Jace Connors vs The Middle East - A Choose Your Own Adventure thread

If we'd just followed my suggestion Jace could have stalled.
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"Wake up, Commander!"

You awaken to see BurqaBabes face hovering over yours. She seems relieved to see you're still alive. I guess that tacticool doorag really was bulletproof.

"Commander, we have to go! Tyce and Odumba are escaping to the Pakistani border. If you want to stop them, we have to go now!"

A) Get up and finish the mission
B) Take her by surprise and kiss her
C) Shit your pants
D) Player option
 
D) Never trust an Arub, even though she's been the only person in this damn story of any help. Shoot her.
 
D) Soil yourself, and radio in a chopper to take you so you can stop Odumba from taking Tyce.
 
Since @JohnConstantine allowed me to continue this story...

You take BurkaBabe91 by surprise and kissed her.

“C'mon! Hurry up!!”

While on the way pursuing Tyce and Odumba to their secret bunker, about a mile away from where you got shot in the head, the two of you came to a ghost town. But suddenly...

You. Were. Ambushed. Again.

You parkour-rolled as fast as you could but you were luckily struck in the belly by a Novocaine-tipped shuriken. Burka stealthily dodged some more shurikens, and unravels her Arab disguise to use it as a makeshift weapon. Then, from the abandoned buildings, came around twelve ninjas wearing what seems to be gunmetal gray hooded robes. One of them asks, “You're not one of Odumba's minions, are you?” Fortunately they have a trailer truck (with all-terrain wheels) as well.

As for you, two men, a trucker and a goth, carry you in a stretcher and then hauled in a 4×4 truck to the ninjas' base. Looks like they hunted the wrong guy.

1) What was the outfit that Burka worn her Arab disguise over?
A) MMA outfit
B) Spy catsuit
C) T-shirt, denim shorts, and cowboy boots
D) Player option (make sure she definitely wears something!).

2) How will Burka deal with the ninjas?
A) Ally with them.
B) Fight them and “confiscate” their gear.
C) Player option.

Jace's health: 100/100
Jace's status: Passed out. Struck by Novocaine-shuriken.

Burka's health: 100/100
Burka's status: Healthy.
 
1, D) She wore a suit that made her look like the Statue of Liberty's pimp

2, C) She distracted them with an American flag, putting various pro-American clothing pieces, which would fool any enemies into killing the "American" ninjas.
 
1. D, a vomit-encrusted me gusta T-shirt and some sexy jorts.

2. C, offer to smoke some dank ass herbs with them as a peace offering.
 
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BurkaBabe offers to smoke some strange herbs with the ninjas, who notice the stains on the ME GUSTA T-shirt she was wearing along with her daisy dukes. The ninjas decline her offer but accompany her to their trailer truck, which is heavily decorated like the ones seen on Japanese roads.

“We are the Sireninjas. We fight the same battles as yours. Odumba must be stopped.”

Location: Sireninja base, somewhere in Afghanistan.

Inside their base, the twelve ninjas introduce themselves and shed their gunmetal robes, revealing the Spring Break tourist outfits they wore underneath. How will they be introduced? Well, each of the Sireninjas has a callsign based on the summer outfit she wears under her ninja robe. Please provide names for each of the characters mentioned, and give them weapons that they will use at the siege of Odumba's stronghold.
  • Red Sireninja
  • Orange Sireninja
  • Yellow Sireninja
  • Green Sireninja
  • Blue Sireninja
  • Purple Sireninja
  • Pink Sireninja
  • White Sireninja
  • Black Sireninja
  • Gold Sireninja
  • Silver Sireninja
  • Diamond Sireninja (she wears an azure, opaque outfit)
Oh, and you, Jace, wake up. The Goth and the Trucker introduce themselves, too, along with a third man (who stayed indoors), who is the designated spotter and sniper. Please provide names for the three of them, too.
  • Goth: Wears an outfit similar to Alucard (as he appeared in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night) and Iori Yagami. Under that heavy tunic, he wears a white T-shirt with a Yao Ming Rage Face graphic on the front. He wields a Para-Ordnance P-13 pistol and a Thompson M1A1 SMG with an oversized drum magazine that can carry 100 rounds. He gives you a Colt Python to use against Tyce, Odumba, and their respective terrorist factions.
  • Trucker: Wears an outfit inspired by Duke Nukem and Bruno Mars. Has brown hair, wields a Remington shotgun and an M950 machine pistol.
  • Spotter: Wears Jedi robes and wields a Mosin Nagant with tranquilizer rounds and a silenced Mk22 pistol (the one that Big Boss used during his Tselinoyarsk adventure). Kind of like the great-great-grandson of The End.
TL;DR: You must provide names and weapons for each of the Sireninjas and names for the three male allies.
 
kagayaki said:
BurkaBabe offers to smoke some strange herbs with the ninjas, who notice the stains on the ME GUSTA T-shirt she was wearing along with her daisy dukes. The ninjas decline her offer but accompany her to their trailer truck, which is heavily decorated like the ones seen on Japanese roads.

“We are the Sireninjas. We fight the same battles as yours. Odumba must be stopped.”

Location: Sireninja base, somewhere in Afghanistan.

Inside their base, the twelve ninjas introduce themselves and shed their gunmetal robes, revealing the Spring Break tourist outfits they wore underneath. How will they be introduced? Well, each of the Sireninjas has a callsign based on the summer outfit she wears under her ninja robe. Please provide names for each of the characters mentioned, and give them weapons that they will use at the siege of Odumba's stronghold.
  • Red Sireninja
  • Orange Sireninja
  • Yellow Sireninja
  • Green Sireninja
  • Blue Sireninja
  • Purple Sireninja
  • Pink Sireninja
  • White Sireninja
  • Black Sireninja
  • Gold Sireninja
  • Silver Sireninja
  • Diamond Sireninja (she wears an azure, opaque outfit)
Oh, and you, Jace, wake up. The Goth and the Trucker introduce themselves, too, along with a third man (who stayed indoors), who is the designated spotter and sniper. Please provide names for the three of them, too.
  • Goth: Wears an outfit similar to Alucard (as he appeared in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night) and Iori Yagami. Under that heavy tunic, he wears a white T-shirt with a Yao Ming Rage Face graphic on the front. He wields a Para-Ordnance P-13 pistol and a Thompson M1A1 SMG with an oversized drum magazine that can carry 100 rounds. He gives you a Colt Python to use against Tyce, Odumba, and their respective terrorist factions.
  • Trucker: Wears an outfit inspired by Duke Nukem and Bruno Mars. Has brown hair, wields a Remington shotgun and an M950 machine pistol.
  • Spotter: Wears Jedi robes and wields a Mosin Nagant with tranquilizer rounds and a silenced Mk22 pistol (the one that Big Boss used during his Tselinoyarsk adventure). Kind of like the great-great-grandson of The End.
TL;DR: You must provide names and weapons for each of the Sireninjas and names for the three male allies.
Click to expand...
The Sireninja's
Red Sireninja: Kenji Kondo, wields a katana
Blue Sireninja: Billy Herrington, uses his wrestling moves
Green Sireninja: The Boss, uses CQC and two guns: a M16 and a 1911 pistol
Purple Sireninja: Handsome purple, uses two M79 grenade launchers
Orange Sireninja: Christine, uses bottles of Orange Fanta
Yellow Sireninja: some woman named Trinni, uses hand-to-hand combat
Pink Sireninja: a woman named Kimberly, uses a bow with arrows
White Sireninja: John Cena, uses wrestling moves as well
Black Sireninja: Carl Johnson, uses an entire armory consisting of deagles, M16's, MP5's, and purple "stick"
Gold Sireninja: some gl in a fursuit(how is that possible beneath robes while wearing spring break clothes!?), uses some fighting style that invovles something called "yiffing"
Silver Sireninja: A tumblrite named dragondildo, xir fights with a laptop (I'm starting to run out of ideas for the Sireninja's)
Diamond Sireninja: Sister of Kenji Kondo, uses ninja stars

The three guy group
Trucker: Bubba O'Malley
Goth: Damien Azriael Wolf
Spotter: Dmitiri Pugodi

*I use he for some because they go a bit further in their disguise, looking like fictional or actual people. The call-signs reference something like an internet meme or Power Rangers because they might think they are related to it. They might be from Tumblr.
 
  • Red Sireninja: Jake Kahnners. This pudgy, balding weirdo with a bad eye wields only a crumby air-soft pistol. How he made it into the Sireninja clan is beyond you.
  • Orange Sireninja: Fantasia. This mythic being bought massive shares in the Fanta stock and has now transcended to a level of higher carbonation. He has the power to replace any given liquid with fanta. (Imagine Dr. Manhattan but orange.)
  • Yellow Sireninja: Christopher Westin Shandler. He's fat but electricity arcs directly out of his eyes so he uses this ability as a weapon.
  • Green Sireninja: Bob Marley. Yes, it is THE Bob Marley. You thought he was dead but you were wrong. He fights with the power of sick reggae beats and dank herbs.
  • Blue Sireninja: Null. He is legendary for being a dick and he smites all that oppose him with his mighty ban-hammer.
  • Purple Sireninja: Purple Drank Man. As a being made out of pure purple drank, he uses his intoxicating chemical properties to put enemies down.
  • Pink Sireninja: Token Girl Teammate. She is a wolfkin and can call on her wolf powers to transform into a werewolf.
  • White Sireninja: Big Dick Rick. He uses his terrifying girth to wreak devastation upon his foes.
  • Black Sireninja: MC Jenk. His extreme blackitude causes atomic fission in any organic being he stands next to for too long.
  • Gold Sireninja: Rich Guy Roderick. As a business associate of Rich Guy Rodney's, he simply dissuades all of his foes from combat through extensive bribery.
  • Silver Sireninja: Upper-Middle-Class Guy Roderick. Roderick's lamer twin who isn't as swanky. He uses his adamantium suit cuff links to brutally beat his foes into submission.
  • Diamond Sireninja: The Formless Wind. She is formless in a way that is reminiscent of the wind, so she fights with her bare hands and her extensive parkay skills.

  • Goth: John Cena #1
  • Trucker: John Cena #2
  • Spotter: John Cena #3
 
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