Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

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Guess Kat's weight.

  • >200 lbs.

    Votes: 22 3.5%
  • 200 lbs.-250 lbs.

    Votes: 125 20.0%
  • 250 lbs.- 300 lbs.

    Votes: 110 17.6%
  • Damn that's a huge bitch.

    Votes: 369 58.9%

  • Total voters
    626
I just noticed I have this shampoo lying around. Not to be rude to Kat, but I wonder if she uses the same one?
Note: The shampoo is for humans as well, I'm not a horse or french.

Shampoo00001.jpg
 
Poem Josh deleted the Tweet summary before I could make this post but Phil went on a major rant about retail workers over the weekend (or as the rest of the US called it, "the Independence Day holiday"): In his newest hot take, it's terrible that retails stores don't have clerks just stationed in the aisles to help customers find and pick out products anymore. He even said that it was great because the clerks would get a commission, so the customer would pay a little extra but that was fine because of the peace of mind s/he got from knowing s/he got the best product.

The first part is not that surprising, Phil is always dumb enough to fall for a sales pitch and lazy enough to even need help with Serious Adult Wasting Money.

On the other hand the second part really stands out to me - he does not care if the retail clerks serving him are making below minimum wage and would certainly get mad if the cost were passed onto him. Fortunately I still have my magic 8 ball Pig-to-English translator handy and here is what it spat out: Kat is still an hourly worker with a very low salary even for a retail clerk and always gets last pick for things which aren't codified anywhere like shifts, number of shifts, and even the department she works in.

It also says a lot about Phil's worldview that he doesn't realize commissions (which are a thing at retailers with high-cost products like Best Buy) make zero sense for low-cost, low-margin products like most of what Fred Meyer's sells. $15 on a $500 TV is almost a rounding error but $5 on a $15 t-shirt is not.
 
Poem Josh deleted the Tweet summary before I could make this post but Phil went on a major rant about retail workers over the weekend (or as the rest of the US called it, "the Independence Day holiday"): In his newest hot take, it's terrible that retails stores don't have clerks just stationed in the aisles to help customers find and pick out products anymore. He even said that it was great because the clerks would get a commission, so the customer would pay a little extra but that was fine because of the peace of mind s/he got from knowing s/he got the best product.

The first part is not that surprising, Phil is always dumb enough to fall for a sales pitch and lazy enough to even need help with Serious Adult Wasting Money.

On the other hand the second part really stands out to me - he does not care if the retail clerks serving him are making below minimum wage and would certainly get mad if the cost were passed onto him. Fortunately I still have my magic 8 ball Pig-to-English translator handy and here is what it spat out: Kat is still an hourly worker with a very low salary even for a retail clerk and always gets last pick for things which aren't codified anywhere like shifts, number of shifts, and even the department she works in.

It also says a lot about Phil's worldview that he doesn't realize commissions (which are a thing at retailers with high-cost products like Best Buy) make zero sense for low-cost, low-margin products like most of what Fred Meyer's sells. $15 on a $500 TV is almost a rounding error but $5 on a $15 t-shirt is not.
He's had quite a few rants against retail workers recently, saying how they're incompetent and how they're losers who can't do anything else so only bottom of the barrel mah-rans work in retail nowadays. I wonder if Khet has heard any of those rants where Phil (un?)intentionally throws massive shade at her.
 
He's had quite a few rants against retail workers recently, saying how they're incompetent and how they're losers who can't do anything else so only bottom of the barrel mah-rans work in retail nowadays. I wonder if Khet has heard any of those rants where Phil (un?)intentionally throws massive shade at her.
He's also been low key slamming her cooking (while still insisting that she do all of it because he's inept) and cleaning while passing off routine things like sharing household chores as "keeping her happy". My guess is that deep down he's unhappy or upset because she has not lived up to his expectations and this is his way of venting.

Whether he's admitted this to himself or is still trying to convince himself that his marriage wasn't a huge mistake is harder to tell but my guess is he's trying to convince himself this is real and worth keeping alive: The first law of DSP is that the trolls must never win, no matter how contrived or implausible his explanation is. After all the ridiculous stuff he said to build Kat up he's got to realize that any breakup or divorce saga would be Christmas come early to us trolls and there's nothing he can do to change that.​
 
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He's had quite a few rants against retail workers recently, saying how they're incompetent and how they're losers who can't do anything else so only bottom of the barrel mah-rans work in retail nowadays. I wonder if Khet has heard any of those rants where Phil (un?)intentionally throws massive shade at her.
It's more proof she left and he's using 'retail workers' as his passive aggressive way to bash her.
 
I've worked several retail jobs in the past. When a worker comes up to you and asks if you are finding everything alright or do you need assistance, they aren't doing it to be helpful. They think you are stealing.
 
He's also been low key slamming her cooking (while still insisting that she do all of it because he's inept) and cleaning while passing off routine things like sharing household chores as "keeping her happy". My guess is that deep down he's unhappy or upset because she has not lived up to his expectations and this is his way of venting.

Whether he's admitted this to himself or is still trying to convince himself that his marriage wasn't a huge mistake is harder to tell but my guess is he's trying to convince himself this is real and worth keeping alive: The first law of DSP is that the trolls must never win, no matter how contrived or implausible his explanation is. After all the ridiculous stuff he said to build Kat up he's got to realize that any breakup or divorce saga would be Christmas come early to us trolls and there's nothing he can do to change that.​
They got married extremely quickly. Most if not all people wait a bit longer than he did. I think most people wait both for financial reasons and it takes time to see if your partner gets on your nerves. He makes good money and treat her like shit. Makes her work a shitty job, no honeymoon, workaholic. There's no way she's not bored if she's still around.
 
So if Khet isn't cooking, cleaning or helping financially what the fuck is she doing? just locked inside her room playing Skyrim all day?
Weird rants coming from the pig lately
 
They got married extremely quickly. Most if not all people wait a bit longer than he did. I think most people wait both for financial reasons and it takes time to see if your partner gets on your nerves. He makes good money and treat her like shit. Makes her work a shitty job, no honeymoon, workaholic. There's no way she's not bored if she's still around.
Aummmm..... FACTUALLY INCORRECT, IDIOT! They're SOULMATES. You don't understand this because you're a kid living in your mom's basement. True mature adults understand that you can find true love when a random girl in Michigan tweets about OBS, and you somehow find the tweet and respond and you guys start up a conversation in Twitter DM's and all of the sudden you tell her about how you're an alcoholic and are depressed and need help because your ex-fiance left you. Then your soul mate cheats on her boyfriend for you and eventually you fly her ALL THE WAY from Michigan to Washington and moves in with you after you guys have been talking for 7 months. Then you get married after living together for a very short time because you KNOW you're soulmates and this will last forever. Until you get that, you're just an immature kid, kid.
 
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Whether he's admitted this to himself or is still trying to convince himself that his marriage wasn't a huge mistake is harder to tell but my guess is he's trying to convince himself this is real and worth keeping alive: The first law of DSP is that the trolls must never win, no matter how contrived or implausible his explanation is. After all the ridiculous stuff he said to build Kat up he's got to realize that any breakup or divorce saga would be Christmas come early to us trolls and there's nothing he can do to change that.​
Well plus if he and Kat broke up, what the hell would Phil even have anymore? Think of how much of what he says and does is build around his "family":
- I can't go late, I need to spend time with my family! (not because this is cutting into my gin and WWE champions time)
- I can't do any romance missions, I'm married stupid! (not because I'm an emotionally stunted manchild who's always been awkward about sex and intimacy)
- You're getting permanently banned, because you cross the line when you make comments about my family! (not because I have incredibly thin skin)
- I can't do anything on my day off, it's the only day I have to be with my family! (not because I'm a lazy asshole)

Also in a way Kat and Philburt are actually pretty good for each other, because even though with his income I'm sure he theoretically COULD find another woman who'd move in and live on his dime, even the most detached of gold diggers probably wouldn't be willing to lead the kind of stagnant, empty existence Kat and Phil do. Hell, even Jenna is too good for Phil, and she's an insane whore who I imagine constantly smells like weed and herpes.

No, if Kat goes Phil has a very good chance of being completely and totally alone for the foreseeable future, especially with his parents getting up there in age. He doesn't work a real job to actually meet people irl, he only ever ventures out into the sunlight to get groceries once a week...it would just be him by himself in the house with Jasper, playing videogames for retards and children on the internet.

Maybe like Swagginz or one of the other loyal mods/paypigs could move in to cook and clean for him (they'd still have to tip him if they want to talk to him, of course) but I doubt they'd be satisfied with a totally non-sexual relationship, and Phil's sleep schedule is already terrible enough without being constantly awoken by heavy breathing and eyes staring at him from the darkness at the foot of his bed.
 
From the begathon and cooking with Kat + DSP threads:
Garlic Naan (2) $7.98
Goat Curry $16.99
Chili Chicken $16.99
Kat's order (Tandoori Chicken) $15.99
Extra sides ---

Subtotal $57.95
That's not a typo by the way, they ordered three entrees for two people and Kat plans to have some of his leftovers.
Worth mentioning in this thread was the revelation today that Phil and Kat order McDonald's for a 'midnight snack' from DoorDash.
So after all of his bragging about his healthy eating in terms of next to no snack foods and the like, it turns out he considers ordering midnight McDonald's as some sort of... healthier alternative to not having snack foods?

In addition to this being a colossal waste of money, this seems like an extremely dangerous habit to develop when you're pushing 40... and it can't be helping much with the sleep schedule.
For context it sounds like the late night McDonalds delivery orders are routine for them.
Assuming he's not lying about Kat getting food too (HUGE grain of salt too), this sure sounds like they spend more than a few evenings sitting around drunk and eating shitty ass cold fast food that they've paid an excessive amount to have brought to them because they can't safely drive and/or are aggressively lazy. Presumably Phil dropping hundreds on WWE Champions and maybe Kat too? What an existence.
So we know that Kat is getting midnight tendies on top of one and a half full meals on a regular basis plus whatever she has for breakfast + snacks. What I'm really saying is, she's probably fat and unemployed now. Being home at 5PM makes no sense if she is working normal hours and being up at midnight makes no sense if she's on the early shift.

The ball's in your court Phil, feel free to prove me wrong!
 
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Haven't been able to read and catch up on the whole thread, so maybe some of this has been pointed out already.

1. Something he said near the beginning was pretty revealing to me. He said, 'Once I get my payment from YT on the 21st, I'll be okay for the rest of the month'. So, for what? 10 days and then you're in 'trouble' again? If this is what he's saying, apparently YT only covers the last 1/3 of the month, and what bills does he even have then, given this marathon is supposed to be paying all the bills he's mentioned BEFORE he gets paid by YT.

If his bills are all gonna get paid because of tip goals and this 'marathon', shouldn't he really pinch for that last part of the month so he can roll over as much as he has left into the beginning of the next month so he can pay the bills and not be a month behind all the time? It would honestly only take him those less than 2 weeks of scrimping at the end of the month and then carrying that money over into the next month to get on track.

2. He was his usual pissy self a few streams ago saying, 'Oh, I'm sorry that I spend money on one nice meal out with my wife. Yeah, that's called life, idiot!' Motherfucker, I know people who, when really struggling to make ends meet, will buy bk quantities of beans and rice and eat that shit every day. When you are in the desperate financial straits he claims to be in, no, you DON'T get to splurge on 'just one meal', you make fucking major sacrifices.

3. This is just more dumb than anything else, but I'm sure it was his typical hyperbole as well. He said his 'tax attorney' has to file all kinds of major, complicated paperwork to get his tax payment date changed because it's on the 20th right now, but YT doesn't pay him until the 21st. He says that he's majorly screwed if he misses it because 'he defaulted on a federal payment.

As someone who has had a real tax mess years ago, that just doesn't happen. The IRS sucks overall, but my experience with them has oddly been some of the best and most accommodating. They really just want their money and they will give you all sorts of options to get it to them. It's total BS that they would fuck him for 'defaulting' on a payment, which he seems to think means paying one day late. He doesn't even have to do that either, just make the fucking payment at 11:59 on the 20th, it's not gonna come out until your YT payment hits on the 21st. Just more of his total lack of common sense, which he projects onto others saying they 'don't understand real adult life' like he does.

4. Has anyone ever asked him, where he gave a legitimate answer, why he doesn't ever seem to include Kat's income when figuring out how to pay their bills? My guess is he'd say something attempting to appear magnanimous like, 'Oh, no, that's her money to buy herself things with' when the truth is that if he mentions it as going towards their expenses, he can't cry as poor as he currently does because it makes the math even more shady than it currently is.

5. The thing about him not pursuing another job because 'it won't make me more than I do streaming' is just a dumb argument imo. That's only true because he is still trying to live the life that YT once allowed him to. If he made major changes to his lifestyle and lived within his means, he wouldn't need to find a job that pays him more than streaming, just one that that would allow him to make ends meet if he cut out all his dumb ass wasteful spending.

The root of his problem is that he's thinking 'what job could I ever find that would make me more money than this?', instead of thinking 'what can I cut out or reduce in my life so that it wouldn't require me to make the level of income I have now, but that would allow me to get a more steady job, with consistent income and maybe health insurance and other benefits, to cover my expenses?'
As to point 4 Phil was recently asked why he couldn't get his wife to finance an Xbox series X for him for $24.99 a month if he absolutely needs one so bad for his "business".
Phil said that asking his wife for $25 a month would "mess up her finances" and be unacceptably detrimental to their relationship.
They are fucking married and Phil is not allowed to ask her for 1 single dollar EVER.
Superchat came in telling DSP that his wife should finance the XBox Series X if he needs it so bad. His response is that there is no way he would do that because it would mess with Kat's finances etc. and be bad for the relationship.

It's $25 a month... I'm sure you can pay her back/she is your wife and wouldn't mind helping you out.

EDIT:
God bless snowkarl and his shit post $1.30 tips. Massive rant about how his stream is so much better and that his streams aren't stagnating it's all shit we made up.
 
As to point 4 Phil was recently asked why he couldn't get his wife to finance an Xbox series X for him for $24.99 a month if he absolutely needs one so bad for his "business".
Phil said that asking his wife for $25 a month would "mess up her finances" and be unacceptably detrimental to their relationship.
They are fucking married and Phil is not allowed to ask her for 1 single dollar EVER.
This means one of two things:
The roommate contract states Khet gets to keep all her income to herself and will not contribute to anything (assuming she's still working)
OR
Phil wants a paypig to fork over the 500 bucks for the Xbox.
I genuinely cannot figure out which because both sound equally plausible.
 
What if the decrease in income makes Phil worried that his soulmaid could leave him? The begging is only amplifying and it makes you wonder. I would think that money is the only way to keep a woman that Phil knows.
 
What if the decrease in income makes Phil worried that his soulmaid could leave him? The begging is only amplifying and it makes you wonder. I would think that money is the only way to keep a woman that Phil knows.
I agree about the soulmaid stuff because he probably knows that's whats keeping khet around other than the roof over her head. I do think he sees a slow decline, doesn't do crap about it and the midfirst stuff is on his mind too. I don't know if they'll get the whole enchilada but bet he will still have to pay lawyers fees for them.
 
What if the decrease in income makes Phil worried that his soulmaid could leave him? The begging is only amplifying and it makes you wonder. I would think that money is the only way to keep a woman that Phil knows.
That's an interesting point. When Tevin did his 4 hours "Let's laugh at Phil getting kicked from Twetich" video he stated that Phil went into full begging mode after he had talked to Khet. So maybe Khet is really in for the money Phil can rake in. Though does she see any of that except for the ropof over her head and not having to put money out for basic necessities?
 
That's an interesting point. When Tevin did his 4 hours "Let's laugh at Phil getting kicked from Twetich" video he stated that Phil went into full begging mode after he had talked to Khet. So maybe Khet is really in for the money Phil can rake in. Though does she see any of that except for the ropof over her head and not having to put money out for basic necessities?
Dave has to be paying for most of her stuff because her paychecks are hers dood! I mean if she is still working. He freaked out on someone in his chat that mentioned Kat could help him with an xbox. They probably both know the situation and Dave is scared to lose her because I can't imagine him getting another woman. It's possible but think this is his last chance to have a "family."
 
Phil's inability to be financially responsible ruined his relationship with Leanna, so it stands to reason he's aware financial irresponsibility will probably ruin this one.
 
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