How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Legalize Asbestos]

Not sure if this is a depressive phase or if it's just how my life's going to be, but I feel the overwhelming urge to leave

Sounds like you build traps and get stuck in them.
Bad news: wherever you go, you rebuild the trap.
Good news: there's tried-and-true ways to stop building the trap.

 

[souschef]

Pretty good, my GERD seems to be gone

Did two classes today. My first i had only 10 students and it went pretty smooth. Taught them three simple greek dishes, finished one hour early. The other class was a mess because there was 20 fucking children over there, so i dropped by to help both the chef and two monitors. As i got inside the kitchen a little girl flew towards me and hugged me for some reason. Don't know what it was about but it made my gray evil heart feel all warm and fuzzy inside

I'm pretty tired but later on i'll gather the strength to get to my kitchen and make some schnitzel for moms

 

[The man The only man]

I want to start all over, leave the country. Leave everyone behind and become a new person. I want no one to know me. At this point I don't even mind leaving all my family and never seeing them again, never seeing my home again

Not sure if this is a depressive phase or if it's just how my life's going to be, but I feel the overwhelming urge to leave

It depends on how much you will improve yourself when you "disappear" from there. You can go abroad but if you still have the same mindset then nothing will objectively change in your life. Simply moving somewhere else doesn't magically solve your personal/internal problems.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

Sounds like you build traps and get stuck in them.
Bad news: wherever you go, you rebuild the trap

It depends on how much you will improve yourself when you "disappear" from there. You can go abroad but if you still have the same mindset then nothing will objectively change in your life. Simply moving somewhere else doesn't magically solve your personal/internal problems.

I know, that's why I said I think I'm going through a depressive episode, what I'm thinking doesn't really make sense. My issues will always follow me no matter where I go. I'm just upset about it

 

[MazonLabs Recruitment Rep]

Also had two employees reek of alcohol and had to get them drug tested.

Hope your workplace is iron fisted on that. I remember a couple of employees we found passed out in their cars from doing junk.

 

[Squanto Airi]

Hope your workplace is iron fisted on that. I remember a couple of employees we found passed out in their cars from doing junk.

I hope so too, considering they're a bit too lenient on other things.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Date went very well. We hung out from the start of the morning. I loosened up a lot, got her a bouquet of flowers. She invited me to a wedding reception. For a second I got really hurt and thought she was just needing a warm body so she wasn't alone there and that's all this was... but then I realized who gives a fuck if that was part of her motives since she was actually cool to date and chill with anyways and she actually did seem like she wanted to keep in contact in the future, so then I proceeded to tell my inner critic to just settle down and go away for a bit. She also introduced me to a couple there who were her friends, who I thought would be super normies but were actually pretty awesome, we got talking about video game music and I brought up the stuff I like. We drove home listening to City Pop and some Persona 3. We hung out some more and let's just say the date ended on a very nice note.

But also... In between all that when I had some time to myself, I just hung out downtown and met more wonderful people.
I felt like I was back in 2006 for once. But as an adult. "Wait, I thought we retired this life feeling real things five years ago?" Yes, just a complete day where everything went well. Every single person I met was wonderful. Everything that happened was just really damn nice.

It is funny how a couple of weeks ago I was pretty much at my end, had probably the highest drive to end things as much and as soon as possible. And now here I am listening to Persona music and getting out and enjoying the world for once.

Don't kill yourself, my friends. The world can be a really beautiful place if you just let it in. Sometimes getting to the worst place is what you need to happen so you can rise in triumphant ways you never thought you could.

Will the other shoe drop and the pendulum swing again? Certainly. Will there be some karma to balance the scales and even things out. Of course. I know that's coming. But also... I just went on a date with a thicc chinese girl and had a great couple of days. I've met so many wonderful people in the last week it's insane. I have two more days off. You can't complain when things go the other way. That's life.

Thank you my brothers for the well wishes. And most importantly...

Things are okay!!

Enjoy the second go-out! And turn off your self-criticizing brain and have a good time!

Thank you, best girl.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Date

Oh, wow, your date and everything following was so awesome!!

The world can be a really beautiful place if you just let it in.

amen, friend

I'm beyond happy to hear this from you.

 

[Banquet Meal]

i went to the store earlier, and as i approached a red light..the brakes went out on the car for like 5 seconds...and then everything went back to normal.
was terrifying

 

[Betonhaus]

Haven't been taking any antidepressants for a couple weeks now and I feel basically the same. Turns out I was not depressed, and I was not suffering brain fog from a gluten sensitivity. Turns out i was eating too much salt and was basically dying.

And the annoying thing was i was pretty sure all my problems had a singular cause and finding it would be a simple fix, just with all the time spent trying to figure it out it never occoured to me that it was fucking salt.

And now I'm looking back and I can confidently say it started during covid when I temporarily lost my sense of taste, and my eating habits often put me at risk of sodium overdose - even when i was cooking something healthy. I lost five years of my life being sick all the time without any fucking clue why. I lost my savings, I had to give up my little sports car, I lost my good credit rating, I rotated through jobs often enough to lose my employment reputation, all because i was eating too much fucking salt.

Well, now that I know why and have been able to deal with it better I can start rebuilding my life slowly, but there's a lot of damage that needs to be undone.

 

[long waters]

i went to the store earlier, and as i approached a red light..the brakes went out on the car for like 5 seconds...and then everything went back to normal.
was terrifying

Damn, should get that checked out asap!

 

[Banquet Meal]

Damn, should get that checked out asap!

oh for sure. it was so weird...its like i pushed down on it, and i heard a clicking noise, and it went all the way to the floor, like it was out of place, and then it engaged again! i was VERY glad i wasnt going that fast

 

[Core Theorist]

Reading some of the shit you autists posts makes me glad I'm just a lazy sack of shit lmao

 

[Liquid Kent]

I just got my house keys two days ago.
Just got back from cleaning up the house and now I'm given 3 months from the key collection to officially tie the knot with my partner.

There are those who said this day would never come
what have they to say now?

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

She invited me to a wedding reception. For a second I got really hurt and thought she was just needing a warm body so she wasn't alone there

I actually think inviting you to a wedding reception is kind of a big deal. I personally wouldn't invite just some random dude that I was iffy about, so she probably does like you and thinks you're a safe person

####
As for me, uhh I'm having a hard time moving on and being productive when bad things keep happening every single day. It's hard finding the energy to keep pushing when you never see the results of anything

 

[FILTH Tourist]

Only had one request for an interview this month and I choked on my teaching demo because the kids already knew the material and spoke great english so I had no idea how to adjust my preplanned lesson to that. It's been a few days and I haven't gotten a rejection email yet so MAYBE I am still in the running for the position but I'm not going to count on it. The school is looking for licensed teachers, it's late in the hiring season and they are in an isolated spot. If they even gave me the time of day with my fucked up resume they might be hard up.

 

[Kirklandwarrior]

I want to start all over, leave the country. Leave everyone behind and become a new person. I want no one to know me. At this point I don't even mind leaving all my family and never seeing them again, never seeing my home again

Not sure if this is a depressive phase or if it's just how my life's going to be, but I feel the overwhelming urge to leave

French Foreign legion, they literally give you a brand new name. I have flirted with this idea.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I actually think inviting you to a wedding reception is kind of a big deal. I personally wouldn't invite just some random dude that I was iffy about, so she probably does like you and thinks you're a safe person.

Honestly, that's such a relief to hear. Yeah, I can be so incredibly unjust in how I treat people sometimes. I'm not trying to be abusive or push people away. But I've failed to realize until recently that overly questioning the ones around you and how much they care is one of the most painful things you can do to someone. I have this very much self-inflicted problem; I want people to love me, but the ones who actually do I don't believe anyways, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The next time I see her I'm going to set things right and apologize for ever doubting her.
Thank you.
As for...

As for me, uhh I'm having a hard time moving on and being productive when bad things keep happening every single day. It's hard finding the energy to keep pushing when you never see the results of anything

Set non goal goals. One thing I did recently is start back on my list of watching through the AFI top 100 movies. You don't need to be productive in the overly narrow modern sense. Try doing things that just test you a bit more, that make you a more full, complete person. People make fun of endless consoomerism or people getting too into their hobbies, but tbh I think people being a little too into their hobbies or interests is an endlessly more beneficial thing than everyone collectively throwing in the towel, giving up their interests and overly focusing on being a hustler or "official" member of society.
Whatever you're into, look for things inside of it you haven't tried and have a realistic goal that you'd be proud of reaching inside of it. And then refine that into an even smaller goal because as it turns out, the goals most people think are realistic for themselves really are not.
If you're into Warhammer, try a different faction. If you like reading, go for stuff you always wanted to read but haven't. Collect different minerals. Watch things out of your comfort zone. Be able to hike a difficult trail eventually. Whatever it is. Do something that you can be proud of in spite of everything.
Also watch the movie "Perfect Days" when you can. Movie about a japanese toilet cleaner. Beautiful story of a man who's not as successful or considered in high esteem as a lot of other people in society, but is managing to live a more happier and content life than most.
You'll get through this. Years from now, you'll remember all the bad stuff going on. But if you keep yourself busy and kind to yourself, you'll be surprised at how many amazing memories you'll have that somehow will overweigh all the other bloat when looking back.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

The next time I see her I'm going to set things right and apologize for ever doubting her.

Wait wait wait...did something happen? If you felt unsure but everything went fine, then why bring up something she has no idea about (and is also not a huge deal)? I mean, you know the situation so I could be way off, but "I'm sorry for ever doubting you" to someone you've only met recently (and it's going well with) seems a little...dramatic, maybe.

Unless there's some offense that's been given and she's voiced, I think I'd err on the side of being chill and light and happy rather than getting complicated, even in a well-intentioned way. .

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Wait wait wait...did something happen? If you felt unsure but everything went fine, then why bring up something she has no idea about (and is also not a huge deal)? I mean, you know the situation so I could be way off, but "I'm sorry for ever doubting you" to someone you've only met recently (and it's going well with) seems a little...dramatic, maybe.

Unless there's some offense that's been given and she's voiced, I think I'd err on the side of being chill and light and happy rather than getting complicated, even in a well-intentioned way. .

Well, silly me, I did bring it up towards the end of the reception while we were alone. It wasn't an argument and she wasn't angry or hurt or anything, but looking back I can kind of see how much of a dick move that would be, even if it was something I was feeling at the time. I know she's from out of town and I was just thinking maybe she just needed someone so she wouldn't be the one single person there, and I thought maybe that was the end of the affair. My mind goes really weird places sometimes. The rest of the night went well so I don't think it hurt her too much, but yeah it's something I'm learning. I've just been used as a means to an end in the past a lot so I get really in my head about the fact that it might be happening again, even when it would be obvious to most people that's not the case.

I just feel like I owe her an apology for that, because yeah looking at it from the outside, I'm just being a paranoid guy that is questioning why some seemingly really normal girl who's never met me actually would want to be around me. It's a shitty place to put your own head in, but it can also be really awful to put that on someone else who is literally just vibing. So that's it. I'm not going to make it the entire conversation. But people should have their faith in others rewarded, you know?