How would the person above you and the person above that fight to the death and who would win?

@Mr. Fister ends up doxxing @Ntwadumela and finds out where he lives. Armed with a baseball bat he walks along the fenced in yard and approaches the gate. He swings it open and allows himself inside ignoring the "Beware of Lion" sign. As he reached the first step he can hear rustling in the bushes. As he looks over his shoulder a massive lion jumps him and tackles him to the ground. The mighty beast pins him down by his back and gnaws the backside of his pants to shreds. The worst was yet to come as the lion lowered his face down and started tounging his asshole. Every end every nerve all stimulated at once sends him into a burst of laughter one which can fairly be heard by @Ntwadumela . But it's just too much, and let's out one more laugh before his head explodes all over the yard. The explosion startled all the neighbors as they go to look over the fence to see the lion as the victor of this match.
 
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@Trapitalism and @Animosa face each other.

Girldick tingling, balls proud, @Trapitalism proclaims, "I'm the prettiest girl on Kiwi Farms!" She thrusts out her hairy tube breasts and shakes them in warning.

Outraged, @Animosa bares her own anime bosom. "These are the best tits since @AnOminous started using John Goodman user icons."

"You're just a newfag!" cries @Trapitalism, "A lowly, disgusting, verminous newfag! You know nothing!"

"I know that estrogen is giving you shrinkage, bitch!" shouts @Animosa, "Check this out!" She whips out her girldick and displays its impressive girth. "Compared to me, you're just a pasta noodle. I'm hentai all the way! I'm the ultimate dream for guys like @Wraith and @SIGSEGV !"

"Nothing has shrunk!" bellows @Trapitalism. She whips out her girlballs, and behold, they are mighty. She grabs hold of them and proclaims, "My balls are bigger than your tits! Do you see any shrinkage on these? Well, do you?"

"They're the ugliest things I've ever seen," snipes @Animosa.

"What? What did you just say?" says @Trapitalism in disbelief.

"I said that they were the ugliest balls I've ever seen."

"Oh you did not. You did not insult my girlballs."

"Believe it, bitch."

@Trapitalism screeches in rage. She swings her girlballs in an arc and slaps them across @Animosa's face. @Animosa shrieks and spits. "One of them went in my mouth! One of them went in my mouth!"

"That's the least of what's going in your mouth!" @Trapitalism lunges forward, girldick erect. @Animosa hastily thrusts her breasts forward like barrage balloons and @Trapitalism bounces off them, lands on her back, and is winded.

"Victory shall be mine!" cries @Animosa. She jumps on top of @Trapitalism and, straddling her face, thrusts her proud girldick down her enemy's throat.

Tears tricking down her face, @Trapitalism does the only thing she can do: she bites down hard, and severs @Animosa's girldick at the base. It's a mistake: the girldick just slides further @Trapitalism's throat, and with horror she realises that she's choking to death on cock. As @Animosa falls to the side, bleeding heavily, mortally wounded, it occurs to @Trapitalism before it all goes black:

No one wins a war.
 
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They both glare at each other hatefully until one of them eventually drops dead.
 
@Cyclonus and @glass_houses end up as neighbors, and end up having a feud of one upsmanship that drags on for years. Cyclonus gets a new car, so glass has to go and get a vintage car to show off. Trophy wives, blue chip kids, lawn wizardry and christmas ligth shows that make the blind weep in jealousy. Finally, at a New Year Party, their disdain for each other becomes radioactive, and they both fight all through the house and into the snow outside. The strain ends up being too much for @glass_houses , and his heart gives out. @Cyclonus has won, the last man standing, but at what cost? With his rival gone he has no reason to strive, improve, or compete to better himself. And even: to live. He becomes an hero by filling his pockets full of steel buttplugs and wading out into a lake.

War. War never changes.
 
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@Cyclonus goes into robot mode and steps on poor little kitty @Heckler1

Heckler 1 manages to survive and is nursed back to health by Magneto. Magneto takes Heckler with him to battle Cyclonus. The Master of Magnetism rips the metal body into microscopic pieces.
Unfortunately, Heckler breathes some of these pieces in and deals with mild asthma for the rest of his life.
 
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A lethargic, elderly mario slowly walks towards a cat in a closed room. Heckler1, the cat, watches warily. He has been trained to trust man. It will be his downfall. With a sickening crack and a splat, old man mario ends the cat's life the same way he used to end the lives of goombas and koopas long ago.

But for Heckler1, that was only one of nine lives. Mario will not wake in the morning. Heckler1 will have pushed his oxygen tank over in his sleep. If mario had gained consciousness while he was choking on his own lungs in the night, he would have cursed that this was how his final one-up was to be spent. How foolish he was not to remember that a cat has 9 to start with!

@Heckler1 wins!
 
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A lethargic, elderly Mario recently purchased a pizza place and was minding his own business, when some WILD NIGGERS appeared and started burning down the city over some anonymous drug addicts death to police brutality. The elderly italian called the police to stop his business from being ransacked, otherwise he would take things into his own hands.
The militarized police officer known as Banditotron appears, and seeing as the old man has a shotgun, decides to push him out into the street and beat him with a nightstick until he has an asthma attack.


Conclusively, @Banditotron wins and gets a suspension and fat paid vacation.
 
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@Regenbogen would be solving the serial crushing of @Trapitalism by some "Huge Friggin' Guy." During the invesitagion of the crime scene, @Regenbogen trips over the corpse of @Trapitalism and breaks his ankle. The Doctors tell poor Regenbogen that he can no longer dance. Regenbogen gains 500 lbs and misses out on seeing the last Bay City Rollers concert ever. Regenbogen ponders life and misses his freedom. "That damn Trapitalism did it to me. I never solved the case. I am going to jump to my death and land at the same spot that stupid corpse was." As Regenbogen jumps, an Angel creates a time anomaly. Regenbogen falls on top of Trapitalism and causes her serial crushing by some "Huge Friggin' Guy." Realizing what he must do, Regenbogen waddles away. He then makes it to a cafe where Sam and Dean Winchester are having breakfast. "This is a good enough life." Regenbogen thought to himself. He died suddenly of a heart attack due to his obesity. Regenbogen tried so hard and got so far But in the end, it doesn't even matter Regenbogen had to fall to lose it all But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
 
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@Angry Canadian is having a simple, classic, whore’s breakfast of coffee & a cigarette; all of a sudden @DerKryptid comes walking out of his woodshed.

Kyrptid informs Canadian that the jig is up, he found the nigger in the woodshed, & Kryptid is gonna turn him in to the Mounties.

Canadian grabs his kitchen shotgun, pump action, & fires a warning shot. The trajectory is unlucky for the moral Kryptid, when the ricocheted shot enters his inner left thigh, hitting the artery & letting out a spray of blood.

The blood continues to pour out like a faucet, as Canadian lights a fresh cigarette.

He walks out his front door, knowing Kryptid won’t make it, death rattles having already begun. He has a nigger in a woodshed to contend with. This is no murder situation, as it’s revealed the man chained up in his shed is his wife’s baby daddy. No, Canadian has kept the poor man locked up for 5 months now, & plans to take his time w/ this so-called BBC.

Kryptid thinks of how he’s not ready to die, then he slowly fades out, as his body cools to room temperature. Pbuh, @DerKryptid.

@Angry Canadian has won this round.
 
@DerKryptid would fight like a horror movie slasher in the shadows, setting the scene with a dark, dirty alley illuminated by the dim, flickering lights from the windows above, the alley splitting into many dark corners of complete blackness where he could be hiding.

@3MMA does the same but his weapons of choice are kitchen knives, razor-edged spatulas, and the ability to spit acidified deep fryer oil.

Their fight plays out like a Freddy versus Jason movie, but Freddy is the monster from Alien, all with a gaggle of hapless college students in the center trying to survive the crossfire while having improperly timed love scenes. Like a Freddy versus Jason movie, it ends with a cop-out where both participants survive with a crap sequel hook that will never be made.
 
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It's the Battle of the Mods as @0 1 and @L50LasPak square off. They glower at each other, baring their teeth. They each clench in their hand an Official Janitorial Broom as befits their separate ranks of forum staff.

"Fucking furry," spits @L50LasPak.

"At least I'm on topic," grouses @0 1 , "And not off with the fucking fairies all the time."

"My section is more popular than yours."

"Oh, really?" sneers @0 1 , "You don't get a 'most popular thread' in the yearly awards. Not even a favourite residential lolcow."

"My section is filled with lolcows!"

"American politicians don't count."

"Have you seen the userbase?"

"My userbase is full of cows," proclaims @0 1 , "We've got actual furries!"

"Like I said, you're a furry."

"And you are extraneous," says @0 1 in a posh sort of way.

@L50LasPak seizes his Official Janitorial Broom in both hands, and whacks @0 1 across the back of the head with the brush. "Don't use words you don't understand, animal fucker." @0 1 yelps in outrage and swings his own broom about wildly. It connects with @L50LasPak 's face with a nasty thwack. "My face!" @L50LasPak cries. "You've hurt my precious, beautiful face!" Rage flashes in his eyes. "You'll pay for this!" he lunges forward with broom thrust forth, and @0 1 falls back. They parry back and forth with their broomsticks until-

"Oh fuck this," says @0 1 with some exasperation. "Do you know how many troons I've got to deal with today? I don't have time for this shit." He snaps the handle of his broom over his knee, leaving a sharp dagger of wood in his hand. He throws the dagger expertly and it lands true, deep in the chest of @L50LasPak .

As @L50LasPak chokes out his last, agonising breaths, @0 1 swaggers off into the sunset.




EDIT: @0 1 would like it to be known that he is not actually a furry IRL.
 
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@glass_houses is laying in his bed and listening to metal when @Computer Guardian suddenly charges into the bedroom.

"AHA! I've got you now! I will use all 16 megabytes of my RAM to destroy you."

@Computer Guardian then throws 2 sticks of 8 mb ram at @glasshouses

The ram hits @glass_houses in the right arm.

@glass_houses then reaches under his mattress. He at first pulls out a Playboy from the late 1980s. Realizing his mistake, he tosses it aside. He then reaches back inside for his pistol. He fires 3 shots into @Computer Guardian who then falls down dead.
 
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@Computer Guardian vs @Old Man Mario

@Old Man Mario is trying to see if he can still pee on his own when @Computer Guardian crashes through the ceiling in a fit of murderous autistic rage. He is there to murder Mario from having fucked his mother between the years of 1984 to 1989.

@Old Man Mario tells him to get lost because he is trying to pee. @Computer Guardian is disgusted by the sight of old italian dick so he pulls out his discount lightsaber from Best Buy.

The old plumber jumps but his pants fall off but the Guardian is ready with a quick slash. @Old Man Mario legit fucking dies because it is a laser sword. @Computer Guardian brags like an anime villain until the upper half of Mario tells him the truth, HE is his father.

@Computer Guardian screams to the heavens in horror upon gazing upon the old man dick again...and something about his father fucking his mother or something. He decides to commit sudoku to regain his math skills that were kind of useless for this confrontation but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
 
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