How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Super Mario Brothers said:
A few years ago I got into a few religious/philosophical debates with someone online. Basically, the details of this don't matter, because I still remember the shock he had when I told him I was a woman, and he straight up told me that he thought I was a "low testosterone soyboy." To this day I don't know what to make of it.
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Dude probably remembered GIRL- Guy In Real Life.

Rn I'm alright. Could be better, could be worse.
 
Yet again, parental neglect is coming back to haunt me. I do not have great hearing in my left ear, because when I was around 13 or 14 I had an ear infection and I had pressure in my ear but it was decided that I did not need a tube to relieve the pressure which felt my eardrum was being sucked back into my head. After my infection, I had hearing tests done but a hearing aid was deemed too expensive so I just live with being partially deaf.
Yesterday I had my hearing tested again as an adult, and I do indeed have deafness but the audiologist couldn't get past why didn't I have a tube, and why was I left without a hearing aid and used that to imply untruthfulness.
This keeps coming up time and time again,
"oh you didn't have X checked into, therefore you must be full of shit!"
No, life is already on hard mode, I'm in Super Mario's world in the sand land and I keep getting sunk.
A lot depends on this hearing test and she will either help or just use it to further anchor me into proving that I ain't worth shit.

On the bright side, I might finally be getting a hearing aid!
 
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Last day of work in this shithole office: Over. I've been talking a bit with a few ex-(future) coworkers and they straight up said they missed me. I'm excited to return to a bottom-shelf unskilled labor job, which is surprising, but hopefully I'll slowly regain my sense of self and realize how much this office job weighed me down. I lost my quip, my mood, my general sense of being very animated and high-energy. Even those 10 mins I spent at my old (future) workplace for an informal interview, I immediately codeswitched and suddenly felt normal again.

So yeah, low-paying job, summer is coming around, I'm going bike gear shopping and hopefully getting my license in june. Life should be good. The pain and suffering is over. No idea what to do for a job in the future, but for now, I'll stay here to recover my self-worth. Wahoo. :)
Super Mario Brothers said:
A few years ago I got into a few religious/philosophical debates with someone online. Basically, the details of this don't matter, because I still remember the shock he had when I told him I was a woman, and he straight up told me that he thought I was a "low testosterone soyboy." To this day I don't know what to make of it.
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A pushover who goes "I guess" to every hard-stance question? I swear I've got a few friends who end up larping as women in the way of saying "hon" etc, and without fail they end up doing the whole non-confrontational thing. "How are you? Aww. I guess. Maybe! Oh?".
 
trying to figure out what the hell went wrong...my kid is FINALLY getting out of the hospital tomorrow, as long as his sleep study isnt too weird..but hes on oxygen now, and has to have this vest system-cough assist treatment 4x a day, but whatever, i can do this. wish they knew why he needs this all of a sudden though. that aside, the nursing staff and doctors have been amazing, and i appreciate them all very much.
my poor husband...like what the hell...he wants to come home, but he can barely walk and he is also on oxygen for god knows what.
im so worried about them both :( its just so awful. ive never seen my husband in a state of complete inertia before, and i find it rather frightening in a way, because its not like him at all.

on a completely unrelated note...while my kid has been in the hospital dealing with all of this...i saw some video about this couple who both had some gene for cystic fibrosis i think...anyway, these assholes had a kid with it, which they didnt know, whatever...but they went on to have several poor children doomed to die early in a horrible manner, just to try and get one normal kid. i dont get that at all...my own disabled kid, we had NO clue, and he appeared fine until he was a year old...there is no way in hell i would purposely bring a child into this world with severe disabilities that would result in death, and especially not repeatedly. how selfish and cruel.
 
Just a dumb rant but I am getting tired of all the people I know my age seemingly not understanding how to just hang out and have fun. Its always planned to the second and filled with "games". I hate the normalfag adoption of games like DND and MTG because suddenly all the times we could just hang out or hit a bar or see a movie just become lets sit around and watch people wrap their heads around a board game. One friend of mine within the last year suddenly got mega into niche massive board games and suddenly all of our chill hangouts (going to events, eat out, catch a film, or even just scroll tubi for a funny bad movie) are now these strenuous learn a new massive bored game nights. They never play the same one more than twice and spend all week learning the game just to win every single time while the rest of the group gets bored, pissed off, or just stops coming. We don't do shit besides play these games now and no one besides them enjoy them.

Other groups I sometimes hang with are either always MTG or DND but they never ever seem to get a grasp on the game. It would be one thing to play a few fast paced games and move on but they fucking drag so damn long when every turn has 2 players drooling. Now one of them wants to start dragging us to play with their work friends at a game store and I am fully fucking out. I have a few older bros who know whats fun, grab a beer, shoot fireworks, shoot guns, or set up the grill. Hell I'd love to go bowling, play poker, or just whip a game of monopoly out. But no, it has to be these smarty pants ass games that most of them don't fully comprehend so they sit there and pretend to be smart. If anyone ever tells you to just get into a game for social reasons don't fucking do it. It sucks ass.
 
AnOminous said:
I have almost exactly the same beliefs I had 20 years ago.
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I've noticed people by and large don't like being held to their own standards nor being faced with someone who actually does walk the walk of whatever ideology they claim they are (because of culture warrior Internet tripe). Just using myself as an example, I am a rightist but got accused of being an Antifa member once, and I've also been called a Jew essentially for defending Winston Churchill. Ironically enough, I've been accused of being a Neo-Nazi several times as well. I can relate to this in the sense of people accusing you of things you aren't. And it's true people compromise their views on what side the opposition is taking - the mentality is piranhas smelling blood in the water when they (errantly) think you're one of their ideological targets.

Tax: Have been getting back into more reading, and I feel stuff like Livy is somewhat similar to old Viking sagas like King Harald's Saga or Egil, given engaging combat type of thing, albeit nonfiction. Livy remains my favorite secular ancient historical writer, though I'm looking into reading more Roman histories from people I haven't read yet (Sallust as an example) because I want to expand my knowledge of this sort of thing, plus I'm already familiar with the Julio-Claudian stuff and first century Christianity. More of my major subjects of interest are beginning to crystallize, though I need to continue to read in order to fully grasp what more of them may be in the end.
 
I think I just realized why I keep failing job interviews. Some Getmeout lore,
there's this certain nose in my family that causes constant postnasal drip, making it that every few seconds you have to snort to clear your throat. I unfortunately have that nose, most of my friends are used to it, but people outside obviously aren't.
I just realized I'm probably getting rejected cause I sound like a pig when being interviewed.
The problem is if I try to keep from doing it for a while, it sounds like I'm drowning.
 
I came to this thread intending to post nothing but, ”All things are impermanent.”

But the farms jumped me to the newest unread post... About the concept of impermenace. My chance to impermance post without it being late was itself impermenant.

Something something, how symbolic of everything right now.
 
Candlelight Desolation said:
I've noticed people by and large don't like being held to their own standards nor being faced with someone who actually does walk the walk of whatever ideology they claim they are (because of culture warrior Internet tripe). Just using myself as an example, I am a rightist but got accused of being an Antifa member once, and I've also been called a Jew essentially for defending Winston Churchill. Ironically enough, I've been accused of being a Neo-Nazi several times as well. I can relate to this in the sense of people accusing you of things you aren't. And it's true people compromise their views on what side the opposition is taking - the mentality is piranhas smelling blood in the water when they (errantly) think you're one of their ideological targets.
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I struggled with the same thing online, being called left-wing, right-wing, and a centrist. I eventually realized that I tend to be overly agreeable, which is a bad thing; I'm getting a better hang of things now.
But people still think of me as either left-wing or right-wing, which feels silly: not everything is This or That. I guess the main issue I've been having lately is the "identity politics" that have been going around for pretty much all my life. Now that the political pendulum is swinging back, the schizophrenics that think a nigger is the same as a European are now being out-schizo'd by people that think their country is the best in the whole wide world, and all problems will be solved by kicking everybody that doesn't look like them out. It would most certainly help, yes, but the fix-everything-button might not be real after all.
I have stopped finding ragebait content "entertaining." I look at news of people raping European and Euro-descendant women and I no longer feel as angry; I watch videos of men being shot and stabbed to death, and I no longer cry. I understand the implications of being surrounded by Others constantly, but I don't see the point in consuming this junk anymore because I don't even understand what I'm supposed to do? I share news with people and they're like "omg that's horrible" and, yes, it is. But now what? We're now two people whose day has been ruined.
Ragebait's on the TV as well. Rape this, murder that, kidnapping over there. Okay. Millions of people are watching this live as they eat dinner, and nobody seems to be doing anything about it besides Xeet angrily with five to ten hashtags. Now what?
I have a friend that is really into China. He doesn't think that the US will keep its hegemony any longer because "all empires fall eventually." Yikes. Anyway—upon several minutes of talking I proposed that, perhaps, we could lead ourselves without relying on either the US or China? "Everyone has a master," he replied. Well, fuck me sideways, some people truly are goyim.
He's the same guy that whenever I talk shit about jews replies with something along the lines of "I much prefer them over arabs," implying that it's either one or the other. What about choosing neither of them? Sure.
 
Banquet Meal said:
.i saw some video about this couple who both had some gene for cystic fibrosis i think
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Someone I know has a child with cf ( their first child). They wanted more children, the nhs basically told her to get to 15-20 weeks and then have an amino/CVS and ‘just abort any bad ones.’
She refused, and they did a few rounds of IVF with PGD privately but she’s never had another child. She was pretty horrified at the idea of getting to almost five months then just casually aborting, potentially multiple times.
Glad you’re seeing some improvement and keeping you in my thoughts.
 
Just realized I'm 3 years clean of cutting, my scars are still there (They'll probably always be there) but they're faint now. Idk how to feel 🤷‍♀️

Other than that it's been a very calm Thursday, I'm planning to take out my weave soon and then get a new one before the TADC film. I'm prolly gonna spend the rest of today mostly drawing.
 
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