How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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They're pulling so many dumb rules down over our heads at work and I just heard they might open a new slot in a different function. Though, as is, it seems likely I'll be able to do driving school for a motorcycle license (in 13 fucking weeks) in my current team, and I doubt I'll be lucky enough that things line up well if I do change my role.. I hate how fucking stressing this is. As long as I get to follow my schedule and one coworker swaps one night with me, I'm golden. :(

Oh, and a chubby pierced chick asked for my help reaching something in the store. She mumbled worse than I do and I barely noticed. At my old job, around shit people, that would've haunted me for days. Amazing what being around nice people can do. Almost worth halving your pay and ruining your body in physical labor when you aren't met with "Good morning! You should've died :) " every day.
stick said:
Exactly! I think some people just will never understand serious mental health issues. I've gotten it all, that I need to do x, I just have to do y, you can't do z. Try harder, be better. You can be sad, you can tell us anything, but no, not like that.
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I'm convinced I got a depression but I don't wanna have it diagnosed or treated. I'm just jaded and not feeling much of anything, least of all engagement or enjoyment in doing things. I get out of bed, wash, shower, shop, be productive. I just can't sit down and enjoy something and go "man this is great", but do anyone do that past the age of 26?

Working in a psych ward around people who wish only for medication and an early retirement sobers you up something severe. No chasing promotions or anything, just living within your means and in as little pain as possible, while dudeass bros from high school are chasing a bigger house.
 
So I decided to dose today, and it hit beautifully. I'm walking my dog with my music when it hits and everything is fucking spectacular through the sun glasses I recently bought specifically for photosensitivity and the hills are fucking alive with the sound of music.

Unfortunately, my beautiful dose was tainted by the image of a man in the park earlier who was yelling and hitting his dog.
I was with a group of people and we all witnessed it, and I know that they will not let this go and will report that man, I hope that dog gets taken from him.
 
Motherf*cker said:
So I decided to dose today, and it hit beautifully. I'm walking my dog with my music when it hits and everything is fucking spectacular through the sun glasses I recently bought specifically for photosensitivity and the hills are fucking alive with the sound of music.

Unfortunately, my beautiful dose was tainted by the image of a man in the park earlier who was yelling and hitting his dog.
I was with a group of people and we all witnessed it, and I know that they will not let this go and will report that man, I hope that dog gets taken from him.
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LSD? I remember walking outside during my first and third trips. Great weather. I felt like I could moonwalk with McCoy Tyner’s “Enlightenment Suite” and Beach Boys “God Only Knows” in my earbuds.

Thread tax: Not great, not bad. Let’s just say I hate hindsight, and I hate fat chicks with dyed hair.
 
Sergeant Major Buzzkill said:
LSD? I remember walking outside during my first and third trips. Great weather. I felt like I could moonwalk with McCoy Tyner’s “Enlightenment Suite” and Beach Boys “God Only Knows” in my earbuds.

Thread tax: Not great, not bad. Let’s just say I hate hindsight, and I hate fat chicks with dyed hair.
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I haven't taken acid for a while, but I've had some good times and some seriously weird times where I fought with some dude and then got kicked out of his apartment.

I took a small dose of Golden Teacher , they are a nice mellow magic mushroom and I'm just having a very base-level trip.
 
Been good. Adopted a kitten that was found in a field. His name is Dave. He's tiny but a little nightmare. Where's the cute little kitten I was sold on🤣.

Started using Tinder again, I was seeing a girl for a bit over Xmas and New Year but it didn't work out. I was going to meet up with a girl I've been talking to for about 2 weeks but I wasn't feeling it. I'm not sure I want to bother with a relationship atm. I cancelled with her and told her that I'm probably just going to stay single for a bit and I hoped I didn't waste her time. She said she understood and no hard feelings. Tinder makes me feel like shit, I know these girls have millions of likes and chats but I just don't like letting someone down when we've been talking for a bit.
 
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Spent my workday weeding out books like these for removal from the library and pretending I was at Bergen-Belsen. Incredibly therapeutic.
 
Motherf*cker said:
So I decided to dose today, and it hit beautifully. I'm walking my dog with my music when it hits and everything is fucking spectacular through the sun glasses I recently bought specifically for photosensitivity and the hills are fucking alive with the sound of music.

Unfortunately, my beautiful dose was tainted by the image of a man in the park earlier who was yelling and hitting his dog.
I was with a group of people and we all witnessed it, and I know that they will not let this go and will report that man, I hope that dog gets taken from him.
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What a way to harsh the vibe man.

I saw something similar once, albeit (mostly) sober, guy got his ass beat by some based homeless man lmao
 
My friend and I talked a couple of times recently. Both conversations were actually nice.
I thought about trying to revive the friendship. And then I realized how pathetic and sad that was.

This person, knowing how much I cared about him, completely assassinated my character, gaslighted me over things he knew weren't true, made it very clear he had no concern over anything that happened to me... even blamed me for most of it, and made it abundantly clear how he would continue to behave himself if I actually brought up legitimate grievances over his behavior.
And he did it with a smile on his face.
I think the part I keep remembering is when I was trying to convince me I was a covert narcissist and I said "going by that label I could look at plenty of things you do that would be narcissistic."
"The difference between me and you though... I can accept it."

So I'm ashamed of myself for even giving the notion a thought. I'm disgusted with myself.

So I'm by myself now. I don't know why I have to miss people who clearly won't miss me. I'm really disturbed over how much of a complete loser I've been to accept certain things. To be fair in this instance, it kind of seemed to happen fairly later, so I didn't have much reason to really think it would. But there was a gut feeling I should have went with when certain things started happening.
I might be alone for the rest of my life, but I know what I'm willing to accept now.
That's pure copium but whatever.
 
Motherf*cker said:
I haven't taken acid for a while, but I've had some good times and some seriously weird times where I fought with some dude and then got kicked out of his apartment.

I took a small dose of Golden Teacher , they are a nice mellow magic mushroom and I'm just having a very base-level trip.
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I can’t imagine fighting a mf high, but I did get mouthy at quite a few people and burnt a bridge 😂 during and after the comedown I regret about to this day.
 
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