How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I think despite everything I'm mostly okay.
Most of my friends have abandoned me for one reason or another and the ones that have kept contact with me are usually too busy or have have kids now that keep them from hanging out.
My dad is 72 and having heart issues which really scares me considering he's probably the only person I actually care about anymore.
Between worrying about my dad and general existential dread I've been having trouble sleeping. I keep waking up in the middle of the night in a panic and I think it might be wearing on my sanity.
Thank absent god the Marine Handbook has my back.
 
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Ah, I'm off work at the moment due to stress / depression and on one hand it sucks because I love my job and my customers and all of that, but then on the other hand - I know that if I was there currently in the mindset that I'm in, I wouldn't be able to function properly. It really sucks when other people ruin your job for you; not to mention I KNOW that these people assume I'm just off because it's Christmas and will make certain to tell every manager in the building as much...however, I don't even celebrate Christmas.
To be honest, I just want this year to fucking end already, it's been a shitter *sigh*
 
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I feel very empty and have lost touch with who I am. I'd say I loathe who I've become but I'm too dispassionate to even manage that. I'm fairly certain I have a porn/sex addiction so I think I'm gonna try to be completely celibate for as much of 2020 as I can and focus on my studies, working, exercising, figuring out how to live a moral life, and generally cleaning up my act. I've kinda become a major tool and hate myself for it, somewhat because I suck, but mainly because I miss the better self it came to replace. But I guess being able to recognize that means I'm not too far gone, so cheers. Here's to an uphill battle.

I've also developed pretty severe insomnia and, more importantly, a phobia of sleep. Sleeping and the idea of sleeping fills me with anxiety. Outside of a weighted blanket (which I now have from Christmas) and alcohol, I've tried everything under the sun to help. I'm going to hopefully start seeing a counselor as soon as I can.

Sorry for rambling, but it's nice to put my thoughts out somewhere.
 
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Got my cumulative GPA over 3.7, retained my perfect CS department GPA, and am on track to graduate a year early. Never thought I'd even pass my first year of college after earning a 3.3 weighted GPA in high school; probably the only reason I even got into a mid-end state school is because I managed to get 1530/1600 on the SAT lol

Now I'm seriously considering grad school. Going to take an official GRE practice test when I get home from relatives and hopefully get 325+ because I'm confident I can at least get a perfect quantitative score.
 
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Man...my life has been a non-stop montage of shit. First, my Dad is in the hospital because his asshole has been fused together by his anal warts, and I had to take a second job at the Zoo scrubbing elephant balls with a toothbrush to pay for his surgery. My son is also in the hospital after his fourth suicide attempt because he didn't like the season finale of Glee. My wife left me for my worst enemy who killed my mother before my eyes when I was fourteen years old and then got off on a technicality.
 
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dinoman said:
Man...my life has been a non-stop montage of shit. First, my Dad is in the hospital because his asshole has been fused together by his anal warts, and I had to take a second job at the Zoo scrubbing elephant balls with a toothbrush to pay for his surgery. My son is also in the hospital after his fourth suicide attempt because his didn't like the seasonal finale of Glee. My wife left me for my worst enemy who killed my mother before my eyes when I was fourteen years old and then got off on a technicality.
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Holy shit bro. That sounds beyond horrifying, can't even imagine how hard all of that must be. Stay strong :heart-full:
 
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Only a day from finally going home to see the fam, and i'll be there from the 28th to the 6th of January. We're having venison medallions wrapped in bacon and fried oysters the first night I'm home, and I'm anticipating a lot of weed smoking, bonfires, and music discussion with my reprobate white trash uncle. Get me the fuck outta Yankee Land
 
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dinoman said:
You didn't think I was being serious, did you?
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Ahh you got me! I've never watched AA, (if I'm getting the people right last I heard of him was that he fucked himself with a banana?) I fall for stuff like that too easily haha
 
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dinoman said:
Man...my life has been a non-stop montage of shit. First, my Dad is in the hospital because his asshole has been fused together by his anal warts, and I had to take a second job at the Zoo scrubbing elephant balls with a toothbrush to pay for his surgery. My son is also in the hospital after his fourth suicide attempt because he didn't like the season finale of Glee. My wife left me for my worst enemy who killed my mother before my eyes when I was fourteen years old and then got off on a technicality.
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If you didn't want to scrub elephant balls you probably shouldn't have applied to work at a zoo that proudly advertises they have the shiniest elephant balls in all of Christendom
 
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been having some killer brain fog over the last couple of days but it seems to have subsided

also recently found out that cosmopolitans are just cranberry juice with vodka. so that's neat.
 
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FuckedUp said:
Got my cumulative GPA over 3.7, retained my perfect CS department GPA, and am on track to graduate a year early. Never thought I'd even pass my first year of college after earning a 3.3 weighted GPA in high school; probably the only reason I even got into a mid-end state school is because I managed to get 1530/1600 on the SAT lol

Now I'm seriously considering grad school. Going to take an official GRE practice test when I get home from relatives and hopefully get 325+ because I'm confident I can at least get a perfect quantitative score.
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gre practice test 1 results.png

Pretty happy with this considering I didn't know half the vocab words
edit: how the fuck did I get 17/20 correct on the first verbal section and only 12/20 on the second when the latter had way easier vocab? :\
 
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