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I keep hearing religious types going on about how "that blood moon plus an earthquake means the sixth of seven seals for judgement day will be lifted. "

I'm not much of a praying man myself, I try to stay open minded but if there's one thing I never liked when it came to religion is the whole left behind Armageddon doomsday thing. I wanted to live an average Joe life, not one where I could be looking at living through those crappy Curt Cameron left behind movies


(well the first one was OK)
 
I keep hearing religious types going on about how "that blood moon plus an earthquake means the sixth of seven seals for judgement day will be lifted. "

I'm not much of a praying man myself, I try to stay open minded but if there's one thing I never liked when it came to religion is the whole left behind Armageddon doomsday thing. I wanted to live an average Joe life, not one where I could be looking at living through those crappy Curt Cameron left behind movies


(well the first one was OK)

There seems to be a "blood moon" every time NASA feels their social media accounts aren't getting enough engagement, and earthquakes happen every day.

Letting the laity read the Bible was a mistake.
 
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After months of insanity and arguments and letting myself be insulted and belittled I told my mentally ill, narcissistic ex last week that I'm done and cut him off. I get a call while at work on Wednesday from the emergency room, he did something to get the cops to take him in. The doctor said he didn't see any reason to keep him so I assume he didn't try to hurt himself, he was just acting crazy. I gave him the highlight reel and said I'm not comfortable seeing or talking to him so there's nothing I can do. I haven't heard anything since then and he hasn't been active on any social media or on Playstation (which is the biggest shock to me) so I really hope that they either kept him or sent him to a psych facility of some sort. I'm just surprised that he hasn't tried to contact me. I'm scared and I can't stop worrying because even though he's been horrible to me, especially since I broke up with him, I still care about him and I just want him to be okay. I know I can't blame myself if anything happens/happened, but being a codependent idiot I know I will and I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.
 
Depression is getting worse, every time I go to therapy I only feel drained afterwards, nothing to look forward to aside from sleep and food but I’m already fat. It’s hard to get out of bed some days and it’s been hard trying to accept people again after years of trust issues and wall building.
Can’t even cry this shit out, I’m just empty inside
 
I went to a doctor's appointment and was told to exercise more after recommendations to a gastroenterologist, and a dermatologist.
Walked turtles
And practiced on the keyboard
Will walk tomorrow morning prior to an online meeting, also about health.
 
Depression is getting worse, every time I go to therapy I only feel drained afterwards, nothing to look forward to aside from sleep and food but I’m already fat. It’s hard to get out of bed some days and it’s been hard trying to accept people again after years of trust issues and wall building.
Can’t even cry this shit out, I’m just empty inside
I know what it's like, but I also know how any word of advice feels in that state, so I'll just wish you to get better. Also, don't be afraid to tell your therapist if therapy doesn't help.
 
Two days ago I went to the gym that just reopened, again. I came a few minutes before the doors unlocked at 05:15 am.
Just did some squats, leg press and pull ups. I thought it was a light workout, and I have been working out at home meanwhile.
Nah, still sore. When I really should workout today, so I'm taking another day off. While it's not necessarily harmful to workout while sore. I just don't like doing it, it puts my mind on the "pain". While I should think of proper technique.
And now, I have to buy more sunscreen, because I'm low on that. No burning, but I would never forgive myself for premature ageing because of UV *sigh*

My parents is visiting me in august. So did sperg out in my thoughts the majority of yesterday (really love to think and plan out my ineriour), if I should buy some stuff and make my TV area "complete". Or just wait on it, because the other stuff I'm eyeing is vintage. Meanwhile the TV area stuff isn't.
Thing is, I would obviously buy the vintage first. So I'm just feeling this way, cause I feel it's kinda embarrassing to not complete that area of my apartment because my parents are coming over.

Important to mention, it's about authentic luxury brand homeware. So not going to be able to buy the other in a while.
 
I got a haircut which was very nice, all that long hair gone. While I was there I also asked them to remove my beard, just use the trimmer and leave 2mm or so. So they did, then they brought out the straight razor to shape the stubble line and now I look like a gayer, George Michael. God damn persians.

It's either not all bad or it gets worse from there. I sat down at a lunch place the other day next to some people that are work-adjacent but we don't see each other very frequently and they obviously didn't recognize me. They were hatching a socjus-style plot to cancel a woman that is also work-adjacent. Part of the reason for this was that the scheming woman was feeling very resentful because the other woman's friendly and cheery attitude makes her easy to be around or as scheming-woman called it: popular, or "she thinks she's popular" and that is a sin.

She actually is a delight, so the core of the plot is that she will file a vague complaint saying she's heard that others don't feel comfortable because something-something mental health and other important socjus buzzwords. Other than being popular it also seemed to boil down to scheming-woman taking offense to a joke one time and instead of saying anything she's been seething and that's why she will try to cancel delightful-woman while pretending to represent the people that don't dare to come forward and tell their stories.

I have some dealings with delightful-woman in the near future and I don't know what to say. "Do you know the playbook of retarded twitter cancel culture? Well, you're going to find out...[starts powerpoint presentation]"
 
Had a setback yesterday. Pain kept increasing Tuesday and Wednesday. Early Thursday morning copped to reality, dialed 911, first time in my life as passenger in back of ambulance. Got some heavier-duty meds for the pain. Did another MRI, surgeon checked, nothing else needing to come out.

Spent night under observation. This hospital's food is pretty good. Watched some TV - Jesus Christ, the shit's awful. Got more scrips, plan to do as little as possible for another week. Post-op with surgeon Wednesday.

Am sure there are things more painful than sciatica, but would be very hard to think of anything.
 
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how I've been feeling for the past few months.
I've mostly disconnected from reality outside of my little bubble. Nothing feels real anymore.
 
I've been a bit lethargic for the last few days. I work and drink too much and sleep too little, but that's normal for me. I'm going to slow down a little and sleep a little more over the holiday weekend and see if that fixes it. God forbid I have to drink less. That's the last resort.
 
I've mostly disconnected from reality outside of my little bubble. Nothing feels real anymore.
Same, my sleep schedule is fucked, i keep isolating myself due to trauma and everything is numb.
Nothing really changed after therapy aside from a vitamin d recommendation. If that doesn’t work, I might have to tell her we might need to try something else. Ironic how I feel empty now and not during my teenage angst phase or during the relentless trauma.

Gonna try and play around with miitopia’s mii maker more. I need to finish up my land of the fae miis and since one character is an old dude, I’m gonna need all the time I can. Even though I’m in neksdor
 
I'm having a rough day.

I think the end of covid is just reminding me that I never had a very exciting social life to begin with, so the return of the old, lame social life is kind of a letdown.
Are you lamenting that you never had a social life and wanted one or that you are antisocial and now you no longer have an excuse to be antisocial. If you want to be more social all you have to do is insert yourself into social situations. Maybe you'll be the weird one in the group, but you will be there and can work your way into friendships. If you are antisocial reject society and just do what you want. I'm pretty antisocial, but I'll insert myself into social situations that interest me and continue to be the weird antisocial guy observing the interesting things. Just be you and eventually everyone around you will just accept you for whatever kind of weirdo you are.
 
Are you lamenting that you never had a social life and wanted one or that you are antisocial and now you no longer have an excuse to be antisocial. If you want to be more social all you have to do is insert yourself into social situations. Maybe you'll be the weird one in the group, but you will be there and can work your way into friendships. If you are antisocial reject society and just do what you want. I'm pretty antisocial, but I'll insert myself into social situations that interest me and continue to be the weird antisocial guy observing the interesting things. Just be you and eventually everyone around you will just accept you for whatever kind of weirdo you are.

I have friends but it's always like a lowkey scene. Hangout, fuck around, kick a few rocks, drink a few beers.

I planned a weekend that was going to be a total rager in my mind, but 2/3 of the people I originally invited can't make it for good reasons (like two of them are getting huge promotions at work, two have friends getting married that weekend, and so forth), so it's probably going to be a lowkey scene. Hangout, fuck around, kick a few rocks, drink a few beers.

I'm sure it's going to be fun, but more like Melissa Etheridge fun and less like Kid Rock fun.

Not to psychologize myself but it's funny to go through something like the last year and realize you're the same person with the same life. And I feel kind of lame having hyped this in my mind into a huge thing. Like half-assing it like I half-ass everything else I do would have been a less disappointing option. Which goes back to realizing that you're the same person you always were.
 
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