Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[somevan712]

Since there's nothing going on at the moment, here are some fan videos that make me chuckle when they pop up.

 

[Sammich]

Is there any smoothbrain in the Facebook group taking credit for the suspension yet?

I haven't watched much since the methica stuff, are folks certain it isn't her pulling some bullshit?

 

[Slim Boglim]

I haven't watched much since the methica stuff, are folks certain it isn't her pulling some bullshit?

Naw he has a-logs who report all his stuff for bullying in the hopes of getting his channel shut down because they (very retardedly) think that’ll lead to “more content”.

The flames were fanned by bitsizecobravideos acting like a fag just short of asking his viewers to go flag cobras channel with how much he went on about a 6 year old video where Cobes laughs about some kids dead mom, specifically making a point to say he hasn’t “faced any consequences for it” he might as well have followed it up with “wink, wink, nudge, nudge” with how blatant it was.

Then again, this is the guy who’s incompetence got the sub shut down so who know; maybe he really is too retarded to see that was obviously going to embolden a-logs and stir up another round of “let’s get cobras channel banned! He needs to be taken down a peg!” retard internet vigilantism

 

[D_Tractor]

Boy got a 7 day ban. Can't imagine what group of people reported him..

WE DID IT REDDIT!!!

 

[GameratePTSD]

A Cobra Kino Classic was in my recommends today. It made me laugh a lot and it's a great instance of the unintentional comedy that is Josh's life.

Cobes is a little buzzed off fruity girldrinks and feeling himself so he decides to try to impress youtoob and Couch Chris with his dark gothickness. He gets out his CO2 pistol and says he's going to play Russian Roulette. The audience gasps. How can he gamble with his life like this? Because he's an edgy badass cowboy, that's why trole.
He assures us that it's a deadly weapon:
"This gun put a hole through the target on the wall. Literally. It almost hit the poster. Solid plastic. Now imagine what it would do to a fleshy head like mine."

He decides to risk it all on a coin flip and puts bullets in half the chambers, five out of ten. He closes the cylinder and starts spinning it while remarking to Couch Chris: "Hey Chris, how do you feel about Russian Roulette? Bwahaha!" Chris answers non-committedly without looking away from the television.
The climax is approaching; the suspense is building. Cobes is now holding a loaded bb gun and points it at his head. And he starts talking. And talking.
"What to do, what to do?..... *lipsmack*.... pondering, pondering... suicide or life..."
What's this? It looks like there's hesitation in the boy's eyes. Is it... can it be? Is Cobes afraid? Is he hoping Couch Chris will step away from his Guitar Hero session and stop him from pulling the trigger? No trole, he just wants one last cigarette before he dies. He puts the gun down to light up a lolly.
All too soon the cigarette is done and he's back holding the gun to his head with a constipated look on his face. It seems like he doesn't actually want to go through with it -- he has chosen life, fuck suicide doot -- but after hamming it up with his mock Shakespearean monologuing he can't back out now or he'll look like a pussy. This is quite the gothic conundrum. Then he gets a brilliant idea: up the ante. That'll buy him some time to think of a way out. He decides to load the gun with even more bullets. This time there will only be ONE empty chamber. Okay... now what? Hmm.
Well, fuck. It looks like there's no way out. It's either pull the trigger or be called a pussy, and he's NOT a pussy he's straight for of-age pussy. The boy swivels in his seat a bit, fiddles with the gun, stares into space, starts rambling about Mozart. Nothing is working, skygod isn't coming down and saving him. He starts fiddling with the gun offscreen. We can't see what he's doing but it seems important. He sits up.
"NOW," Cobes says with a newfound confidence, "I'm going to finish my cigarette and PULL THE TRIGGER."
He checks the safety, notes that it's off, then points the gun at his head.
He grins a Jared Leto joker grin. "See you in Hell."
He pulls the trigger.
Nothing.

"Look at that! I survived! Awwww sucks to be you, doesn't it? Awwww poopy hahahaha!" His troles are rending their robes and gnashing their teeth.
It's at this point that Couch Chris pipes up, "Oh the gun's out of air by the way."

Some would say that there is a lesson buried in the barrel of that toy gun. That Cobes didn't need to put himself in this position in the first place by trying to act like an anime anti-hero, and that to put off the consequences of his actions for a temporary reprieve he made those consequences far worse by exchanging a 50% chance of certain death for a 90% chance. But we all know math is for faggots and suicide is badass. Cobes wins again, suck it.
As he says after finding out the gun was out of air the whole time, "Call it luck, call it a malfunction, I'll call it a test of fate."
A small sample of Josh being absolutely miserable after getting himself into yet another fine mess:

 

[QUEEN OF DENIAL]

I think if he gets banned maybe it will be a wakeup call

If he gets banned he's going (try) to fucking kill himself.

 

[Orkeosaurus]

OlIgarch is a pretty sick last name.

It's actually spelled odegaard. I only know because I've seen Fargo. Very Minnesotan name.

 

[Whatisgoingon]

I can't believe he hates some random retard that tried to be his friend so much that he will go into a seething loop just because trolls mention him in texts. I know pooptouchers shouldn't do that, but that's a pretty insane reaction from Cobes. I bet that tard hasn't even thought of Cobes since high school, and he's still seething about it 15 years later.

 

[Bixby Snyder]

If he gets banned he's going (try) to fucking kill himself.

We going to get another video of him holding a tanto to his stomach?

 

[Fortyone]

Glass tapping is ruining the cobraverse. However people are allowed to report if it's warranted he keeps doxxing people. I think if he gets banned maybe it will be a wakeup call, then he will be forced to make the content slightly better by streaming on facebook and actually put time into Donations and patreon. These pre-recorded vids suck ass

That's their train of thought at least, right now the boy coasts by on passive income generated by views on his old YT videos so he doesn't have to do fuck all and doesn't stream or make wands anymore.

Of course if he does get banned his retarded enabler paypigs will just double down out of sympathy and he'll upload on an even smaller channel less often so it would probably backfire. They're also trying to get him banned from door dash somehow which actually could enable more content since he'd have to get off his ass to get food now.

 

[Jeffy Jefferson]

Now the boy has some time to visit a dentist while he awaits his ban to be lifted.

 

[PixarsTedKennedy]

I think if he gets banned maybe it will be a wakeup call, then he will be forced to make the content slightly better by streaming on facebook and actually put time into Donations and patreon.

LOL you think someone who can't even figure out how to stop his teeth from rotting out of his head is going to have the wherewithal to go, "hmm, you know I think I need to work on my content and make it better."

 

[Figantic Gaggot]

Now the boy has some time to visit a dentist while he awaits his ban to be lifted.
View attachment 6865192

josh being his own dentist has me in tears rn

 

[mars]

I think if he gets banned maybe it will be a wakeup call, then he will be forced to make the content slightly better by streaming on facebook and actually put time into Donations and patreon. These pre-recorded vids suck ass

Are you from another planet? Yeah I'm sure he'll work on making his content better in the five minutes he spends sober each morning. Or maybe during one of those 2 hour long can opener sessions.

 

[C. G. B. Spender]

OlIgarch is a pretty sick last name.

Gothic as fuck doodt

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

I think if he gets banned maybe it will be a wakeup call, then he will be forced to make the content slightly better by streaming on facebook and actually put time into Donations and patreon. These pre-recorded vids suck ass

Yeah, I bet the guy who's too lazy to pick sticks off the ground and lathe them into wands that he sells for hundreds of dollars is gonna have a moment of introspection and improve his content
The boy's best source of income literally grows on trees and he refuses to go outside and make more. If he gets banned, he'll pout, complain, blame the troles, stream on Facebook, and maybe make a new account.

 

[Retarded Gangstalker]

Yeah, I bet the guy who's too lazy to pick sticks off the ground and lathe them into wands that he sells for hundreds of dollars is gonna have a moment of introspection and improve his content

Indescribably lazy. I feel like the vast bulk of humanity would be excited and very motivated if they were able to sell random sticks for hundreds of dollars. Carl would have probably opened his own storefront by now!

 

[Rasputinee]

If he gets banned he's going (try) to fucking kill himself.

Once he inevitably fucks it up he'll just be missing the top of his gourd, just as functional as the day prior.

 

[Norwegian Trailer Trash]

OlIgarch is a pretty sick last name.

It's the most modern American name there is.

 

[biggacracka]

Yeah, I bet the guy who's too lazy to pick sticks off the ground and lathe them into wands that he sells for hundreds of dollars is gonna have a moment of introspection and improve his content
The boy's best source of income literally grows on trees and he refuses to go outside and make more. If he gets banned, he'll pout, complain, blame the troles, stream on Facebook, and maybe make a new account.

Though if he made more juans, he may not be able to sell them at such a high price, meaning more effort for less reward.
Bogfeller is creating artifical scarcity.