Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[Coke Zero]

Phil saying kat loves to clean was always a super weird thing for him to say and I never really thought too much about it but this probably stems from Phil's condo just being a complete pigsty after pandalee left.

Kat was probably horrified at the state of his condo when she first saw it but she was still trying to get to know phil and latch onto his youtube/twitch money so she wasn't going to make a big deal about it and call him disgusting so instead she probably starting wanting to help him clean everything up and just told him it was because she likes to clean, not because phil is a disgusting pig. He probably had dirty clothes and dishes piled up along with empty fast food wrappers and gin bottles all over and also his jacking off tissues everywhere.

I can imagine phil probably fed her bullshit about how he's so busy streaming he doesn't have any time to clean and thats why the condo was such a disaster.

I cant imagine why else someone so new to visiting your house would be so interested in cleaning right away.

 

[SauceRyuKen]

Can't respond in the main thread, but I agreed with everything you said until the Kat stuff. She isn't my type, and sure the average male can aim higher (kind of a meaningless statement because aiming higher is pretty much always an option), but she's certainly fine for a regular dude. I'd be willing to bet she's about as attractive if not more attractive than the average KF user's girlfriend or wife.

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If the argument that personality-wise she sucks, fair point.

It's more that she sucks everything-wise. I guess what makes a woman pretty or attractive is highly subjective, and women with meh faces and rocking bodies can score fairly high on most dudes' scales. Still, just a quick rundown of Kat:

Spoiler: Kat Pictures for reference

Ahhh, the "Big sausage woman" bride look? Classic choice. In this picture:
-Terrible fat distribution and boy did she get fat. Thick women are fashionable and she's not that. No weight on her boobs or ass. Terrible posture, but that seems to be an endemic thing nowadays with how much time we spend in front of the PC, so I'd give her a pass on that.
-Lifeless body language. "Practiced" smile that isn't genuine, though Kat at least knows to smile for pictures. It'd be better if she was just mean mugging.
-Dear GOD her hands are so fucking ugly. DSP's are prettier. She's got massive sausage finger action going on, her nail polish is a godawful choice, and her fingers have deep as hell wrinkles. They look clumsy and she doesn't know what to do with them either, look at that pose in the main picture.
-I know it's her wedding ceremony and maybe she felt she had to go painted like a clown, but it's excessive, tacky and impossible not to notice. She's got an ugly face and I commend the effort, but either learn to do it properly or don't try, this is just horror film stuff. The blush looks fucking radioactive and the eyeshade is way too much for even a girl with big eyes, let alone for slanty mc sight-slits over here.

First appearance of the netherborn raccoon-mare.
-Once again the tremendous slouching. How robust! Mostly gets a pass, but it's there.
-The fuck is that hairdo? It brings attention to the manjaw and the lack of eyebrows. If you're gonna try a pulled back look, you need to be pretty. It's just how the story goes. This proves her red hair was a poor dye-job at least.
-Too little eyebrows. She painted more on in the future. I don't really get that look, she doesn't have pretty or uncommonly shaped eyes, so having no eyebrows is just odd. Least she's not a neanderthal like her beau.
-The CHAWMPERS, dood. Her oddly strong shoulders. The fact that Phil's always wearing PJ bottoms and she came on stream wearing jeans but a PJ top. Slim young Kat was already built like a lowercase l. I doubt she had a secret sixpack.
-If she caught flak for excessive eyeshadow in this, what the hell possessed her to go completely overboard on future encounters of the Kat kind?

First appearance of the Fat Kat!
-Those eyebrows look like something out of an oldschool anime. MY NAME IS EDAJIMA HEIHACHI!!!
-Her hair is more flattering like that at least. Helped somewhat by her fat swallowing her manjaw.
-This is Kat's best look. Fat Kat dressed and made up as some sort of clown-witch looks better than normal Kat. Crazy shit.
-Her attempt at cleavage with her FLAT IS JUSTICE chest did not go unnoticed and scored negative points with many tractors back then.
-She's got kind of a gin nose like Phil does, maybe she decided to solve his alcoholism by going balls deep in it herself?

So to sum up Katherine in a list:

Spoiler: List. Boy, I sure wish there wasn't a content drought.

-Really unfortunate looking face. No eyebrows. Mighty manly jawline. Steel-bending chompers. She doesn't even have a jutting chin or what most dudes call "The blowjob mouth", which is something of a plus for women with strong jawlines, her chin's just potato-shaped. Not helped by how Phil has no jawline or chin to speak of.

-Makeup is a complete tragedy. Best makeup is like a good toilet cleaner. You know he's good when you don't notice him or think about him at all. Kat's makeup is like a streaker at a kindergarten. Wild, horribly inappropriate, and so bad you'd like to call the cops just to get rid of it.

-Her red dye-job was trash. Her hair is ratty like her sister's, though she at least keeps it clean. Out of three hairstyle choices we've seen, two were horrible and one was fair. Her on stream hairstyle was relaxed but not very flattering. Her hair for hair tricks was awful, too.

-Suuuuper tense body language. Her position says "Ugh, get off my fucking face already." Always hunched up and tense, tends to take a "defensive" stance 3/4ths, basically, she's always ready for a fight. This makes her seem unwelcoming and unapproachable. She was more relaxed on her own streams, at least. Thing is, she was tensed up and unwilling to engage in physical contact at her WEDDING with her HUSBAND. I don't know if that was just Phil scamming his dying parents by claiming to need money for the honeymoon or whatever, but if the girl my son brings home does not want to touch him, I'd be concerned. We've seen them kiss the one time in the one picture and it was a peck on the lips.

-Absolutely flat even after chonking up. No boobs, no ass, no hips. Her fat went to her arms and belly. "Swimsuit Mahdel" my ass. Girl never had a muscle in her body. Maybe it's Kat's version of "I used to be a bodybuilder".

-A woman so scared of physical contact and any sort of intimacy is going to be worse than a starfish in bed. Not that Phil cares, but it's easy to deduce as much.

-Her personality needs no introduction because it's not there. Basic thot until she's in your house, lazy Skyrim addict after she's in. This would be cool in a "Dating my stoner dudebro" way if she was at least willing to interact with Phil. She's benzo'd out, so she's got the stoner part, but she's terrible at games, can't form a coherent opinion on even that, and likes to watch other streamers. Frankly, if my wife wanted to have me watch other streamers when I myself am a former pro fight... Sorry, a professional independent streamer, I'd be appalled. Doubly so if she refuses to do co-op with me. Again, not that Phil gives a fuck: Letting us see how the ol' benzomare struggles with simple tasks in Back 4 Blood would have only spawned a behemoth of a TIHYDP and Phil isn't having that shit.

Of course, if you think Kat's pretty, eh well. I don't think many people would agree but there's nothing wrong with it. It's not like we're getting deep into the mechanics of dating: Maybe you mean she's pretty for a hit n' quit, which, well, most women with a pulse are if the men are thirsty enough- Phil however put a ring and paid out the ass for it.

If some druggie dude, a low end tradesman or a benzo fiend like she is got her to shack up with him and got to bang her brains out on the regular, fair enough, I guess. Thing is Phil could very easily aim higher if all he wants is a transactional relationship. They're clearly not in love, so he's getting ripped off. He's not even fucking her and she gets regular doordashed treats. All Phil gets is 2 pics a year, and her basically lowkey dissing him by putting on some hot, succesful, attractive streamer like Markiplier for Phil to seethe at.

He also gets to declare he's not an incel, while slipping about how they sleep in separate rooms. I've said before that as far as beards go, Kat's better than Leanna. Thing is, she's still not good. The best beards would help out the closet queen by concocting little stories and playing into the scam. For all we know OIC murdered Kat many moons ago, and is now wearing her skin around the Snort Fort, and Phil hasn't even noticed the difference yet. Hell, the baked potatoes probably got BETTER. In short, if Kat is indeed offering her services as a professional beard, she's REALLY low effort and REALLY high maintenance.

Honestly, I don't even think one should go into a relationship purely based on looks, but Kat had Phil at "I love cooking and cleaning." Supposing Phil's not gay or asexual, yet all he's looking for in a woman is for her to cook his meals and clean his house, with occasional mo-wife time at the mall, what you want is a live-in maid. You can get one of those, for cheap, and eat daily home cooked meals in exchange for room and board, and she has to keep your stuff clean by contract. If that's all Phil truly wants, there's no reason he couldn't get it. Well, except the whole not appearing manly/straight thing, which must be important to him.

Not to mention Phil's cover stories don't hold up. He's claimed that he doesn't need romance in videogames and it's annoying, because he gets that in real life. Neato, Phil. Why are you trying to chat up women on Twitter? Trying to slide into Lauren's DMs? One of the easiest ways to get a response out of Phil is to tweet at him with a girl profile, to this very day. He'll claim he's not Mike Pence, but how is pixel vagoo somehow WORSE than real vagoo in this regard? He's just as slimy as he used to be, just pretending virtual girls have cooties now.

As far as the average Phil board poster's squeeze vs Phil's boo, I'm fairly confident the average kiwi poster dates far hotter. There's Eastern Europeans here! Many of their women look like fashion models BEFORE they dress up! But the men look like trolls so they can't even get a proper pick! Their mechanics are extremely bugged!

Phil's been boring for quite a while so I might as well provide some wall of text khantent for my fellow kiwis, and I hope it's an entertaining writeup of the whole situation. It'll also serve as a catchup for the new members, I suppose. The OP of this thread is pretty good, but Jenna sightings usually override the Kat thread. We don't even talk much about Kat since she's gone radio silent. The only part that we can analyze any more is how Phil frequently stumbles over his words and calls her his mom.

TLR: While Kat may be pretty enough for a quick slam for most men, marrying her would be spectacularly stupid. I still think most men posting at Phil's board, and we are overwhelmingly male, would rather pass. Even if this was streamthot wannabe Khet and therefore free of potential pigroach seed. You'd see more people willing to take the risk and bang Jenna, since at least she's hot, even though sex with a crazy hooker is obviously a gamble.

Her marriage with Phil is a sham and Phil should feel ashamed he fell for it. She did punch significantly above her weight, so big ups, but it says more about Phil being a moron than her being a master seducer. I'm pretty sure any woman with a pulse would have done in the wake of the great Panda Exile.

 

[Iron Father]

"No boobs, no ass, no hips. Her fat went to her arms and belly."

How do you know this is true? Tits sure, but I've never seen her ass or belly. Pics?

 

[Adebisi]

Spoiler: Do not open

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I know I'm late to this but holy shit DSP' khet soulmate Christmas stream was the weirdest I though it could get. Here I am in 2021 and "I've seen DSP Sister-in-law get fucked by a Jugglo." Is a sentence I can tell people. What a wild wacky world

 

[DukeMorty]

"No boobs, no ass, no hips. Her fat went to her arms and belly."

How do you know this is true? Tits sure, but I've never seen her ass or belly. Pics?

I agree partially on what you said. Her tits haven't changed much from her past pics to the wedding pics (wedding pics are the last pics of Kat). Speaking of wedding pics, you can see she has a little gut in those photos, when before she didnt show any sign of a bump. There is a crazy theory that Kat was pregnant in the wedding thus the bump and why Phil got married but I doubt she was. Ass wise we know nothing about her butt since all the pics we have are front images. There are pictures of her from behind when Dave teased he had a girlfriend during Christmas (this was during the escort saga) but I don't think you see her ass but I could be wrong.

 

[bobatnight]

She looks incredibly average honestly. With her sister doing porn maybe they just have shared daddy issues that worked in the pig roaches favor.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Catherine was a flawed, but average looking woman that was more than fuckable enough. Tbh ngl, I was kinda smitten with her while watching her Persona streams.

Attractive enough to move her into your house and rush to marry her? That's incel tier desperation. Phil probably closed his ears concerning her cheating history and disturbing mental health issues.

Catherine is now either too fat for even Phil to ever want to show off, and/or she's dominant enough in the relationship that she demands to never be shown on his streams anymore... but he still mentions her daily, so I doubt that's the case.

None of this matters... just divorce him already, Catherine. You have the power to the Top Detractor. Bigger than Leanna could ever be. Yes, cute Leanna, you can overtake her! Do it!

 

[SauceRyuKen]

"No boobs, no ass, no hips. Her fat went to her arms and belly."

How do you know this is true? Tits sure, but I've never seen her ass or belly. Pics?

Just did some top tonyer math involving her hip shape, obviously!

But cutting out the bullshit, just look at her. She did have a gut in the wedding pics, her arms significantly chunked up between stream 1 and Halloween, it's pretty noticeable. As for her ass, I think I really am running on assumption based on her general shape and lack of curves. We have indeed never seen it. So I'll take the L and admit I might be wrong.

 

[BepsiLight]

Specifically told everyone not to open. These are all from about June of this year where I subbed, took quick screen grabs, then unsubbed and was never charged. Guess I'll post the other few I have.. not as weird as the joker one before so

Spoiler: open if you want regular gross nudes of brazy

View attachment 2671639[/View attachment 2671642SPOView attachment 2671644

Well she does have a nice body.
Shame about everything else though.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Of course, if you think Kat's pretty, eh well. I don't think many people would agree but there's nothing wrong with it. It's not like we're getting deep into the mechanics of dating: Maybe you mean she's pretty for a hit n' quit, which, well, most women with a pulse are if the men are thirsty enough- Phil however put a ring and paid out the ass for it.

If some druggie dude, a low end tradesman or a benzo fiend like she is got her to shack up with him and got to bang her brains out on the regular, fair enough, I guess. Thing is Phil could very easily aim higher if all he wants is a transactional relationship. They're clearly not in love, so he's getting ripped off. He's not even fucking her and she gets regular doordashed treats. All Phil gets is 2 pics a year, and her basically lowkey dissing him by putting on some hot, succesful, attractive streamer like Markiplier for Phil to seethe at.

Well sir, let me counter your list with a list of my own regarding Kat's positives, since we've established that her rather equine appearance isn't that important:
-- She's patient. Could you imagine any normal woman trying to live with Phil? They'd harp his ears off. It takes a really special (both in a literal an euphemistic sense) kind of lady to live with a slug like Philburt and not be thrown into a frothing rage on an almost daily basis.
-- She works; that's very important when one lives with a man who'd take out an extra mortgage on the house to try to win pretend wrestlers in a mobile game.
-- She's ok with Phil never actually banging her; her sex drive has become rewired to respond only to videogames and greasy delivery food.
-- She's willing to keep a low profile; most normal women would probably be irked that the have to hide from the internet so a bunch of weirdos don't track them down.
-- She doesn't care about going places; she's perfectly happy to sit around listening to African tribal music and eating Chipotle while Phil plays WWE Champions or whatever they do most nights.

I don't know why one would think Kat is high maintenance. I feel like she's one of the most low maintenance women I've ever seen without being legally rеtarded and on benefits. I don't think even maids would put up with Phil, and the only women who'd happily keep going to work while their husband pisses away more than they make in a year on gacha games would be ones with either the patience of a saint or the mind of a farm animal. Any stronger willed woman would bully Philbert mercilessly.

I mean, my god, imagine if he moved someone like Jenna in. Within a week Phil would be cowering under the basement stairs while Jen and a small crowd of white guys with dreadlocks and Insane Clown Posse tattoos converted his entire second story into a grow room.

Can't respond in the main thread, but I agreed with everything you said until the Kat stuff. She isn't my type, and sure the average male can aim higher (kind of a meaningless statement because aiming higher is pretty much always an option), but she's certainly fine for a regular dude. I'd be willing to bet she's about as attractive if not more attractive than the average KF user's girlfriend or wife.

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If the argument that personality-wise she sucks, fair point.

Oh, I think the opposite. She's very unfortunate in terms of appearance, but if one were looking for a wife or girlfriend, someone who doesn't mind cleaning and is willing to put up with your irritating manchild bullshit is a fairly good start. I do question how capable she'd be in the sack, but I think she'd at least make an honest attempt, and in the end isn't that what really counts?

 

[Schmeckel]

I do question how capable she'd be in the sack, but I think she'd at least make an honest attempt, and in the end isn't that what really counts?

If you were a lady person, and you had Phil on top of you... Would you make any attempt at anything other than reach for the bear spray? That's assuming, of course, that alpha Chad male Phil even wants sex from anyone not named Terry Bollea.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I think Leanna's reveal about his lack of passion tells us what we need to know in regards to whether he has ever so much as wanted to see Katherine naked. Regardless of the reason, Phil is not a man who fucks. Plays with his little spud? Sure. The Incident proves that. But he doesn't bother with sex. Which is why I'm pretty sure it's laziness.

Sometimes I wonder what he would think of The Incident today if he had been caught going down on Leanna instead of jacking it...

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

I think Leanna's reveal about his lack of passion tells us what we need to know in regards to whether he has ever so much as wanted to see Katherine naked. Regardless of the reason, Phil is not a man who fucks. Plays with his little spud? Sure. The Incident proves that. But he doesn't bother with sex. Which is why I'm pretty sure it's laziness.

Sometimes I wonder what he would think of The Incident today if he had been caught going down on Leanna instead of jacking it...

I expected Low T Phil though. It’s a nice confirmation from Leanna but it’s nothing unexpected.

 

[Michael Janke]

She works

if you were her, would you rather work or be in the same space as phil all day long?

I expected Low T Phil though. It’s a nice confirmation from Leanna but it’s nothing unexpected.

was phil always like this, or did years of sitting on his ass and eating burger king turn him into that?
i imagine during the very early days of leanna being in his home, he'd probably did her a few times.
edit: phil likely never consummated the marriage with Kat, but had he married Leanna 7 years ago, would he have?

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

was phil always like this, or did years of sitting on his ass and eating burger king turn him into that?
i imagine during the very early days of leanna being in his home, he'd probably did her a few times.
edit: phil likely never consummated the marriage with Kat, but had he married Leanna 7 years ago, would he have?

Phil didn’t understand what Leanna sucking on a pink popsicle meant, so I doubt that he banged Leanna. And yes, he was always Low T Phil.

 

[Full Race Replay]

Do you guys think phil and kat sexted with each other or sent each other nudes while they were online dating?

 

[Michael Janke]

Phil didn’t understand what Leanna sucking on a pink popsicle meant, so I doubt that he banged Leanna. And yes, he was always Low T Phil.

Phil is a weird guy.
remember when he blamed the camera incident on Leanna not putting out? you know, once he admitted what he did.
now he has a woman that'll probably never put out
not without him taking at least 3 showers first.

 

[harbinger]

Do you guys think phil and kat sexted with each other or sent each other nudes while they were online dating?

It depends on your definition of “sexting”. If you mean Philip was crying to Kat about how he’s got a drinking problem, how the mean trolls online are mean to him, and how he got fired from his job 10 years ago while Kat responds with “Oh”, “I see”, and “That sucks”, while playing Skyrim, then, sure, they were sexting.

 

[DukeMorty]

It depends on your definition of “sexting”. If you mean Philip was crying to Kat about how he’s got a drinking problem, how the mean trolls online are mean to him, and how he got fired from his job 10 years ago while Kat responds with “Oh”, “I see”, and “That sucks”, while playing Skyrim, then, sure, they were sexting.

Not going to lie I would love to see his initial messages with Panda and Kat. I wonder what kind of tactic he uses on girls. I wouldn't be surprised if he played the rich victim narcissistic play but if he didn't that would be more interesting. Also I would like to see what Panda or Kat wrote back. Were they tricked (most likely) or were they so desperate that didn't care about their next relationship was with a manchild crying about trolls hurting his feelings. Also I wouldn't be surprised if Phil was talking to other girls at once and hoping to catch one with his shitty bait. After all, eventually you will catch something if you keep bating and waiting.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Not going to lie I would love to see his initial messages with Panda and Kat. I wonder what kind of tactic he uses on girls. I wouldn't be surprised if he played the rich victim narcissistic play but if he didn't that would be more interesting. Also I would like to see what Panda or Kat wrote back. Were they tricked (most likely) or were they so desperate that didn't care about their next relationship was with a manchild crying about trolls hurting his feelings. Also I wouldn't be surprised if Phil was talking to other girls at once and hoping to catch one with his shitty bait. After all, eventually you will catch something if you keep bating and waiting.

According to lore, Panda was a fan of his Youtube videos and messaged him on there, back when that was a thing. Phil allegedly did not stop bothering her until she agreed to go out with him.