How depressing is Chris's future?

[MrTroll]

Come on. Chris would get a sledgehammer and knock down a wall if that's what it took to get back to his PS Triple.

 

[Becomedizzy]

I was watching the documentary "I think We're Alone Now" and one of the characters, Jeff Turner, reminded me of Chris. I think once Barb has gone to that great Q-Sand Buffet in the sky, Chris's future will be full of leftover hoards, obsessions, and conspiracy theories. Just like Jeff...

 

[Mr. 0]

^Assuming she didn't die in the interim, Snorlax would probably let him in at some point, once she gets of her holey ass. Though I can't imagine Chris not keeping his car & house keys on the same ring.

 

[Marvin]

What MrTroll said, Chris would just break a window or something. It'd take some desperation, but if Chris was stuck outside, he'd eventually do it.

Chris could fall for a cult just like any other person would. But I'd just wonder about how likely it would be for Chris to encounter a cult trying to fleece him.

 

[Picklepower]

I was watching the documentary "I think We're Alone Now" and one of the characters, Jeff Turner, reminded me of Chris. I think once Barb has gone to that great Q-Sand Buffet in the sky, Chris's future will be full of leftover hoards, obsessions, and conspiracy theories. Just like Jeff...

LOL you saw that too? I gotta ask, did you see it cuz you saw my recommendation?

 

[DrChristianTroy]

I like the idea of Chris not even considering a doorbell and just breaking in after a hearty stress sigh.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

I'm a bit curious if he'll be able to get a PSQuad on launch day and how long the consumer high will last him.

Shame they nixed the idea of packing the PSeye with it. I had a very slight hope he'd feel tempted to try it out just because it'd be new and he'd want to see if the PS4 offered any new features with it.

 

[QI 541]

Chris could fall for a cult just like any other person would. But I'd just wonder about how likely it would be for Chris to encounter a cult trying to fleece him.

Cults rely on using emotional manipulation to make you care enough about them. Chris only cares about himself. He might join a cult, but I doubt he'd be committed to it.

 

[CatParty]

I like the idea of Chris not even considering a doorbell and just breaking in after a hearty stress sigh.

i like to imagine him getting stuck in a hole of the hoard ala winnie the pooh.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

I was watching the documentary "I think We're Alone Now" and one of the characters, Jeff Turner, reminded me of Chris.

I can kind of see what you mean, except that Jeff is actually rather handsome for his age, and if not for the 'tism, would probably be perfectly dateable within his own age group. Hell, we have a whole ten-page thread about pairing Chris up with some chick who also has special needs (conclusion: he would refuse anyone impaired enough to think he was in any way appealing), and the documentary Monica and David shows two people with cognitive impairments (I think Down's in her case) preparing for their wedding. Sadly Jeff would need a lot of cognitive therapy to help him realize when a woman he's met, as opposed to a celebrity with whom he fantasizes they already have a really amazing relationship, is into him.

Still, I'm going to award him "Better Than Chris" points in that he does have "random-access humor" (there's even an outtakes video of silly comments he makes about people, mostly when worked up, but some of them are legit funny); he is incredibly loyal, as only after stalking Tiffany for years without his desired result did he turn to Alyssa Milano (and persistent and logical enough to get through Milano's security perimeter); he enjoys meeting new people; he goes to church because he actually believes that shit, not so people can find him a girlfriend and fix his life; and he has enough self-awareness and sense of humor about himself that he was in a music video not too long ago, playing... an obsessive stalker.

 

[Tim Buckley]

Chris doesn't have to be alone.
All he needs to do is lower his expectations. Get rid of some of his self-imposed restrictions, like demanding his potential sweethearts be... female...

Chris needs to read the "Trucker Fags in Denial" comic, take it literally and embrace it to get some hanky panky with a similar human being without getting rid of his bigotry.

I'm almost wondering if chris would attempt to force his way into Coleslaw's life.

I could see that as a very intersting movie actually, film critic as he is, Cole would probably see it like that too, though saddly I don't think he would take the responsability or even consider it.

 

[Holdek]

I know I'm gonna get it from the pencil-dicks on this, but one remotely-possible scenario, where I can see Chris permanently leaving 14BC on his own, is if he were indoctrinated into some kind of commune group or cult. Yeah yeah, Fuck you. Bear with me on this, a second...

He's really suggestible, right? We all know how lonely he is. I think if a group of people promised that they would love him unconditionally and care for him (possibly even include him in orgies or wife shares), I can see Chris jumping on board without considering the potential risks. That part I don't see as unlikely at all... Lots of less-naive and more-intelligent people get sucked into such groups on a daily basis.

The unlikely part is that I don't see any such group viewing Chris as being a good member (he's an angry and lazy manchild with serious problems) or a good mark (he isn't worth much, and he can't work hard). Only the real zealots who think they are saving him, would ever consider taking on Chris. What makes it almost impossible is that you have to go out of your way to find these groups, and Chris can't even be bothered to find the bathroom in time not to make boom boom in his Monster High panties. Until cults start combing McDonald's for filthy obese marks, Chris is probably safe.

If Chris leaves 14BC, it's almost definitely because some external force is making him - either the house becomes uninhabitable, he loses possession of the house, a court of law orders him to live somewhere else, a court of law incarcerates him, or someone else who Chris believes has authority over him is able to pressure him into moving. Another remote chance is if a better opportunity comes up, and Chris is intelligent enough to see the benefits, but I think that's even more-remote than the cult possibility. I don't see a rich patron saint stepping up to fund it (there's no way the state of federal government would fund it, unless Chris suffers severe brain damage), and we all know Chris' tendency to throw offers of help in other peoples' faces because he doesn't want help - he wants a gift-wrapped life.

Cults make you do things and sacrifice things for the group. Chris wouldn't do either.

Chris could fall for a cult just like any other person would.

In some ways his autism and the rigidity of thinking it causes him might be his best defense against indoctrination. He may have crazy ideas, but they are his crazy ideas, and if someone tried to change the way he fundamentally thinks about the world he would say, "That's stupid!" or, "My mind is closed on the subject!"

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I'm a bit curious if he'll be able to get a PSQuad on launch day and how long the consumer high will last him.

Shame they nixed the idea of packing the PSeye with it. I had a very slight hope he'd feel tempted to try it out just because it'd be new and he'd want to see if the PS4 offered any new features with it.

I'd be amazed if Chris doesn't pick up the new Eyecam as well, he'll want the full quad experience and functionality. And talking of cults, Chris is already a member of the cult of Sony, so a new one would have to offer him something he'd value more than a PS4.

 

[GFYS]

Cults make you do things and sacrifice things for the group. Chris wouldn't do either.
In some ways his autism and the rigidity of thinking it causes him might be his best defense against indoctrination. He may have crazy ideas, but they are his crazy ideas, and if someone tried to change the way he fundamentally thinks about the world he would say, "That's stupid!" or, "My mind is closed on the subject!"

He shoved a Sonichu medallion up his anus for a fake girl, and smashed his Life Upgrade for a vague promise of $9001. He may be more paranoid now, but if someone were to slip past that, we know there's an element of Chris that is eager to please if he thinks it'll get him some china from his heartsweet or money for toys. I think if someone were to look him in the eye, and pitch a con to him, he'd fall for it because he has almost no experience with face-to-face social interaction. Most of his villains are online cartoon homosexuals, and anonymous voices over the phone, not an actual living breathing person.

To a well-practiced con artist, Chris' rigid mindset and tendency towards routine would be very easy to exploit, once they determine what motivates Chris and what rules dictate his actions. Even with a paranoid mark, there's ways of turning their paranoia around against them.

The only cap you need is a pretty girl, and every good grift has a girl or three on the payroll. Hell, the best games are run by women. I think if Chris could see a pair of boobies dangling a few feet away from his grubby fat fingers, and kept being told he can have them tomorrow, one could string him along for a week or few - at least long enough to fuck him over and throw him to the wind, or effectively lead him to a point that he can't easily escape (that's part of the reason why many cult compounds are in remote locations, surrounded by uninhabitable land).

Chris' best defense is that he's such an undesirable mark. Just look at him. Nobody worth more than a dime would want to work him. The only odds is if some crazy religious mission sees him as some kind of lost soul that needs to be saved, and either lure him or kidnap him. I remember crazy fucks like that around DC and Norfolk, but never west of I95.

 

[DangDirtyTrolls]

To be honest I'm actually surprised Chris hasn't been conned outside of the Joshua Martinez/Vanessa Hudgens thing. He's such a good mix of gullible, naive and stupid it seems like he'd be the perfect target even for my first confidence trick type hustles. I guess there are some pros to never leaving the house.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

To be honest I'm actually surprised Chris hasn't been conned outside of the Joshua Martinez/Vanessa Hudgens thing. He's such a good mix of gullible, naive and stupid it seems like he'd be the perfect target even for my first confidence trick type hustles. I guess there are some pros to never leaving the house.

He did fall for the Vector scam.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

Chris has such a wretched personality that the only people willing to put up with him for long periods of time are people who feel some sort of obligation (morally, spritually, etc) to put up with him or are trying to get something from him. People like Anna are in the latter while still keeping a foot in the former in an attempt to fool others or delude themselves.

Chris was the perfect mark prior to trolling. Now he's paranoid. He's still a target but I think in the future when he has more financial responsibilities he'll be be more prone to walking himself into a scam because he'll think he's found a method of paying the bills AND getting a new console/parade of game purchases.

 

[Becomedizzy]

LOL you saw that too? I gotta ask, did you see it cuz you saw my recommendation?

Actually, no. Lol. I was browsing through Netflix a couple of months ago late one night and I saw it posted there and I vaguely remembered Tiffany having some weird stalker that she had to have restraining order placed on or something. I was watching it and was like "Holy Shit. It's Chris." Yesterday, it popped up on my FB news feed and I was like "I wonder if the guys on the Forum have seen it?" Was considering posting a new thread but I figured this was the perfect place.

I was watching the documentary "I think We're Alone Now" and one of the characters, Jeff Turner, reminded me of Chris.

I can kind of see what you mean, except that Jeff is actually rather handsome for his age, and if not for the 'tism, would probably be perfectly dateable within his own age group. Hell, we have a whole ten-page thread about pairing Chris up with some chick who also has special needs (conclusion: he would refuse anyone impaired enough to think he was in any way appealing), and the documentary Monica and David shows two people with cognitive impairments (I think Down's in her case) preparing for their wedding. Sadly Jeff would need a lot of cognitive therapy to help him realize when a woman he's met, as opposed to a celebrity with whom he fantasizes they already have a really amazing relationship, is into him.

Still, I'm going to award him "Better Than Chris" points in that he does have "random-access humor" (there's even an outtakes video of silly comments he makes about people, mostly when worked up, but some of them are legit funny); he is incredibly loyal, as only after stalking Tiffany for years without his desired result did he turn to Alyssa Milano (and persistent and logical enough to get through Milano's security perimeter); he enjoys meeting new people; he goes to church because he actually believes that shit, not so people can find him a girlfriend and fix his life; and he has enough self-awareness and sense of humor about himself that he was in a music video not too long ago, playing... an obsessive stalker.

Oh, I agree. Trust me. Jeff has a certain creepy charm to him. I watched the Monica and David doc and loved it, btw.
Did he actually manage to get past Alyssa's security? I remember thinking at the end, how funny it was that his "stalker" cycle was repeating again. But he definitely does seem as if he is quite an interesting character, though.

 

[Chrus Chundlur]

Chris could fall for a cult just like any other person would. But I'd just wonder about how likely it would be for Chris to encounter a cult trying to fleece him.

Cults rely on using emotional manipulation to make you care enough about them. Chris only cares about himself. He might join a cult, but I doubt he'd be committed to it.

 

[Holdek]

Cults make you do things and sacrifice things for the group. Chris wouldn't do either.
In some ways his autism and the rigidity of thinking it causes him might be his best defense against indoctrination. He may have crazy ideas, but they are his crazy ideas, and if someone tried to change the way he fundamentally thinks about the world he would say, "That's stupid!" or, "My mind is closed on the subject!"

He shoved a Sonichu medallion up his anus for a fake girl, and smashed his Life Upgrade for a vague promise of $9001. He may be more paranoid now, but if someone were to slip past that, we know there's an element of Chris that is eager to please if he thinks it'll get him some china from his heartsweet or money for toys. I think if someone were to look him in the eye, and pitch a con to him, he'd fall for it because he has almost no experience with face-to-face social interaction. Most of his villains are online cartoon homosexuals, and anonymous voices over the phone, not an actual living breathing person.

To a well-practiced con artist, Chris' rigid mindset and tendency towards routine would be very easy to exploit, once they determine what motivates Chris and what rules dictate his actions. Even with a paranoid mark, there's ways of turning their paranoia around against them.

The only cap you need is a pretty girl, and every good grift has a girl or three on the payroll. Hell, the best games are run by women. I think if Chris could see a pair of boobies dangling a few feet away from his grubby fat fingers, and kept being told he can have them tomorrow, one could string him along for a week or few - at least long enough to fuck him over and throw him to the wind, or effectively lead him to a point that he can't easily escape (that's part of the reason why many cult compounds are in remote locations, surrounded by uninhabitable land).

Chris' best defense is that he's such an undesirable mark. Just look at him. Nobody worth more than a dime would want to work him. The only odds is if some crazy religious mission sees him as some kind of lost soul that needs to be saved, and either lure him or kidnap him. I remember crazy fucks like that around DC and Norfolk, but never west of I95.

A financial con? Yes. A cult? Doubtful.

To be honest I'm actually surprised Chris hasn't been conned outside of the Joshua Martinez/Vanessa Hudgens thing. He's such a good mix of gullible, naive and stupid it seems like he'd be the perfect target even for my first confidence trick type hustles. I guess there are some pros to never leaving the house.

It's because, for whatever reason, the trolls frowned upon Martinez' trying to con Chris out of money. No, the Inner Circle had a much more noble goal: [cwc]Laughs Under Lucricities[/cwc].