How could Chris get into (better) shape?

[Plissken]

He couldn't get into better shape. As others have said. it's because he thinks he's a barrel-chested, ripped, pinnacle of masculinity. Not to mention it requires alot of effort to lose alot of weight (Believe me, I know this from experience, It's taken me 8 months to drop 50 lbs, so close to physical fitness though, just need to lose another 10% body fat, which should take 3-4 more months), whereas chris would rather sit on his fat ass playing vidya all day. The other problem is that since 14 branchland ct is so full of crap, Chris would need to workout outside or at a gym, and he'd have to go to charlottesville to go to a gym since I'm pretty sure ruckersville doesnt have a gym. The problem with this is that Snorlax wouldn't let him workout because she gets bitchy when he's not within 3 feet of her 24/7. This is also one of those problems that couldn't be solved even if Bob was alive to this day.

TL;DR version: Chris would rather play vidya all day, and couldnt exercise even if he wanted too because of Barb.

 

[osideguy92]

For strength, there's lots of great bodyweight exercises and water jugs make great near-free barbells. Again, lots of apps for this. I've heard Nike ones are good, but I just do the Nerd Fitness bodyweight circuit for now. All of this free, and Chris doesn't need to leave his home. Fitocracy might appeal to him; it's a game that logs your physical activity, assigns points, and levels you up based on them.

However, all this is useless because Chris is lazy and believes he's perfect. He will continue eating McNuggets and guzzling sweet tea until he dies with a clogged heart while seeing a perfectly muscled stud in his mirror.

I want to thank you for bringing my attention to Fitocracy. I've downloaded the app right after I read you explaining and I've been addicted ever since. Also, FWIW, as to whether Chris would benefit from something like a Fitocracy-type app, I can TOTALLY see him either downloading the app and just letting it lay dormant, or listing some absurd number of push-ups/sit-ups/leg curls/any other exercise in one of his first listed workouts, solely for screencapping-for-Facebook purposes, and THEN letting the app lay dormant after having properly bragged to all his FB friends.

 

[Himawari]

I don't feel like reading all six pages right now, but has anyone mentioned DDR yet?

My brother's friend lost something like forty pounds playing the game obsessively (granted, this was back when he was a teenager, I'm not sure it would be so easy for a middle-aged man to lose weight like that), and it's one of those rhythm games that Chris would love.

 

[Coldgrip]

I don't feel like reading all six pages right now, but has anyone mentioned DDR yet?

My brother's friend lost something like forty pounds playing the game obsessively (granted, this was back when he was a teenager, I'm not sure it would be so easy for a middle-aged man to lose weight like that), and it's one of those rhythm games that Chris would love.

Considering how much the horde has taken over, is there even enough space for the DDR dancepad? That and Chris flailing around might cause a landslide of filth and debris to come crashing down and bury him and Borb.

 

[CatParty]

The DDR dance pad must stay on the wall as it is the portal to cwcville

 

[pickleniggo]

The DDR dance pad must stay on the wall as it is the portal to cwcville

If he uses it, does it cause Earthquakes and other natural disasters in Cwcville?

 

[applecat]

The DDR dance pad must stay on the wall as it is the portal to cwcville

If he uses it, does it cause Earthquakes and other natural disasters in Cwcville?

Don't forget mud slides.

 

[Marvin]

I don't feel like reading all six pages right now, but has anyone mentioned DDR yet?

My brother's friend lost something like forty pounds playing the game obsessively (granted, this was back when he was a teenager, I'm not sure it would be so easy for a middle-aged man to lose weight like that), and it's one of those rhythm games that Chris would love.

Considering how much the horde has taken over, is there even enough space for the DDR dancepad? That and Chris flailing around might cause a landslide of filth and debris to come crashing down and bury him and Borb.

If he could get away from Barb for a bit, he could do it in his room. But that's a big if. Maybe Chris could find opportunities while Barb is sleeping.

 

[PacSol]

If he could get away from Barb for a bit, he could do it in his room. But that's a big if. Maybe Chris could find opportunities while Barb is sleeping.

I dunno. I'm generally regarded as a heavy sleeper, but even I've been woken up by fat people playing DDR.

 

[Bob's Fries]

If he could get away from Barb for a bit, he could do it in his room. But that's a big if. Maybe Chris could find opportunities while Barb is sleeping.

I dunno. I'm generally regarded as a heavy sleeper, but even I've been woken up by fat people playing DDR.

That said, I never owned a DDR pad, but wouldn't they break under heavy weight?

 

[Globe]

Far as the OP is concerned, I really don't think he could. I just couldn't imagine any scenario at this point where he does any sort of cardio for more than five minutes WITHOUT going directly into cardiac arrest afterwards. I've seen people weighing more than four hundred pounds that still somehow many to look healthier than OPL.

 

[PacSol]

That said, I never owned a DDR pad, but wouldn't they break under heavy weight?

I looked online, and the available information is somewhat conflicting. I've seen figures saying that soft pads are generally rated up to around 200 pounds, while arcade style metal pads are rated between 300 and 500 pounds. On the other hand, people who exceed these weights have reported not having problems. It may be a case of different manufacturers having products of varying quality, or the amount of force actually used during gameplay (light taps versus hard stomps, for instance).

 

[Coldgrip]

The soft plastic ones are pretty durable, that and when you're playing DDR at home you're not usually wearing shoes so that would save a bit of wear and tear on them. Considering all the garbage in the Chandler house though, it'd be more likely that something sharp would wind up causing a tear in the plastic which would allow filth and possibly bugs looking for a place to nest into it which would probably cause more damage to it than an obese, 30 year old cross-dresser flailing around to the speedy version of Cartoon Heroes.

 

[MY 405]

That said, I never owned a DDR pad, but wouldn't they break under heavy weight?

I looked online, and the available information is somewhat conflicting. I've seen figures saying that soft pads are generally rated up to around 200 pounds, while arcade style metal pads are rated between 300 and 500 pounds. On the other hand, people who exceed these weights have reported not having problems. It may be a case of different manufacturers having products of varying quality, or the amount of force actually used during gameplay (light taps versus hard stomps, for instance).

Not to "out" anyone in my household (both of us, fat) but in home DDR works just fine for us Hefty Hideaway gals (aka Hambeasts, land manatees) My only problem is I suck at it the same way I sucked at Twister when I was 7.

 

[Plissken]

If he could get away from Barb for a bit, he could do it in his room. But that's a big if. Maybe Chris could find opportunities while Barb is sleeping.

I dunno. I'm generally regarded as a heavy sleeper, but even I've been woken up by fat people playing DDR.

That said, I never owned a DDR pad, but wouldn't they break under heavy weight?

No, those things can take a surprising amount of weight actually, Besides, chris is lighter than me (I'm 6'4 though) and I occasionally break out the DDR pad and use it, and it still works fine

 

[HexBawxUno]

If we're talking games: Too bad Kinect is HEX BAWX's motion gaming system. It seems to be harder to fake the motions than PS Move or Wii, and from what I've heard, Dance Central beats DDR for exercise.

 

[Furina]

Chrissy-pants needs cardio. He's been blessed with a remarkable metabolism and probably only needs a bit of a push to get his body pumping and ripping through the fat. I reckon Chris is a thin person trapped in a fat body and some regular jogging, swimming and climbing will free that person. Of course, Chris refuses to believe he has a problem and thus will take no steps to fix it until he cholesterol-clogged arteries finally put him out of his misery.

Its a real pity he's got such a short life expectancy, I don't know what I'll do without OLP

 

[KatsuKitty]

Bicycling is amazing. I lost 65 pounds that way. Keep the heart rate up for an hour or more. It's fucking awful going up hill and stuff, but I never said it was easy.

 

[Marvin]

Bicycling is amazing. I lost 65 pounds that way. Keep the heart rate up for an hour or more. It's fucking awful going up hill and stuff, but I never said it was easy.

Oh damn straight. I'm needing to get some exercise.

 

[homerbeoulve]

Bicycling is amazing. I lost 65 pounds that way. Keep the heart rate up for an hour or more. It's fucking awful going up hill and stuff, but I never said it was easy.

I only lost 25 lbs by jogging 3 times a week in 2 weeks span.