It's Tuesday and you know what that means! My eternal nightmare. Last week's episode made me drink like an alcoholic fish. Let's see if today's episode will be a little better.
EPISODE SIX
-Jeanette visits grandma and grandpa with dresses for grandpa to wear for the drag show. Grandpa is actually kind of into it so at least that's something. This is still very islamic content though. We have to watch this old fucker strut around in high heels and a skirt. I'm already ready to gouge my eyes out.
-Jeanette says getting a C at Harvard is fine. She doesn't give a shit how good Jazz does in school. She starts bawling at the thought of Jazz leaving. They're thinking of selling the house when the kids are all gone.
-Jazz and his friends are handing out flyers to promote the drag show. These bystanders look disturbed and uncomfortable. They don't address the fact that the last episode ended with Jazz stuffing his fucking face. Jazz is starting to balloon again and I assume this is where it started that led to how he looks today.
-Jazz is going to perform a godawful original song at the drag show and is going to collab with one of his friends to write the song. He meets up with the girl, who he hasn't talked to in a year btw, and there seems to be bitter feelings between them, or at least on the girl's end. This is due to the fact that last time they collaborated on a song, Jazz apparently acted like a massive asshole and wouldn't properly credit her. They "make up".
-Jazz somehow managed to rope one of the twins into the drag thing along with grandpa. He takes them to meet this super gay dancer to teach them how to sashay and swish. Jazz performs some very sexual shimmying and thrusting in front of a mirror. This family is so fucked up.
-Jazz shows up to write the awful song. Oh god, these lyrics. It's like Barney shit. He starts freaking out and gets frustrated, having an anxiety meltdown. He acts like a loon. He goes to hide in the closet in the hall. I've never met someone with such unhealthy coping strategies. He comes back of course but the fact that he freaked out in such a normal social setting really unnerves me.
-This fucking song. This
fucking song.
-Jeanette and Greg go to look at condos. Jeanette, as usual, shoots down any input Greg has to say. Jeanette acts like a spoiled princess the entire time.
-Jazz is fucking meditating because he believes in crazy hippie shit to manage his "stress". Jazz reveals to mom and dad that he is not going to perform the song due to being too overwhelmed. Thank god I don't have to listen to that.
-Jeanette reveals that lately Jazz's stress and anxiety is through the roof, worse than its ever been. Jazz thinks that he might not be able to cope at Harvard. Even Jeanette thinks that Jazz has shitty coping skills. Jeanette blames Greg for this.
-Drag show time! I dunno if it's just me but I have a phobia of drag makeup. It's very uncanny valley for me so this is a visual nightmare for me rn.
-Jazz tells the girl he collaborated with that he's no longer doing the song they worked on together. This is "for his mental health". Girl is fine about it. She seems like a nice person, trying to give Jazz some advice.
-Jazz is dressing in drag as well. Aka, a wig and a dress and makeup. I thought this was drag?? Jazz, you should be dressing like a guy.
-The twin in drag looks scary as fuck. Again, no beef with drag queens but drag triggers all those phobia cells in my brain. I'm spooked to fuck.
-This is so femmy that I feel I need to drink some beer, belch, and scratch my nonexistent nuts right now just to get out of this gay nightmare. This is too girly and catty for me, a woman. I get that some people enjoy this kind of stuff and that's fine. But for me, it's definitely not my thing.
-Greg: "THIS DRAG SHOW IS POPPIN'!"

-Grandpa in drag will be in my nightmares tonight.
-The twin at least looks like he's having fun. Good for him, I guess.
-Jazz comes out next for peak islamic content. I could never imagine doing this as a family bonding activity with my parents. I hate everything. Jazz's costume fucks up at some point during the dance.
-Jazz freaks out backstage over the stupid ribbon tearing. He starts bawling and goes to hide again. Holy shit CALM DOWN.
-Episode over. It's becoming more and more clear how grossly incestuous this is on a family level. Normal families don't do this shit. This is the kind of shit you do with your drunk college friends or your weird work colleagues. Not your fucking family.
-NEXT WEEK: Jazz models for his family. Jazz is making the valedictorian address for VIRTUAL HIGH SCHOOL and is of course freaking out over it. The twins and Ari discuss Jazz falling apart. Jazz talks to the family about his growing deterioration and breaks down in tears.
LALALALALA I HATE THIS FUCKING SHOW.