How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I...
am now a mom!
I had to have an emergency c section for reasons they're still a little unsure of but thankfully he's breathing independently and is just an absolute little soldier. I got to have skin to skin contact with him earlier and I didn't know you could love something so deeply until now (of course I love his father but this maternal love is something different). He's just so beautiful and I feel so incredible being a mom; I'm hoping his recovery is quick and we can take him home soon, considering how early he is - he is doing brilliant and everyone seems super happy with him. As he was being fed earlier (just a tube for now) he was squeezing my finger the entire time. It's really late and I'm catching up after two hours of sleep and a surgery so I'm resting right now but I already can't wait to go see him again.
Congratulations!! How early was he? Hope you both get home soon as you can, and enjoy being a mum. It’s exhausting, and wonderful. Make sure you’re resting too - emergency sections are not much fun and you need to get your strength up.
 
I have lost all hope for the future and ambition; most of the things that used to bring me joy in the past don't make me happy anymore. and I don't enjoy my life anymore. Does anyone else relate?
Indeed but I just think of Agni from Fire Punch and carry on blindly with my life, heading forward into wherever it will lead me. Just have to keep on keeping on.
 
I feel riteous and fucking pissed off at the world, again.
I received the report from the audiologist, and I'm moderately deaf in my left ear and she thinks that I have an audio processing disorder which is also commonly connected........

With autism.

LIfe has been so frustratingly difficult and it took until I was in my forties to finally get a fucking answer. Thanks a lot for not having that checked out mother, I have loved the challenge. 8)

I've been using Claude and it is helping understand what this means and maybe put a context to a lot of things which seemed unconnected to each other but in truth it was all part of the same fucking beast.

AI gave me a little validation, this is the closest I'll get to anyone understanding this huge mess in my head. Screenshot_20260503-213009_Claude~2.jpg
 
"Zoomers act like kids in their 20/30s because there's no benefit to being an adult. The things usually guaranteed an adult; a house, a family, well-paying work, do not exist anymore".
Idk I love being an adult and having my own apartment in my name, a dignified job that can pay food and bills, the feeling of stability in life.

Beats living like a runaway in a 0 star motel that looks like a rape dungeon.

For people with parents in their life it might be different. I also don't care about starting a family or any of that gay shit.


I know this year i've lost some weight just from clothes fit, no idea how much, i've been deliberately avoiding weighting myself because i know its not nearly enough and probably much less than i counted for even though i've been doing everything right.
Honestly avoid weighing yourself. You can get really obsessive over what's just a stupid number at the end of the day.
 
thats been my logic. My goals are long term anyways, so i am only minding that i keep my regimen, and only keeping track of what i do, calories i intake, etc
I fast 16-18 hours a day with no issues and I recently had to get on a scale post-lunch for an apnea test. I plateaued at 85kg after an intense diet years ago but now I'm down to 79. Makes me wonder if I can like.. fast myself even further. Anyway: Fasting rules. No breakfast and an early dinner means you got a lot of hours in the day to do shit other than eating. You stop thinking about what you eat and only focus on when you eat.
Idk I love being an adult and having my own apartment in my name, a dignified job that can pay food and bills, the feeling of stability in life.
On the rare positive day, I agree with this. Car, apartment, cat, money, no debt. Then I look at myself in the mirror and feel terrible about my employment even though I enjoy it. I have a job, that's more than can be said about a lot of people right now. Shit, it's a great job that many people would kill for, but I have this nagging voice in my head that goes "if these poor americans were given your lot in life, they'd study economics and become millionaires". We get a free choice of education and I chose to be broke.
I think the most important thing would be a feeling of progression. Normies are very judgemental about anything really, be it jobs, fashion sense etc.
First day back at my old job today and all my coworkers were happy to see me. Then I went to this introductory meeting for new employees, meaning primarily graduate doctors, nurses, all kinds of health folk, and I just sat there at the literal bottom of the food chain. I don't feel shame about my job but I have a hard time being okay with it. I get these small glimpses of intense despair. Like, the longer I'm not trying to get a better job the worse it'll get, but I had my hands burned in "a better job" and now I just wanna do grunt work without too much thinking.

A friend of mine drove trains for like 9 years then went into debt to study lite IT shit for 8 months and landed a government gig. It makes sense you'd need recent education to renew your appeal on the job market. All my coworkers are like "you'll make it, just keep trying", but they're boomers who were handed the world, or people who had long careers and actively chose to work this simpler job.

I just need to learn to be happy with what I've got. I don't even want to be rich and successful. I'm turned off immediately by f*males on dating apps with fancy titles compared to "Stacy, 31, baker". I don't want soft competences, meetings, and dinner dates after work to network. I want a book, a cat and maybe a friend or two, and all of that I can work towards without even thinking of my career.
 
I'm disappointed, I've had a monumental day and it has been a fucker of day; I've had acid reflux all day, despite all my failures in my journey I got to an appointment fifteen minutes early, I have been discombobulated and not feeling well today and I just wanted my husband's support.
I've finished my application and sent it in so that it's arriving on time.
My husband is giving himself a pass on taking his stress out on me, an all absorbent bullshit sponge stress releaser. He calls me out when I act like a cunt, but it's not the same when it happens to him.
I have been reaching out to him for days and he is disinterested in anything that's not about him. I try to join in conversations and he tells me that I'm taking over.
I needed emotional support today from him but I can't get through to him.
I don't feel so good. I'll feel better tomorrow.
 
Woke up to notice my trash bin from the trash collection company was gone. I thought I must have forgotten to pay the bill or something so called them to pay it. They said I was up to date. I said my trash bin disappeared. Now I'm going to miss a week of trash collection when I have some really vile trash.

And there's no explanation other than that some utter asshole, for who knows what reason, fucking stole it. Wtf man.
 
And there's no explanation other than that some utter asshole, for who knows what reason, fucking stole it. Wtf man.
When I was a kid it was a regular occurrence to the point where everyone began to spray paint their address on it. And even then I remember, multiple times, having to walk around to go find it and bring it back.
 
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