.

And while it does hurt, I'm glad for it. I don't need individuals in my life who wouldn't take a secong glance after using me and forgetting about me once they got what they needed til the next go around. It's partially on me for being spineless for so long. But since I got friends offline. I've been less patient with the rampant bullshit I've had to put up with when I just want to have a discussion with people I considered my friends online.

It feels liberating, and as suspected, none of them bothered to reach out to me after I unfriended them. They'd rather bitch and victimize than look in the mirror and take long, good hard looks at what needs to change. I had to do it to get where I am. And I'm tired of making changes for people who wouldnt change for me.
 
Had all four of my wisdom teeth cut out and a dead tooth removed this morning. They put me OUT because the IV went in at 7:30 a.m. and the next thing I remember is waking up in bed at 12:30. My mom was my +1 and she's been kind of weird around me since. She swears I didn't do or say anything weird but I don't know. Hopefully if I did it was racist and not weirdly sexual. Not about my mom, but power ranking the Japanese women wrestlers I want to have sex with sounds like something I would do while we were in the CVS drive thru line. I could also see myself waking up from anesthesia and calling everyone in the oral surgeon's office a nigger to their face. Not sure which scenario would be worse.

The good news is that I'm in basically no pain, just some mild discomfort. Hopefully I can say the same thing tomorrow and Saturday.
 
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I'm glad all my wisdom teeth are intact and I can even chew with them. Fuck you, tooth god. I'm keeping ALL MY GODDAMN TEETH. Even into dementia and retardation, I still have THAT. Fuck you, tooth niggers.
 
I put in my resignation before getting hired in another department at the same public 'company'. I fear it might've fucked me over, not simply being transferred but being.. let go, then re-hired during my 4-weeks period. Not like I lose out on much, but they did cash all my PTO so I get a big pay bump going out, which'll go directly into my motorbike license. I guess that's good, but man it feels bad having PTO just, cleared. My family don't do shit when we get time off, so guess not much to mourn.

It's getting warmer and I'm leaving for a better job at slightly lower pay. My eyes are set on a motorbike and I feel okay all things considered. I need to figure out how to function with weird shifts instead of rushing to get into a better job. I need to find societal purpose, and riding a bike around alone ain't it. I read a lot but I can't decide on a game to dedicate my time to.. Not that it's the only solution but it's an easy one. You can pick between two games and their communities; become a raiding chad or a sleazy tekken-tard. :(
Had all four of my wisdom teeth cut out and a dead tooth removed this morning. They put me OUT because the IV went in at 7:30 a.m. and the next thing I remember is waking up in bed at 12:30. My mom was my +1 and she's been kind of weird around me since. She swears I didn't do or say anything weird but I don't know. Hopefully if I did it was racist and not weirdly sexual.
I had one removed and I was aware throughout. I expected some le funny youtube video tier reaction but it didn't happen. Guess the first-world uses different drugs than the US when doing these things.
THE MEDS ARE WORKING!!! I FEEL GREAT!!!
It seems like every medication journey I've witnessed goes from "it works, great" to "I got so jaded" to "I quit my meds and now I'm good again".
 
It seems like every medication journey I've witnessed goes from "it works, great" to "I got so jaded" to "I quit my meds and now I'm good again".
I never quit cause I got jaded, I just quit cause I hate myself and I enjoy taking away things that make me happy :)

It's weird, I've never experienced a side affect from meds. At least nothing insane, there were some I was on that made me a bit sleepy. @PetiteFeet said it could be some gene or something something.
 
played therapist for far, far too long. I've had enough of it after I set a boundary and get push back saying that I'm being too much and that they can't be friends with me anymore.
being a constant pocket therapist shouldn’t be a requirement for being a friend these days, but it feels like it is for 80% of people now.

I miss the days where friendship was like “let’s figure out something fun to do” rather than a trauma-dump and/or ego-stroking session.

I legit just tell people I’m a “bad friend” now. I’m not the type that will be there for you anymore. I got burnt out from being a “good friend”, which is just being an interactive diary.

letting go of those types is truly freeing and good on you for finally doing it.
 
My laptops fucking up, its been barely a year since I bought it. Im pretty frustrated, sinking close to 1k on this and it starts facing battery problems in a year.
Also my works been ignoring me, lack of significant work, Im worried whether Im in a safe spot or not.
 
annoyed abit. I Frankly think piracy is becoming way too complicated and defeating it's original purpose which was ease of use.
that and I was watching a video which I thought was just some shitty meme essay on warcrimes in call of duty but the guy actually takes himself genuinely seriously (should've noticed that from his ice video) and than bitched about Modern Warfares no Russian scene calling it "distasteful" after already making a mass shooting joke about american schools ?? so we literally miss an entire scence in the game for some retarded morale fagging cuck rambling. in the end I just left a comment saying I hoped someone arsons his house.
video incase anyone was curious
 
@AnOminous made me realize I may have fucked up muh taxes in previous years? Nothing serious, pretty sure all of it combined would be under 1000 buck or so, but still I have to double check things now.
 
Okay, so has anyone had the experience of YouTube trying to tell you something?

Lately, I've been getting a lot of videos - I didn't search for - about the INFJ mindset.

I've never officially taken the MTBI, so I'm not going to label myself but it's wild how YouTube is telling me something about me. I certainly share a few traits if I were to be honest, but that might just be me falling for cold-read shenanigans.

There was a point to this. I feel...really kind of lost right now. I've had a rough couple of months that it seems like I'm on the tail end of.

I quit Jiu Jitsu because it felt a lot like I was using it as a substitute for the life I wanted and didn't have (no relationship, job I despise), and now I have to work at not only that, but really, if I've been in a life I hate for this long, then the problem is me - I'm not a bad person, quirky sure, but not unworthy.

I also quit therapy, because it devolved into extended bitching/crying sessions and when I started trying to explain my reasons for things going wrong, my therapist kept saying "You're looking for reasons to not do things.", as if to say that I should just keep doing the things that have historically ended badly might produce a different result, instead of getting to the root of why I feel that way, or why they went wrong.

Then he's like, "You're looking for someone to tell you everything is shit." No, asshole. I'm looking for a reason to keep going. And yes, sometimes you need someone else to give you that reason because you can't always do it for yourself. You have to do it for yourself, yes, but you can only do it for so long without outside support before you start going nuts because it starts to seem meaningless.

Getting back to the start: the whole INFJ thing came around and it was like, maybe this is the reason. I'm just so fundamentally askew from the rest of the world that as much as it hurts, I fucking have to keep going. And even if it isn't a correct diagnosis, maybe the understanding of those traits is something I use to better understand how to relate to everyone else, but it's a damn sight better than what any therapist has offered me.
 
Today, I had a dream where E;R vibecoded an entire forum that looked like a typical mid-2000s forum. He streamed the entire coding process on YouTube. To register on the forum, you had to join a specific GMod server.
 
Randomly, i have dreams/wake up with a crippling loneliness. It fades almost immediately when i get up but in my dreams I'm frantically trying to contact old friends that I've left behind for one reason or another, normally for very good reasons at that.
I've never been a populat person. I've never had more than 3 friends at a time. It's just how i am.
I'm pretty sure it's coming from horomones, at the very least. But i hate it.
 
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