As you can imagine, the comments were calling him unfunny and retarded
Picture this: you were born in the late '50s or early '60s to a middle class family and raised in a modest suburban home. You typed your college thesis on a typewriter and got a desk job. You met a good man and raised a family. You remember the dawn of the internet, but computers and dial-up service were expensive and tied up the phone line. After providing your kids with cell phones and laptops for college, you finally bought an iPad and joined Facebook.
Your main online experience is chatting with old friends, sharing family photos and mainstream news articles, and getting into the occasional political debate. The kids are out of the house and you want to start your golden years with a relaxing cruise. You decide to make a Facebook group so others in the ship's temporary microcosm can get to know each other better.
You notice a mentally disabled young man in a captain's hat, but think nothing of it. Unfortunately for you, a horde of weens follows him everywhere, even to the middle of the ocean. Several of them send you unintelligible and vaguely threatening screeds, shattering your cozy reality and dragging you into the young autistic's bizarre world.
It's a strange and unforgiving world, a world of t-shirts. Its national anthem is "Forever Drunk" and its clarion call is "Twisted Teas and Double D's." You need to get out but can't do so quickly and legally. You're middle class so its inhabitants constantly fuck with you. Everyone else has been to more countries than you. It seems like the only escape is via deportation, where your fate involves people paying to watch a lion eat you. Bewildered, you ask yourself, "is this living life or a waking death?"
I've been digging into
SageStocks, the ween in question. It's very tedious to screenshot and upload everything this insignificant loser has revealed about himself, so here's the tl;dr on him.
Before I start, a brief warning to Reddit. If you fuck with a lolcow's milk, you turn the spotlight on yourself and divert our attention onto you, for the sole purpose of exposing as much of your information as possible to ridicule you. Kindly remember that site publicly aggregates all your posts.
The origin of his username is from trading shit stocks
[a] and losing other people's money
[a]. He's an unmarried
[a] 26-year-old who's 6' tall
[a] and makes $34 per hour
[a] working in the "luxury apartment sector"
[a]. He pays $1,500 per month for a 1-bedroom apartment in Denver's LoDo district
[a], and is a Colorado native
[a] and a graduate or dropout of Colorado Mesa University
[a].
He's obsessed with fast food (there are
many comments about random fast food chains)
[a]. Part of this obsession may stem from his apparently telling delivery drivers to put the fries on the doorstep
[a], paying a premium to support his unhealthy diet. An employee at his local Wendy's exposed themselves to a customer
[a].
He also likes smoking "dabs"
[a], driving electric bikes
[a] and longboards
[a], and UFOs
[a]. He collects cologne and has 75 bottles
[a] despite the fact that perfume oxidizes over time and becomes worthless. He seems to enjoy conspicuous consumption in the form of sports cars, paying $25k for a Porsche Macan
[a] after crashing his BMW
[a]. He's also owned a Mercedes-Benz
[a] and crashed his electric motorcycle into his employer's buildings twice
[a]. He listens to electronic dance music
[a].
He's autistic
[a] and has a disability that prevents him from wearing face masks
[a], whatever the hell that means. He's also a MAGA republican
[a] and Andrew Tate fanboy
[a]. He carries mace and a taser for protection
[a] against Daniel Larson
[a] and "fentanyl zombies"
[a].
That's about all I can stomach, because I have better things to do than get high and crash eBikes, but I'll leave you with this ironic little find
[a].
Pardon the triple post, but I'm MatI that some retard has deprived us of virtually all cruise updates in the especially hilarious form of confused boomer posts. As far as I'm concerned, the milk has to come from somewhere. If it can't come from Josh, it'll have to come from the abortion who ruined it for everyone. These weens are statistically likely to be at least as fucked up as the lolcows themselves, as is the case here.
There are two ZIP codes in LoDo, Denver:
80202 and
80204. I'm assuming SageStocks lives in the latter due to its low whiteness, high poverty, and absurd ratio of sex offenders (1 in 192). He mentioned getting off work at 23:00, which means he works second shift. I can't think of anyone at a luxury rental management firm that works in shifts for hourly wages besides janitors and security guards.
So we have some contrarian moron who thinks he's a rich day trader but in reality just gets high and crashes his bike into the building whose toilets he's supposed to clean, making a gross income of $70,720 or
barely enough to exist, let alone save for retirement. He probably mooches off his upper middle class parents for weed and stupid shit like eBike light mods and perfumes that probably clash with his natural scent, while getting into debt to finance a depreciating asset like a used Porsche.
What a fucking idiot. This is the guy that ruined the cruise for some old lady and everyone hoping for Josh updates, folks. Be sure to send your thanks to
SageStocks on Reddit, and do
not entrust him with money to "invest."
