How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Spark the Electric Jester]

I hope it does (get better).

Thank you. I want it to get worse so the suffering could end. Cops still aren't here.

 

[Ygolonac]

Cops still aren't here.

Damn do you live in on O block or a cabin in the woods? it's been two fucking hours.

 

[Spark the Electric Jester]

Damn do you live in on O block or a cabin in the woods? it's been two fucking hours.

Maybe they'll find a corpse at this rate.

 

[MazonLabs Recruitment Rep]

I had a thought last night. I thought about what @PetiteFeet said about doing whatever you want and whatever makes you happy, and I kinda realized... Ya, that just makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, self-sacrifice is always a good thing, sacrificing what makes you happy to make others happy is virtuous... But what's the point when it DOESN'T make others happy? What's the point when, in fact, it makes the people around you unhappy cause you're grumpy and pissy all the time worrying about conforming to what you think a 20 yr old woman should be.

I feel like us humans innately want what's best for us, whilst we crave what's bad for us. Want is different than crave, to crave is when you don't actually want it but you have this weird compulsive need for it. I think I want happiness, but crave social validation. My want contradicts with the craving, cause my happiness consists of a lot of things looked down on by society. Nothing immoral, just things considered "Childish", "Cringey", and/or "Autistic".

But life is so short, and that short amount of time could be spent happy if I just pursued my wants without shame. The fear comes in again, that if I do so, I'll have no one to be near and no one will like me. But it's like Petite said, "Any friend willing to break it off with you cause you like MLP or whatever is not a friend worth keeping".

I think... Today... I'm gonna bake a cake, mess with my Littlest Pet Shops, and ramble about object shows with friends. It makes me happy and I think a happy Getmeout is a lot easier to be around than a repressed pissy one.

Aside from this long screed, I woke up with a headache today. I suspect it's from me eating near nothing yesterday, so I'll eat a bit more today.

Maybe I had you figured wrong. There's hope for you yet. Stay on the meds. Stay with what keeps you centered. Fuck what society says about those things.

And keep those eating schedules routine. Body will naturally get pissy with yo-yoing and when the body gets pissy, the brain'll follow.

I'm going to try to do a bit of a mental purge of lolcow type slop for a bit, just to level out. Time for a more healthy slop indulgence; prison and mental institution documentaries.

 

[Nameless One]

I think I should kill myself or should have long ago before my dad did. I'm a fucking piece of shit that can't be fixed. I'm the same as I ever was. No matter how well I'm doing in life it'll always haunt me. I'm too autistic to function without medicine and too zombified on medicine to be myself. But my self is a piece of fucking shit who ruins everything. It's no wonder most of us die by our 50s slashing ourselves to death.

I ruin everything good that happened to me. And I squandered all my chances when I was a teen, and I was a hell child who knew nothing about how hard my family really tried for me. Maybe I was always doomed from the womb. I don't think I've grown at all. My fucking physical growth is owed to fucking growth hormone shots I took when I was a kid because I had fucking dwarfism.

What a nice metaphor for the story of my fucking life.
I'm one of the biggest phonies on this site. And I hate phonies. Maybe I'll make my own lolcow thread before I die.

I've graduated, I've drank, I've done drugs (just thc once or twice in life), I've had sex and I have nothing to show for it. My whole life is fucking wasted potential. And I don't know where it's heading. But it doesn't look good at the moment despite my best efforts. And it doesn't sound like it but they really are my best efforts. I'm tired. And I might be losing people I care about a lot. Again. Way to go, me.


This place is the only fucking place ever where I can express myself mostly. I can't even express myself in life, its always masking. My dad said everyone does that but I don't know. It feels like an autistic curse. You're told to be yourself but if you're too abrasive you're done for. Cause no one wants to be around that. No one wants to be around someone who's different from the rest in a bad way. And that's me. I'm the literal redheaded stepchild. I try to be like the others. And I can't. It's all for nothing. No one will ever love or understand the real me, maybe aside from one hopefully. And if they did they'd fucking laugh about it like I have, it's so absurd.

I've drifted away from my family despite trying to keep in touch. It's like they're ghosts now. I guess that comes with being an adult. It's like my dad dying but slower and more painful.


And I have nowhere else to talk, no one else to talk to. This is the last logical place to come. But, I may as well share my pain. I'm a fucking failure as a son, a failure as a boyfriend, a failure as an older brother, and maybe only a success at a grandson. And I could have been better. If I just stepped up to the plate when I needed to. Don't be like me if you're younger than me or still have those visible chances. You only get one. And the more you piss away, the more hollow you'll become.