Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[chimpSculpture]

After family members contracted COVID-19, Ozzy Osbourne says worshiping Satan protected him from virus
T W U

Praise Ozzy's magic

 

[museum privilege]

He could have preserved her in resin for some Jurassic Park vibes. But then again, this is Cobes we're talking about.

The Russians preserved Lenin’s corpse in Mod Podge, I’m not sure why it won’t work with Ms Green.

 

[TurdFondler]

Holy shit, just sat through the entire bite sized maidens blood vid.

I can't wait for cobes to get a fucking wood lathe. He's going to try and use it in the apartment, while piss drunk. A lathe is one of the most dangerous pieces of shop equipment and I dont trust cobes to even load the wood in right.

 

[Don't bullshit us brother]

Holy shit, just sat through the entire bite sized maidens blood vid.

I can't wait for cobes to get a fucking wood lathe. He's going to try and use it in the apartment, while piss drunk. A lathe is one of the most dangerous pieces of shop equipment and I dont trust cobes to even load the wood in right.

His losing an arm if his lucky and all the loose clothes he wears jesus chrsit.

 

[Namekian George Floyd]

But is Cobes really a lolcow though? He can stop drinking whenever he wants, doesn’t even care about his dry spell, and is against all forms of rape.

No, he's a based fucking sigma male. The fact that our boy Cobes isn't worshipped by women and looked up to by men is frankly a sign of a failing, dying society.
Fuck returning to monkey, return to Cobra.

 

[Terrorist]

No, he's a based fucking sigma male. The fact that our boy Cobes isn't worshipped by women and looked up to by men is frankly a sign of a failing, dying society.
Fuck returning to monkey, return to Cobra.

Bogma Male

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's the remaining 2016 archives and BCV summaries

Spoiler: ARCHIVES & BCV SUMMARIES DECEMBER 13th - 26th 2016

Cigar review 2016-12-13 Shout out to the new Ash Cigar Store in Evansville | 1:00 Josh bought a cigar | 10:50 there's someone pretending to be him on Facebook motherfucking trolls Josh has been unemployed for FOUR months and worked at Wendys for FOUR years | 13:22 people want a piece of his fame | 15:38 fans told Josh to set up an Instagram account, he's working on it | 19:50 the person pretending to be him on Facebook keeps messaging Scotty | 24:11 famous on YouTube | 29:55 Josh looks at a picture of his sex doll he destroyed and he misses it | 30:50 Josh talks about his fan Vaypour | 35:!2 Josh regrets destroying the sex doll | 36:00 Not going to ask his fans for another one | 40:48 Josh is working on not losing his temper on stupid shit | Taking a trip down to the cigar store 2016-12-16 Josh is outside and it's snowing outside on his way to the Ash Cigar Store | 1:12 Josh smells something good | 1:32 Josh made a video about going to the cigar store a few days ago, some guy called him names so he just deleted it | 2:51 DEA classified CBD as a schedule 1 narcotic and Josh says Big Pharma is responsible | 10:30 Josh is annoyed weed is legal in the states around Wyoming | 10:49 Josh would have brought his staff but it's cold | 14:11 Josh drops his cig | 14:50 Josh walks into the Ash Cigar Store | 16:22 Josh buys a $2 cigar but gives her $3 | 17:14 Rialto cigar store closed down | 21:30 Josh is mobing his autistic ass home | fan Mail 2016-12-16 Josh has some mail | 1:23 more swampadelic hot sauce | 11:40 Josh reads a letter | 12:13 the letter says a second sex doll is being sent to him | 15:50 Josh doesn't know how to feel about getting another one | 18:54 Josh talks about Vaypour and him defending Josh after being fired from Wendys by the troll known as Fat Fuck from Kentucky | 25:25 Dani Filth suicide and a hot dog | 33:18 Josh wishes people wouldn't send him a sex doll Video update 2016-12-16 Josh just finished the cover the 8th album, he tried recording a deep fried chicken cooking video but messed it up | 1:00 it smoked out the entire apartment and it went upstairs and her neighbour came down to ask if he's burning toast | 5:19 the other day Josh was out walking with his staff and someone called him a tard | 6:30 Josh slipped on ice and almost biffed it but caught himself, a girl smiled at him | 12:34 damn, Josh has some big ass arms | 21:41 you can guess what Josh called the guy who called him a tard: a pussy ass bitch | Donating to a good cause 2016-12-17 Josh is spreading awareness of a GoFundMe called "Rally for Todd Rody" to pay for medical expenses | 2:35 Todd's wife has bone disease but medical weed is illegal is North Dakota | 4:20 Josh would love to be able to donate $34,000 if he could | 10:14 Josh is broke as fuck and can't donate to it | Smoking a cigar and ranting 2016-12-17 Josh is back from the cigar store with a cigar to review | 2:40 Josh has a letter that got sent to the wrong apartment | 6:00 Josh rants about the DEA and CBD weed talk | 8:28 Josh talks about women in the middle east committing suicide because they are being raped | 12:06 back to the fan letter | 13:18 Josh got some fan art of him | 14:04 Josh got a Christmas card from Eric and Richard | 17:10 Josh can't do much, he's a Wyoming boy I mean man with autism that can't do much but complain | Josh talks about weed and Trump | 42:00 Josh rants about vaping and popcorn lung | Back to ranting about weed then Trump | 1:02:16 major fuckery afoot | PTSD, weed and rapists get less jail time then weed smokers | Trump and Obama | 1:15:55 Josh farts | 1:28:00 guitar playing | Im not loosing my hair 2016-12-18 A lot of people are underneath the impression that Josh is losing his hair, he's not | 3:18 Josh has not given up on companionship and good pussy | My pipe broke 2016-12-19 Josh was walking home and he dropped his pipe and it broke | 1:30 it was his favourite pipe | 7:20 these kinds of things are written in stone | 10:50 Josh doesn't let people making fun of him for going bald to get to him, him breaking his pipe breaks the bullshit spectrum | 18:20 camera falls over | The reason I deleted my donating to a good cause video 2016-12-19 Josh deleted his 'donating to a good cause video' because the campaign was taken down and talks about the trolls talking in comments to troll him | 2:41 Josh hopes the people see that he was just trying to do a nice thing | Josh repeats himself again about what happened Working on my next album 2016-12-20 JOSH SPEAKING REALLY SLOWLY WARNING Josh slowly moves his head into frame and his lazy eye moves sideways | Josh got the 8th album cover done but he's changing the name from Waiting because there's a gross movie called Waiting | Josh is talking about what type of music that will be on the album | 4:00 Josh talks about the KingCobraJFS subreddit and read what they were saying about his music | 10:22 Josh shows that his windows peak is growing back | 11:28 when his hair grows back people are going to eat their words, mother fuckers are just jealous of his fame | 11:50 Josh rubs his widows peak | Employers should not be aloud to view your social media 2016-12-26 Short video. When you're applying for a job a lot of companies will look you up on social media and if they don't like what they see they won't hire you. Josh disagrees with this because it's an invasion of privacy and people are off the clock when they post on Social Media. Casper got hit with a shit ton of snow so he's glad he's in Wyoming. Talks about ringing the church bells for his grandparents. Back to talking about companies invading people's personal privacy by looking job applicants up on social media.

 

[Clint's Burden]

You're doing God's work, Ellesse.

No, he's a based fucking sigma male.

Only based sigmas spend thousands of dollars on pheromone soap to attract women, completely unaware that males produce those pheromones naturally, for free.

 

[TurdFondler]

Is cobes keeping his prospector hat because by now it's soaked up so many pheromones?

 

[Broseph Stalin]

Is cobes keeping his prospector hat because by now it's soaked up so many pheromones?

I assumed it was because it's starting to look more like a wizard hat now. But like, more metal. Could also be because he's got a really fucking huge head and not many hats will fit him.

 

[Buffalo Chicken Sandwich]

Could also be because he's got a really fucking huge head and not many hats will fit him.

Someone sent him two hats to his PO box a few months ago with a nice letter talking about how he got like an extra-large and an extra-extra large hat. He didn't open either, just tossed them to the side and moved on. That kind of stuff is about the only thing Cobra does that makes me kind of angry, he's completely unappreciative of anything done for him.
But I think it's more his autism brain making that hat his comfort blanket.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Is cobes keeping his prospector hat because by now it's soaked up so many pheromones?

The hat is too powerful to get rid of now. What if it got into the wrong hands?
I think the hat suits Kobes in a weird way, I liked the wizard hat he received recently too. I wish he'd wear it more often and embrace his wizard self and tbf I think Kobes is one of the few people that can get away with unusual hats.

Someone sent him two hats to his PO box a few months ago with a nice letter talking about how he got like an extra-large and an extra-extra large hat. He didn't open either, just tossed them to the side and moved on. That kind of stuff is about the only thing Cobra does that makes me kind of angry, he's completely unappreciative of anything done for him.
But I think it's more his autism brain making that hat his comfort blanket.

Those were nice hats too and they looked expensive from what I remember . Throwing shit away on stream that fans send him is probably the thing that annoys me most about Kobes. He could easily wait until he gets off stream to chuck any crap he doesn't want out instead of making it really obvious that unless you send him booze, tobacco or junk food he doesn't appreciate it.

 

[Thomas Highway]

Our Dark Lord must be in serious financial trouble regarding his bills.

Streaming from phone and then.... no streaming at all.

 

[Genetic Mt. Dew]

Our Dark Lord must be in serious financial trouble regarding his bills.

Streaming from phone and then.... no streaming at all.

Surely the power company won't turn off the power of an autistic person during the pandemic.

 

[KillThemCrackasBabies]

Someone sent him two hats to his PO box a few months ago with a nice letter talking about how he got like an extra-large and an extra-extra large hat. He didn't open either, just tossed them to the side and moved on. That kind of stuff is about the only thing Cobra does that makes me kind of angry, he's completely unappreciative of anything done for him.
But I think it's more his autism brain making that hat his comfort blanket.

I agree, but also it's been long since established that the Bog ain't gonna appreciate shit his fans send him. At this point if he dismisses your presents, it's kind of part of the game.

 

[PillCosby]

Think he’s already spent all of that sweet Mrs. Green staff money he won’t ever get? I think our boys gonna be massaging Clints walnut soon for some Gfuel bucks.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's Kobes' latest stream:

Spoiler: ARCHIVE video responce

Spoiler: TIMESTAMPS

Start:
Doing a video response about a 69-year-old whose doing OF. Drinking G Fuel. Kobes is not here to judge especially if it’s of age and consensual. Starts the video for 2 seconds and says women are judged more harshly on their looks. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Instead of bitching about his dry spell he can wait until he’s 70. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Some people are born semi sexual, can’t just assume people’s sexuality.
2:52:
Back to the video. Says holy crap she has a lot of subs. Kobes says she’s too old for him personally but bless her heart. Back to the video.
5:02:
Talking about OF allowing under age people have accounts. Says this woman isn’t hurting anyone, if it’s of age and consensual. Elderly porn scenario. Complaining about women.
6:54:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Talking about under age women on OF. Back to the video. People into Grandma’s scenario. Back to the video.
9:15:
Age is only a state of mind. Get it gurl! G Fuel joke. Kobes is not here to judge. Old people kink is weird though. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Women cause divorce. Back to the video.
11:27:
Gender relations and elderly OF creators. Back to the video. 35 and up of age and consensual.
13:20:
Women want sex more when they are older so dudes want older women. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Talking about a rapper picking on this sweet old lady. Back to the video.
15:45:
Young people got no respect for the older generation. Back to the video for 2 seconds, no one is going to argue with a 69-year-old lady about getting cock. Gender relations. Back to the video.
17:53:
Gives advice for vagene health. Back to the video. Pandemic induced dry spell. Back to the video.
20:12:
Double standards gender relations and sex dolls. Back to the video.
22:34:
Explains what he’s watching. Back to the video.
23:46:
Without the body positive movement this woman wouldn’t be able to have an OF. Gender relations double standards in Body positivity movement. Kobes thinks it’s dumb that she can’t dance because of her health but can screw all these guys. OF Granny likes ACDC TMDWU. Wanting to feel sexy when you’re old. Says he’s making jokes but she’s happy doing what she’s doing. Back to the video.
27:40:
Chicks do sex work when they’re broke. Cheryl and Chad scenario. Back to the video.
28:40:
Gender relations double standards OF. Dry spell cope. Sex is not a need it’s a want. Back to the video. Sweet of age pussy, I need a new hip. Back to the video. Kobes is very concerned for the woman in the video’s health.
32:35:
At least she can’t get pregnant and she might make you some cookies after. Back to the video.
33:50:
Women are catty to each other. Don’t tell your daughter she’s ugly, that is detrimental to the female psyche. Back to the video.
35:35:
Kobes is okay with not everyone being attracted to him and people thinking he’s creepy. You don’t need OF to feel confident. Blames the fashion industry. Fashion industry sperg. Back to the video.
38:00:
Shout out to Kobes dry spell, he’s not going to talk shit because if he could make that kind of money on OF he would do it too. Back to the video.
40:55:
Kobes explains that the woman doesn’t have skin cancer but that she has to take care of her disabled son. Says he will have a crappy heart when he’s older because he eats bacon. Back to the video for 2 seconds. This video is not for kids. He’s trying to be sensitive with his response. Back to the video.
44:15:
Kobes suggests this woman could put her son in a group home. Back to the video.
45:36:
Kobes is disgusted that this woman’s mother called her ugly. Back to the video. Age is only a state of mind. Back to the video.
47:09:
Imagine growing up thinking you were ugly and only realising that you are attractive at 69. Talks about Chris Chan. Still thinks Chris is in a female prison and says he doesn’t have a right to have his pronouns respected. Back to the video.
50:16:
Fucks pedos and rapists, says he commented that but Vice deleted it. Says probably because it had the F word in it. Back to the video.
52:04:
He was watching a catfishing video and YouTube recommended this video to him. Shares the link for the video. Ends with some gender relations.

I was pleasantly surprised that this wasn't an Isayic Butterfield or Terrence Poop video response.

My suggested videos from YouTube are MDWU! I might use this collage as my new background.

 

[SnusBurns]

My suggested videos from YouTube are MDWU! I might use this collage as my new background.

You rolled nothing but snake eyes on that suggested video selection.

 

[Clint's Burden]

My suggested videos from YouTube are MDWU! I might use this collage as my new background.

Made me think of this, so I whipped something up real quick.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Made me think of this, so I whipped something up real quick.

View attachment 2628354

This is awesome. Classic Kobes expressions right here