Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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Al Dente Alighieri said:
Basically, if anyone makes a claim, the best way to go about it is “It’s probably not true until I see evidence.”
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While lots of little bits of lore are in obscure videos archived somewhere, or from DMs with cobraverse flunkies like cooltaste, warload, DMs with Carolyn, etc; I'm typically pretty aware of them. The claims of Cobra creeping on his sisters has never had substance presented. I get it, he's an alcoholic retard weirdo and coomer, it doesn't mean that he creeped on his sisters. Cobra wasn't kicked out, he left. The subreddit constantly echo'd the rumour that he was kicked out for watching his sisters take showers, stealing their panties, sniffing their panties, touching them, viewing them naked, sexting them, etc. I've never seen anyone close to Cobra claim this, I've never seen his sisters claim this, not Clint or even Tanis, just rando's on the subreddit. Somehow it still gets repeated as if it's fact.

Now I'm aware I could be wrong and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if Cobra was blowing loads into his sisters used panties, but I've yet to see anything that gives that claim substance and it reeks of alog fantasy.
 
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Is anybody else starting to think that maybe Cobra isn’t very smart LOL 😂😂😂🤪
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ibeatmywife said:
Thats actually a great idea and would infuriate her
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And that's why it'll probably never happen. Good ideas in the Cobraverse don't see the light of day too much and that's what keeps us entertained.
biggacracka said:
It's gonna be massively optimistic, but I hope Clint sends him to London, UK while she's in Casper. Avoiding BPD bitch AND seeing the most famous clock tower is mdwu, doodts
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Not a chance he can made it through TSA with all his metal trinkets, plus you can't do anything nicotine related on a plane. So imagine being stuck on an hours long transatlantic flight with a smelly, cranky boglim who's pounding overpriced drinks until his account's in the negative. He'll show those flight attendants drunk when they cut him off.
PetiteFeet said:
And that's the thing of it, toobz, Clint should honestly just spirit his boy away to someplace without internet and troles. I know, it's not realistic and even if it was possible to send the boy somewhere without the trolls, we would be left in a world without Cobra and Josh would be slowly killing himself, with or without troll care packages, poo touchers and NAL.
I'm just a soft faggot with a soft spot for this social misfit. I'll stop my own thought loop on this topic, TMDNWU.
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No one will EVER convince Cobes to quit youtube. It's his life now and the infamy he has on it is only real thing he's ever "accomplished". But a month out living with nature away from the internet with family and real friends would do him wonders.
 
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Agares said:
No one will EVER convince Cobes to quit youtube. It's his life now and the infamy he has on it is only real thing he's ever "accomplished". But a month out living with nature away from the internet with family and real friends would do him wonders.
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My head canon is that Tanis and Clint go shopping for him every week. Tanis complains to Clint that Josh needs to eat more healthy, but Clint dismisses this and says "He needs things that are easy to cook, bud! He can't cook brocoli, he hates being clumsy!" while prancing around on his toes doing pirouettes down the isles. Tanis rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh. Clint picks out some microwave meals at random. When dropping them off to Cobes, Clint says "Here ya go bud, I got you some things for your food hacks and drink combos bud! Better make some videos for your fans BOY!"

While somewhat embellished, I do believe Clint encourages Cobra to make videos, to encourage some type of structure and purpose. I also believe that there were some "a lots up Josh" conversations about going live and painting a target on himself with weens after the second visit of NAL, which is why he didn't go live (boy) for quite some time after the move.

Better not be making up KingCobraJFS head canon BOY!
 
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I feel like Cobes would be treated like a retarded little kid on a plane. He’d have a sign around his neck with his name and who needs to pick him up. The flight attendant would comment on how cool his cow bell is and call him a special little man. He’d get on with the elderly and disabled, shuffling onto the plane — probably nearly falling over more than once.

I really feel for whoever had to sit next to him. His phone background being a big titty goth chick in the nude. You know he’d talk loud and made his weird videos with the hand gestures like he’s a 90s rapper. Vanish to bathroom to jack it, then being amazed at the toilet.

Cobes Plane Adventure would have its charms
 
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Bixby Snyder said:
I feel like Cobes would be treated like a retarded little kid on a plane. He’d have a sign around his neck with his name and who needs to pick him up. The flight attendant would comment on how cool his cow bell is and call him a special little man. He’d get on with the elderly and disabled, shuffling onto the plane — probably nearly falling over more than once.

I really feel for whoever had to sit next to him. His phone background being a big titty goth chick in the nude. You know he’d talk loud and made his weird videos with the hand gestures like he’s a 90s rapper. Vanish to bathroom to jack it, then being amazed at the toilet.

Cobes Plane Adventure would have its charms
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food hacks and drink combos on the plane would be funny AF
He'd just be fucking it up, while the stewardesses try to wrangle him. And Lord forbid the tard rage of there's turbulence...
 
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Agares said:
No one will EVER convince Cobes to quit youtube. It's his life now and the infamy he has on it is only real thing he's ever "accomplished". But a month out living with nature away from the internet with family and real friends would do him wonders.
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I agree. He could never survive without his trolls and paypigs. He's become so lazy and grown so carefree thanks to the paypiggies and the troll care packages (and they used to be entertaining, before people started sending him duster and alcohol with none of the fun, weird items that would wind him up) that he's completely given up on attempting to resemble a functional human being. It's a weird symbiosis.
It's ironic that I as a kiwifarmer would say this, I realise that.

If Josh could somehow detox from the Internet and youtube as a whole, maybe he could turn his life around. It'd be really, really healthy for him to not be stuck in the paranoid thought loops about trolls but it's never going to happen. Josh is unable to help himself in all aspects, he will not accept help from anyone else unless he was actively bleeding and his guts were spilling from his body. I don't relish the fact that Josh' life is a trainwreck but I cannot stop watching. Maybe it's projection, maybe it's a reminder or maybe I'm just a sadist, deep down.

Any time Seizure or Bitesize puts out a new video, or bogchron delivers a concise recap of current events, I am reminded of why I want this manbaby boglim to succeed - he's unintentionally hilarious, he has some incredible self-insight and he's a tragic kind of persona who I would like to have a beer with if I got the chance and he had groomed himself for the occasion. Hell, I'd have a beer with Clint and Tanis, to praise them for the amount of hard work, blood, sweat and tears they've put into trying to keep the slowly rotting corpse of their son alive. I know it's not easy to care for the black sheep in the family, especially when they're special needs in the way Cobra is. Hits close to home, without powerleveling.
 
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Star Spangled Bogger said:
My head canon is that Tanis and Clint go shopping for him every week. Tanis complains to Clint that Josh needs to eat more healthy, but Clint dismisses this and says "He needs things that are easy to cook, bud! He can't cook brocoli, he hates being clumsy!" while prancing around on his toes doing pirouettes down the isles. Tanis rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh. Clint picks out some microwave meals at random. When dropping them off to Cobes, Clint says "Here ya go bud, I got you some things for your food hacks and drink combos bud! Better make some videos for your fans BOY!"
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Your headcanon is similar to mine and I think Tanis is the one who convinced him to get the boy less raw meat. Because he used to do a lot more actual cooking a few years ago.
 
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Blue Miaplacidus said:
Now I'm aware I could be wrong and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if Cobra was blowing loads into his sisters used panties, but I've yet to see anything that gives that claim substance and it reeks of alog fantasy.
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I don’t think it’s true either. I think it was crafted to piss off Josh since the rumour was created at the time he started going on his “fuck sickos” campaign.

Cobra is a sexual deviant but the deviancy is really pedestrian stuff that hardly registers on the scale. Fart fetishes, rare bits of voyeurism, standard lesbian porn, it’s what a teenager would consider to be “breaking all the rules.” Those kinds of people don’t blow ropes in their sisters panties.

Cobra is complicated. He’s kind and generous, but he’s a stupid, selfish, ungrateful asshole. He treats his family with some degree of disdain at times but he does genuinely, deeply love them. I don’t think the thought has ever entered his head.
 
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No body is talking about the insane number of different liquor bottles he is going through on a weekly basis. His liver isn't going to last much longer. In the newest vid he has a HANDLE of vodka thats 3/4th empty when just a few days ago he had a bottle of Jack and few days before that a different bottle of liquor. If you drink a handle of vodka and two other fifths in 6-9 days ... thats liver failure in your near future.

Keep doing your best every day! It's the trolls fault right Clint?

I think clint wants him to die so he doesn't have to give a shit anymore.
 
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dirtydeanna96 said:
It's from an old hippie song
The least goth thing that exists
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That’s one of the funniest things about him. He’s based his whole personality on a subculture he doesn’t understand in the least. Being a poser is one thing but he’s taken it to a whole new level. This isn’t “wearing a shirt of a band you’re secretly not a huge fan of to look cool” level
 
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WarmStewMeat said:
No body is talking about the insane number of different liquor bottles he is going through on a weekly basis. His liver isn't going to last much longer. In the newest vid he has a HANDLE of vodka thats 3/4th empty when just a few days ago he had a bottle of Jack and few days before that a different bottle of liquor. If you drink a handle of vodka and two other fifths in 6-9 days ... thats liver failure in your near future.

Keep doing your best every day! It's the trolls fault right Clint?

I think clint wants him to die so he doesn't have to give a shit anymore.
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There was a theory going around on the old subreddit that said Clint had taken out a life insurance policy on Josh. I honestly thing that's plausible.
 
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