How do I get self confidence as a person who grew up having none and struggles with social anxiety? - (sorry for my poor english and spelling)

[Sunraku]

So, like, I know this isn't really the web forum to ask this or anything really but;
1) I'm desprate
2) I trust that you guys would pretty much tell me how it is without the facebook cringe bs
3) Before you ask I'm getting therapy my doctor just sent the referal lol
For a bit of background I'm pretty much a shut in unhappy with my life and constantly hate things about myself physically and mentally. I want to work on trying to improve myself and my life so, yk, I don't hate myself anymore and can actually be happy with my life.
Any advice works really tbh, I'm also job hunting atm too so yeaa.
Anyways thank you guys for the help

 

[cybertoaster]

First stop using anime girl avatars, specially ones from porn or borderline porn (genshin, that game where all the girls look like hookers pretending to be ships, that other one that's hookers but with guns, fate stay coomer, etc...)

Second, just follow the Jocko Willink method:

Third, you still reading? good, don't go to therapy unless its cognitive who're gonna advice you on your specific problems, else its a waste of time. If you're gonna do talk therapy you're better off just installing some LLM and talking to the computer, I say install because you really don't want to unload all your stuff to system running on a glowie'd datacenter, keep that shit local. Most traditional therapists don't give a fuck about you or your problems, they wont even remember what you told them 2 sessions ago, it is a field plagued with mediocrity and incompetence and they're all in into the genderkampf, all the competent ones who didn't got told to leave.

As for work I've zero advice, its a bloodbath right now, good luck with that.

 

[Spiny Rumples]

1. Find a place where it's safe to be a dumbass.
2. Be a dumbass (but don't do anything immoral that you wouldn't forgive).
3. If people still tolerate you there, now you have a place to experiment safely.
4. Test out the basic advice shit. Work out. Sleep well. Get a haircut. Grow a backbone. Learn to forget an argument pretty quick. Clean your teeth. Do something in life that you're proud of and/or can brag about. Watch the local sports team to talk about it.

 

[Inco G. Nito]

As well as the excellent suggestions from other users in the thread, a playthrough of Snootgame and some self reflection. No, really. I shilled the game to each of my friends and they have each gotten their own valuable and tangible takeaways from the game. Follow up with Wani for best results. It's even on sale right now!

 

[⚞⛇⚟]

I had crippling social anxiety and lack of self confidence so Ive been there. I went the route you did, asking for advice on KF of all places. It proved to be a bad idea. Went to a therapist instead and it was a very worthwhile experience.

Ignore the advice these people are giving you. They mean well but the best they can offer is super generic and extremely impersonal surface level advice that doesn't tackle the root cause of your specific problems nor can they tailor advice to you because they don't know shit about you. Only a decent therapist can actually help you figure out your problems, not a bunch of random strangers on a gossip site that will gladly turn you into their next form of entertainment.

Go to a therapist, be honest with them, do what they say and pick a less shitty waifu

Better idea: Just powerlevel more.

 

[Smokeski]

the disparity between some responses is quite interesting. You got some thoughtful advice and some kys's.
That said, get on testosterone.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

For me, I didn't have a lot of self esteem for a long time because I downplayed and minimized all the fucked up shit I went through, for a number of reasons, and it took a lot of radical acceptance and REBT to accept and acknowledge that yeah, I exhibited a ton of strength and resilience and bravery just to even be alive today. And by admitting that to myself and trusting myself and giving myself that understanding/acceptance/love/whatever, I now care way way less about how other people feel or think about me, because they don't know the first thing about me. That may or may not be a factor for you, I don't know how easy or hard your life has been, but I'm mentioning it anyway.

This.

Not trying to be rude, but yeah some of the advice on the thread is a bit ill-given in my opinion.
I tried to do the conscientiousness thing forever. Combed my hear, smelled nice, made conversation with people, lost weight.
Truth is, nobody really gives a shit about that. You can be a fat dude who talks about conspiracy theories all day at work and people will still be cool with you. Don't be Patrick Bateman. People don't give a fuck.

I think the honest truth is if you didn't have self-confidence instilled in you young, then it's just something you're not going to naturally have as much as some others. It's not the end of the world. But you have to stop looking around and panicking, wondering why you don't "have it".

The biggest problem with modern self-help/life advice is it's rather gaslight-y in nature. If you feel like a failure and want to have self-respect, you don't endlessly scrutinize yourself, looksmaxx, and work every second of the day on every aspect of yourself until finally you're an "acceptable" person. That shits tiring and will make people around you on edge because they can see the tension you put off of trying to be a perfect person. There's nothing wrong with improving as a person but the very first thing you have to do in order to actually feel any satisfaction in the results is to respect yourself a little first.

Care about what people think to the extent it allows you to live a comfortable life (i.e lets you keep your job, doesn't harm your personal life). Otherwise, consider the source when being criticized.

The only really two things that have helped me is sleeping well and exercise. It's not even because you lose weight, people just treat you different after getting out from a good workout.
Try getting up three hours before work. Preferably early in the day.

Don't spend a lot of time online as a lot of it's very cynical and meant to make people overly introspective.

Listen to people more than you talk about yourself.

And just get to a point where you're not overthinking everything. That's impossible for me but it might not be for you.

The best self-improvement happens when you're not even thinking about it.

 

[Just A Fat Round Bird]

helpful advice in Q&A? Get out!
Eat a metric ton of onions and garlic and you will ooze so much confidence that people will look at you from even miles away!

 

[Helarctos]

My autistic brother, you must avoid therapists. They might help you, they'll more likely hurt you, but they will most definitely drain your money and time. At best they'll tell you the shit you've already read in the thread and at worst you'll get gaslit into wanting to become your anime girl pfp while zooted on pharmaceuticals. You're asking for advice, but you already seem to be listing all the problems that you would like to solve. Solve them.
Not happy with yourself physically? Go to the gym or buy some weights to lift. Shut in? Go out running, find a local park, maybe even get a friend through hobbies or work. Depressed? That's just your body telling you that change is needed, change what you do and change what you eat. Try raw eggs, try raw meat and organ meat; see how your mind lights up after, I'm not joking. Most people that are told they suffer from depression are actually just malnourished. Please stop watching coomer anime stuff, and stop masturbating to it so often. Cooming drains your body's resources and tanks your self esteem. As for your employment situation, the market's fucked up and we're in a fucking recession, that's not at all your fault as long as you're looking for work. Maybe try doing one of those goyslop delivery services like doordash/uber eats/etc. while you search for something better or persue training.
One great thing that I've observed that hasn't really been touched on in this thread is that living becomes much easier when you live for something greater than yourself, hold yourself to high standards not for your own sake but for something else. Be a fanatic for something you genuinely care about. George Licoln Rockwell once said something along the lines of "You're never really alive until you find something worth dying for" and I couldn't agree more.
Just remember, you have no obligation to remain the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, even yesterday. You don't have to live hating yourself. Overtly negative and berating thoughts are the work of demons who tricked you into thinking they're your own.
Thank you for listening to my TED talk, fuck niggers.

 

[gamerweeb1]

Stop beating your dick and stop watching the animé. Your waifu will not wife you.

I still beat my dick to anime, but somehow I have a girlfriend now.

 

[YautjaWeeb]

Vengeance is the single most important thing. The talionic response is real and without it you can spiral.

 

[AMHOLIO]

@SandyCat rarely gives nonshitpost advice. It's something you should consider if you have insurance/money to do it. If they try to make you trans or super woke, you can always drop them like a hot rock.

Other advice in this thread should also be considered and taken: small steps like going outside more are good achievements. "But everyone else does them, they're nothing to celebrate..." fuck that, cheer every time you do something good for YOURself. If you had a friend who had small achievements made to learn a new skill or go outside after fearing it more, you'd encourage and cheer them on too, so do NOT spare the same courtesy towards yourself!!! You don't have to buy yourself a pizza every time, you just have to say "Neat, I did something good for myself today which shows commitment. I will try and continue, and if I don't do it again tomorrow, I will just try again the day after that." Go, the kiwis have told you to go make your life better, you have people hoping you do better and know it's hard. They also told you to kill yourself but that's just standard operating procedure.

 

[Chadikus Maximus]

Have a giant Penis
Source

 

[Sunraku]

Hi everyone it's me, here with updates,
first off thank you guys for your advice, it really means alot to me.
I've started to exercice more often (unfortunately I'm too poor for a gym membership) and recently started to read Audition by Ryu Murakami (I watched the 1999 movie adopation when I was in my seinor year of high school and remember enjoying it, I've been meaning to get the novel version since and finally got one). Overall I've been trying to touch grass and be more productive in my life/trying to focus on self love/care (and also stopping the gooning lol). Again thank you guys for your advice, even if some of them were telling me to kys lmao.

Spoiler: just a mini disclaimer

Also I'm a woman (I know cringe it makes me wanna krill myself)

 

[Tablet County]

Literally tell yourself to stop worrying. I know it sounds like horseshit when shrinks tell you to directly challenge your negative thoughts, but it can work.