Penny: Um. Is this some kind of solidarity thing? Like when someone says, 'We're all one race; the human race?'."
Ian: Ok, then I'm gay, too. High five!
Adam: Guys, I'm serious.
Adam: Uh, guys? I've just let you in on the biggest announcement of my life. How about a little reassurance?
Penny: Wow. Wowowow. Now I know why you've been ignoring all those girls bursting down your bedroom door.
Ian: Oh God, Penny. Just because Adam won't date your weirdo cousin.
Penny: My cousin is not a weirdo!
Ian: She carries around her own spork and won't eat without it. That's seven leagues of weird territory.
Penny: That's not weirdo territory. It's quirky and cute. Anyway, I do have another cousin you might be interested in, Adam. Named Philbert. Of the male persuasion.
Ian: Geez, quit pawning off your freaky family tree on him.
Penny: I'm just excited about this. Adam, I'm really happy you told us. Good for you. (We'll talk about my cousin later.)
Adam: Do you have anything to say to me, Ian?
Ian: Sandler, I for one am disappointed. Because I really, really hoped you'd be doing the dishes. But about being gay - seriously, good for you, man. I feel privileged you shared this with us. It took a lot of guts. So what does it feel like to be finally out.
Adam: It feels good. No, actually it feels great. It's like my life can finally get started. It's hard to explain, but I feel like my life has been someone else's.
Penny: Awww. We're so happy for you, Adam. *Penny and Ian wrap you in a hug.* Adam, we commemorate your big day. Hang on a sec. *holds up Iphone and takes a picture* I'm taking a photo for my 'Tanning Spray' app. It's my latest project. It takes a photo and gives you a spray tan. Wanna see? *couldn't hit the screenshot button fast enough* I swear, once I get the bugs out, I'm going to sell millions of these units. You gotta help me beta test this.
Ian: Penny I didn't think it was possible, but you might've surpassed your last app in idiocracy. What happened to your last project, 'Campus Mapper', wasn't it? Wasn't it supposed to help people find their classes, but for some reason people kept walking into traffic.
Penny: It had a couple of pesky bugs. Nothing major.
Adam: I remember you testing it out when we first met.
Penny: If you hadn't yelled, 'watch out', I would've stepped right into that open drain.
Ian: *quietly* And landed on the bodies of your beta testers.
Penny: Shut your piehole, Ian. 'Campus Mapper' is still in alpha and I am going to be a million once 'tanning spray' is released. And who will you be? the guy who cleans the monkey cage at the zoo.
Ian: Look here, being a zoologist is more than just cleaning monkey cages. It also means I get to...get to...no, that's about it. GODDAMMIT!
Penny: Ok, here's the plan, Adam. Time to celebrate. Let's head to Charlie's.
Adam: Er, Charlie's.
Penny: It's the only gay bar in this area. Besides, there's something I want to check out there. Ian, why don't you join us?
Ian: No, I got to head over to Zoe's.
Penny: Again? I can never tell if you two are together or not. How many times have you broken up now?
Ian: Yeah, well we're going to have THE talk. Here's hoping she dumps me before I have to help her move into her new place.
Penny: You know, Ian, you can always be an adult and break it off first.
Ian: What? No. Then people would think that I was only dumping her to avoid helping her move in.
Penny: What was I thinking, me and my wacky suggestions.
Ian: Anyway, sorry to bail man. But we are so hanging out this weekend. Tonight, you go have fun with little miss Zuckerberg over here.
Penny: Good BYE, Ian. *he leaves* So are you ready for a little outing? I'll be the designated driver. Just a relaxing little evening at a new bar. No pressure, just fun.
Narrator: Frankly, you do want to celebrate, but it seems so sudden. Are you ready for your first gay bar?
Penny: Come on, Adam. It's not like we got homework yet and what else are you going to do? Kick it with your goldfish?
Penny: I'm sure Steve will be fine for one night. Shall we go?
