Kiwi Merch 2025

Stickers are gay. My vote is for intricately handwoven blankets, made by skilled Navajo weavers. Each with its own unique Kiwi-related design, making them all a 1/1 collectors item. Then we can use them to keep our tootsies warm for years to come.
 
Lolcow/forum themed playing cards? standard 52 card deck but face cards could be cows or something idk
I second this. As long as the spades look like this, we have a kiwiling jack of spades, and a slobbermutt.

spade.webp
 
Something I'd actually buy and use myself is a huge desk mousepad with all sorts of little kiwiling art on it, but I don't know how viable that is.
If it's not viable for a merch run then there's plenty of sellers on AliExpress that offer custom desk mat designs. Just hit them up on the DM's, send the hi res image of the print you want and let the magic happen.

Then again, if you're in the US, lol.🍊🇺🇸
 
more t-shirts are always welcome. Can't ever have too many. Stickers or a Mug would be nice as well.

Plushies would be awesome though, I'd love a nice Kiwi farms kiwi bird to sit on my mantle.

For the Cobes thing maybe just work in something small of his into the design? Like that penis shaped tattoo he was so proud of? Just an idea. It shouldn't be anything too big unless you want to do some kind of memorial merch and donate the money gained to his father?

just spit-ballin here.
 
A nicely designed tote-bag would be a good idea IMO.
There's nothing like a pledge drive tote bag, but maybe that's for the subscription project.
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Teaching non-verbal autistic children to communicate solely with kiwi farms stickers
Kiwi Farms Official Nonverbal Communication Boards. Laminated with a wristband, all the sticker reactions in beautiful color, then common phrases like "calm down lol," "fat and I would not have sex with them" or "YWNBAW."



Stickers are tried and true: cheap, pretty, easy to ship. Stickers should really be a given. Humans crave stickers.
In a similar vein to stickers...how'about fridge magnets?
You can make a sticker into a magnet really easily with the roll of magnetic backing from the craft store: just stick it on and cut it out. Or save the pizza magnets you get in the mail and reuse them. This is great for indecision or things like lockers and workstations.



Non-ironic, serious suggestion: little address books.

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Maybe explicitly labeled "PHONEBOOK" to help remind people.
 
I like the idea of a small Kiwi/ling pin. Something subtle and inoffensive I could get away with wearing to work or wherever. I'd probably shell out for the stickers, too.

I've never bought the merch before, though, so I have a question for the good paypiggies here: does the package come addressed from KF/Lolcow LLC, or does it usually come addressed from whatever third-party actually prints the merch? There's a likelihood that others would see my mail before I do, and I'd rather avoid the awkwardness of them googling the name and finding the mainstream reporting of the site... or, God forbid, already recognizing it from the reputation it has. I don't need these people to know what specific brand of terminally online freak I am.
 
WE SHOULD ALL JOIN MUG CLUB.

On a serious note.

Site wide comic book, say 20 pages, everyone gets to submit ideas. Then Null gets it printed faster than the Vito Pedo.

I'll start, it has to be spooky. THE SITE HAS BECOME HAUNTED WITH THE GHOST OF LOWTAX, HE IS TRYING TO KILL THE SITE!!!!! GET THE KIWI BUSTERS!!!
 
Site wide comic book, say 20 pages, everyone gets to submit ideas. Then Null gets it printed faster than the Vito Pedo.
We already have comic book styled background, find one issue people like and make a short full blown comic out of it and there you go, Vito the pedo BTFO.
 
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Playing on the card theme-
Tarot Deck. It can be hilarious. Especially if the art is made by AI - irritating all those Etsy 'artists' who think their feminine discharges have magical powers.

Guitar picks?
I have ordered custom guitar picks - celluloid, very good quality. They were usable, affordable and cool.
Even non-musicians love catching them at a concert.

Failing that...
T-shirts are the standard

(now tell me how to order/deliver anonymously without a paper trail)
 
Would love a deck of KiwiCards (playing cards, collectable, or tarot), but I don't think that's really achievable in so little time.
+1 for the little address (phone)book idea too.

As it is, stickers sound great.
I'm hyped - love the designs every merch run!
 
@Null and anyone else interested: I put together a more-or-less random collection of kiwilings that I think are either neutral enough for merch or just kind of fun. I edited some of them slightly to make text more consistent/readable or just what I thought would clean things up slightly. I apologize if any of this was your art that I changed, no real judgement, just thinking in the context of merch-friendly stuff. And I apologize if I didn't get your favorite kiwilings here.

The attached zip has the whole image at 1x transparent png, 4x transparent png, and 4x png with neutral blue background for readability. I don't know if this is actually useful for making merch, just wanted to get them all on there with a bit of a radius so they can be singled out. It might be hard to choose a good background color for the stickers.

kiwilings_big_bg.webp

Top to bottom, left to right:

  • Ordinary kiwiling
  • Kiwiling couple with home
  • Running over glowies
  • Kiwiling janny: this is a reference to when people kept trying to grief our area and cover it with random colors and patterns. Rather than simply erase it as any sane person would, we actively drew jannies sweeping up the griefing and little construction worker kiwilings jackhammering it away.
  • Kiwiling wizard immolating his enemies
  • Equestrian kiwiling: cute horse sprite and I like how the text is a subtle joke
  • Kiwiling Christmas
  • Sailing kiwilings defending the border with AR
  • Kiwiling insulting a fatass: I just love the fat one
  • Kiwilings camping
  • Kiwiling Castaway with Wilson pixel floating away: doesn't necessarily need to be a reference to Castaway, remove the text and they're just cute sailing dudes
  • Parasailing kiwiling
  • Patriotic kiwiling
  • Attractive female kiwilings: I find them hilarious, love the awooga eyes
  • Archery kiwilings including William Tell
  • Representative chunk of tower: I picked rooms that I thought were mostly neutral that didn't get too deep into references
  • Frenway Park: a fun little scene
  • Never Give Up meme: I thought it was so well represented in such a small space
  • GF and no GF at the Sneedzeria: just a fun scene, I like the crying kiwiling
  • Kiwiling meets siren/mermaid
  • FIshing kiwiling: I like this one the best out of the many examples, but there are other good ones out there
  • Burning kiwiling while others look on in alarm: this is a reference to when the tower got nuked by a troll and everyone just rolled with it and drew burned husks of kiwilings while emergency services scrambled
  • Long legs kiwiling: a classic
  • Cowboy kiwiling lassoing lolcows
  • The Tobacconist: reference to how someone was going around adding cigarettes to every image, no one was safe from the nicotine
  • Wild West showdown, and a kiwiling who took "draw" too literally
  • Kiwiling pirate ship with stank crew
  • Big reading kiwi
  • Sneed in his tractor
  • Swimming kiwilings, and one has apparently pissed in the pool
  • Hamjam with kiwiling friends
  • Cute kiwis relaxing
  • Big kiwi with flower in his snoot
  • The news hamster in his glory


Also: today on MATI, Null asked about the big NES gaming kiwis located here, how we made them. They've been collectively worked on by everyone in the KF thread, everyone dumping all their pixels when they had some to spare. We've been working on it since Monday. We're using a template image to show you where to place the pixels, but you still have to manually place all of them yourself.

The game they're playing is a little-known NES game called Kiwi Kraze, which was originally an arcade game called New Zealand Story. Fun fact: the game begins up in the far north of NZ, basically right where we happened to make our KF base.
 

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In a similar vein to stickers...how'about fridge magnets?
i went on a big binge of patches one year. maybe two years. so i e6000'd magnets to them to make fucking sick fridge magnets. if patches come out again, this is what i'm gonna do, obvs.
WE SHOULD ALL JOIN MUG CLUB.

On a serious note.

Site wide comic book, say 20 pages, everyone gets to submit ideas. Then Null gets it printed faster than the Vito Pedo.

I'll start, it has to be spooky. THE SITE HAS BECOME HAUNTED WITH THE GHOST OF LOWTAX, HE IS TRYING TO KILL THE SITE!!!!! GET THE KIWI BUSTERS!!!
30 pages of a comic book cover page. similar to the background, but just all cover pages. like National Lampoon did.
oh fuck. let me dig that out right quick and get back to you.
 
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