Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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“Go on,” said Jessica.
Josh raised the gun and his hand shook, and he dropped his hand to the ground again.
“Go on, Jawshieee,” said Jessica. “How it’s gonna be. We gonna get a little place.”
“We’ll have a bearded dragon,” said Josh. “An’ we’ll have maybe a handle of vodka, an’ burritos…an’ down the flat we’ll have a…clocktower mansion – “
“For the burritos, ” Jessica shouted.
“For the burritos,” Josh repeated.
“And I get to eat the burritos.”
“And you get to eat the burritos.”
Jessica giggled with happiness. “An’ live off the fatta the Doordash.”
“Yes.”
Josh turned his head
“No, Jessica. Look down across the trailer park, like you can almost see the place.”
Jessica obeyed him. Josh looked down at the gun.
There were crashing footsteps in the brush now! Josh turned and looked towards them.
“Go on, Jawshie. When we gonna do it?”
“Gonna do it soon.”
“Me an’ you.”
“You…an’ me. Ever’body gonna be nice to you. Ain’t gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna hurt nobody nor steal from ’em.”
Jessica said, “I thought you was mad at me, Jawshieeee.”
“No,” said Josh. “No, Jessica. I ain’t mad. I never been mad, an’ I ain’t now. That’s a thing I want ya to know.”
The voices came close now. Josh raised the gun and listened to the voices.
Jessica begged, “Le’s do it now. Le’s get that place now.”
“Sure, right now. I gotta. We gotta.”
 
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Al Dente Alighieri said:
Jessica approaches the trailer with the confidence of a crack head.

“JAWWWEESSSHIIIIIEEE IM BAAAAAAAACCCK!”

The front door bursts from its seams…boot first. Cobra emerges from the weed smoke, shotgun glistening in the sun. He draws on his filter less Marlboro 100 and let’s out a cloud of acrid smoke.

“I thought I told you, Jessica….this buck ain’t broken, dood.”

Jessica screams “I LOVE YOU JAAWWWSHIE WE WERE MENT TO BE TO-“

“I’ve got some medication for you, Jessica. The only medication that’ll help you.”

Cobra loads a shell.

“16 grams of saltpeter…”

Cobra loads another shell.

“…and 16 grams of sulfur…”

He snaps the shotgun with one hand like that fucking sick move in Terminator 2.

“…and a touch of charcoal should do the trick. It’s a dank medication combo, Jessica. I call it ‘The Final Cobra.’”

Cobra aims with the speed of a window licker’s determination and fires, blowing Jessica’s entire head off into tiny, bulbous shards. As the smoke clears from the barrel, Joshua spits out his chew and chuckles.

“I’m your huckleberry.”

The wind blows through his few remaining hairs and the sun bathes him in a glorious light. Today? Jessica. Tomorrow? He’s in the negatives. You can’t solve every problem with a shotgun, but it is what it is, youtube.

It is what it is.
Click to expand...
Kino. That's what's up toobz!
 
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Cobes going to get a knock on the door and it’s going to be like that one scene from Parasite.
 
New quest added:
Tombstone in the Trailer Park
You need to travel around Casper to recruit NPCs to help defend the trailer park from the impending Gutterslut Gangers attack.
FalloutKingCobraJFS.jpg
With a Guns check, you can convince Darfliny to supply the trailer park militia with guns from his collection.
With a "Medicine" check, you can recruit Warlord to make chems to help you in the battle.
With a high enough Speech check, you can go live and take paypig donos to fund a trip to Mr. Money pawn shop to buy some more guns and ammo
With a Survival check, you can convince Couch Chris and the Zombie Response team to join you in the defense
 
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Pignat said:
It's a shame Cobes doesn't have friends anymore, it would be kino if Warlord and Darfliny hatted up and came to Cobe's aid as he confronted methica and her paypig alogs at high noon.
Click to expand...
When is the last time Cobes talked to/hung out with any of his merry band of misfits? There's too many to remember, off the top of my head: CoolTaste, Rasta Jeremy, Homeboy Ian, DarfLiny, WarLord, GoldFinger, etc
 
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Al Dente Alighieri said:
Jessica approaches the trailer with the confidence of a crack head.

“JAWWWEESSSHIIIIIEEE IM BAAAAAAAACCCK!”

The front door bursts from its seams…boot first. Cobra emerges from the weed smoke, shotgun glistening in the sun. He draws on his filter less Marlboro 100 and let’s out a cloud of acrid smoke.

“I thought I told you, Jessica….this buck ain’t broken, dood.”

Jessica screams “I LOVE YOU JAAWWWSHIE WE WERE MENT TO BE TO-“

“I’ve got some medication for you, Jessica. The only medication that’ll help you.”

Cobra loads a shell.

“16 grams of saltpeter…”

Cobra loads another shell.

“…and 16 grams of sulfur…”

He snaps the shotgun with one hand like that fucking sick move in Terminator 2.

“…and a touch of charcoal should do the trick. It’s a dank medication combo, Jessica. I call it ‘The Final Cobra.’”

Cobra aims with the speed of a window licker’s determination and fires, blowing Jessica’s entire head off into tiny, bulbous shards. As the smoke clears from the barrel, Joshua spits out his chew and chuckles.

“I’m your huckleberry.”

The wind blows through his few remaining hairs and the sun bathes him in a glorious light. Today? Jessica. Tomorrow? He’s in the negatives. You can’t solve every problem with a shotgun, but it is what it is, youtube.

It is what it is.
Click to expand...
If only the reality would be that cool.
 
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