Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Tiresome]

How fucking stupid does Jack have to be to waste time lighting a candle. There are so many much simpler and easier ways to cut an onion without crying.

Just put your cutting board near the range and flip on the vent. Done.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

what a fucking loser

There's lots of ways to do that but searching for a candle each and every time is silly not to mention wasteful.

You could stick the onion in the freezer for 30 minutes which reduces this, use a sharp knife, turn on the range hood and cut next to it, wear swim goggles or just cut the damn onions and stop being such a bitch.

Yeah cutting onions sucks but suck it up and just do it.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Jack is the reason that there is no God.

I tend to think the only reason he goes to church is for the neverending supply of randoms he gets for his JOTG channel.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack is the reason that there is no God.

What if God made Jack for his amusement?

 

[TheLazyMan]

Hello, FoodJacks! Join Pink Chicken and the Lazy Man today at 2pm today as we dip the loose-meat, cheese-dripping taco of our wit into
Jack's greasy cup of content.

CLICK HERE to Watch Along With Us at 2pm

 

[Kosher Salt]

This screams scam to me. Venmo is not used for something like hospital bills; crowdfunding sites are. Also it's telling that it's his personal one.

While I can totally believe poor Brianna has a brain tumor, and I hope she does get the aid of doctors in getting it removed and keeping full quality of life, I don't trust Jack in the fucking slightest. That fat fucker is a pathological liar who is using an app well known for being mainly used by scammers or for small purchases. I would not be shocked in the slightest if a guy who tries to regularly lie about being sponsored would try to make money off his daughter in law having medical problems.

ESPECIALLY since money for him is money for food, meaning he can do things mommy-wife restricts him on barring tax breaks.

I assume Jack does intend to forward the money but I have very little faith in him forwarding all of the money, because what are they going to do, ask to see the receipts? Of course, whether strokebrain actually remembers to donate it is a whole different question...

 

[Quixotic Man]

While we were out, garbage stew got featured on Uncle Roger, a Youtube comedy show where a man puts on a Chinese accent and comments on culinary crimes. This exposed Jack to nearly two million views.

Collecting new Jack Videos

Mashed Potato Bacon Bombs (more meat and cheese shit)

Maple Chipotle Chicken (Return of the pink chicken)

Jack on the Go (Shitty Italian place in Atlanta, Jack is mad about small chicken wings)

 

[AnOminous]

While we were out, garbage stew got featured on Uncle Roger, a Youtube comedy show where a man puts on a Chinese accent and comments on culinary crimes. This exposed Jack to nearly two million views.

He's actually Malaysian (but really exaggerating it as he talks with only a very slight accent the rest of the time). You should check out his videos on Jamie Oliver. He rips him to shreds hilariously (and repeatedly).

 

[Sand]

The Salmonella King lives on and if his mashed potato bacon bombs video is any indication he is living in a Tilt-a-Whirl. Not sure how long he'll be living after consuming all that Smithfield bacon, though. Mashed Potato Bacon Sodium bomb.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

I wish August the Duck would learn something about cooking and real ingredients before making his videos. It was so cringe to hear him knock on real maple syrup because he clearly has never seen it before. This was actually one of Jack's better attempts. I mean if I had actually cooked the chicken, which is very on the fence that he did, the glaze sounds fine. It was really something that would belong on the grill instead of in the oven. I was shocked myself to see him make something that might be edible. He really should have shit on his bacon mashed potato bombs. Holy fuck me.

 

[Woggie's child bride]

I assume Jack does intend to forward the money but I have very little faith in him forwarding all of the money, because what are they going to do, ask to see the receipts? Of course, whether strokebrain actually remembers to donate it is a whole different question...

I'd fully expect an undisclosed handling fee and plenty arguments can be made to justify it morally to himself such as it being money that she wouldn't have even got without his help. I'd expect him to pocket 50% at least and up to 90%.

Also kind of a weird nitpick but in the mashed potato bacon bomb video he mentions that he has a hard time getting rid of his leftover mashed potatoes even though they're the sort of staple side dish you can have with almost anything, how do you not know what to do with them?

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I wish August the Duck would learn something about cooking and real ingredients before making his videos. It was so cringe to hear him knock on real maple syrup because he clearly has never seen it before. This was actually one of Jack's better attempts. I mean if I had actually cooked the chicken, which is very on the fence that he did, the glaze sounds fine. It was really something that would belong on the grill instead of in the oven. I was shocked myself to see him make something that might be edible. He really should have shit on his bacon mashed potato bombs. Holy fuck me.

The maple chipotle chicken definitely could've been worse. It wasn't great, but considering how outright pink his birds have been before... People in the comments were telling August "bruh, he used the real deal in his sauce, not that Aunt Jemima stuff." It's not hard to be better than Jack in the kitchen. The bar is on the floor for crissakes. It's also easy to learn a little more before trying to act like an expert on something basic when you're really not. I'm not an ace cook and even I know that the true and honest stuff is runnier. I thought it was common knowledge? Guess not.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

what a fucking loser

What a dumbass.

You avoid crying while cutting an onion with a sharp knife and keep the cut side down. Cut it in half vertically, not horizontally, then put the inside facing down on the cutting board or plate

Maple Chipotle Chicken (Return of the pink chicken)

Jack doesn't know shit about cooking chicken (duh). Cook it high (like 425-450 degrees) with a coating of an oil with a high smoke point (I like avocado oil since it's neutral flavored) and don't add the sauce until it's done. Then, add the sauce and cook at like 350 or so for a few minutes until the sauce reduces onto the chicken. Voila, crispy chicken that doesn't have gross soft skin and the skin will be crisp and sauce not burnt

 

[Adamska]

While we were out, garbage stew got featured on Uncle Roger, a Youtube comedy show where a man puts on a Chinese accent and comments on culinary crimes. This exposed Jack to nearly two million views.

Collecting new Jack Videos

Mashed Potato Bacon Bombs (more meat and cheese shit)

Maple Chipotle Chicken (Return of the pink chicken)

Jack on the Go (Shitty Italian place in Atlanta, Jack is mad about small chicken wings)

For those wondering, Jack's response to this was to throw repeated tantrums on comments, going back to disabling them, and it seems to have solidified his reluctance to cook. Honestly Julia in June's awful performance seems to have been the thing to kill it, but getting told his mom didn't love him was a strong killing blow.

It was hilarious to see his narc rage lash out over the few days. It really compliments his failed attempt to grift using his daughter in law just a bit earlier than that.

Oh, as for the maple-chipotle chicken, he ate it completely raw. It's arguably the third rawest chicken he's cooked since the Polenta and McCormick spice bag ones. Absolutely horrid .

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

#TBT to an older video I haven't seen any discussion about. Jack opens by explaining how his wife is making him dig through the trash because he doesn't bother to look at the shitty recipe booklet she gives him - in other words, Jack is literally plumbing the depths of his garbage bin to bring us this content. The recipe is definitely a holdover from the 50's/60's era of gross canned food concoctions and features zucchini, bell peppers, green beans, canned tomatoes, canned broth and frozen pasta - no doubt this could have been published alongside the Party Cheese Salad.

"I didn't know there was a bottom and a top to an artichoke!"

 

[Pig Cups]

I’m not religious, but I pray to Lord Jesus Christ/whatever higher power that this site doesn’t go down prior to or when Mushbrain finally kicks the bucket.

After all these years, to not be able to shitpost about Jack finally transitioning to the great big smoker in the sky down below would be a fucking travesty.

 

[TrainWreckSpotter]

He's actually Malaysian (but really exaggerating it as he talks with only a very slight accent the rest of the time). You should check out his videos on Jamie Oliver. He rips him to shreds hilariously (and repeatedly).

Not to mention his critique of Kay's "Special Fried (i.e., uncooked) Rice."

 

[Dead Air]

I’m not religious, but I pray to Lord Jesus Christ/whatever higher power that this site doesn’t go down prior to or when Mushbrain finally kicks the bucket.

After all these years, to not be able to shitpost about Jack finally transitioning to the great big smoker in the sky down below would be a fucking travesty.

Every time Jack uploaded a video or one of those stupid shorts where he looks even more strokey than usual I would try and come to the farms. Shitpost withdrawal was a thing. I kept kicking myself for missing the discord invites to PCTLM.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Mashed Potato Bacon Bombs (more meat and cheese shit)

He deep fried bacon. How the fuck do you even do that? Just watching it gave me chest pains.

I wish August the Duck would learn something about cooking and real ingredients before making his videos. It was so cringe to hear him knock on real maple syrup because he clearly has never seen it before. This was actually one of Jack's better attempts. I mean if I had actually cooked the chicken, which is very on the fence that he did, the glaze sounds fine. It was really something that would belong on the grill instead of in the oven. I was shocked myself to see him make something that might be edible. He really should have shit on his bacon mashed potato bombs. Holy fuck me.

Yeah it's painfully obvious that August has no idea what goes on in the kitchen as he's bitched out Jagoff before for doing something normal in the kitchen.

The whole chipotle maple thing sounds decent enough but I'd want somebody with a little more knowledge in the kitchen to come up with a glaze for them using those as the main ingredients and not just have this stroked out bastard mix a couple things together.

Also kind of a weird nitpick but in the mashed potato bacon bomb video he mentions that he has a hard time getting rid of his leftover mashed potatoes even though they're the sort of staple side dish you can have with almost anything, how do you not know what to do with them?

Two words for you: Potato Soup.

You can make a creamy potato soup with leftover mashed potatoes. No need to deep fry them with cheese and bacon. Or add an egg yolk, some nutmeg, stuff that into a pastry bag and make Duchess potatoes. Mix it up with some bechamel sauce and use it as a topping for Shepherd's Pie. Add some chives and make potato pancakes. There's options out there.

 

[AnOminous]

The whole chipotle maple thing sounds decent enough but I'd want somebody with a little more knowledge in the kitchen to come up with a glaze for them using those as the main ingredients and not just have this stroked out bastard mix a couple things together.

It would also help to actually cook the chicken, which is where Jack as usual failed.