Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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Fully Eshay Skits Bruh v2 said:
Imagine if Josh decides to do IRL streaming for that content money.
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It would be a nice change...
Or at least some videos where he isn't stuck inside his apartment sitting in the same exact chair, for hours in hundreds of videos, spanning years and years of his life.
Then again, that will end sooner or later, he's not going to last nearly 10 years at the new apartment.

His old videos riding his bicycle like a retard or walking around hunting sticks to make wands would be a breath of fresh air to his current content.
 
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Here's Kobes' latest streams:
Start:
Shout out to someone who sent him money to his PayPal. Drinking lemonade and Captain Morgans. Drying the last wand and then he’s going to post them on Etsy. One is more expensive than the other 4 because it has a cobra symbol sticker on it. Says if you buy the wands just to break them on camera you just cursed yourself. Why would you buy products from a celebrity you hate? Doing a video response to the news. Simply lemonade #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement.
5:09:
Lemonade isn’t as nice as the lemonade he got from his grandparents. Talks about how he respects old people.
7:11:
Talks about the IP2 stream. IP2 are mean boollies and Kobes isn’t trying to start YouTube drama.
8:43:
Starts a video about someone caught stealing and burning a veteran’s flag in Arizona. Kobes is beyond triggered. Excuse for more Captain Morgan’s.
11:17:
People offended by the US flag rant.
12:25:
Flag rant. Shills his new album.
13:12:
Having a drink for the troops.
13:46:
Kobes will fly 3 flags in his dream house, the US flag, Scottish flag and UK flag. Kobes will shoot anyone who tries to steal his flags trust and believe. Kobes knows some vets and this is pissing him off.
15:50:
Kobes thanks the veteran in the video for his service.
16:46:
Attempted arson. If you don’t like America, then leave rant.
19:25:
Kobes is against snitching except when it comes to flag burning. Kobes wasn’t allowed to join the army because of his autism.
20:52:
Shout out to Captain Morgan for making delicious rum. #notasponsorbutitcouldbe
21:53:
Back to talking about IP2 being big mean boollies. Kobes sticks up for his fans (cult members) who are being bullied. Then he makes creepy comments about Goocheese’s boobs.
25:20:
Kobes paints his nails black because he is goth. Says he’s not going to share Goocheese’s x videos naked video because he’s not a pig. Moar booze.
27:38:
Half of the rum is gone now. Says he’s going to finish the bottle now.
28:40:
BTFO’s some trolls.
29:07:
Going to do a sappy vocal cover for the ladies. Tries to find the lyrics to How am I supposed to live without you, Michael Bolton. Eventually finds them and if you’re a chick you will enjoy his vocal cover.
32:28:
Vocal cover Michael Bolton How am I supposed to live without you. Stops because he’s butchering the song. Spoke too soon because he’s on pitch YouTube. Goes off about how he’s a perfectionist when it comes to singing. Mastering Michael Bolton’s voice beautifully. Trolls don’t get to Kobes because he’s harder on himself than they are.
37:06:
Not pitch perfect but pretty damn close. Kobes prides himself on getting close to pitch perfect in his vocal covers.
38:46:
Getting really into it with the actions. Building his dream house, his YouTube fans and playing guitar are what keeps Kobes going when he’s depressed. Talking about death. Kobes is making the best of every day of his life.
41:25:
Unexpected sneeze. Back to talking about his dream house. A lot of people idolize Kobes and he’s not even Mr. Beast famous. His goal is to be as famous as Mr. Beast. Can’t let the haters get you down. Doesn’t even care if Mr. Beast doesn’t give him money. Talks about Mr. Beasts videos.
44:26:
Kobes will use his wealthy to help Casper and then the world.
45:44:
If someone gave him the option to get $10K from Mr. Beast or the $10k goes to his local food bank he would give the money to his local food bank. Talks about his album. Not rushing it. He likes the sound he produces.
49:04:
Back to the song. Took him 18 minutes to do a vocal cover whew.
51:10:
Waiting patiently to die because fuck suicide.
52:53:
Kobes wants a pet raven and talks about how he would look after it.
54:16:
Phone on airplane mode. How do you like them apples? Nearly finished his wand batch. Shills wands. You can’t use his wands to cast spells against him, his family, friends or fans.
56:41:
Suicide would be a waste of Kobes’ satanic powers.
58:03:
Kobes doesn’t care if people think his next album is controversial to be honest. Vocal cover.
59:36:
Rages because he fucked up the song.
1:01:56:
Back to the song.
1:03:15:
Talking about how he needs to stop being so hard on himself. Trolls. Sits in silence sulking.
1:06:20:
Back to trolls.
1:07:34:
Kind of sounds like he’s talking himself out of suicide. Back to the song for two seconds and then rants about how he is more than just someone who drinks all day on YouTube.
1:09:48:
Rages because he fucks up a Dumbledore quote.
1:10:58:
Back to the song.
1:11:26:
Pissed off he drooled on himself. Back to the song. He’s not happy with how that cover turned out.
1:13:03:
Shout out to someone who gave him money on PayPal. No more vocal covers because he’s not happy with how those two vocal covers turned out. Sulks in silence.
1:16:29:
Talking about his wands. Sulks silently.
1:20:46:
Goes out for a smoke.
1:32:47:
Returns and ends stream.
Start:
Lists off his order.
1:25:
Says he’s not in the mood to make videos right now. Annihilates French fries. He looks so sad drinking those French fries.
5:53:
McDonald’s forgot to add cheese to his chicken sandwich. He puts a bacon cheeseburger into his chicken sandwich as his food hack. TWU
8:50:
Eats burger like an apple. It’s tasty.
11:00:
Cross section action.
12:40:
Saving the rest for later.
14:58:
SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
15:26:
Will be posting wands soon. TMDWU.
Start:
Thinks chat is switched off. Drinking rum at sunrise TWU. Ranting about someone texting him and telling him he drinks girly drinks. Stop gender neutralising drinks. Toxic masculinity. Recorded a guitar solo for his album. Kobes is self aware.
4:05:
Stirs his drink with his wand to optimise the taste at a molecular level. Talks about people gender neutralising drinks. Kobes is famous in casper.
5:30:
Shows off his last wand. He'll post the wands on etsy when it's finished drying. Woke up at 3:30 am.
7:12:
Ozzy is old. Age is a state of mind. Checks out cartoons.
8:05:
Talks about his mcdonalds video from yesterday.
8:46:
When he wins the lottery he's going to get hair plugs. Kobes has accepted his baldness. People are too obsessed with hair. Too early to play guitar.
10:40:
KingSoapraJFS
11:47:
Gives advice on how to have a successful youtube channel. Kobes accepts death and lives his life to the fullest. Kobes wants to be as famous as Ozzy and live in a clocktower. Talks about his dream house. Watches belltower videos to help him decide what kind of bell tower he wants. Not in a rush to die.
14:25:
All plant based drugs should be legal. Discuss.
16:40:
Legalise cocaine
17:35:
Poot
18:31:
Checking out the sunrise.
19:26:
Alcohol is not bad.
20:06:
Kobes thinks it would be too much effort to look after a pet raven. He's content feeding the wild birds.
21:10:
No Internet boolly
22:00:
Casper is beautiful
22:54:
Passed out in his chair. Took a shot. Jerked off to chaturbate and went to bed.
Pay your bills. Back to drugs. People that drink more than Kobes exist.
25:06:
Talking about what a good singer he is. Too early for vocal covers.
25:57:
Wands.
26:57:
Give more than you receive to make the world a better place. Kobes would do charity if he won the lottery. Shows off his mug. Boollying.
28:32:
Ozzy shirt. Talks about a pillowcase a fan sent him. Aesthetic.
29:41:
People are too sensitive.
30:07:
Religion rant. In the name of Sayten.
31:33:
Wands
31:46:
Kobes has been trying to get Shon possessed but doesn't think it's worked yet. Random.txt
33:33:
Talks about his McDonalds from earlier and his ED. Says he's 6ft tall. Ozzy t-shirts.
34:32:
Talks about getting a pet cobra when he wins the lottery.
37:36:
Having the rest of his McDonalds burger fir breakfast.
38:39:
Pay your bills, clean up after yourselves. Talks about his burger.
42:23:
Runs to the bathroom and pukes.
45:52:
Sees an Isaac Butterfield video on a vegan and goes off on a rant about the vegan teacher. Leave Billie Eliajh alone.
48:13:
Puts on the video. Fake pukes because he saw a tranny. Goes on a homophobic vegan rant.
52:15:
Triggered by a manscaped ad. Double standards! Talks about pubes for a while.
Of age lips.
57:32:
Finishing off the bottle of rum. Back to talking about pubes.
59:30:
Back to the video for 2 seconds and stops to talk about pubes again.
1:00:54:
Back to the video.
1:01:47:
Men are smelly. Smelly cunts. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Back to talking about pubes. 12 minutes talking about pubes.
1:04:00:
Over exaggerated laughing at the vegan trannys name. It's Faulkner, that's not even a weird name.
1:09:38:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. No one eats monkeys except I'd it's their culture and you're an asshole for stealing their culture. Lions don't care if you're vegan in the jungle. Kobes would punch a lion in it's face.
1:12:35:
Quite frankly kobes doesn't care if he doesn't have alcohol for the rest of the day. Cage free eggs. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Hormones in the chickens making kids have early puberty.
1:15:06:
Men buying tampons.
1:16:00:
Scenario of explaining maturation to a child. 8 year old growing boobs and getting periods. The FDA doesn't care about hormones in food they only care about tobacco.
1:19:27:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Hormones in beef. Free range. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Humans evolved to eat meat.
1:21:53:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes is mad the vegan tranny put a sticker on a stop sign, goes on a whole rant.
1:24:44:
Can't even read the name of the video because he's so trashed.
1:25:31:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Animals can run away, plants are silently screaming.
1:27:45:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes wouldn't go vegan.
1:29:40:
Talking about how easy it would be for him to date ugly chicks but he's not interested but treat ugly chicks with respect and dignity. He has the hiccups.
1:31:50:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Mortgage joke. Rant about restrictions on tobacco.
1:33:38:
Goes out for a smoke.
1:47:33:
Returns. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Reads what's written on the screen. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Back to the video.
1:51:37:
Unexpected sneeze
1:51:54:
Unexpected sneeze
1:53:12:
What is it with these vegan extremenists comparing eating meat to the holocaust
1:54:25:
Texting. Not drunk. Owning the trolls by blocking them. Talks about the holocaust. Retods.
1:58:00:
Piss break
1:59:17:
Returns. Back to to video. Has hiccups again. No one eats pigeons. Reads texts. Owns the trolls by blocking and deleting the texts. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Vegan rant.
2:03:14:
Vegan pet rant.

New Kate Winslet:
 
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beeingurself said:
It would be a nice change...
Or at least some videos where he isn't stuck inside his apartment sitting in the same exact chair, for hours in hundreds of videos, spanning years and years of his life.
Then again, that will end sooner or later, he's not going to last nearly 10 years at the new apartment.

His old videos riding his bicycle like a retard or walking around hunting sticks to make wands would be a breath of fresh air to his current content.
Click to expand...
his phone is still fucked, so even if he did ever go anywhere besides a bar (or harassing turkeys) the audio would still be terrible and even tho i've sat through hours of his "content" i just can't watch those phone videos with audio dropping out every 5 seconds.
 
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beeingurself said:
Then again, that will end sooner or later, he's not going to last nearly 10 years at the new apartment.
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I'd be shocked if he wasn't subjected to routine inspections that'll result in another Term Of Lease before long. How he scrapped by the last place so long I have no idea but we've seen him puke and spill shit on his carpet countless times already. That and the constant screaming has got to already be noted at the new place.
 
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s3mtsuj9ip471.jpg
A recent view of Josh's carpet. Does not look that bad considering it is his computer jerkoff area. Apparently someone texted Josh, and Josh responded with this picture and a "Kiss your Kings Feet" message.
 
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This video is a new low, after drinking himself into a drunken stupor the previous evening he presumably crashed into slumber at an early hour. So he wakes up before sunrise at like 6am and pours himself a drink combo of around 2 parts rum 1 part lemonade. Starts drinking that and eats his leftover mcdonalds from last night. Then at around 39 minutes he feels the gut rot kicking in (no shit) and still tries to keep drinking.... and then immediately goes to the bathroom to barf up his drink combo and mcdonalds. And then KEEPS DRINKING after throwing up. Big ups to Ellesse Warrior for slogging through these videos with the timestamps.
 
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Here's Kobes' videos from yesterday:
Short video. Just one wand left up on his Etsy. Kobes appreciates his customers. The wand that’s left is the $234 because it has a sticker on it that a fan sent and a shotgun shell. He wants to use the money to get Homedad Clint a father’s day present.
Short video. He’s going to include an empty tobacco tin with the wand which he will autograph.
Short video. Thanks to all the customers for supporting Cobra craft hand made wands. Wands will be in the mail on Thursday as soon as the $410 hits his bank.

Here's more 2016 archives and BCV summaries:
Delays with my order 2016-06-10
1:20 RIP Muhammad Ali | 1:54 Josh's new pipe hasn't come yet because he didn't verify his age, it didn't get sent | 3:35 Josh also ordered the Cradle of Filth Jesus is a Cunt t-shirt | 13:31 Josh tells how he cut his thumb | 14:16 cops are giving people riding around on their bikes too fast a ticket, Scotty got a speeding ticket for riding too fast on his bike | Josh rants about weed

A shooting in Orlando Florida 2016-06-12
Josh talks about the Orlando Florida Nightclub shooting | 1:00 Josh thinks two guys kissing is gross |

Making french fries and conjering a thunder storm 2016-06-12
2:00 Josh conjures a thunderstorm while cutting up potatoes | 9:00 josh is going to call Wendys to check his schedule | 15:30 Josh talks about mailing off JK Rowling's wand and working on Ozzy's wand | 15:52 BOOM thunder | 16:13 next time Josh gets paid he's going to meet Scotty and meet Tina's roommate Izzy | 17:00 Josh talks about his future wedding | 17:46 Josh thinks this thunderstorm is enough proof that his magic is real | 20:00 thunder | 22:12 thunder | 41:12 Josh would call his restaurant 'Josh's Ass Burgers' |

Pipe unboxing 2016-06-13
Josh talks about the Orlando shooting and about gun control | 3:16 Josh got up for 6:30 until 10 waiting for his new pipe | 4:27 shout out to pipes and cigars, Josh got his custom blend and his pipe $174.87 | 10:50 Josh shows off his new pipe | 15:48 Josh is sick of guns getting thrown under the bus... when a mass shooting happens |

Why pot should be legalized 2016-06-15
Josh rants about weed

How to talk to girls and don't ban guns 2016-06-15
3:47 Josh talks about how he first met Stephanie at Job Crops | Josh rants about shootings and gun control

peoples obsetion with me and answering some questions 2016-06-15
Josh shows off Ozzy Osbourne's wand he's working on | 5:45 Josh has people on YouTube trying to impersonate him | Josh talks about what he thinks happens after you die | Talks about religion |

How to smoke a tobacco pipe 2016-06-16
Josh unclogs his pipe

Waiting for the right girl to come into your life can take forever 2016-06-16
1:00 Josh slept all day but is in work tomorrow but only for a few hours | Josh has $116 coming his way on PayPal (think it was from the pins) | 7:00 Josh's friends tell him he needs to get laid | 13:00 Josh says YouTube is shocked when they find out he's single | 17:30 Scotty told Josh he takes a risk when smoking that he would get cancer when Josh says having sex can give you an STD | 18:30 Josh isn't tripping out about getting cancer, weed will be legal if he has it in the future |
 
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I have my speculation goggles on right now

BUT
I'm pretty confident Mr Saunders is being slow-con long-con gently catfished. He's taking inspiration a la "idea guys" from a different source than discord now

He's not in the mood to make videos, his videos are ultra short because his impulse is video video video, and I'm fairly confident he took down someone's contact info the other day.

I will take my rainbows and disagrees proudly if my investigation turns up nothing.
 
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i wonder if the people who buy his wands think they're being altruistic or helping this autistic retard in some way. or do they really just do it to have a laugh? i couldn't imagine dropping $240 on a retard's wooden dildo even if i was bill gates rich. clearly he is going downhill faster and faster and all they're doing is contributing to his slow death.
 
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ShiningBrightly said:
i wonder if the people who buy his wands think they're being altruistic or helping this autistic retard in some way. or do they really just do it to have a laugh? i couldn't imagine dropping $240 on a retard's wooden dildo even if i was bill gates rich. clearly he is going downhill faster and faster and all they're doing is contributing to his slow death.
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If I had to guess? Whoever is doing it legitimately thinks by doing it, they're selflessly prolonging the lifespan of the Cobra Cow for everyone's benefit. I can see it, a drunken Jord is a silly Jord and a sober Cobes is a pouty crybaby asshole. But I would think there's a certain fiscal limit on "Look guys, I made the retard make a silly!".

They might also just as easily think they're "trolling" the fanbase by doing it as well. Most of them sure strike me as stupid enough to easily convince themselves of that. But I think ultimately they actually see it as a worthwhile investment in The KingCobraJFS Variety Hour that we don't understand the importance of now, but will be grateful for later.
 
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ShiningBrightly said:
i wonder if the people who buy his wands think they're being altruistic or helping this autistic retard in some way. or do they really just do it to have a laugh? i couldn't imagine dropping $240 on a retard's wooden dildo even if i was bill gates rich. clearly he is going downhill faster and faster and all they're doing is contributing to his slow death.
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i knew a guy who bought one, but he definitely didn't pay that much for it. he just thought it was a funny gag and wanted cobes to say his name on stream.
 
i know courtney is an easy target but i mean come on, this middle aged lady literally doesn't have anything better going on in her life that she feels the need to financially support, and spend time actually hanging out with this sex pest. and i mean some people say the same about me when i talk to them about cobra, why would i spend time watching him? but i think there is a difference between watching his videos and actually supporting and interacting him and becoming an actual part of his life...
 
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ShiningBrightly said:
i know courtney is an easy target but i mean come on, this middle aged lady literally doesn't have anything better going on in her life that she feels the need to financially support, and spend time actually hanging out with this sex pest. and i mean some people say the same about me when i talk to them about cobra, why would i spend time watching him? but i think there is a difference between watching his videos and actually supporting and interacting him and becoming an actual part of his life...
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Easy ways to get rid of spare money that aren't simping for the village idiot of Casper Wyoming:

-put change in donation jars
-hand it to panhandlers
-give huge tips to wait staff
-play the lotter

-literally just set it on fucking fire even that would be a better idea than giving it to this moron.
 
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Lesbian Sleepover said:
I have my speculation goggles on right now

BUT
I'm pretty confident Mr Saunders is being slow-con long-con gently catfished. He's taking inspiration a la "idea guys" from a different source than discord now

He's not in the mood to make videos, his videos are ultra short because his impulse is video video video, and I'm fairly confident he took down someone's contact info the other day.

I will take my rainbows and disagrees proudly if my investigation turns up nothing.
Click to expand...
He finally spelled "video response" correctly, so you might actually be on to something.
 
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