If you were to crucify a lolcow who'd would it be and why?

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If you could nail a lolcow or anyone famous on the internet to a cross who would it be and why?
There excruciating pain they would receive will be there last bit of entertainment we will have of them.
It would be more like Benny from new vegas.
 
Would a wooden cross hold together with his weight?
Maybe if they are reinforced.

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I'm also going for the gunt, for two reasons:

1/ I like an engineering challenge, and building a gunt-proof cross would be a good challenge.

2/ I find the whole idea of crucifying a lolcow to be blasphemously disrespectful to the lord, but Ralph is short enough that I could crucify him on a plus sign instead of the cross, thus easing my fears.
 
Crucifixion may be too merciful for someone like Corey Ray Barnhill and IDK if the cross could support the weight of his fat ass- I would probably have to ask Vlad Tepes for advice on what an appropriate sentence for his crimes would be
 
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Crucifying boogie would just validate his martyr complex and sense of righteousness. Brianna Wu would be my choice. Having all his toys and imagined sense of status ripped away from him would really hurt.
 
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I'm also going for the gunt, for two reasons:

1/ I like an engineering challenge, and building a gunt-proof cross would be a good challenge.

2/ I find the whole idea of crucifying a lolcow to be blasphemously disrespectful to the lord, but Ralph is short enough that I could crucify him on a plus sign instead of the cross, thus easing my fears.
Radulphus Supremus.jpg
I made this back around Christmas but I figured it seemed pertinent.

I guess that's appropriate, given his track record you could almost certainly expect him to somehow come back to life a few days later.

"And I was like 'wow, so you guys are just going to crucify me and leave me here, huh? What kind of place is this?' so I pulled myself down and sent an email to the Romans and I was like 'Hey, where did I do anything to deserve getting crucified?' and they responded and they said 'It was for heresy' and I said 'When? Show me the evidence or else it isn't valid' like it's literally against the law, you can't do that, and they just never responded. They never even responded. Ha, absolutely ridiculous...no snowkarl, they can't just nail you to a cross because it's their country, use your brain idiot. Anyways, so since I missed streaming on Friday because of all that bullshit if you guys could help me out with tips today I'd really appreciate it".
 
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