If Chris really did hire a prostitute...

[Seahorses]

Frankly, the whole topic makes me All the evidence we've got is a couple facebook posts and the word of one of the kewl kids. Even if it happened, it changed abso-tootly-ootely nothing about Our Pet Manbaby.

Why would it change anything? Sex doesn't change much of anything for anyone in general. Unless HIV.

That being said.... did he wear protection? I've always been told, "wrap your tool, don't be a fool."

 

[Henry Bemis]

He only hired a prostitute because he was afraid of going to prison as a virgin.

Why do I have the feeling that, from here on out, any/every time Chris will have a run-in with the courts, he'll seek out a hooker? Y'know, so that the last time isn't the last time or something like that.

 

[Marvin]

Frankly, the whole topic makes me All the evidence we've got is a couple facebook posts and the word of one of the kewl kids. Even if it happened, it changed abso-tootly-ootely nothing about Our Pet Manbaby.

Why would it change anything? Sex doesn't change much of anything for anyone in general. Unless HIV.

That being said.... did he wear protection? I've always been told, "wrap your tool, don't be a fool."

Professional hookers always insist on condoms.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

As I understand it, hiring the hooker was simply to lose the "hated virginity"

At first he claimed he was introduced to somebody by a friend and they had sex.Then, when people were speculating he said something about her being from the back pages.

From reputable sources he got her because he didn't want to die a virgin in prison. His plan was to not eat the food and starve to death.

Yeah that's it.

And the hunger strike wouldn't have lasted more than 36 hours tops. Starving yourself takes tremendous willpower, something Chris has none of.

 

[Yawning Squirtle]

He only hired a prostitute because he was afraid of going to prison as a virgin.

I think it was pretty much this. His love quest went on for years and he never hired one before. This were really desperate times, and Chris probably thought, well, if I go to prison forever or something, at least I won't die a virgin with rage.

Also, about sex being a life changing event for Chris, I think it's not just any sex. For him, the life changing event would be sex with his sweetheart from the ground-up. As he said it himself, doing it with a hooker would be meaningless.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Why would it change anything? Sex doesn't change much of anything for anyone in general. Unless HIV.

That being said.... did he wear protection? I've always been told, "wrap your tool, don't be a fool."

Professional hookers always insist on condoms.

And Chris has kept some condoms around for a couple years now; hopefully, they didn't expire.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

That being said.... did he wear protection? I've always been told, "wrap your tool, don't be a fool."

Professional hookers always insist on condoms.

Or at the very least they charge more for bareback.

Also, I don't mean to be vulgar, but I'd be willing to bet Chris didn't even get to penetration. Hookers often "warm up" clients to make the whole process quicker, and I'm not convinced Chris would last long at all.

(not that I'm an expert in paying for sex )

 

[Henry Bemis]

Also, I don't mean to be vulgar, but I'd be willing to bet Chris didn't even get to penetration. Hookers often "warm up" clients to make the whole process quicker, and I'm not convinced Chris would last long at all.

(not that I'm an expert in paying for sex )

On the contrary, the Julie sex tape indicates he would take a longer-than-average time to climax.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

Also, I don't mean to be vulgar, but I'd be willing to bet Chris didn't even get to penetration. Hookers often "warm up" clients to make the whole process quicker, and I'm not convinced Chris would last long at all.

(not that I'm an expert in paying for sex )

On the contrary, the Julie sex tape indicates he would take a longer-than-average time to climax.

Cheers man, I didn't really want to kick the weekend off with the mental image of Chris fapping to a 13yr old boy.

'scuse me whilst I go call Ralph on the big white telephone....

 

[2_CUTE_2_BOLT]

As I understand it, hiring the hooker was simply to lose the "hated virginity"

At first he claimed he was introduced to somebody by a friend and they had sex.Then, when people were speculating he said something about her being from the back pages.

From reputable sources he got her because he didn't want to die a virgin in prison. His plan was to not eat the food and starve to death.

Holy shit, that is hysterical!

 

[CatParty]

As I understand it, hiring the hooker was simply to lose the "hated virginity"

At first he claimed he was introduced to somebody by a friend and they had sex.Then, when people were speculating he said something about her being from the back pages.

From reputable sources he got her because he didn't want to die a virgin in prison. His plan was to not eat the food and starve to death.

Yeah that's it.

And the hunger strike wouldn't have lasted more than 36 hours tops. Starving yourself takes tremendous willpower, something Chris has none of.

He does have a lot stored up. Not to mention McDonald's food seems to live forever.

 

[Asperchu_Super_Fan]

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

GroundUp, that is brilliant. I'm glad I'm not the only one downloading strange pictures uploaded by Chris.

I'll go out on a limb and suggest that you're probably right - Chris probably didn't know what "put together" means or blatantly lied about it.

But I think the hooker would probably take the gift basket - hookers love extras and it's not uncommon for johns to buy jewelry, cars, or even homes for prostitutes.

But then again, where the hell would he get something like that? It's a topic that warrants more discussion.

 

[LordCustos3]

By a weird coincidence....

 

[pickleniggo]

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

Oh my god, what! Nice catch, GroundUp. My favorite thing about the gift basket story is that it's almost as if it's a condolence gift to the pro for his being a DIRTY CRAPPED lump of McNuggets. If I were her, I would have started using it before he even reached his car on the way out.

 

[Seahorses]

I think you are on to something there dude. I had a pal that went to Cancun with a group of dudes. They found themselves a brothel and they went to town. He said no girl he had been with knew how to work it better than the prostitute he found himself that night. I should probably never look for another girlfriend.

 

[CatParty]

I think you are on to something there dude. I had a pal that went to Cancun with a group of dudes. They found themselves a brothel and they went to town. He said no girl he had been with knew how to work it better than the prostitute he found himself that night. I should probably never look for another girlfriend.

They're called "professionals" for a reason.

But seriously I've been with several ex sex workers and yes they were better than "plain janes"

 

[sparklemilhouse]

I would have loved to see a photo of the gift basket.

Anyway, I doubt he'll hire another prostitute. I think he was probably really, really disappointed with what he got (I doubt his dick went in), and he'll probably save his money for McD's and vidya, and he'll be back to humping little soggy hand towels.

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

He said he "put together" the basket but it wouldn't be the first time he exaggerated the effort he put into something. Or maybe he doesn't understand what "put together" actually means. And even Chris might know better than to admit that a prostitute refused his gift. So can anyone in the know enlighten us?

oh my god, these are the worst.

 

[GroundUpSweetheart]

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

GroundUp, that is brilliant. I'm glad I'm not the only one downloading strange pictures uploaded by Chris.

I'll go out on a limb and suggest that you're probably right - Chris probably didn't know what "put together" means or blatantly lied about it.

But I think the hooker would probably take the gift basket - hookers love extras and it's not uncommon for johns to buy jewelry, cars, or even homes for prostitutes.

But then again, where the hell would he get something like that? It's a topic that warrants more discussion.

If this isn't "the" basket, I'm guessing that he had bought himself this one because of a multibuy offer and/or the thought that it was suitably tomgirlish. And then he remembered that using his bathtub would make him dirtier or the bath set was a reminder that he didn't have a sweetheart so he put it up on eBay.

EDIT: Speaking of eBay, this is one of his recent purchases. I did a double take at the name. It looks like the Fallen Angel Chris minifig used parts from this, but the seller feedback was days after he uploaded the photos so he might have bought the same thing twice just so he could have his angel and his - what's the bird equivalent of furry? Feathery? - ounce of Chima at the same time. And it might already be known but unsurprisingly he also bought some of that girl-centric Lego Friends stuff.

 

[CatParty]

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

GroundUp, that is brilliant. I'm glad I'm not the only one downloading strange pictures uploaded by Chris.

I'll go out on a limb and suggest that you're probably right - Chris probably didn't know what "put together" means or blatantly lied about it.

But I think the hooker would probably take the gift basket - hookers love extras and it's not uncommon for johns to buy jewelry, cars, or even homes for prostitutes.

But then again, where the hell would he get something like that? It's a topic that warrants more discussion.

If this isn't "the" basket, I'm guessing that he had bought himself this one because of a multibuy offer and/or the thought that it was suitably tomgirlish. And then he remembered that using his bathtub would make him dirtier or the bath set was a reminder that he didn't have a sweetheart so he put it up on eBay.

EDIT: Speaking of eBay, this is one of his recent purchases. I did a double take at the name. It looks like the Fallen Angel Chris minifig used parts from this, but the seller feedback was days after he uploaded the photos so he might have bought the same thing twice just so he could have his angel and his - what's the bird equivalent of furry? Feathery? - ounce of Chima at the same time. And it might already be known but unsurprisingly he also bought some of that girl-centric Lego Friends stuff.

Birdsona

 

[cypocryphy]

I've always wondered if he actually penetrated her fully.