If Chris really did hire a prostitute...

[CatParty]

I've always wondered if he actually penetrated her fully.

If she was around a corner.

(Bent duck joke)



But one of my theories is she gave him a secret handy and feigned penetration.

 

[The Joker]

I've always wondered if he actually penetrated her fully.

If she was around a corner.

(Bent duck joke)



But one of my theories is she gave him a secret handy and feigned penetration.

Wouldn't sex be painful for him? That bend has to cause him at least some discomfort.

 

[pickleniggo]

I've always wondered if he actually penetrated her fully.

If she was around a corner.

(Bent duck joke)



But one of my theories is she gave him a secret handy and feigned penetration.

Wouldn't sex be painful for him? That bend has to cause him at least some discomfort.

For him? What about her? That bend is not natural at all, and I can't imagine sex being comfortable with either of them.

 

[CatParty]

If it were bent up as opposed to the side, it may be a very different story.

 

[Seahorses]

He managed to hump that sex doll, right? He didn't look to be in pain. You compare that to actual lubricated china and I wouldn't think it would hurt him (plus he probably didn't have a marathon session with the girl, let's say he went 5 minutes and I'm being generous). I think it's just misconception because his bent duck is painful to look at.

 

[cypocryphy]

True. But a blow-up doll is very light and easy for him to fuck. An actual human being would be more difficult.

Sadly,I don't think we'll ever know all the details of his night of hot,steamy lovemaking.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

Wouldn't sex be painful for him? That bend has to cause him at least some discomfort.

For him? What about her? That bend is not natural at all, and I can't imagine sex being comfortable with either of them.

I've heard some women say that an upwards curve is actually quite a desirable thing for a sexual partner to have. A penis that curves in some way is more common than some may think, but of course, as you say, there's nothing natural about Chris' member. The "bend" is rather abrupt and hes not exactly well endowed. When you add in his size, weight, lack of experience and the fact that he's bound to approach the situation in a rather bizarre way..... Yeah, not pleasant.

Of course, it all depends on what kind of hooker she was. She may have been experienced with first timers. Chris is hardly unique in using a hooker to loose his virginity.

 

[BillRiley]

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

He said he "put together" the basket but it wouldn't be the first time he exaggerated the effort he put into something. Or maybe he doesn't understand what "put together" actually means. And even Chris might know better than to admit that a prostitute refused his gift. So can anyone in the know enlighten us?

Nice find! Looks like a 2 for 1 Wal-Mart special. Or maybe Our Pet Manbaby really did buy a gift basket and the prostitute loled and told him to go get her money.

 

[CatParty]

There possibly is a photo. On his eBay page a few months ago, he listed this. I posted it in a thread and never got a confirmation or denial that this was the same basket rejected by the prostitute, but I don't know how else it would have come into his possession.

He said he "put together" the basket but it wouldn't be the first time he exaggerated the effort he put into something. Or maybe he doesn't understand what "put together" actually means. And even Chris might know better than to admit that a prostitute refused his gift. So can anyone in the know enlighten us?

Nice find! Looks like a 2 for 1 Wal-Mart special. Or maybe Our Pet Manbaby really did buy a gift basket and the prostitute loled and told him to go get her money.

Maybe her name was "Lavender"

 

[pickleniggo]

That bend is not natural at all, and I can't imagine sex being comfortable with either of them.

I've heard some women say that an upwards curve is actually quite a desirable thing for a sexual partner to have. A penis that curves in some way is more common than some may think, but of course, as you say, there's nothing natural about Chris' member. The "bend" is rather abrupt and hes not exactly well endowed. When you add in his size, weight, lack of experience and the fact that he's bound to approach the situation in a rather bizarre way..... Yeah, not pleasant.

*stress sigh* I didn't want to do this but I must now break out the [cwc]Nudes[/cwc] page. That bend indicates to me that there is no physiological possibility for normal sex, unless there is some kind of ball-joint in the bend in which Chris can snap it into the other direction. Then...maybe. Who knows, maybe "missionary cowgirl" can be defined as the impossible position in which a woman has to be in to copulate with Chris' bent duck.

 

[Smokedaddy]

The "gift basket" thing is how some prostitutes want to be paid, especially the kind that advertise on Craigslist or similar. It's a legal dodge and varies by locality. If the cops come rolling in and catch the John in bed with the girl and a bunch of cash on the nightstand, what's happening is obvious. However, if he's just giving her a gift basket (out of thanks for a wonderful evening!) it's a lot harder to make charges stick. Who can be busted for giving a girl some post-nooky flowers? The trick is that the "gift basket" is supposed to be stuffed with cash. Things that are easy to turn into cash are also acceptable, but such a gift basket is not something you get from Wal-Mart. Cops would have to make an arrest to search a gift basket (in some jurisdictions), and even if they did and found money in it, a decent attorney could still argue it was just a token of affection. A pile of $20 bills is a lot harder to explain away. Chris, as usual, was unclear on the concept.

 

[Bob's Fries]

The "gift basket" thing is how some prostitutes want to be paid, especially the kind that advertise on Craigslist or similar. It's a legal dodge and varies by locality. If the cops come rolling in and catch the John in bed with the girl and a bunch of cash on the nightstand, what's happening is obvious. However, if he's just giving her a gift basket (out of thanks for a wonderful evening!) it's a lot harder to make charges stick. Who can be busted for giving a girl some post-nooky flowers? The trick is that the "gift basket" is supposed to be stuffed with cash. Things that are easy to turn into cash are also acceptable, but such a gift basket is not something you get from Wal-Mart. Cops would have to make an arrest to search a gift basket (in some jurisdictions), and even if they did and found money in it, a decent attorney could still argue it was just a token of affection. A pile of $20 bills is a lot harder to explain away. Chris, as usual, was unclear on the concept.

And so, it was likely the prostitute got nothing out of it. Poor girl.

 

[Henry Bemis]

The "gift basket" thing is how some prostitutes want to be paid, especially the kind that advertise on Craigslist or similar. It's a legal dodge and varies by locality. If the cops come rolling in and catch the John in bed with the girl and a bunch of cash on the nightstand, what's happening is obvious. However, if he's just giving her a gift basket (out of thanks for a wonderful evening!) it's a lot harder to make charges stick. Who can be busted for giving a girl some post-nooky flowers? The trick is that the "gift basket" is supposed to be stuffed with cash. Things that are easy to turn into cash are also acceptable, but such a gift basket is not something you get from Wal-Mart. Cops would have to make an arrest to search a gift basket (in some jurisdictions), and even if they did and found money in it, a decent attorney could still argue it was just a token of affection. A pile of $20 bills is a lot harder to explain away. Chris, as usual, was unclear on the concept.

And so, it was likely the prostitute got nothing out of it. Poor girl.

Or she took the money and gave back the basket, much to Chris's befuddlement because da laydeez are supposed to go crazy for pastel-colored-packaged body products.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

That bend is not natural at all, and I can't imagine sex being comfortable with either of them.

I've heard some women say that an upwards curve is actually quite a desirable thing for a sexual partner to have. A penis that curves in some way is more common than some may think, but of course, as you say, there's nothing natural about Chris' member. The "bend" is rather abrupt and hes not exactly well endowed. When you add in his size, weight, lack of experience and the fact that he's bound to approach the situation in a rather bizarre way..... Yeah, not pleasant.

*stress sigh* I didn't want to do this but I must now break out the [cwc]Nudes[/cwc] page. That bend indicates to me that there is no physiological possibility for normal sex, unless there is some kind of ball-joint in the bend in which Chris can snap it into the other direction. Then...maybe. Who knows, maybe "missionary cowgirl" can be defined as the impossible position in which a woman has to be in to copulate with Chris' bent duck.

You really didn't need to do that, I was simply trying to reinforce why Chris' member is rather.... "unnatural"

 

[Marvin]

That bend is not natural at all, and I can't imagine sex being comfortable with either of them.

I've heard some women say that an upwards curve is actually quite a desirable thing for a sexual partner to have. A penis that curves in some way is more common than some may think, but of course, as you say, there's nothing natural about Chris' member. The "bend" is rather abrupt and hes not exactly well endowed. When you add in his size, weight, lack of experience and the fact that he's bound to approach the situation in a rather bizarre way..... Yeah, not pleasant.

*stress sigh* I didn't want to do this but I must now break out the [cwc]Nudes[/cwc] page. That bend indicates to me that there is no physiological possibility for normal sex, unless there is some kind of ball-joint in the bend in which Chris can snap it into the other direction. Then...maybe. Who knows, maybe "missionary cowgirl" can be defined as the impossible position in which a woman has to be in to copulate with Chris' bent duck.

Nah, people have always exaggerated the significance of the bend. It's something funny to laugh at and to troll Chris with, but otherwise it's within normal range for bends in penises. Him being an out of shape fatass has a lot bigger impact on his ability to have sex than the bend. The hooker would need to do most the work.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

The "gift basket" thing is how some prostitutes want to be paid, especially the kind that advertise on Craigslist or similar. It's a legal dodge and varies by locality. If the cops come rolling in and catch the John in bed with the girl and a bunch of cash on the nightstand, what's happening is obvious. However, if he's just giving her a gift basket (out of thanks for a wonderful evening!) it's a lot harder to make charges stick. Who can be busted for giving a girl some post-nooky flowers? The trick is that the "gift basket" is supposed to be stuffed with cash. Things that are easy to turn into cash are also acceptable, but such a gift basket is not something you get from Wal-Mart. Cops would have to make an arrest to search a gift basket (in some jurisdictions), and even if they did and found money in it, a decent attorney could still argue it was just a token of affection. A pile of $20 bills is a lot harder to explain away. Chris, as usual, was unclear on the concept.

And so, it was likely the prostitute got nothing out of it. Poor girl.

Or she took the money and gave back the basket, much to Chris's befuddlement because da laydeez are supposed to go crazy for pastel-colored-packaged body products.

That may be disturbingly close to the truth. But I'd like to think that even Chris wouldn't be stupid enough to visit a hooker without some hard cash on him..... surely?

 

[The Joker]

That bend is not natural at all, and I can't imagine sex being comfortable with either of them.

I've heard some women say that an upwards curve is actually quite a desirable thing for a sexual partner to have. A penis that curves in some way is more common than some may think, but of course, as you say, there's nothing natural about Chris' member. The "bend" is rather abrupt and hes not exactly well endowed. When you add in his size, weight, lack of experience and the fact that he's bound to approach the situation in a rather bizarre way..... Yeah, not pleasant.

*stress sigh* I didn't want to do this but I must now break out the [cwc]Nudes[/cwc] page. That bend indicates to me that there is no physiological possibility for normal sex, unless there is some kind of ball-joint in the bend in which Chris can snap it into the other direction. Then...maybe. Who knows, maybe "missionary cowgirl" can be defined as the impossible position in which a woman has to be in to copulate with Chris' bent duck.

DUCK PICTURE IN SPOILER! NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!

Spoiler

In the videos he mass debated in, he always looked exhausted and in discomfort. There must be only a few positions he can at least try without hurting himself. The poor hooker must have tried tokeep penetration as short as possible by faking pleasure and just boosting his ego.

 

[pickleniggo]

DUCK PICTURE IN SPOILER! NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!

Spoiler

In the videos he mass debated in, he always looked exhausted and in discomfort. There must be only a few positions he can at least try without hurting himself.

It's so ridiculous, honestly I wish we all knew what happened to it or if he was just born with a quacked duck.

 

[Pikimon]

Poor Hooker, she probably got crushed under him

 

[The Joker]

DUCK PICTURE IN SPOILER! NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!

Spoiler

In the videos he mass debated in, he always looked exhausted and in discomfort. There must be only a few positions he can at least try without hurting himself.

It's so ridiculous, honestly I wish we all knew what happened to it or if he was just born with a quacked duck.

He said that he first masturbated by lying on his stomach and humping a washcloth wrapped around his penis. That could have caused a penile fracture that he was too humiliated to tell Borb about. Hell, he could even have Peyronie's disease. (pic in spoiler)

Spoiler

In the Ivy Q&A, she said that chris told her that fater cyber sex with Julie "his dick would hurt during the act and would stay sore afterwards."